treatises on friendship and old age-第10章

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themselves　the　qualities　which　attract　affection。　This　sort　of　man　is
rare；　and　indeed　all　excellent　things　are　rare；　and　nothing　in　the
world　is　so　hard　to　find　as　a　thing　entirely　and　completely　perfect
of　its　kind。　But　most　people　not　only　recognize　nothing　as　good　in
our　life　unless　it　is　profitable；　but　look　upon　friends　as　so　much
stock；　caring　most　for　those　by　whom　they　hope　to　make　most
profit。　Accordingly　they　never　possess　that　most　beautiful　and
most　spontaneous　friendship　which　must　be　sought　solely　for　itself
without　any　ulterior　object。　They　fail　also　to　learn　from　their　own
feelings　the　nature　and　the　strength　of　friendship。　　For　every　one
loves　himself；　not　for　any　reward　which　such　love　may　bring；　but
because　he　is　dear　to　himself　independently　of　anything　else。　　But
unless　this　feeling　is　transferred　to　another；　what　a　real　friend　is
will　never　be　revealed；　for　he　is；　as　it　were；　a　second　self。　　But　if
we　find　these　two　instincts　shewing　themselves　in　animals；…
whether　of　the　air　or　the　sea　or　the　land；　whether　wild　or
tame；…first；　a　love　of　self；　which　in　fact　is　born　in　everything　that
lives　alike；　and；　secondly；　an　eagerness　to　fiud　and　attach
themselves　to　other　creatures　of　their　own　kind；　and　if　this　natural
action　is　accompanied　by　desire　and　by　something　resembling
human　love；　how　much　more　must　this　be　the　case　in　man　by　the
law　of　his　nature？　　For　man　not　only　loves　himself；　but　seeks
another　whose　spirit　he　may　so　blend　with　his　own　as　almost　to
make　one　being　of　two。

22。　But　most　people　unreasonably；　not　to　speak　of　modesty；　want
such　a　friend　as　they　are　unable　to　be　themselves；　and　expect　from
their　friends　what　they　do　not　themselves　give。　The　fair　course　is
first　to　be　good　yourself；　and　then　to　look　out　for　another　of　like
character。　It　is　between　such　that　the　stability　in　friendship　of
which　we　have　been　talking　can　be　secured；　when；　that　is　to　say；
men　who　are　united　by　affection　learn；　first　of　all；　to　rule　those
passions　which　enslave　others；　and　in　the　next　place　to　take　delight
in　fair　and　equitable　conduct；　to　bear　each　other's　burdens；　never　to
ask　each　other　for　anything　inconsistent　with　virtue　and　rectitude；
and　not　only　to　serve　and　love　but　also　to　respect　each　other。　I　say
〃respect〃；　for　if　respect　is　gone；　friendship　has　lost　its　brightest
jewel。　　And　this　shows　the　mistake　of　those　who　imagine　that
friendship　gives　a　privilege　to　licentiousness　and　sin。　　Nature　has
given　us　friendship　as　the　handmaid　of　virtue；　not　as　a　partner　in
guilt：　to　the　end　that　virtue；　being　powerless　when　isolated　to　reach
the　highest　objects；　might　succeed　in　doing　so　in　union　and
partnership　with　another。　Those　who　enjoy　in　the　present；　or　have
enjoyed　in　the　past；　or　are　destined　to　enjoy　in　the　future　such　a
partnership　as　this；　must　be　considered　to　have　secured　the　most
excellent　and　auspicious　combination　for
ON　FRIENDSHIP

reaching　nature's　highest　good。　　This　is　the　partnership；　I　say；
which　combines　moral　rectitude；　fame；　peace　of　mind；　serenity：　all
that　men　think　desirable　because　with　them　life　is　happy；　but
without　them　cannot　be　so。　　This　being　our　best　and　highest　object；
we　must；　if　we　desire　to　attain　it；　devote　ourselves　to　virtue；　for
without　virtue　we　can　obtain　neither　friendship　nor　anything　else
desirable。　　In　fact；　if　virtue　be　neglected；　those　who　imagine
themselves　to　possess　friends　will　find　out　their　error　as　soon　as
some　grave　disaster　forces　them　to　make　trial　of　them。　Wherefore；
I　must　again　and　again　repeat；　you　must　satisfy　your　judgment
before　engaging　your　affections：　not　love　first　and　judge
afterwards。　We　suffer　from　carelessness　in　many　of　our
undertakings：　in　none　more　than　in　selecting　and　cultivating　our
friends。　　We　put　the　cart　before　the　horse；　and　shut　the　stable　door
when　the　steed　is　stolen；　in　defiance　of　the　old　proverb。　　For；
having　mutually　involved　ourselves　in　a　long…standing　intimacy　or
by　actual　obligations；　all　on　a　sudden　some　cause　of　offence　arises
and　we　break　off　our　friendships　in　full　career。

23。

It　is　this　that　makes　such　carelessness　in　a　matter　of　supreme
importance　all　the　more　worthy　of　blame。　　I　say　〃supreme
importance；〃　because　friendship　is　the　one　thing　about　the　utility
of　which　everybody　with　one　accord　is　agreed。　That　is　not　the　case
in　regard　even　to　virtue　itself；　for　many　people　speak　slightingly　of
virtue　as　though　it　were　mere　puffing　and　self…glorification。　Nor　is
it　the　case　with　riches。　Many　look　down　on　riches；　being　content
with　a　little　and　taking　pleasure　in　poor　fare　and　dress；　And　as　to
the　political　offices　for　which　some　have　a　burning　desire
…how　many　entertain　such　a　contempt　for　them　as　to　think　nothing
in　the　world　more　empty　and　trivial！

And　so　on　with　the　rest；　things　desirable　in　the　eyes　of　some　are
regarded　by　very　many　as　worthless。　　But　of　friendship　all　think
alike　to　a　man；　whether　those　have　devoted　themselves　to　politics；
or　those　who　delight　in　science　　and　　philosophy；　　or　those　　who　
follow　a　private　way　of　life　and　care　for　nothing　but　their　own
business；　or　those　lastly　who　have　given　themselves　body　and　soul
to　sensuality…they　all　think；　I　say；　that　without　friendship　life　is　no
life；　if　they　want　some　part　of　it；　at　any　rate；　to　be　noble。　　For
friendship；　in　one　way　or　another；　penetrates　into　the　lives　of　us
all；　and　suffers　no　career　to　be　entirely　free　from　its　influence。
Though　a　man　be　of　so　churlish　and　unsociable　a　nature　as　to
loathe　and　shun　the　company　of　mankind；　as　we　are　told　was　the
case　with　a　certain　Timon　at　Athens；　yet　even　he　cannot　refrain
from　seeking　some　one　in　whose　hearing　he　may　disgorge　the
venom　of　his　bitter　temper。　We　should　see　this　most　clearly；　if　it
were　possible　that　some　god　should　carry　us　away　from　these
haunts　of　men；　and　place　us　some…where　in　perfect　solitude；　and
then　should　supply　us　in　abundance　with　everything　necessary　to
our　nature；　and　yet　take　from　us　entirely　the　opportunity　of　looking
upon　a　human　being。　　Who　could　steel　himself　to　endure　such　a
life？　　Who　would　not　lose　in　his　loneliness　the　zest　for　all
pleasures？　　And　indeed　this　is　the　point　of　the　observation　of；　I
think；　Archytas　of　Tarentum。　I　have　it　third　hand；　men　who　were
my　seniors　told　me　that　their　seniors　had　told　them。　It　was　this：　〃If
a　man　could　ascend　to　heaven　and　get　a　clear　view　of　the　natural
order　of　the　universe；　and　the　beauty　of　the　heavenly　bodies；　that
wonderful　spectacle　would　give　him　small　pleasure；　though
nothing　could　be　conceived　more　delightful　if　he　had　but　had　some
one　to　whom　to　tell　what　he　had　seen。〃　　So　true　it　is　that　nature
abhors　isolation；　and　ever　leans　upon　some…thing　as　a　stay　and
support；　and　this　is　found　in　its　most　pleasing　form　in　our　closest
friend。

24。

But　though　Nature　also　declares　by　so　many　indications　what　her
wish　and　object　and　desire　is；　we　yet　in　a　manner　turn　a　deaf　ear
and　will　not　hear　her　warnings。　The　intercourse　between　friends　is
varied　and　complex；　and　it　must　often　happen　that　causes　of
suspicion　and　offence　arise；　which　a　wise　man　will　sometimes
avoid；　at　other　times　remove；　at　others　treat　with　indulgence。　　The
one　possible　cause　of　offence　that　must　be　faced　is　when　the
interests　of　your　friend　and　your　own　sincerity　are　at　stake。　　For
instance；　it　often　happens　that　friends　need　remonstrance　and　even
reproof。　　When　these　are　administered　in　a　kindly　spirit　they　ought
to　be　taken　in　good　part。　But　somehow　or　other　there　is　truth　in
what　my　friend　Terence　says　in　his　_Andria_：

Compliance　gets　us　friends；　plain　speaking　hate。

Plain　speaking　is　a　cause　of　trouble；　if　the　result　of　It　is
resentment；　which　is　poison　of　friendship；　but　compliance　is　really
the　cause　of　much　more　trouble；　because　by　indulging　his　faults　it
lets　a　friend　plunge　into　headlong　ruin。　But　the　man　who　is　most　to
blame　is　he　who　resents　plain　speaking　and　allows　flattery　to　egg
him　on　to　his　ruin。　On　this　point；　then；　from　first　to　last　there　is
need　of　deliberation　and　care。　If　we　remonstrate；　it　should　be
without　bitterness；　if　we　reprove；　there　should　be　no　word　of
insult。　In　the　matter　of　compliance