a personal record-第23章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！





digestion　and　a　placid；　reasonable　view　of　life　even　when　hungry。







〃Yes；〃　I　said。　　〃Shut　up　with　the　old　man。　　Some　very　particular



business。〃







〃He　will　spin　him　a　damned　endless　yarn；〃　observed　the　chief



engineer。







He　smiled　rather　sourly。　　He　was　dyspeptic；　and　suffered　from



gnawing　hunger　in　the　morning。　　The　second　smiled　broadly；　a



smile　that　made　two　vertical　folds　on　his　shaven　cheeks。　　And　I



smiled；　too；　but　I　was　not　exactly　amused。　　In　that　man；　whose



name　apparently　could　not　be　uttered　anywhere　in　the　Malay



Archipelago　without　a　smile；　there　was　nothing　amusing　whatever。　



That　morning　he　breakfasted　with　us　silently；　looking　mostly　into



his　cup。　　I　informed　him　that　my　men　came　upon　his　pony　capering



in　the　fog　on　the　very　brink　of　the　eight…foot…deep　well　in　which



he　kept　his　store　of　guttah。　　The　cover　was　off；　with　no　one　near



by；　and　the　whole　of　my　crew　just　missed　going　heels　over　head



into　that　beastly　hole。　　Jurumudi　Itam；　our　best　quartermaster；



deft　at　fine　needlework；　he　who　mended　the　ship's　flags　and　sewed



buttons　on　our　coats；　was　disabled　by　a　kick　on　the　shoulder。







Both　remorse　and　gratitude　seemed　foreign　to　Almayer's　character。







He　mumbled：







〃Do　you　mean　that　pirate　fellow？〃







〃What　pirate　fellow？　　The　man　has　been　in　the　ship　eleven　years；〃



I　said；　indignantly。







〃It's　his　looks；〃　Almayer　muttered；　for　all　apology。







The　sun　had　eaten　up　the　fog。　　From　where　we　sat　under　the



after…awning　we　could　see　in　the　distance　the　pony　tied　up；　in



front　of　Almayer's　house；　to　a　post　of　the　veranda。　　We　were



silent　for　a　long　time。　　All　at　once　Almayer；　alluding　evidently



to　the　subject　of　his　conversation　in　the　captain's　cabin；



exclaimed　anxiously　across　the　table：







〃I　really　don't　know　what　I　can　do　now！〃







Captain　C　only　raised　his　eyebrows　at　him；　and　got　up　from



his　chair。　　We　dispersed　to　our　duties；　but　Almayer；　half　dressed



as　he　was　in　his　cretonne　pajamas　and　the　thin　cotton　singlet；



remained　on　board；　lingering　near　the　gangway；　as　though　he　could



not　make　up　his　mind　whether　to　go　home　or　stay　with　us　for　good。







Our　Chinamen　boys　gave　him　side　glances　as　they　went　to　and　fro；



and　Ah　Sing；　our　chief　steward；　the　handsomest　and　most



sympathetic　of　Chinamen；　catching　my　eye；　nodded　knowingly　at　his



burly　back。　　In　the　course　of　the　morning　I　approached　him　for　a



moment。







〃Well；　Mr。　Almayer；〃　I　addressed　him；　easily；　〃you　haven't



started　on　your　letters　yet。〃







We　had　brought　him　his　mail；　and　he　had　held　the　bundle　in　his



hand　ever　since　we　got　up　from　breakfast。　　He　glanced　at　it　when



I　spoke；　and　for　a　moment　it　looked　as　if　he　were　on　the　point　of



opening　his　fingers　and　letting　the　whole　lot　fall　overboard。　　I



believe　he　was　tempted　to　do　so。　　I　shall　never　forget　that　man



afraid　of　his　letters。







〃Have　you　been　long　out　from　Europe？〃　he　asked　me。







〃Not　very。　　Not　quite　eight　months；〃　I　told　him。　　〃I　left　a　ship



in　Samarang　with　a　hurt　back；　and　have　been　in　the　hospital　in



Singapore　some　weeks。〃







He　sighed。







〃Trade　is　very　bad　here。〃







〃Indeed！〃







〃Hopeless！　。　。　。　　See　these　geese？〃







With　the　hand　holding　the　letters　he　pointed　out　to　me　what



resembled　a　patch　of　snow　creeping　and　swaying　across　the　distant



part　of　his　compound。　　It　disappeared　behind　some　bushes。







〃The　only　geese　on　the　East　Coast；〃　Almayer　informed　me；　in　a



perfunctory　mutter　without　a　spark　of　faith；　hope；　or　pride。



Thereupon；　with　the　same　absence　of　any　sort　of　sustaining



spirit；　he　declared　his　intention　to　select　a　fat　bird　and　send



him　on　board　for　us　not　later　than　next　day。







I　had　heard　of　these　largesses　before。　　He　conferred　a　goose　as



if　it　were　a　sort　of　court　decoration　given　only　to　the　tried



friends　of　the　house。　　I　had　expected　more　pomp　in　the　ceremony。　



The　gift　had　surely　its　special　quality；　multiple　and　rare。　　From



the　only　flock　on　the　East　Coast！　　He　did　not　make　half　enough　of



it。　　That　man　did　not　understand　his　opportunities。　　However；　I



thanked　him　at　some　length。







〃You　see；〃　he　interrupted；　abruptly；　in　a　very　peculiar　tone；



〃the　worst　of　this　country　is　that　one　is　not　able　to　realize　。　。



。　it's　impossible　to　realize。　。　。　。〃　　His　voice　sank　into　a



languid　mutter。　　〃And　when　one　has　very　large　interests　。　。　。



very　important　interests　。　。　。〃　he　finished；　faintly　。　。　。　〃up



the　river。〃







We　looked　at　each　other。　　He　astonished　me　by　giving　a　start　and



making　a　very　queer　grimace。







〃Well；　I　must　be　off；〃　he　burst　out；　hurriedly。　　〃So　long！〃







At　the　moment　of　stepping　over　the　gang　way　he　checked　himself；



though；　to　give　me　a　mumbled　invitation　to　dine　at　his　house　that



evening　with　my　captain；　an　invitation　which　I　accepted。　　I　don't



think　it　could　have　been　possible　for　me　to　refuse。







I　like　the　worthy　folk　who　will　talk　to　you　of　the　exercise　of



free…will；　〃at　any　rate　for　practical　purposes。〃　　Free；　is　it？　



For　practical　purposes！　　Bosh！　　How　could　I　have　refused　to　dine



with　that　man？　　I　did　not　refuse；　simply　because　I　could　not



refuse。　　Curiosity；　a　healthy　desire　for　a　change　of　cooking；



common　civility；　the　talk　and　the　smiles　of　the　previous　twenty



days；　every　condition　of　my　existence　at　that　moment　and　place



made　irresistibly　for　acceptance；　and；　crowning　all　that；　there



was　the　ignorancethe　ignorance；　I　saythe　fatal　want　of　fore



knowledge　to　counterbalance　these　imperative　conditions　of　the



problem。　　A　refusal　would　have　appeared　perverse　and　insane。



Nobody；　unless　a　surly　lunatic；　would　have　refused。　　But　if　I　had



not　got　to　know　Almayer　pretty　well　it　is　almost　certain　there



would　never　have　been　a　line　of　mine　in　print。







I　accepted　thenand　I　am　paying　yet　the　price　of　my　sanity。　　The



possessor　of　the　only　flock　of　geese　on　the　East　Coast　is



responsible　for　the　existence　of　some　fourteen　volumes；　so　far。　



The　number　of　geese　he　had　called　into　being　under　adverse



climatic　conditions　was　considerably　more　than　fourteen。　　The



tale　of　volumes　will　never　overtake　the　counting　of　heads；　I　am



safe　to　say；　but　my　ambitions　point　not　exactly　that　way；　and



whatever　the　pangs　the　toil　of　writing　has　cost　me　I　have　always



thought　kindly　of　Almayer。







I　wonder；　had　he　known　anything　of　it；　what　his　attitude　would



have　been？　　This　is　something　not　to　be　discovered　in　this　world。







But　if　we　ever　meet　in　the　Elysian　Fieldswhere　I　cannot　depict



him　to　myself　otherwise　than　attended　in　the　distance　by　his



flock　of　geese　（birds　sacred　to　Jupiter）and　he　addresses　me　in



the　stillness　of　that　passionless　region；　neither　light　nor



darkness；　neither　sound　nor　silence；　and　heaving　endlessly　with



billowy　mists　from　the　impalpable　multitudes　of　the　swarming



dead；　I　think　I　know　what　answer　to　make。







I　would　say；　after　listening　courteously　to　the　unvibrating　tone



of　his　measured　remonstrances；　which　should　not　disturb；　of



course；　the　solemn　eternity　of　stillness　in　the　leastI　would



say　something　like　this：







〃It　is　true；　Almayer；　that　in　the　world　below　I　have　converted



your　name　to　my　own　uses。　　But　that　is　a　very　small　larceny。



What's　in　a　name；　O　Shade？　　If　so　much　of　your　old　mortal



weakness　clings　to　you　yet　as　to　make　you　feel　aggrieved　（it　was



the　note　of　your　earthly　voice；　Almayer）；　then；　I　entreat　you；



seek　speech　wit