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第29章

a personal record-第29章

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impromptu; and always viva voce; which is the outward; obvious



difference from the literary operation of that kind; with



consequent freshness and vigour which may be lacking in the



printed word。  With appreciation; which comes at the end; when



the critic and the criticised are about to part; it is otherwise。



The sea appreciation of one's humble talents has the permanency



of the written word; seldom the charm of variety; is formal in



its phrasing。  There the literary master has the superiority;



though he; too; can in effect but sayand often says it in the



very phrase〃I can highly recommend。〃  Only usually he uses the



word 〃We;〃 there being some occult virtue in the first person



plural which makes it specially fit for critical and royal



declarations。  I have a small handful of these sea appreciations;



signed by various masters; yellowing slowly in my writing…table's



left hand drawer; rustling under my reverent touch; like a



handful of dry leaves plucked for a tender memento from the tree



of knowledge。  Strange!  It seems that it is for these few bits



of paper; headed by the names of a few Scots and English



shipmasters; that I have faced the astonished indignations; the



mockeries; and the reproaches of a sort hard to bear for a boy of



fifteen; that I have been charged with the want of patriotism;



the want of sense; and the want of heart; too; that I went



through agonies of self…conflict and shed secret tears not a few;



and had the beauties of the Furca Pass spoiled for me; and have



been called an 〃incorrigible Don Quixote;〃 in allusion to the



book…born madness of the knight。  For that spoil!  They rustle;



those bits of papersome dozen of them in all。 In that faint;



ghostly sound there live the memories of twenty years; the voices



of rough men now no more; the strong voice of the everlasting



winds; and the whisper of a mysterious spell; the murmur of the



great sea; which must have somehow reached my inland cradle and



entered my unconscious ear; like that formula of Mohammedan faith



the Mussulman father whispers into the ear of his new…born



infant; making him one of the faithful almost with his first



breath。  I do not know whether I have been a good seaman; but I



know I have been a very faithful one。  And; after all; there is



that handful of 〃characters〃 from various ships to prove that all



these years have not been altogether a dream。 There they are;



brief; and monotonous in tone; but as suggestive bits of writing



to me as any inspired page to be found in literature。  But then;



you see; I have been called romantic。  Well; that can't be



helped。  But stay。  I seem to remember that I have been called a



realist; also。  And as that charge; too; can be made out; let us



try to live up to it; at whatever cost; for a change。  With this



end in view; I will confide to you coyly; and only because there



is no one about to see my blushes by the light of the midnight



lamp; that these suggestive bits of quarter…deck appreciation;



one and all; contain the words 〃strictly sober。〃







Did I overhear a civil murmur; 〃That's very gratifying; to be



sure?〃  Well; yes; it is gratifyingthank you。  It is at least



as gratifying to be certified sober as to be certified romantic;



though such certificates would not qualify one for the



secretaryship of a temperance association or for the post of



official troubadour to some lordly democratic institution such as



the London County Council; for instance。  The above prosaic



reflection is put down here only in order to prove the general



sobriety of my judgment in mundane affairs。  I make a point of it



because a couple of years ago; a certain short story of mine



being published in a French translation; a Parisian criticI am



almost certain it was M。 Gustave Kahn in the 〃Gil Blas〃giving



me a short notice; summed up his rapid impression of the writer's



quality in the words un puissant reveur。  So be it!  Who could



cavil at the words of a friendly reader?  Yet perhaps not such an



unconditional dreamer as all that。  I will make bold to say that



neither at sea nor ashore have I ever lost the sense of



responsibility。  There is more than one sort of intoxication。 



Even before the most seductive reveries I have remained mindful



of that sobriety of interior life; that asceticism of sentiment;



in which alone the naked form of truth; such as one conceives it;



such as one feels it; can be rendered without shame。  It is but a



maudlin and indecent verity that comes out through the strength



of wine。  I have tried to be a sober worker all my lifeall my



two lives。  I did so from taste; no doubt; having an instinctive



horror of losing my sense of full self…possession; but also from



artistic conviction。  Yet there are so many pitfalls on each side



of the true path that; having gone some way; and feeling a little



battered and weary; as a middle…aged traveller will from the mere



daily difficulties of the march; I ask myself whether I have kept



always; always faithful to that sobriety where in there is power



and truth and peace。







As to my sea sobriety; that is quite properly certified under the



sign…manual of several trustworthy shipmasters of some standing



in their time。  I seem to hear your polite murmur that 〃Surely



this might have been taken for granted。〃  Well; no。  It might not



have been。  That August academical body; the Marine Department of



the Board of Trade; takes nothing for granted in the granting of



its learned degrees。  By its regulations issued under the first



Merchant Shipping Act; the very word SOBER must be written; or a



whole sackful; a ton; a mountain of the most enthusiastic



appreciation will avail you nothing。  The door of the examination



rooms shall remain closed to your tears and entreaties。  The most



fanatical advocate of temperance could not be more pitilessly



fierce in his rectitude than the Marine Department of the Board



of Trade。  As I have been face to face at various times with all



the examiners of the Port of London in my generation; there can



be no doubt as to the force and the continuity of my



abstemiousness。  Three of them were examiners in seamanship; and



it was my fate to be delivered into the hands of each of them at



proper intervals of sea service。  The first of all; tall; spare;



with a perfectly white head and mustache; a quiet; kindly manner;



and an air of benign intelligence; must; I am forced to conclude;



have been unfavourably impressed by something in my appearance。 



His old; thin hands loosely clasped resting on his crossed legs;



he began by an elementary question; in a mild voice; and went on;



went on。 。 。 。  It lasted for hours; for hours。  Had I been a



strange microbe with potentialities of deadly mischief to the



Merchant Service I could not have been submitted to a more



microscopic examination。  Greatly reassured by his apparent



benevolence; I had been at first very alert in my answers。  But



at length the feeling of my brain getting addled crept upon me。 



And still the passionless process went on; with a sense of untold



ages having been spent already on mere preliminaries。  Then I got



frightened。  I was not frightened of being plucked; that



eventuality did not even present itself to my mind。  It was



something much more serious and weird。  〃This ancient person;〃 I



said to myself; terrified; 〃is so near his grave that he must



have lost all notion of time。  He is considering this examination



in terms of eternity。  It is all very well for him。  His race is



run。  But I may find

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