a personal record-第13章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
various tones； I managed to arouse here and there a surprised
momentary attentionthe 〃What was that funny noise？〃sort of
inquiry。 Later on it was： 〃Did you hear what that boy said？
What an extraordinary outbreak！〃 Presently a wave of scandalized
astonishment （it could not have been greater if I had announced
the intention of entering a Carthusian monastery） ebbing out of
the educational and academical town of Cracow spread itself over
several provinces。 It spread itself shallow but far…reaching。
It stirred up a mass of remonstrance； indignation； pitying
wonder； bitter irony； and downright chaff。 I could hardly
breathe under its weight； and certainly had no words for an
answer。 People wondered what Mr。 T。 B。 would do now with his
worrying nephew and； I dare say； hoped kindly that he would make
short work of my nonsense。
What he did was to come down all the way from Ukraine to have it
out with me and to judge by himself； unprejudiced； impartial； and
just； taking his stand on the ground of wisdom and affection。 As
far as is possible for a boy whose power of expression is still
unformed I opened the secret of my thoughts to him； and he in
return allowed me a glimpse into his mind and heart； the first
glimpse of an inexhaustible and noble treasure of clear thought
and warm feeling； which through life was to be mine to draw upon
with a never…deceived love and confidence。 Practically； after
several exhaustive conversations； he concluded that he would not
have me later on reproach him for having spoiled my life by an
unconditional opposition。 But I must take time for serious
reflection。 And I must think not only of myself but of others；
weigh the claims of affection and conscience against my own
sincerity of purpose。 〃Think well what it all means in the
larger issuesmy boy；〃 he exhorted me； finally； with special
friendliness。 〃And meantime try to get the best place you can at
the yearly examinations。〃
The scholastic year came to an end。 I took a fairly good place
at the exams； which for me （for certain reasons） happened to be a
more difficult task than for other boys。 In that respect I could
enter with a good conscience upon that holiday which was like a
long visit pour prendre conge of the mainland of old Europe I was
to see so little of for the next four…and…twenty years。 Such；
however； was not the avowed purpose of that tour。 It was rather；
I suspect； planned in order to distract and occupy my thoughts in
other directions。 Nothing had been said for months of my going
to sea。 But my attachment to my young tutor and his influence
over me were so well known that he must have received a
confidential mission to talk me out of my romantic folly。 It was
an excellently appropriate arrangement； as neither he nor I had
ever had a single glimpse of the sea in our lives。 That was to
come by and by for both of us in Venice； from the outer shore of
Lido。 Meantime he had taken his mission to heart so well that I
began to feel crushed before we reached Zurich。 He argued in
railway trains； in lake steamboats； he had argued away for me the
obligatory sunrise on the Righi； by Jove！ Of his devotion to his
unworthy pupil there can be no doubt。 He had proved it already
by two years of unremitting and arduous care。 I could not hate
him。 But he had been crushing me slowly； and when he started to
argue on the top of the Furca Pass he was perhaps nearer a
success than either he or I imagined。 I listened to him in
despairing silence； feeling that ghostly； unrealized； and desired
sea of my dreams escape from the unnerved grip of my will。
The enthusiastic old Englishman had passedand the argument went
on。 What reward could I expect from such a life at the end of my
years； either in ambition； honour； or conscience？ An
unanswerable question。 But I felt no longer crushed。 Then our
eyes met and a genuine emotion was visible in his as well as in
mine。 The end came all at once。 He picked up the knapsack
suddenly and got onto his feet。
〃You are an incorrigible； hopeless Don Quixote。 That's what you
are。〃
I was surprised。 I was only fifteen and did not know what he
meant exactly。 But I felt vaguely flattered at the name of the
immortal knight turning up in connection with my own folly； as
some people would call it to my face。 Alas！ I don't think there
was anything to be proud of。 Mine was not the stuff of
protectors of forlorn damsels； the redressers of this world's
wrong are made of； and my tutor was the man to know that best。
Therein； in his indignation； he was superior to the barber and
the priest when he flung at me an honoured name like a reproach。
I walked behind him for full five minutes； then without looking
back he stopped。 The shadows of distant peaks were lengthening
over the Furca Pass。 When I came up to him he turned to me and
in full view of the Finster Aarhorn； with his band of giant
brothers rearing their monstrous heads against a brilliant sky；
put his hand on my shoulder affectionately。
〃Well！ That's enough。 We will have no more of it。〃
And indeed there was no more question of my mysterious vocation
between us。 There was to be no more question of it at all； no
where or with any one。 We began the descent of the Furca Pass
conversing merrily。
Eleven years later； month for month； I stood on Tower Hill on the
steps of the St。 Katherine's Dockhouse； a master in the British
Merchant Service。 But the man who put his hand on my shoulder at
the top of the Furca Pass was no longer living。
That very year of our travels he took his degree of the
Philosophical Facultyand only then his true vocation declared
itself。 Obedient to the call； he entered at once upon the
four…year course of the Medical Schools。 A day came when； on the
deck of a ship moored in Calcutta； I opened a letter telling me
of the end of an enviable existence。 He had made for himself a
practice in some obscure little town of Austrian Galicia。 And
the letter went on to tell me how all the bereaved poor of the
district； Christians and Jews alike； had mobbed the good doctor's
coffin with sobs and lamentations at the very gate of the
cemetery。
How short his years and how clear his vision！ What greater
reward in ambition； honour； and conscience could he have hoped to
win for himself when； on the top of the Furca Pass； he bade me
look well to the end of my opening life？
III
The devouring in a dismal forest of a luckless Lithuanian dog by
my granduncle Nicholas B。 in company of two other military and
famished scarecrows； symbolized； to my childish imagination； the
whole horror of the retreat from Moscow； and the immorality of a
conqueror's ambition。 An extreme distaste for that objectionable
episode has tinged the views I hold as to the character and
achievements of Napoleon the Great。 I need not say that these
are unfavourable。 It was morally reprehensible for that great
captain to induce a simple…minded Polish gentleman to eat dog by
raising in his breast a false hope of national independence。 It
has been the fate of that credulous nation to starve for upward
of a hundred years on a diet of false hopes andwelldog。 It
is； when one thinks of it； a singularly poisonous regimen。 Some
pride in the national constitution which has survived a long
course of such dishes is really excusable。
But enou
