thais-第13章

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she　was　melancholy。　She　recoiled　from　all　her　lovers；　they　were
hateful　to　her。　She　loathed　the　light　of　day；　and　lay　on　her　bed　all
day；　sobbing；　and　with　her　head　buried　in　the　pillows。　Lollius
contrived　to　gain　admittance；　and　came　many　times；　but　neither　his
pleadings　nor　his　execrations　had　any　effect　on　the　obdurate　girl。　In
his　presence；　she　was　as　timid　as　a　virgin；　and　would　say　nothing
but

〃I　will　not！　I　will　not！〃

But　at　the　end　of　a　fortnight　she　gave　in；　for　she　knew　that　she　loved
him；　she　went　to　his　house　and　lived　with　him。　They　were　supremely
happy。　They　passed　their　days　shut　up　together；　gazing　into　each
other's　eyes；　and　babbling　a　childish　jargon。　In　the　evening；　they
walked　on　the　lonely　banks　of　the　Orontes；　and　lost　themselves　in　the
laurel　woods。　Sometimes　they　rose　at　dawn；　to　go　and　gather　hyacinths
on　the　slopes　of　Sulpicus。　They　drank　from　the　same　cup；　and　he　would
take　a　grape　from　between　her　lips　with　his　mouth。

Moeroe　came　to　Lollius；　and　cried　and　shrieked　that　Thais　should　be
restored　to　her。

〃She　is　my　daughter；〃　she　said；　〃my　daughter；　who　has　been　torn　from
me。　My　perfumed　flowermy　own　bowels！〃

Lollius　gave　her　a　large　sum　of　money；　and　sent　her　away。　But；　as　she
came　back　to　demand　some　more　gold　staters；　the　young　man　had　her　put
in　prison；　and　the　magistrates　having　discovered　that　she　was　guilty
of　many　crimes；　she　was　condemned　to　death；　and　thrown　to　the　wild
beasts。

Thais　loved　Lollius　with　all　the　passion　of　her　mind；　and　the
bewilderment　of　innocence。　She　told　him；　and　told　him　truly　from　the
bottom　of　her　heart

〃I　have　never　loved　any　one　but　you。〃

Lollius　replied

〃You　are　not　like　any　other　woman。〃

The　spell　lasted　six　months；　but　it　broke　at　last。　Thais　suddenly　felt
that　her　heart　was　empty　and　lonely。　Lollius　no　longer　seemed　the　same
to　her。　She　thought

〃What　can　have　thus　changed　me　in　an　instant？　How　is　it　that　he　is　now
like　any　other　man；　and　no　longer　like　himself？〃

She　left　him；　not　without　a　secret　desire　to　find　Lollius　again　in
another；　as　she　no　longer　found　him　in　himself。　She　thought　it　would
be　less　dull　to　live　with　someone　she　had　never　loved；　than　with　one
she　had　ceased　to　love。　She　appeared；　in　the　company　of　rich
debauchees；　at　those　sacred　feasts　at　which　naked　virgins　danced　in
the　temples；　and　troops　of　courtesans　swam　across　the　Orontes。　She
took　part　in　all　the　pleasures　of　the　fashionable　and　depraved　city；
and　she　assiduously　frequented　the　theatres；　at　which　clever　mimes
from　all　countries　performed　amidst　the　applause　of　a　crowd　greedy　for
excitement。

She　carefully　observed　the　mimes；　dancers；　comedians；　and　especially
the　women；　who　in　tragedies　represented　goddesses　in　love　with　young
men；　or　mortals　loved　by　the　gods。　Having　discovered　the　secrets　by
which　they　pleased　the　audience；　she　thought　to　herself　that　she　was
more　beautiful　and　could　act　better。　She　went　to　the　manager；　and
asked　to　be　admitted　into　the　troupe。　Thanks　to　her　beauty；　and　to　the
lessons　she　had　received　from　old　Moeroe；　she　was　received；　and
appeared　on　the　stage　in　the　part　of　Dirce。

She　met　with　but　indifferent　success；　for　she　was　inexperienced；　and
the　admiration　of　the　spectators　had　not　been　aroused　by　hearing　her
praises　sung。　But　after　she　had　played　small　parts　for　a　few　months；
the　power　of　her　beauty　burst　forth　with　such　effect　that　all　the　city
was　moved。　All　Antioch　crowded　to　the　theatre。　The　imperial
magistrates　and　the　chief　citizens　were　compelled；　by　the　force　of
public　opinion；　to　show　themselves　there。　The　porters；　sweepers；　and
dock　labourers　went　without　bread　and　garlic；　that　they　might　pay　for
their　places。　Poets　composed　epigrams　in　her　honour。　Bearded
philosophers　inveighed　against　her　in　the　baths　and　gymnasia；　when　her
litter　passed；　Christian　priests　turned　away　their　heads。　The
threshold　of　her　door　was　wreathed　with　flowers；　and　sprinkled　with
blood。　She　received　so　much　money　from　her　lovers　that　it　was　no
longer　counted；　but　measured　by　the　medimnus；　and　all　the　treasure
hoarded　by　miserly　old　men　was　poured　out　at　her　feet。　But　she　was
placid　and　unmoved。　She　rejoiced；　with　quiet　pride；　in　the　admiration
of　the　public　and　the　favour　of　the　gods；　and　was　so　much　loved　that
she　loved　herself。

After　she　had　several　years　enjoyed　the　admiration　and　affection　of
the　Antiochians；　she　was　taken　with　a　desire　to　revisit　Alexandria；
and　show　her　glory　in　that　city　in　which；　as　a　child；　she　had　wandered
in　want　and　shame；　hungry　and　lean　as　a　grasshopper　in　the　middle　of　a
dusty　road。　The　golden　city　joyfully　welcomed　her；　and　loaded　her　with
fresh　riches；　when　she　appeared　in　the　games　it　was　a　triumph。
Countless　admirers　and　lovers　came　to　her。　She　received　them　with
indifference；　for　she　at　last　despaired　of　meeting　another　Lollius。

Amongst　many　others；　she　met　the　philosopher　Nicias；　who　desired　to
possess　her；　although　he　professed　to　have　no　desires。　In　spite　of　his
riches；　he　was　intelligent　and　modest。　But　his　delicate　wit　and
beautiful　sentiments　failed　to　charm　her。　She　did　not　love　him　and
sometimes　his　refined　irony　even　irritated　her。　His　perpetual　doubts
hurt　her；　for　he　believed　in　nothing；　and　she　believed　in　everything。
She　believed　in　divine　providence；　in　the　omnipotence　of　evil　spirits；
in　spells；　exorcisms；　and　eternal　justice；　she　believed　in　Jesus
Christ；　and　in　the　goddess　of　good　of　the　Syrians；　she　believed　also
that　bitches　barked　when　black　Hecate　passed　through　the　streets；　and
that　a　woman　could　inspire　love　by　pouring　a　philtre　into　a　cup
wrapped　in　the　bleeding　skin　of　a　sheep。　She　thirsted　for　the　unknown；
she　called　on　nameless　gods；　and　lived　in　perpetual　expectation。　The
future　frightened　her；　and　yet　she　wished　to　know　it。　She　surrounded
herself　with　priests　of　Isis；　Chaldean　magi；　pharmacopolists；　and
professors　of　the　black　arts；　who　invariably　deceived　her；　though　she
never　tired　of　being　deceived。　She　feared　death；　and　she　saw　it
everywhere。　When　she　yielded　to　pleasure；　it　seemed　to　her　that　an　icy
finger　would　suddenly　touch　her　on　the　bare　shoulder；　and　she　turned
pale；　and　cried　with　terror；　in　the　arms　which　embraced　her。

Nicias　said　to　her

〃What　does　it　matter；　O　my　Thais；　whether　we　descend　to　eternal　night
with　white　locks　and　hollow　cheeks；　or；　whether　this　very　day；　now
laughing　to　the　vast　sky；　shall　be　our　last？　Let　us　enjoy　life；　we
shall　have　greatly　lived　if　we　have　greatly　loved。　There　is　no
knowledge　except　that　of　the　senses；　to　love　is　to　understand。　That
which　we　do　not　know　does　not　exist。　What　good　is　it　to　worry
ourselves　about　nothing？〃

She　replied　angrily

〃I　despise　men　like　you；　who　hope　for　nothing　and　fear　nothing。　I　wish
to　know！　I　wish　to　know！〃

In　order　to　understand　the　secret　of　life；　she　set　to　work　to　read　the
books　of　the　philosophers；　but　she　did　not　understand　them。　The
further　the　years　of　her　childhood　receded　from　her；　the　more　anxious
she　was　to　recall　them。　She　loved　to　traverse　at　night；　in　disguise；
the　alleys；　squares；　and　places　where　she　had　grown　up　so　miserably。
She　was　sorry　she　had　lost　her　parents；　and　especially　that　she　had
not　been　able　to　love　them。　When　she　met　any　Christian　priest；　she
thought　of　her　baptism；　and　felt　troubled。　One　night；　when　enveloped
in　a　long　cloak；　and　her　fair　hair　hidden　under　a　black　hood；　she　was
wandering；　according　to　custom；　about　the　suburbs　of　the　city；　she
found　herselfwithout　knowing　how　she　came　therebefore　the　poor
little　church　of　St。　John　the　Baptist。　They　were　singing　inside　the
church；　and　a　bright　light　glimmered　through　the　chinks　of　the　door。
There　was　nothing　strange　in　that；　as；　for　the　past　twenty　years；　the
Christians；　protected　by　the　conqueror　of　Maxentius；　had　publicly
solemnised　their　festivals。　But　these　hymns　seemed　more　like　an　ardent
appeal　to　the　soul。　As　if　she　had　been　invited　to　the　mysteries；　she
pushed　the　door　open　with　her　arm；　and　entered　the　building。　She　found
a　numerous　assembly　of　women；　children；　and　old　men；　on　their　knees
before　a　tomb；　which　stood　against　the　wall。　The　tomb　was　nothing　but
a　stone　coffer；　roughly　s