thais-第27章

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him　with　great　demonstrations　of　joy。　Some　raised　their　arms　to
heaven；　others；　prostrate　on　the　ground；　kissed　the　Abbot's　sandals。
For　they　knew　already　what　the　saint　had　accomplished　in　Alexandria。
The　monks　generally　received；　by　rapid　and　unknown　means；　information
concerning　the　safety　or　glory　of　the　Church。　News　spread　through　the
desert　with　the　rapidity　of　the　simoon。

When　Paphnutius　strode　across　the　sand；　his　disciples　followed　him；
praising　the　Lord。　Flavian；　who　was　the　oldest　member　of　the
brotherhood；　was　suddenly　seized　with　a　pious　frenzy　and　began　to　sing
an　inspired　hymn

　　〃O　blessed　day！　Now　is　our　father　restored　to　us。
　　He　has　returned　laden　with　fresh　merits；　of　which　we　reap　the　benefit。
　　For　the　virtues　of　the　father　are　the　wealth　of　the　children；　and
　　　　the　sanctity　of　the　Abbot　illuminates　every　cell。
　　Paphnutius；　our　father；　has　given　a　new　spouse　to　Jesus　Christ。
　　By　his　wondrous　art；　he　has　changed　a　black　sheep　into　a　white　sheep。
　　And　now；　behold；　he　has　returned　to　us；　laden　with　fresh　merits。
　　Like　unto　the　bee　of　the　Arsinoetid；　heavy　with　the　nectar　of　flowers。
　　Even　as　the　ram　of　Nubia；　which　could　hardly　bear　the　weight　of　its
　　　　abundant　wool。
　　Let　us　celebrate　this　day　by　mingling　oil　with　our　food。〃

When　they　came　to　the　door　of　the　Abbot's　cell；　they　fell　on　their
knees；　and　said

〃Let　our　father　bless　us；　and　give　each　of　us　a　measure　of　oil　to
celebrate　his　return。〃

Paul　the　Fool；　who　alone　had　remained　standing；　asked；　〃Who　is　this
man？〃　and　did　not　recognise　Paphnutius。　But　no　one　paid　any　attention
to　what　he　said；　as　he　was　known　to　be　devoid　of　intelligence；　though
filled　with　piety。

The　Abbot　of　Antinoe；　locked　in　his　cell；　thought

〃I　have　at　last　regained　the　haven　of　my　repose　and　happiness。　I　have
returned　to　my　fortress　of　contentment。　But　how　is　it　that　this　roof
of　rushes；　so　dear　to　me；　does　not　receive　me　as　a　friend；　and　the
walls　say　not　to　me；　'Thou　art　welcome。'　Nothing　has　changed；　since　my
departure；　in　this　abode　I　have　chosen。　There　is　my　table　and　my　bed。
There　is　the　mummy's　head　which　has　so　often　inspired　me　with　salutary
thoughts；　and　there　is　the　book　in　which　I　have　so　often　sought
conceptions　of　God。　And　yet　nothing　that　I　left　is　here。　The　things
appear　grievously　despoiled　of　their　customary　charm；　and　it　seems　to
me　as　though　I　saw　them　to…day　for　the　first　time。　When　I　look　at　that
table　and　couch；　that　in　former　days　I　made　with　my　own　hands；　that
black；　dried　head；　these　rolls　of　papyrus　filled　with　the　sayings　of
God；　I　seem　to　see　the　belongings　of　a　dead　man。　After　having　known
them　all　so　well；　I　know　them　no　longer。　Alas！　since　nothing　around　me
has　really　changed；　it　is　I　who　am　no　longer　what　I　was。　I　am　another。
I　am　the　dead　man！　What　has　happened；　my　God？　What　has　been　taken　from
me？　What　is　left　unto　me？　And　who　am　I？〃

And　it　especially　perplexed　him　to　find；　in　spite　of　himself；　that　his
cell　was　small；　whereas；　when　viewed　by　the　eye　of　faith；　he　ought　to
consider　it　immense；　because　the　infinitude　of　God　began　there。

He　began　to　pray；　with　his　face　against　the　ground；　and　felt　a　little
happier。　He　had　hardly　been　an　hour　in　prayer；　when　a　vision　of　Thais
passed　before　his　eyes。　He　returned　thanks　to　God

〃Jesus！　it　is　Thou　who　hast　sent　her。　I　acknowledge　in　that　Thy
wonderful　goodness；　Thou　wouldst　please　me；　reassure　me　and　comfort　me
by　the　sight　of　her　whom　I　have　given　to　Thee。　Thou；　presentest　her　to
my　eyes　with　her　smile　now　disarmed；　her　grace；　now　become　innocent；
her　beauty　from　which　I　have　extracted　the　sting。　To　please　me；　my
God；　thou　showest　her　to　me　as　I　have　prepared　and　purified　her　for
Thy　designs；　as　one　friend　pleasantly　reminds　another　of　the　rich　gift
he　has　received　from　him。　Therefore　I　see　this　woman　with　delight；
being　assured　that　the　vision　comes　from　Thee。　Thou　dost　not　forget
that　I　have　given　her　to　Thee；　Jesus。　Keep　her；　since　she　pleases
Thee；　and　suffer　not　her　beauty　to　give　joy　to　any　but　Thyself。〃

He　could　not　sleep　all　night；　and　he　saw　Thais　more　distinctly　than　he
had　seen　her　in　the　Grotto　of　Nymphs。　He　commended　himself；　saying

〃What　I　have　done；　I　have　done　to　the　glory　of　God。〃

Yet；　to　his　great　surprise；　his　heart　was　not　at　ease。　He　sighed。

〃Why　art　thou　sad；　O　my　soul；　and　why　dost　thou　trouble　me？〃

And　his　mind　was　still　perturbed。　Thirty　days　he　remained　in　that
condition　of　sadness　which　precedes　the　sore　trials　of　a　solitary
monk。　The　image　of　Thais　never　left　him　day　or　night。　He　did　not　try
to　banish　it；　because　he　still　thought　it　came　from　God；　and　was　the
image　of　a　saint。　But　one　morning　she　visited　him　in　a　dream；　her　hair
crowned　with　violets；　and　her　very　gentleness　seemed　so　formidable；
that　he　uttered　a　cry　of　fright；　and　woke　in　an　icy　sweat。　His　eyes
were　still　heavy　with　sleep；　when　he　felt　a　moist　warm　breath　on　his
face。　A　little　jackal；　its　two　paws　placed　on　the　side　of　the　bed；　was
panting　its　stinking　breath　in　his　face；　and　grinning　at　him。

Paphnutius　was　greatly　astonished；　and　it　seemed　to　him　as　though　a
tower　had　given　way　under　his　feet。　And；　in　fact；　he　had　fallen；　for
his　self…confidence　had　gone。　For　some　time　he　was　incapable　of
thought　and　when　he　did　recover　himself；　his　meditations　only
increased　his　perplexity。

〃It　is　one　of　two　things；〃　he　said　to　himself；　〃either　this　vision；
like　the　preceding　ones；　came　from　God；　and　was　a　good　vision；　and　it
is　my　natural　perversity　which　has　misrepresented　it；　as　wine　turns
sour　in　a　dirty　cup。　I　have；　by　my　unworthiness；　changed　instruction
into　reproach；　of　which　this　diabolical　jackal　immediately　took
advantage。　Or　else　this　vision　came；　not　from　God；　but；　on　the
contrary；　from　the　devil；　and　was　evil。　In　that　case　I　should　doubt
whether　the　former　ones　had；　as　I　thought；　a　celestial　origin。　I　am
therefore　incapable　of　that　discernment　which　is　necessary　for　the
ascetic。　In　either　case　it　is　plain　that　God　is　no　longer　with　me；of
which　I　feel　the　effects；　though　I　cannot　explain　the　cause。〃

He　reasoned　in　this　way；　and　anxiously　asked

〃Just　God；　what　trials　dost　Thou　appoint　for　Thy　servants　if　the
apparitions　of　Thy　saints　are　a　danger　for　them？　Give　me　to　discern；
by　an　intelligible　sign；　that　which　comes　from　Thee；　and　that　which
comes　from　the　other。〃

And　as　God；　whose　designs　are　inscrutable；　did　not　see　fit　to
enlighten　his　servant；　Paphnutius；　lost　in　doubt；　resolved　not　to
think　of　Thais　any　more。　But　his　resolutions　were　vain。　Though　absent；
she　was　ever　with　him。　She　gazed　at　him　whilst　he　read；　or　meditated；
or　prayed；　or　met　his　eyes　wherever　he　looked。　Her　imaginary　approach
was　heralded　by　a　slight　sound；　such　as　is　made　by　a　woman's　dress
when　she　walks；　and　the　visions　had　more　verisimilitude　than　reality
itself；　which　moves　and　is　confused；　whereas　the　phantoms　which　are
caused　by　solitude　are　fixed　and　unchangeable。　She　came　under　various
appearancessometimes　pensive；　her　head　crowned　with　her　last
perishable　wreath；　clad　as　at　the　banquet　at　Alexandria；　in　a　mauve
robe　spangled　with　silver　flowers；　sometimes　voluptuously　in　a　cloud
of　light　veils；　and　bathed　in　the　warm　shadows　of　the　Grotto　of
Nymphs；　sometimes　in　a　serge　cassock；　pious　and　radiant　with　celestial
joy；　sometimes　tragic；　her　eyes　swimming　in　the　terrors　of　death；　and
showing　her　bare　breast　bedewed　with　the　blood　from　her　pierced　heart。
What　disturbed　him　the　most　in　these　visions　was　that　the　wreaths；
tunics；　and　veils；　that　he　had　burned　with　his　own　hands；　should　thus
return；　it　became　evident　to　him　that　these　things　had　an　imperishable
soul；　and　he　cried

〃Lo；　all　the　countless　souls　of　the　sins　of　Thais　come　upon　me！〃

When　he　turned　away　his　head；　he　felt　that　Thais　was　behind　him；　and
that　made　him　feel　still　more　uneasy。　His　torture　was　cruel。　But　as
his　soul　and　body　remained　pure　in　the　midst　of　all　his　temptations；
he　trusted　in　God；　and　gently　complained　to　Him。

〃My　God；　if　I　went　so　far　to　seek　her　amongst　the　Gentiles；　it　was　for
Thy　sake；　and　not　for　mine。　It　would　not　be　just　that　I　should　suffer
for　what　I　have　done　in　Thy　behalf。　Pr