the turn of the screw-第6章
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Someone would appear there at the turn of a path and would stand
before me and smile and approve。 I didn't ask more than that
I only asked that he should KNOW; and the only way to be sure he knew
would be to see it; and the kind light of it; in his handsome face。
That was exactly present to meby which I mean the face was
when; on the first of these occasions; at the end of a long
June day; I stopped short on emerging from one of the plantations
and coming into view of the house。 What arrested me on the spot
and with a shock much greater than any vision had allowed for
was the sense that my imagination had; in a flash; turned real。
He did stand there!but high up; beyond the lawn and at the very top of
the tower to which; on that first morning; little Flora had conducted me。
This tower was one of a pairsquare; incongruous; crenelated structures
that were distinguished; for some reason; though I could see
little difference; as the new and the old。 They flanked opposite
ends of the house and were probably architectural absurdities;
redeemed in a measure indeed by not being wholly disengaged nor
of a height too pretentious; dating; in their gingerbread antiquity;
from a romantic revival that was already a respectable past。
I admired them; had fancies about them; for we could all profit
in a degree; especially when they loomed through the dusk;
by the grandeur of their actual battlements; yet it was not at
such an elevation that the figure I had so often invoked seemed
most in place。
It produced in me; this figure; in the clear twilight; I remember;
two distinct gasps of emotion; which were; sharply; the shock
of my first and that of my second surprise。 My second was a
violent perception of the mistake of my first: the man who met
my eyes was not the person I had precipitately supposed。
There came to me thus a bewilderment of vision of which;
after these years; there is no living view that I can hope to give。
An unknown man in a lonely place is a permitted object of fear
to a young woman privately bred; and the figure that faced
me wasa few more seconds assured meas little anyone
else I knew as it was the image that had been in my mind。
I had not seen it in Harley StreetI had not seen it anywhere。
The place; moreover; in the strangest way in the world; had;
on the instant; and by the very fact of its appearance;
become a solitude。 To me at least; making my statement
here with a deliberation with which I have never made it;
the whole feeling of the moment returns。 It was as if;
while I took inwhat I did take inall the rest of the scene
had been stricken with death。 I can hear again; as I write;
the intense hush in which the sounds of evening dropped。
The rooks stopped cawing in the golden sky; and the friendly
hour lost; for the minute; all its voice。 But there was no
other change in nature; unless indeed it were a change that I
saw with a stranger sharpness。 The gold was still in the sky;
the clearness in the air; and the man who looked at me over
the battlements was as definite as a picture in a frame。
That's how I thought; with extraordinary quickness;
of each person that he might have been and that he was not。
We were confronted across our distance quite long enough for me
to ask myself with intensity who then he was and to feel;
as an effect of my inability to say; a wonder that in a few
instants more became intense。
The great question; or one of these; is; afterward; I know;
with regard to certain matters; the question of how long
they have lasted。 Well; this matter of mine; think what you
will of it; lasted while I caught at a dozen possibilities;
none of which made a difference for the better; that I could see;
in there having been in the houseand for how long; above all?
a person of whom I was in ignorance。 It lasted while I
just bridled a little with the sense that my office demanded
that there should be no such ignorance and no such person。
It lasted while this visitant; at all eventsand there was a touch
of the strange freedom; as I remember; in the sign of familiarity
of his wearing no hatseemed to fix me; from his position;
with just the question; just the scrutiny through the fading light;
that his own presence provoked。 We were too far apart
to call to each other; but there was a moment at which;
at shorter range; some challenge between us; breaking the hush;
would have been the right result of our straight mutual stare。
He was in one of the angles; the one away from the house;
very erect; as it struck me; and with both hands on the ledge。
So I saw him as I see the letters I form on this page;
then; exactly; after a minute; as if to add to the spectacle;
he slowly changed his placepassed; looking at me hard all
the while; to the opposite corner of the platform。 Yes; I had
the sharpest sense that during this transit he never took his
eyes from me; and I can see at this moment the way his hand;
as he went; passed from one of the crenelations to the next。
He stopped at the other corner; but less long; and even
as he turned away still markedly fixed me。 He turned away;
that was all I knew。
IV
It was not that I didn't wait; on this occasion;
for more; for I was rooted as deeply as I was shaken。
Was there a 〃secret〃 at Blya mystery of Udolpho or an insane;
an unmentionable relative kept in unsuspected confinement?
I can't say how long I turned it over; or how long; in a confusion
of curiosity and dread; I remained where I had had my collision;
I only recall that when I re…entered the house darkness had quite
closed in。 Agitation; in the interval; certainly had held me
and driven me; for I must; in circling about the place; have walked
three miles; but I was to be; later on; so much more overwhelmed
that this mere dawn of alarm was a comparatively human chill。
The most singular part of it; in factsingular as the rest had been
was the part I became; in the hall; aware of in meeting Mrs。 Grose。
This picture comes back to me in the general trainthe impression;
as I received it on my return; of the wide white panelled space;
bright in the lamplight and with its portraits and red carpet;
and of the good surprised look of my friend; which immediately
told me she had missed me。 It came to me straightway;
under her contact; that; with plain heartiness; mere relieved
anxiety at my appearance; she knew nothing whatever that
could bear upon the incident I had there ready for her。
I had not suspected in advance that her comfortable face would
pull me up; and I somehow measured the importance of what I
had seen by my thus finding myself hesitate to mention it。
Scarce anything in the whole history seems to me so odd
as this fact that my real beginning of fear was one;
as I may say; with the instinct of sparing my companion。
On the spot; accordingly; in the pleasant hall and with her
eyes on me; I; for a reason that I couldn't then have phrased;
achieved an inward resolutionoffered a vague pretext
for my lateness and; with the plea of the beauty of the night
and of the heavy dew and wet feet; went as soon as possible
to my room。
Here it was another affair; here; for many days after;
it was a queer affair enough。 There were hours; from day
to dayor at least there were moments; snatched even from
clear dutieswhen I had to shut myself up to think。
It was not so much yet that I was more nervous than I could
bear to be as that I was remarkably afraid of becoming so;
for the truth I had now to turn over was; simply and clearly;
the truth that I could arrive at no account whatever of
the visitor with whom I had been so inexplicably and yet;
as it seemed to me; so intimately concerned。 It took little
time to see that I could sound without forms of inquiry
and without exciting remark any domestic complications。
The shock I had suffered must have sharpened all my senses;
I felt sure; at the