thais-第28章

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Thy　sake；　and　not　for　mine。　It　would　not　be　just　that　I　should　suffer
for　what　I　have　done　in　Thy　behalf。　Protect　me；　sweet　Jesus！　My
Saviour；　save　me！　Suffer　not　the　phantom　to　accomplish　that　which　the
body　could　not。　As　I　have　triumphed　over　the　flesh；　suffer　not　the
shadow　to　overthrow　me。　I　know　that　I　am　now　exposed　to　greater
dangers　than　I　ever　ran。　I　feel　and　know　that　the　dream　has　more　power
than　the　reality。　And　how　could　it　be　otherwise；　since　it　is　itself
but　a　higher　reality？　It　is　the　soul　of　things。　Plato；　though　he　was
but　an　idolater；　has　testified　to　the　real　existence　of　ideas。　At　that
banquet　of　demons　to　which　Thou　accompaniedst　me；　Lord；　I　heard　men
sullied　with　crimes　truly；　but　certainly　not　devoid　of　intelligence
agree　to　acknowledge　that　we　see　real　objects　in　solitude；　meditation；
and　ecstasy；　and　Thy　Scriptures；　my　God；　many　times　affirm　the　virtue
of　dreams；　and　the　power　of　visions　formed　either　by　Thee；　great　God；
or　by　Thy　adversary。〃

There　was　a　new　man　in　him　and　now　he　reasoned　with　God；　but　God　did
not　choose　to　enlighten　him。　His　nights　were　one　long　dream；　and　his
days　did　not　differ　from　his　nights。　One　morning　he　awoke　uttering
sighs；　such　as　issue；　by　moonlight；　from　the　tombs　of　the　victims　of
crimes。　Thais　had　come；　showing　her　bleeding　feet；　and　whilst　he　wept；
she　had　slipped　into　his　couch。　There　was　no　longer　any　doubt；　the
image　of　Thais　was　an　impure　image。

His　heart　filled　with　disgust；　he　leaped　out　of　his　profaned　couch；
and　hid　his　face　in　his　hands　that　he　might　not　see　the　daylight。　The
hours　passed；　but　they　did　not　remove　his　shame。　All　was　quiet　in　the
cell。　For　the　first　time　for　many　long　days；　Paphnutius　was　alone。　The
phantom　had　at　last　left　him；　and　even　its　absence　seemed　dreadful。
Nothing；　nothing　to　distract　his　mind　from　the　recollection　of　the
dream。　Full　of　horror；　he　thought

〃Why　did　I　not　drive　her　away？　Why　did　I　not　tear　myself　from　her　cold
arms　and　burning　knees？〃

He　no　longer　dared　to　pronounce　the　name　of　God　near　that　horrible
couch；　and　he　feared　that　his　cell　being　profaned；　the　demons　might
freely　enter　at　any　hour。　His　fears　did　not　deceive　him。　The　seven
little　jackals；　which　had　never　crossed　the　threshold；　entered　in　a
file；　and　went　and　hid　under　the　bed。　At　the　vesper　hour；　there　came
an　eighth；　the　stench　of　which　was　horrible。　The　next　day；　a　ninth
joined　the　others；　and　soon　there　were　thirty；　then　sixty；　then
eighty。　They　became　smaller　as　they　multiplied；　and　being　no　bigger
than　rats；　they　covered　the　floor；　the　couch；　and　the　stool。　One　of
them　jumped　on　the　little　table　by　the　side　of　the　bed；　and　standing
with　its　four　feet　together　on　the　death's　head；　looked　at　the　monk
with　burning　eyes。　And　every　day　fresh　jackals　came。

To　expiate　the　abominable　sin　of　his　dream；　and　flee　from　impure
thoughts；　Paphnutius　determined　to　leave　his　cell；　which　had　now
become　polluted；　go　far　into　the　desert；　and　practise　unheard…of
austerities；　strange　labours；　and　fresh　works　of　grace。　But　before
putting　his　design　into　action；　he　went　to　see　old　Palemon　and　ask　his
advice。

He　found　him　in　his　garden　watering　his　lettuces。　It　was　the　evening。
The　blue　Nile　flowed　at　the　foot　of　violet　hills。　The　good　old　man　was
walking　slowly；　in　order　not　to　frighten　a　pigeon　that　had　perched　on
his　shoulder。

〃The　Lord　be　with　thee；　brother　Paphnutius；〃　he　said。　〃Admire　his
goodness；　He　sends　me　the　animals　that　He　has　created　that　I　may
converse　with　them　of　His　works；　and　praise　Him　in　the　birds　of　the
air。　Look　at　this　pigeon；　note　the　changing　hues　of　its　neck；　and　say；
is　it　not　a　beautiful　work　of　God？　But　have　you　not　come　to　talk　with
me；　brother；　on　some　pious　subject？　If　so；　I　will　put　down　my
watering…pot；　and　listen　to　you。〃

Paphnutius　told　the　old　man　about　his　journey；　his　return；　the　visions
of　his　days　and　the　dreams　of　his　nights；without　omitting　the　sinful
oneand　the　pack　of　jackals。

〃Do　you　not　think；　father；〃　he　added；　〃that　I　ought　to　bury　myself　in
the　desert；　and　perform　some　extraordinary　austerities　that　would　even
astonish　the　devil？〃

〃I　am　but　a　poor　sinner；〃　replied　Palemon；　〃and　I　know　little　about
men；　having　passed　all　my　life　in　this　garden；　with　gazelles；　little
hares　and　pigeons。　But　it　seems　to　me；　brother；　that　your　distemper
comes　from　your　having　passed　too　suddenly　from　the　noisy　world　to　the
calm　of　solitude。　Such　sudden　transitions　can　but　do　harm　to　the
health　of　the　soul。　You　are；　brother；　like　a　man　who　exposes　himself；
almost　at　the　same　time；　to　great　heat　and　great　cold。　A　cough　shakes
him；　and　fever　torments　him。　In　your　place；　brother　Paphnutius；
instead　of　retiring　at　once　into　some　awful　desert；　I　should　take　such
amusements　as　are　fitting　to　a　monk　and　a　holy　abbot。　I　should　visit
the　monasteries　in　the　neighbourhood。　Some　of　them　are　wonderful；　it
is　said。　That　of　Abbot　Serapion　contains；　I　have　been　told；　a　thousand
four　hundred　and　thirty…two　cells；　and　the　monks　are　divided　into　as
many　legions　as　there　are　letters　in　the　Greek　alphabet。　I　am　even
informed　that　a　certain　analogy　is　observed　between　the　character　of
the　monks　and　the　shape　of　the　letter　by　which　they　are　designated；
and　that；　for　example；　those　who　are　placed　under　Z　have　a　tortuous
character；　whilst　those　under　I　have　an　upright　mind。　If　I　were　you；
brother；　I　should　go　and　assure　myself　of　this　with　my　own　eyes；　and　I
should　know　no　rest　until　I　had　seen　such　a　wonderful　thing。　I　should
not　fail　to　study　the　regulations　of　the　various　communities　which　are
scattered　along　the　banks　of　the　Nile；　so　as　to　be　able　to　compare　one
with　another。　Such　study　is　befitting　a　religious　man　like　yourself。
You　have　heard　say；　no　doubt；　that　Abbot　Ephrem　has　drawn　up　for　his
monastery　pious　regulations　of　great　beauty。　With　his　permission；　you
might　make　a　copy　of　them；　as　you　are　a　skilful　penman。　I　could　not　do
so；　for　my　hands；　accustomed　to　wield　the　spade；　are　too　awkward　to
direct　the　thin　reed　of　the　scribe　over　the　papyrus。　But　you　have　the
knowledge　of　letters；　brother；　and　should　thank　God　for　it；　for
beautiful　writing　cannot　be　too　much　admired。　The　work　of　the　copyist
and　the　reader　is　a　great　safeguard　against　evil　thoughts。　Brother
Paphnutius；　why　do　you　not　write　out　the　teachings　of　our　fathers；
Paul　and　Anthony？　Little　by　little　you　would　recover；　in　these　pious
works；　peace　of　soul　and　mind；　solitude　would　again　become　pleasant　to
your　heart；　and　soon　you　would　be　in　a　condition　to　recommence　those
ascetic　works　which　your　journey　has　interrupted。　But　you　must　not
expect　much　benefit　from　excessive　penitence。　When　he　was　amongst　us；
our　Father　Anthony　used　to　say；　'Excessive　fasting　produces　weakness；
and　weakness　begets　idleness。　There　are　some　monks　who　ruin　their　body
by　fasts　improperly　prolonged。　Of　them　it　may　be　said　that　they　plunge
a　dagger　into　their　own　breast；　and　deliver　themselves　up
unresistingly　into　the　power　of　the　devil。'　So　said　the　holy　man；
Anthony。　I　am　but　a　foolish　old　man；　but；　by　the　grace　of　God；　I　have
remembered　what　our　father　told　us。〃

Paphnutius　thanked　Palemon　and　promised　to　think　over　his　advice。　When
he　had　passed　the　fence　of　reeds　which　enclosed　the　little　garden；　he
turned　round　and　saw　the　good　old　gardener　engaged　in　watering　his
salads；　whilst　the　pigeon　walked　about　on　his　bent　back；　and　at　that
sight　Paphnutius　felt　ready　to　weep。

On　returning　to　his　cell；　he　found　there　a　strange　turmoil；　as　though
it　were　filled　with　grains　of　sand　blown　about　by　a　strong　wind；　and
on　looking　closer；　he　saw　these　moving　bodies　were　myriads　of　little
jackals。　That　night　he　saw　in　a　dream；　a　high　stone　column　surmounted
by　a　human　face；　and　he　heard　a　voice　which　said

〃Ascend　this　pillar！〃

On　awaking；　he　felt　confident　that　this　dream　had　been　sent　from
heaven。　He　called　his　disciples；　and　addressed　them　in　these　words

〃My　beloved　sons；　I　must　leave　you；　and　go　where　God　sends　me。　During
my　absence　obey　Flavian　as　you　would　me；　and　take　care　of　our　brother
Paul。　Bless　you。　Farewell。〃

As　he　strode　away；　they　remained　prostrate　on　the　ground；　and　when
they　rai