a personal record-第31章

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contrivance　imaginable。　　〃May　be　of　use　to　you　some　day；〃　he



concluded。　　〃You　will　go　into　steam　presently。　　Everybody　goes



into　steam。〃







There　he　was　wrong。　　I　never　went　into　steamnot　really。　　If　I



only　live　long　enough　I　shall　become　a　bizarre　relic　of　a　dead



barbarism；　a　sort　of　monstrous　antiquity；　the　only　seaman　of　the



dark　ages　who　had　never　gone　into　steamnot　really。







Before　the　examination　was　over　he　imparted　to　me　a　few



interesting　details　of　the　transport　service　in　the　time　of　the



Crimean　War。







〃The　use　of　wire　rigging　became　general　about　that　time；　too；〃　he



observed。　　〃I　was　a　very　young　master　then。　　That　was　before　you



were　born。〃







〃Yes；　sir。　　I　am　of　the　year　of　1857。〃







〃The　Mutiny　year；〃　he　commented；　as　if　to　himself；　adding　in　a



louder　tone　that　his　ship　happened　then　to　be　in　the　Gulf　of



Bengal；　employed　under　a　government　charter。







Clearly　the　transport　service　had　been　the　making　of　this



examiner；　who　so　unexpectedly　had　given　me　an　insight　into　his



existence；　awakening　in　me　the　sense　of　the　continuity　of　that



sea　life　into　which　I　had　stepped　from　outside；　giving　a　touch　of



human　intimacy　to　the　machinery　of　official　relations。　　I　felt



adopted。　　His　experience　was　for　me；　too；　as　though　he　had　been



an　ancestor。







Writing　my　long　name　（it　has　twelve　letters）　with　laborious　care



on　the　slip　of　blue　paper；　he　remarked：







〃You　are　of　Polish　extraction。〃







〃Born　there；　sir。〃







He　laid　down　the　pen　and　leaned　back　to　look　at　me　as　it　were　for



the　first　time。







〃Not　many　of　your　nationality　in　our　service；　I　should　think。　　I



never　remember　meeting　one　either　before　or　after　I　left　the　sea。



Don't　remember　ever　hearing　of　one。　　An　inland　people；　aren't



you？〃







I　said　yesvery　much　so。　　We　were　remote　from　the　sea　not　only



by　situation；　but　also　from　a　complete　absence　of　indirect



association；　not　being　a　commercial　nation　at　all；　but　purely



agricultural。　　He　made　then　the　quaint　reflection　that　it　was　〃a



long　way　for　me　to　come　out　to　begin　a　sea　life〃；　as　if　sea　life



were　not　precisely　a　life　in　which　one　goes　a　long　way　from　home。







I　told　him；　smiling；　that　no　doubt　I　could　have　found　a　ship　much



nearer　my　native　place；　but　I　had　thought　to　myself　that　if　I　was



to　be　a　seaman；　then　I　would　be　a　British　seaman　and　no　other。　



It　was　a　matter　of　deliberate　choice。







He　nodded　slightly　at　that；　and；　as　he　kept　on　looking　at　me



interrogatively；　I　enlarged　a　little；　confessing　that　I　had　spent



a　little　time　on　the　way　in　the　Mediterranean　and　in　the　West



Indies。　　I　did　not　want　to　present　myself　to　the　British　Merchant



Service　in　an　altogether　green　state。　　It　was　no　use　telling　him



that　my　mysterious　vocation　was　so　strong　that　my　very　wild　oats



had　to　be　sown　at　sea。　　It　was　the　exact　truth；　but　he　would　not



have　understood　the　somewhat　exceptional　psychology　of　my



sea…going；　I　fear。







〃I　suppose　you've　never　come　across　one　of　your　countrymen　at



sea。　　Have　you；　now？〃







I　admitted　I　never　had。　　The　examiner　had　given　himself　up　to　the



spirit　of　gossiping　idleness。　　For　myself；　I　was　in　no　haste　to



leave　that　room。　　Not　in　the　least。　　The　era　of　examinations　was



over。　　I　would　never　again　see　that　friendly　man　who　was　a



professional　ancestor；　a　sort　of　grandfather　in　the　craft。　



Moreover；　I　had　to　wait　till　he　dismissed　me；　and　of　that　there



was　no　sign。　As　he　remained　silent；　looking　at　me；　I　added：







〃But　I　have　heard　of　one；　some　years　ago。　　He　seems　to　have　been



a　boy　serving　his　time　on　board　a　Liverpool　ship；　if　I　am　not



mistaken。〃







〃What　was　his　name？〃







I　told　him。







〃How　did　you　say　that？〃　he　asked；　puckering　up　his　eyes　at　the



uncouth　sound。







I　repeated　the　name　very　distinctly。







〃How　do　you　spell　it？〃







I　told　him。　　He　moved　his　head　at　the　impracticable　nature　of



that　name；　and　observed：







〃It's　quite　as　long　as　your　ownisn't　it？〃







There　was　no　hurry。　　I　had　passed　for　master；　and　I　had　all　the



rest　of　my　life　before　me　to　make　the　best　of　it。　　That　seemed　a



long　time。　　I　went　leisurely　through　a　small　mental　calculation；



and　said：







〃Not　quite。　　Shorter　by　two　letters；　sir。〃







〃Is　it？〃　　The　examiner　pushed　the　signed　blue　slip　across　the



table　to　me；　and　rose　from　his　chair。　　Somehow　this　seemed　a　very



abrupt　ending　of　our　relations；　and　I　felt　almost　sorry　to　part



from　that　excellent　man；　who　was　master　of　a　ship　before　the



whisper　of　the　sea　had　reached　my　cradle。　　He　offered　me　his　hand



and　wished　me　well。　　He　even　made　a　few　steps　toward　the　door



with　me；　and　ended　with　good…natured　advice。







〃I　don't　know　what　may　be　your　plans；　but　you　ought　to　go　into



steam。　　When　a　man　has　got　his　master's　certificate　it's　the



proper　time。　　If　I　were　you　I　would　go　into　steam。〃







I　thanked　him；　and　shut　the　door　behind　me　definitely　on　the　era



of　examinations。　　But　that　time　I　did　not　walk　on　air；　as　on　the



first　two　occasions。　　I　walked　across　the　hill　of　many　beheadings



with　measured　steps。　It　was　a　fact；　I　said　to　myself；　that　I　was



now　a　British　master　mariner　beyond　a　doubt。　　It　was　not　that　I



had　an　exaggerated　sense　of　that　very　modest　achievement；　with



which；　however；　luck；　opportunity；　or　any　extraneous　influence



could　have　had　nothing　to　do。　　That　fact；　satisfactory　and



obscure　in　itself；　had　for　me　a　certain　ideal　significance。　　It



was　an　answer　to　certain　outspoken　scepticism　and　even　to　some



not　very　kind　aspersions。　　I　had　vindicated　myself　from　what　had



been　cried　upon　as　a　stupid　obstinacy　or　a　fantastic　caprice。　　I



don't　mean　to　say　that　a　whole　country　had　been　convulsed　by　my



desire　to　go　to　sea。　　But　for　a　boy　between　fifteen　and　sixteen；



sensitive　enough；　in　all　conscience；　the　commotion　of　his　little



world　had　seemed　a　very　considerable　thing　indeed。　　So



considerable　that；　absurdly　enough；　the　echoes　of　it　linger　to



this　day。　　I　catch　myself　in　hours　of　solitude　and　retrospect



meeting　arguments　and　charges　made　thirty…five　years　ago　by



voices　now　forever　still；　finding　things　to　say　that　an　assailed



boy　could　not　have　found；　simply　because　of　the　mysteriousness　of



his　impulses　to　himself。　I　understood　no　more　than　the　people　who



called　upon　me　to　explain　myself。　　There　was　no　precedent。　　I



verily　believe　mine　was　the　only　case　of　a　boy　of　my　nationality



and　antecedents　taking　a；　so　to　speak；　standing　jump　out　of　his



racial　surroundings　and　associations。　　For　you　must　understand



that　there　was　no　idea　of　any　sort　of　〃career〃　in　my　call。　　Of



Russia　or　Germany　there　could　be　no　question。　　The　nationality；



the　antecedents；　made　it　impossible。　　The　feeling　against　the



Austrian　service　was　not　so　strong；　and　I　dare　say　there　would



have　been　no　difficulty　in　finding　my　way　into　the　Naval　School



at　Pola。　　It　would　have　meant　six　months'　extra　grinding　at



German；　perhaps；　but　I　was　not　past　the　age　of　admission；　and　in



other　respects　I　was　well　qualified。　　This　expedient　to　palliate



my　folly　was　thought　ofbut　not　by　me。　　I　must　admit　that　in



that　respect　my　negative　was　accepted　at　once。　　That　order　of



feeling　was　comprehensible　enough　to　the　most　inimical　of　my



critics。　　I　was　not　called　upon　to　offer　explanations；　but　the



truth　is　that　what　I　had　in　view　was　not　a　naval　career；　but　the



sea。　　There　seemed　no　way　open　to　it　but　through　Fr