a personal record-第4章

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sea…going　was　setting；　too；　even　as　I　wrote　the　words　expressing



the　impatience　of　passionate　youth　bent　on　its　desire。　　I　did　not



know　this　myself；　and　it　is　safe　to　say　he　would　not　have　cared；



though　he　was　an　excellent　young　fellow　and　treated　me　with　more



deference　than；　in　our　relative　positions；　I　was　strictly



entitled　to。







He　lowered　a　tender　gaze　on　his　banjo；　and　I　went　on　looking



through　the　port…hole。　　The　round　opening　framed　in　its　brass　rim



a　fragment　of　the　quays；　with　a　row　of　casks　ranged　on　the　frozen



ground　and　the　tail　end　of　a　great　cart。　　A　red…nosed　carter　in　a



blouse　and　a　woollen　night…cap　leaned　against　the　wheel。　　An



idle；　strolling　custom　house　guard；　belted　over　his　blue　capote；



had　the　air　of　being　depressed　by　exposure　to　the　weather　and　the



monotony　of　official　existence。　　The　background　of　grimy　houses



found　a　place　in　the　picture　framed　by　my　port…hole；　across　a



wide　stretch　of　paved　quay　brown　with　frozen　mud。　　The　colouring



was　sombre；　and　the　most　conspicuous　feature　was　a　little　cafe



with　curtained　windows　and　a　shabby　front　of　white　woodwork；



corresponding　with　the　squalor　of　these　poorer　quarters　bordering



the　river。　　We　had　been　shifted　down　there　from　another　berth　in



the　neighbourhood　of　the　Opera　House；　where　that　same　port…hole



gave　me　a　view　of　quite　another　soft　of　cafethe　best　in　the



town；　I　believe；　and　the　very　one　where　the　worthy　Bovary　and　his



wife；　the　romantic　daughter　of　old　Pere　Renault；　had　some



refreshment　after　the　memorable　performance　of　an　opera　which　was



the　tragic　story　of　Lucia　di　Lammermoor　in　a　setting　of　light



music。







I　could　recall　no　more　the　hallucination　of　the　Eastern



Archipelago　which　I　certainly　hoped　to　see　again。　　The　story　of



〃Almayer's　Folly〃　got　put　away　under　the　pillow　for　that　day。　　I



do　not　know　that　I　had　any　occupation　to　keep　me　away　from　it；



the　truth　of　the　matter　is　that　on　board　that　ship　we　were



leading　just　then　a　contemplative　life。　　I　will　not　say　anything



of　my　privileged　position。　　I　was　there　〃just　to　oblige；〃　as　an



actor　of　standing　may　take　a　small　part　in　the　benefit



performance　of　a　friend。







As　far　as　my　feelings　were　concerned　I　did　not　wish　to　be　in　that



steamer　at　that　time　and　in　those　circumstances。　　And　perhaps　I



was　not　even　wanted　there　in　the　usual　sense　in　which　a　ship



〃wants〃　an　officer。　　It　was　the　first　and　last　instance　in　my　sea



life　when　I　served　ship…owners　who　have　remained　completely



shadowy　to　my　apprehension。　　I　do　not　mean　this　for　the



well…known　firm　of　London　ship…brokers　which　had　chartered　the



ship　to　the；　I　will　not　say　short…lived；　but　ephemeral



Franco…Canadian　Transport　Company。　　A　death　leaves　something



behind；　but　there　was　never　anything　tangible　left　from　the　F。　C。



T。　C。　　It　flourished　no　longer　than　roses　live；　and　unlike　the



roses　it　blossomed　in　the　dead　of　winter；　emitted　a　sort　of　faint



perfume　of　adventure；　and　died　before　spring　set　in。　　But



indubitably　it　was　a　company；　it　had　even　a　house…flag；　all　white



with　the　letters　F。　C。　T。　C。　artfully　tangled　up　in　a　complicated



monogram。　　We　flew　it　at　our　mainmast　head；　and　now　I　have　come



to　the　conclusion　that　it　was　the　only　flag　of　its　kind　in



existence。　　All　the　same　we　on　board；　for　many　days；　had　the



impression　of　being　a　unit　of　a　large　fleet　with　fortnightly



departures　for　Montreal　and　Quebec　as　advertised　in　pamphlets　and



prospectuses　which　came　aboard　in　a　large　package　in　Victoria



Dock；　London；　just　before　we　started　for　Rouen；　France。　　And　in



the　shadowy　life　of　the　F。　C。　T。　C。　lies　the　secret　of　that；　my



last　employment　in　my　calling；　which　in　a　remote　sense



interrupted　the　rhythmical　development　of　Nina　Almayer's　story。







The　then　secretary　of　the　London　Shipmasters'　Society；　with　its



modest　rooms　in　Fenchurch　Street；　was　a　man　of　indefatigable



activity　and　the　greatest　devotion　to　his　task。　　He　is



responsible　for　what　was　my　last　association　with　a　ship。　　I　call



it　that　be　cause　it　can　hardly　be　called　a　sea…going　experience。　



Dear　Captain　Froudit　is　impossible　not　to　pay　him　the　tribute



of　affectionate　familiarity　at　this　distance　of　yearshad　very



sound　views　as　to　the　advancement　of　knowledge　and　status　for　the



whole　body　of　the　officers　of　the　mercantile　marine。　He　organized



for　us　courses　of　professional　lectures；　St。　John　ambulance



classes；　corresponded　industriously　with　public　bodies　and



members　of　Parliament　on　subjects　touching　the　interests　of　the



service；　and　as　to　the　oncoming　of　some　inquiry　or　commission



relating　to　matters　of　the　sea　and　to　the　work　of　seamen；　it　was



a　perfect　godsend　to　his　need　of　exerting　himself　on　our



corporate　behalf。　　Together　with　this　high　sense　of　his　official



duties　he　had　in　him　a　vein　of　personal　kindness；　a　strong



disposition　to　do　what　good　he　could　to　the　individual　members　of



that　craft　of　which　in　his　time　he　had　been　a　very　excellent



master。　　And　what　greater　kindness　can　one　do　to　a　seaman　than　to



put　him　in　the　way　of　employment？　　Captain　Froud　did　not　see　why



the　Shipmasters'　Society；　besides　its　general　guardianship　of　our



interests；　should　not　be　unofficially　an　employment　agency　of　the



very　highest　class。







〃I　am　trying　to　persuade　all　our　great　ship…owning　firms　to　come



to　us　for　their　men。　There　is　nothing　of　a　trade…union　spirit



about　our　society；　and　I　really　don't　see　why　they　should　not；〃



he　said　once　to　me。　　〃I　am　always　telling　the　captains；　too；



that；　all　things　being　equal；　they　ought　to　give　preference　to



the　members　of　the　society。　　In　my　position　I　can　generally　find



for　them　what　they　want　among　our　members　or　our　associate



members。〃







In　my　wanderings　about　London　from　west　to　east　and　back　again　（I



was　very　idle　then）　the　two　little　rooms　in　Fenchurch　Street　were



a　sort　of　resting…place　where　my　spirit；　hankering　after　the　sea；



could　feel　itself　nearer　to　the　ships；　the　men；　and　the　life　of



its　choicenearer　there　than　on　any　other　spot　of　the　solid



earth。　　This　resting…place　used　to　be；　at　about　five　o'clock　in



the　afternoon；　full　of　men　and　tobacco　smoke；　but　Captain　Froud



had　the　smaller　room　to　himself　and　there　he　granted　private



interviews；　whose　principal　motive　was　to　render　service。　　Thus；



one　murky　November　afternoon　he　beckoned　me　in　with　a　crooked



finger　and　that　peculiar　glance　above　his　spectacles　which　is



perhaps　my　strongest　physical　recollection　of　the　man。







〃I　have　had　in　here　a　shipmaster；　this　morning；〃　he　said；　getting



back　to　his　desk　and　motioning　me　to　a　chair；　〃who　is　in　want　of



an　officer。　　It's　for　a　steamship。　　You　know；　nothing　pleases　me



more　than　to　be　asked；　but；　unfortunately；　I　do　not　quite　see　my



way　。　。　。〃







As　the　outer　room　was　full　of　men　I　cast　a　wondering　glance　at



the　closed　door；　but　he　shook　his　head。







〃Oh；　yes；　I　should　be　only　too　glad　to　get　that　berth　for　one　of



them。　　But　the　fact　of　the　matter　is；　the　captain　of　that　ship



wants　an　officer　who　can　speak　French　fluently；　and　that's　not　so



easy　to　find。　　I　do　not　know　anybody　myself　but　you。　　It's　a



second　officer's　berth　and；　of　course；　you　would　not　care　。　。　。



would　you　now？　　I　know　that　it　isn't　what　you　are　looking　for。〃







It　was　not。　　I　had　given　myself　up　to　the　idleness　of　a　haunted



man　who　looks　for　nothing　but　words　wherein　to　capture　his



visions。　　But　I　admit　that　outwardly　I　resembled　sufficiently　a



man　who　could　make　a　second　officer　for　a　steamer　charter