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第27章

the turn of the screw-第27章

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〃She may be different?  She may be free?〃  I seized her almost with joy。

〃Then; in spite of yesterday; you BELIEVE〃



〃In such doings?〃  Her simple description of them required;

in the light of her expression; to be carried no further;

and she gave me the whole thing as she had never done。

〃I believe。〃



Yes; it was a joy; and we were still shoulder to shoulder:  if I might

continue sure of that I should care but little what else happened。

My support in the presence of disaster would be the same as it had

been in my early need of confidence; and if my friend would answer

for my honesty; I would answer for all the rest。  On the point of

taking leave of her; nonetheless; I was to some extent embarrassed。

〃There's one thing; of courseit occurs to meto remember。

My letter; giving the alarm; will have reached town before you。〃



I now perceived still more how she had been beating about the bush and

how weary at last it had made her。  〃Your letter won't have got there。

Your letter never went。〃



〃What then became of it?〃



〃Goodness knows!  Master Miles〃



〃Do you mean HE took it?〃  I gasped。



She hung fire; but she overcame her reluctance。  〃I mean that I saw yesterday;

when I came back with Miss Flora; that it wasn't where you had put it。

Later in the evening I had the chance to question Luke; and he declared

that he had neither noticed nor touched it。〃  We could only exchange; on this;

one of our deeper mutual soundings; and it was Mrs。 Grose who first brought

up the plumb with an almost elated 〃You see!〃



〃Yes; I see that if Miles took it instead he probably will have read it

and destroyed it。〃



〃And don't you see anything else?〃



I faced her a moment with a sad smile。  〃It strikes me that by this

time your eyes are open even wider than mine。〃



They proved to be so indeed; but she could still blush; almost; to show it。

〃I make out now what he must have done at school。〃  And she gave;

in her simple sharpness; an almost droll disillusioned nod。  〃He stole!〃



I turned it overI tried to be more judicial。  〃Wellperhaps。〃



She looked as if she found me unexpectedly calm。

〃He stole LETTERS!〃



She couldn't know my reasons for a calmness after all

pretty shallow; so I showed them off as I might。

〃I hope then it was to more purpose than in this case!

The note; at any rate; that I put on the table yesterday;〃

I pursued; 〃will have given him so scant an advantage

for it contained only the bare demand for an interview

that he is already much ashamed of having gone so far

for so little; and that what he had on his mind last evening

was precisely the need of confession。〃  I seemed to myself;

for the instant; to have mastered it; to see it all。

〃Leave us; leave us〃I was already; at the door; hurrying her off。

〃I'll get it out of him。  He'll meet mehe'll confess。

If he confesses; he's saved。  And if he's saved〃



〃Then YOU are?〃  The dear woman kissed me on this;

and I took her farewell。  〃I'll save you without him!〃

she cried as she went。







                          XXII





Yet it was when she had got offand I missed her on the spot

that the great pinch really came。  If I had counted on

what it would give me to find myself alone with Miles;

I speedily perceived; at least; that it would give me a measure。

No hour of my stay in fact was so assailed with apprehensions

as that of my coming down to learn that the carriage containing

Mrs。 Grose and my younger pupil had already rolled out of the gates。

Now I WAS; I said to myself; face to face with the elements;

and for much of the rest of the day; while I fought

my weakness; I could consider that I had been supremely rash。

It was a tighter place still than I had yet turned round in;

all the more that; for the first time; I could see in

the aspect of others a confused reflection of the crisis。

What had happened naturally caused them all to stare;

there was too little of the explained; throw out whatever we might;

in the suddenness of my colleague's act。  The maids and the men

looked blank; the effect of which on my nerves was an aggravation

until I saw the necessity of making it a positive aid。

It was precisely; in short; by just clutching the helm

that I avoided total wreck; and I dare say that; to bear up

at all; I became; that morning; very grand and very dry。

I welcomed the consciousness that I was charged with much to do;

and I caused it to be known as well that; left thus to myself;

I was quite remarkably firm。  I wandered with that manner;

for the next hour or two; all over the place and looked;

I have no doubt; as if I were ready for any onset。

So; for the benefit of whom it might concern; I paraded

with a sick heart。



The person it appeared least to concern proved to be;

till dinner; little Miles himself。  My perambulations had

given me; meanwhile; no glimpse of him; but they had tended

to make more public the change taking place in our relation

as a consequence of his having at the piano; the day before;

kept me; in Flora's interest; so beguiled and befooled。

The stamp of publicity had of course been fully given by her

confinement and departure; and the change itself was now ushered

in by our nonobservance of the regular custom of the schoolroom。

He had already disappeared when; on my way down; I pushed

open his door; and I learned below that he had breakfasted

in the presence of a couple of the maidswith Mrs。 Grose

and his sister。  He had then gone out; as he said; for a stroll;

than which nothing; I reflected; could better have expressed

his frank view of the abrupt transformation of my office。

What he would not permit this office to consist of was yet

to be settled:  there was a queer relief; at all eventsI mean

for myself in especialin the renouncement of one pretension。

If so much had sprung to the surface; I scarce put it too

strongly in saying that what had perhaps sprung highest

was the absurdity of our prolonging the fiction that I had

anything more to teach him。  It sufficiently stuck out that;

by tacit little tricks in which even more than myself he carried

out the care for my dignity; I had had to appeal to him to let me

off straining to meet him on the ground of his true capacity。

He had at any rate his freedom now; I was never to touch it again;

as I had amply shown; moreover; when; on his joining me in

the schoolroom the previous night; I had uttered; on the subject

of the interval just concluded; neither challenge nor hint。

I had too much; from this moment; my other ideas。

Yet when he at last arrived; the difficulty of applying them;

the accumulations of my problem; were brought straight home to me

by the beautiful little presence on which what had occurred

had as yet; for the eye; dropped neither stain nor shadow。



To mark; for the house; the high state I cultivated I

decreed that my meals with the boy should be served;

as we called it; downstairs; so that I had been awaiting

him in the ponderous pomp of the room outside of the window

of which I had had from Mrs。 Grose; that first scared Sunday;

my flash of something it would scarce have done to call light。

Here at present I felt afreshfor I had felt it again and again

how my equilibrium depended on the success of my rigid will;

the will to shut my eyes as tight as possible to the truth

that what I had to deal with was; revoltingly; against nature。

I could only get on at all by taking 〃nature〃 into my

confidence and my account; by treating my monstrous

ordeal as a push in a direction unusual; of course;

and unpleasant; but demanding; after all; for a fair front;

only another turn of the screw of ordinary human virtue。

No attempt; nonetheless; could well require more tact than

just this attempt to supply; one's self; ALL the nature。

How could I put even a little of that article into a suppression

of reference to what had occurred?  How; on the other hand; could I

make refe

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