treatises on friendship and old age-第11章
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without bitterness; if we reprove; there should be no word of
insult。 In the matter of compliance (for I am glad to adopt
Terence's word); though there should be every courtesy; yet that
base kind which assists a man in vice should be far from us; for it
is unworthy of a free…born man; to say nothing of a friend。 It is one
thing to live with a tyrant; another with a friend。 But if a man's ears
are so closed to plain speaking that be cannot hear to hear the truth
from a friend; we may give him 〃p in despair。 This remark of
Cato's; as so many of his did; shews great acuteness: 〃There are
people who owe more to bitter enemies than to apparently pleasant
friends: the former often speak the truth; the latter never。〃 Besides;
it is a strange paradox that the recipients of advice should feel no
annoyance where they ought to feel it; and yet feel so much where
they ought not。 They are not at all vexed at having committed a
fault; but very angry at being reproved for it。 On the contrary; they
ought to be grieved at the crime and glad of the correction。
25。 Well; then; if it is true that to give and receive advice
…the former with freedom and yet without bitterness; the latter with
patience and without irritation…is peculiarly appropriate to genuine
friendship; it is no less true that there can be nothing more utterly
subversive of friendship than flattery; adulation; and base
compliance。 I use as many terms as possible to brand this vice of
light…minded; untrustworthy men; whose sole object in speaking is
to please with…out any regard to truth。 In everything false pretence
is bad。 for it suspends and vitiates our power of discerning the
truth。 But to nothing it is so hostile as to friendship; for it destroys
that frankness without which friendship is an empty name。 For the
essence of friendship being that two minds become as one; how
can that ever take place if the mind of each of the separate parties
to it is not single and uniform; but variable; changeable; and
complex? Can anything be so pliable; so wavering; as the mind of
a man whose attitude depends not only on another's feeling and
wish; but on his very looks and nods?
If one says 〃No;〃 I answer 〃No〃 ; if 〃Yes;〃 I answer 〃Yes。〃
In fine; I've laid this task upon myself
To echo all that's said…
to quote my old friend Terence again。 But he puts these words
into the mouth of a Gnatho。 To admit such a man into one's
intimacy at all is a sign of folly。 But there are many people like
Gnatho; and it is when they are superior either in position or
fortune or reputation that their flatteries become mischievous; the
weight of their position making up for the lightness of their
character。 But if we only take reasonable care; it is as easy to
separate and distinguish a genuine from a specious friend as
anything else that is coloured and artificial from what is sincere
and genuine。 A public assembly; though composed of men of the
smallest possible culture; nevertheless will see clearly the
difference between a mere demagogue (that is; a flatterer and
untrustworthy citizen) and a man of principle; standing; and
solidity。 It was by this kind of flattering language that Gaius
Papirius the other day endeavoured to tickle the ears of the
assembled people; when proposing his law to make the tribunes
re…eligible。 I spoke against it。 But I will leave the personal
question。 I prefer speaking of Scipio。 Good heavens! how
impressive his speech was; what a majesty there was in it! You
would have pronounced him; without hesitation; to be no mere
henchman of the Roman people; but their leader。 However; you
were there; and moreover have the speech in your hands。 The
result was that a law meant to please the people was by the
people's votes rejected。 Once more to refer to myself; you
remember how apparently popular was the law proposed by Gaius
Licinius Crassus 〃about the election to the College of Priests〃 in
the consulship of Quintus Maximus; Scipio's brother; and Lucius
Mancinus。 For the power of filling up their own vacancies on the
part of the colleges was by this proposal to be transferred to the
people。 It was this man; by the way; who began the practice of
twrning towards the forum when addressing the people。 In spite of
this; however; upon my speaking on the conservative side; religion
gained an easy victory over his
plausible speech。 This took place in my praetorship; five years
before I was elected consul; which shows that the cause was
successfully maintained more by the merits of the case than by the
prestige of the highest office。
26。 Now; if on a stage; such as a public assembly essentially is;
where there is the amplest room for fiction and half…truths; truth
nevertheless prevails if it be but fairly laid open and brought into
the light of day; what ought to happen in the case of friendship;
which rests entirely on truthfulness? Friendship; in which; unless
you both see and show an open breast; to use a common
expression; you can neither trust nor be certain of anything…no; not
even of mutual affection; since you cannot be sure of its sincerity。
However; this flattery; injurious as it is; can hurt no one but the
man who takes it in and likes it。 And it follows that the man to
open his ears widest to flatterers is he who first flatters himself and
is fondest of himself。 I grant you that Virtue naturally loves
herself; for she knows herself and perceives how worthy of love
she is。 But I am not now speaking of absolute virtue; but of the
belief men have that they possess virtue。 The fact is that fewer
people are endowed with virtue than wish to be thought to be so。 It
is such people that take delight in flattery。 When they are
addressed in language expressly adapted to flatter their vanity; they
look upon such empty persiflage as a testimony to the truth of their
own praises。 It is not then properly friendship at all when the one
will not listen to the truth; and the other is prepared to lie。 Nor
would the servility of parasites in comedy have seemed humorous
to us had there been no such things as braggart captains。 〃Is
Thais really much obliged to me?〃 It would have been quite
enough to answer 〃Much;〃 but he must needs say 〃Immensely。〃
Your servile flatterer always exaggerates what his victim wishes to
be put strongly。 Wherefore; though it is with those who catch at
and invite it that this flattering falsehood is especially powerful;
yet men even of solider and steadier character must be warned tn
be on the watch against being taken in by cunningly disguised
flattery。 An open flatterer any one can detect; unless he is an
absolute fool the covert insinuation of the cunning and the sly is
what we have to be studiously on our guard against。 His detection
is not by any means the easiest thing in the world; for he often
covers his servility under the guise of contradiction; and flatters by
pretending to dispute; and then at last giving in and allowing
himself to be beaten; that the person hoodwinked may think
himself to have been the clearer…sighted。 Now what can be more
degrading than to be thus hoodwinked? You must be on your guard
against this happening to you; like the man in the _Heiress_:
How have I been befooled! no drivelling dotards
On any stage were e'er so p1ayed upon。
For even on the stage we have no grosser representation of folly
than that of short…sighted and credulous old men。 But somehow or
other I have strayed away from the friendship of the perfect; that is
of the 〃wise〃 (meaning; of course; such 〃wisdom〃 as human nature
is capable of); to the subject of vulgar; unsubstantial friendships。
Let us then return to our original theme; and at length bring that;
too; to a conclusion。
27。 Well; then; Fannius and Mucius; I repeat what I said before。 It
is virtue; virtue; which both creates and preserves friendship。 On it
depends harmony of interest; permanence; fidelity。 When Virtue
has reared her head and shewn the light of her countenance; and
seen and recognised the same light in another; she gravitates
towards it; and in her turn welcomes that which the other has to
shew; and from it springs up a flame which you may call love