the turn of the screw-第5章

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〃Did　SHE　see　anything　in　the　boy？〃



〃That　wasn't　right？　　She　never　told　me。〃



I　had　a　scruple；　but　I　overcame　it。　　〃Was　she　carefulparticular？〃



Mrs。　Grose　appeared　to　try　to　be　conscientious。

〃About　some　thingsyes。〃



〃But　not　about　all？〃



Again　she　considered。　　〃Well；　missshe's　gone。

I　won't　tell　tales。〃



〃I　quite　understand　your　feeling；〃　I　hastened　to　reply；　but　I　thought　it；

after　an　instant；　not　opposed　to　this　concession　to　pursue：

〃Did　she　die　here？〃



〃Noshe　went　off。〃



I　don't　know　what　there　was　in　this　brevity　of　Mrs。　Grose's　that　struck

me　as　ambiguous。　　〃Went　off　to　die？〃　　Mrs。　Grose　looked　straight

out　of　the　window；　but　I　felt　that；　hypothetically；　I　had　a　right

to　know　what　young　persons　engaged　for　Bly　were　expected　to　do。

〃She　was　taken　ill；　you　mean；　and　went　home？〃



〃She　was　not　taken　ill；　so　far　as　appeared；　in　this　house。

She　left　it；　at　the　end　of　the　year；　to　go　home；　as　she　said；

for　a　short　holiday；　to　which　the　time　she　had　put　in　had

certainly　given　her　a　right。　　We　had　then　a　young　woman

a　nursemaid　who　had　stayed　on　and　who　was　a　good　girl　and　clever；

and　SHE　took　the　children　altogether　for　the　interval。

But　our　young　lady　never　came　back；　and　at　the　very　moment　I

was　expecting　her　I　heard　from　the　master　that　she　was　dead。〃



I　turned　this　over。　　〃But　of　what？〃



〃He　never　told　me！　　But　please；　miss；〃　said　Mrs。　Grose；

〃I　must　get　to　my　work。〃







　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　　III





Her　thus　turning　her　back　on　me　was　fortunately　not；　for　my　just

preoccupations；　a　snub　that　could　check　the　growth　of　our　mutual　esteem。

We　met；　after　I　had　brought　home　little　Miles；　more　intimately

than　ever　on　the　ground　of　my　stupefaction；　my　general　emotion：

so　monstrous　was　I　then　ready　to　pronounce　it　that　such　a　child

as　had　now　been　revealed　to　me　should　be　under　an　interdict。

I　was　a　little　late　on　the　scene；　and　I　felt；　as　he　stood　wistfully

looking　out　for　me　before　the　door　of　the　inn　at　which　the　coach　had

put　him　down；　that　I　had　seen　him；　on　the　instant；　without　and　within；

in　the　great　glow　of　freshness；　the　same　positive　fragrance　of　purity；

in　which　I　had；　from　the　first　moment；　seen　his　little　sister。

He　was　incredibly　beautiful；　and　Mrs。　Grose　had　put　her　finger　on　it：

everything　but　a　sort　of　passion　of　tenderness　for　him　was　swept　away

by　his　presence。　　What　I　then　and　there　took　him　to　my　heart　for　was

something　divine　that　I　have　never　found　to　the　same　degree　in　any　child

his　indescribable　little　air　of　knowing　nothing　in　the　world　but　love。

It　would　have　been　impossible　to　carry　a　bad　name　with　a　greater

sweetness　of　innocence；　and　by　the　time　I　had　got　back　to　Bly　with　him

I　remained　merely　bewilderedso　far；　that　is；　as　I　was　not　outraged

by　the　sense　of　the　horrible　letter　locked　up　in　my　room；　in　a　drawer。

As　soon　as　I　could　compass　a　private　word　with　Mrs。　Grose　I　declared

to　her　that　it　was　grotesque。



She　promptly　understood　me。　　〃You　mean　the　cruel　charge？〃



〃It　doesn't　live　an　instant。　　My　dear　woman；　LOOK　at　him！〃



She　smiled　at　my　pretention　to　have　discovered　his　charm。

〃I　assure　you；　miss；　I　do　nothing　else！　　What　will　you　say；　then？〃

she　immediately　added。



〃In　answer　to　the　letter？〃　　I　had　made　up　my　mind。　　〃Nothing。〃



〃And　to　his　uncle？〃



I　was　incisive。　　〃Nothing。〃



〃And　to　the　boy　himself？〃



I　was　wonderful。　　〃Nothing。〃



She　gave　with　her　apron　a　great　wipe　to　her　mouth。　　〃Then　I'll　stand　by　you。

We'll　see　it　out。〃



〃We'll　see　it　out！〃　　I　ardently　echoed；　giving　her　my　hand　to　make

it　a　vow。



She　held　me　there　a　moment；　then　whisked　up　her　apron　again　with　her

detached　hand。　　〃Would　you　mind；　miss；　if　I　used　the　freedom〃



〃To　kiss　me？　　No！〃　　I　took　the　good　creature　in　my　arms　and；　after　we

had　embraced　like　sisters；　felt　still　more　fortified　and　indignant。



This；　at　all　events；　was　for　the　time：　　a　time　so　full　that；

as　I　recall　the　way　it　went；　it　reminds　me　of　all　the　art

I　now　need　to　make　it　a　little　distinct。　　What　I　look

back　at　with　amazement　is　the　situation　I　accepted。

I　had　undertaken；　with　my　companion；　to　see　it　out；　and　I　was

under　a　charm；　apparently；　that　could　smooth　away　the　extent

and　the　far　and　difficult　connections　of　such　an　effort。

I　was　lifted　aloft　on　a　great　wave　of　infatuation　and　pity。

I　found　it　simple；　in　my　ignorance；　my　confusion；　and　perhaps

my　conceit；　to　assume　that　I　could　deal　with　a　boy　whose

education　for　the　world　was　all　on　the　point　of　beginning。

I　am　unable　even　to　remember　at　this　day　what　proposal　I　framed

for　the　end　of　his　holidays　and　the　resumption　of　his　studies。

Lessons　with　me；　indeed；　that　charming　summer；　we　all　had

a　theory　that　he　was　to　have；　but　I　now　feel　that；　for　weeks；

the　lessons　must　have　been　rather　my　own。　　I　learned　something

at　first；　certainlythat　had　not　been　one　of　the　teachings　of

my　small；　smothered　life；　learned　to　be　amused；　and　even　amusing；

and　not　to　think　for　the　morrow。　　It　was　the　first　time；

in　a　manner；　that　I　had　known　space　and　air　and　freedom；

all　the　music　of　summer　and　all　the　mystery　of　nature。

And　then　there　was　considerationand　consideration　was　sweet。

Oh；　it　was　a　trapnot　designed；　but　deepto　my　imagination；

to　my　delicacy；　perhaps　to　my　vanity；　to　whatever；　in　me；

was　most　excitable。　　The　best　way　to　picture　it　all　is　to　say

that　I　was　off　my　guard。　　They　gave　me　so　little　trouble

they　were　of　a　gentleness　so　extraordinary。　　I　used　to　speculate

but　even　this　with　a　dim　disconnectednessas　to　how　the　rough　future

（for　all　futures　are　rough！）　would　handle　them　and　might　bruise　them。

They　had　the　bloom　of　health　and　happiness；　and　yet；

as　if　I　had　been　in　charge　of　a　pair　of　little　grandees；

of　princes　of　the　blood；　for　whom　everything；　to　be　right；

would　have　to　be　enclosed　and　protected；　the　only　form　that；

in　my　fancy；　the　afteryears　could　take　for　them　was　that　of

a　romantic；　a　really　royal　extension　of　the　garden　and　the　park。

It　may　be；　of　course；　above　all；　that　what　suddenly　broke

into　this　gives　the　previous　time　a　charm　of　stillness

that　hush　in　which　something　gathers　or　crouches。

The　change　was　actually　like　the　spring　of　a　beast。



In　the　first　weeks　the　days　were　long；　they　often；　at　their　finest；

gave　me　what　I　used　to　call　my　own　hour；　the　hour　when；　for　my　pupils；

teatime　and　bedtime　having　come　and　gone；　I　had；　before　my　final　retirement；

a　small　interval　alone。　　Much　as　I　liked　my　companions；　this　hour　was

the　thing　in　the　day　I　liked　most；　and　I　liked　it　best　of　all　when；

as　the　light　fadedor　rather；　I　should　say；　the　day　lingered　and　the　last

calls　of　the　last　birds　sounded；　in　a　flushed　sky；　from　the　old　trees

I　could　take　a　turn　into　the　grounds　and　enjoy；　almost　with　a　sense

of　property　that　amused　and　flattered　me；　the　beauty　and　dignity　of

the　place。　　It　was　a　pleasure　at　these　moments　to　feel　myself　tranquil

and　justified；　doubtless；　perhaps；　also　to　reflect　that　by　my　discretion；

my　quiet　good　sense　and　general　high　propriety；　I　was　giving　pleasure

if　he　ever　thought　of　it！to　the　person　to　whose　pressure　I　had　responded。

What　I　was　doing　was　what　he　had　earnestly　hoped　and　directly　asked　of　me；

and　that　I　COULD；　after　all；　do　it　proved　even　a　greater　joy　than　I

had　expected。　　I　daresay　I　fancied　myself；　in　short；　a　remarkable　young

woman　and　took　comfort　in　the　faith　that　this　would　more　publicly　appear。

Well；　I　needed　to　be　remarkable　to　offer　a　front　to　the　remarkable　things

that　presently　gave　their　first　sign。



It　was　plump；　one　afternoon；　in　the　middle　of　my　very　hour：

the　children　were　tucked　away；　and　I　had　come　out　for　my　stroll。

One　of　the　thoughts　that；　as　I　don't　in　the　least　shrink　now

from　noting；　used　to　be　with　me　in　these　wanderings　was　that　it

would　be　as　charming　as　a　charming　story　suddenly　to　meet　someone。

Someone　would　appear　there　at　the　turn　of　a　path　and　would　stand