the turn of the screw-第16章

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difficult　to　meet　her　privately；　and　the　more　as　we　each　felt

the　importance　of　not　provokingon　the　part　of　the　servants

quite　as　much　as　on　that　of　the　childrenany　suspicion

of　a　secret　flurry　or　that　of　a　discussion　of　mysteries。

I　drew　a　great　security　in　this　particular　from　her　mere

smooth　aspect。　　There　was　nothing　in　her　fresh　face　to　pass

on　to　others　my　horrible　confidences。　　She　believed　me；

I　was　sure；　absolutely：　　if　she　hadn't　I　don't　know　what　would

have　become　of　me；　for　I　couldn't　have　borne　the　business　alone。

But　she　was　a　magnificent　monument　to　the　blessing　of　a　want

of　imagination；　and　if　she　could　see　in　our　little　charges　nothing

but　their　beauty　and　amiability；　their　happiness　and　cleverness；

she　had　no　direct　communication　with　the　sources　of　my　trouble。

If　they　had　been　at　all　visibly　blighted　or　battered；　she　would

doubtless　have　grown；　on　tracing　it　back；　haggard　enough

to　match　them；　as　matters　stood；　however；　I　could　feel　her；

when　she　surveyed　them；　with　her　large　white　arms　folded

and　the　habit　of　serenity　in　all　her　look；　thank　the　Lord's

mercy　that　if　they　were　ruined　the　pieces　would　still　serve。

Flights　of　fancy　gave　place；　in　her　mind；　to　a　steady　fireside　glow；

and　I　had　already　begun　to　perceive　how；　with　the　development

of　the　conviction　thatas　time　went　on　without　a　public　accident

our　young　things　could；　after　all；　look　out　for　themselves；

she　addressed　her　greatest　solicitude　to　the　sad　case　presented

by　their　instructress。　　That；　for　myself；　was　a　sound　simplification：

I　could　engage　that；　to　the　world；　my　face　should　tell　no　tales；

but　it　would　have　been；　in　the　conditions；　an　immense　added

strain　to　find　myself　anxious　about　hers。



At　the　hour　I　now　speak　of　she　had　joined　me；　under　pressure；

on　the　terrace；　where；　with　the　lapse　of　the　season；　the　afternoon

sun　was　now　agreeable；　and　we　sat　there　together　while；　before　us；

at　a　distance；　but　within　call　if　we　wished；　the　children

strolled　to　and　fro　in　one　of　their　most　manageable　moods。

They　moved　slowly；　in　unison；　below　us；　over　the　lawn；　the　boy；

as　they　went；　reading　aloud　from　a　storybook　and　passing

his　arm　round　his　sister　to　keep　her　quite　in　touch。

Mrs。　Grose　watched　them　with　positive　placidity；　then　I　caught

the　suppressed　intellectual　creak　with　which　she　conscientiously

turned　to　take　from　me　a　view　of　the　back　of　the　tapestry。

I　had　made　her　a　receptacle　of　lurid　things；　but　there　was　an　odd

recognition　of　my　superioritymy　accomplishments　and　my　function

in　her　patience　under　my　pain。　　She　offered　her　mind　to　my

disclosures　as；　had　I　wished　to　mix　a　witch's　broth　and　proposed　it

with　assurance；　she　would　have　held　out　a　large　clean　saucepan。

This　had　become　thoroughly　her　attitude　by　the　time　that；

in　my　recital　of　the　events　of　the　night；　I　reached　the　point

of　what　Miles　had　said　to　me　when；　after　seeing　him；　at　such

a　monstrous　hour；　almost　on　the　very　spot　where　he　happened

now　to　be；　I　had　gone　down　to　bring　him　in；　choosing　then；

at　the　window；　with　a　concentrated　need　of　not　alarming　the　house；

rather　that　method　than　a　signal　more　resonant。　　I　had　left

her　meanwhile　in　little　doubt　of　my　small　hope　of　representing

with　success　even　to　her　actual　sympathy　my　sense　of　the　real

splendor　of　the　little　inspiration　with　which；　after　I　had　got

him　into　the　house；　the　boy　met　my　final　articulate　challenge。

As　soon　as　I　appeared　in　the　moonlight　on　the　terrace；

he　had　come　to　me　as　straight　as　possible；　on　which　I　had　taken

his　hand　without　a　word　and　led　him；　through　the　dark　spaces；

up　the　staircase　where　Quint　had　so　hungrily　hovered　for　him；

along　the　lobby　where　I　had　listened　and　trembled；　and　so　to

his　forsaken　room。



Not　a　sound；　on　the　way；　had　passed　between　us；　and　I　had　wondered

oh；　HOW　I　had　wondered！if　he　were　groping　about　in　his

little　mind　for　something　plausible　and　not　too　grotesque。

It　would　tax　his　invention；　certainly；　and　I　felt；　this　time；

over　his　real　embarrassment；　a　curious　thrill　of　triumph。

It　was　a　sharp　trap　for　the　inscrutable！　　He　couldn't　play　any

longer　at　innocence；　so　how　the　deuce　would　he　get　out　of　it？

There　beat　in　me　indeed；　with　the　passionate　throb　of　this

question　an　equal　dumb　appeal　as　to　how　the　deuce　_I_　should。

I　was　confronted　at　last；　as　never　yet；　with　all　the　risk

attached　even　now　to　sounding　my　own　horrid　note。

I　remember　in　fact　that　as　we　pushed　into　his　little　chamber；

where　the　bed　had　not　been　slept　in　at　all　and　the　window；

uncovered　to　the　moonlight；　made　the　place　so　clear　that　there

was　no　need　of　striking　a　matchI　remember　how　I　suddenly　dropped；

sank　upon　the　edge　of　the　bed　from　the　force　of　the　idea

that　he　must　know　how　he　really；　as　they　say；　〃had〃　me。

He　could　do　what　he　liked；　with　all　his　cleverness　to　help　him；

so　long　as　I　should　continue　to　defer　to　the　old　tradition

of　the　criminality　of　those　caretakers　of　the　young　who

minister　to　superstitions　and　fears。　　He　〃had〃　me　indeed；

and　in　a　cleft　stick；　for　who　would　ever　absolve　me；　who　would

consent　that　I　should　go　unhung；　if；　by　the　faintest　tremor

of　an　overture；　I　were　the　first　to　introduce　into　our　perfect

intercourse　an　element　so　dire？　　No；　no：　　it　was　useless

to　attempt　to　convey　to　Mrs。　Grose；　just　as　it　is　scarcely

less　so　to　attempt　to　suggest　here；　how；　in　our　short；

stiff　brush　in　the　dark；　he　fairly　shook　me　with　admiration。

I　was　of　course　thoroughly　kind　and　merciful；　never；　never　yet

had　I　placed　on　his　little　shoulders　hands　of　such　tenderness

as　those　with　which；　while　I　rested　against　the　bed；

I　held　him　there　well　under　fire。　　I　had　no　alternative　but；

in　form　at　least；　to　put　it　to　him。



〃You　must　tell　me　nowand　all　the　truth。　　What　did　you　go　out　for？

What　were　you　doing　there？〃



I　can　still　see　his　wonderful　smile；　the　whites　of　his　beautiful　eyes；

and　the　uncovering　of　his　little　teeth　shine　to　me　in　the　dusk。

〃If　I　tell　you　why；　will　you　understand？〃　　My　heart；

at　this；　leaped　into　my　mouth。　　WOULD　he　tell　me　why？

I　found　no　sound　on　my　lips　to　press　it；　and　I　was　aware

of　replying　only　with　a　vague；　repeated；　grimacing　nod。

He　was　gentleness　itself；　and　while　I　wagged　my　head　at

him　he　stood　there　more　than　ever　a　little　fairy　prince。

It　was　his　brightness　indeed　that　gave　me　a　respite。

Would　it　be　so　great　if　he　were　really　going　to　tell　me？

〃Well；〃　he　said　at　last；　〃just　exactly　in　order　that　you

should　do　this。〃



〃Do　what？〃



〃Think　mefor　a　changeBAD！〃　I　shall　never　forget　the　sweetness

and　gaiety　with　which　he　brought　out　the　word；　nor　how；　on　top　of　it；

he　bent　forward　and　kissed　me。　　It　was　practically　the　end　of　everything。

I　met　his　kiss　and　I　had　to　make；　while　I　folded　him　for　a　minute

in　my　arms；　the　most　stupendous　effort　not　to　cry。　　He　had　given　exactly

the　account　of　himself　that　permitted　least　of　my　going　behind　it；

and　it　was　only　with　the　effect　of　confirming　my　acceptance　of　it　that；

as　I　presently　glanced　about　the　room；　I　could　say



〃Then　you　didn't　undress　at　all？〃



He　fairly　glittered　in　the　gloom。　　〃Not　at　all。

I　sat　up　and　read。〃



〃And　when　did　you　go　down？〃



〃At　midnight。　　When　I'm　bad　I　AM　bad！〃



〃I　see；　I　seeit's　charming。　　But　how　could　you　be　sure　I　would　know　it？〃



〃Oh；　I　arranged　that　with　Flora。〃　　His　answers　rang　out　with　a　readiness！

〃She　was　to　get　up　and　look　out。〃



〃Which　is　what　she　did　do。〃　　It　was　I　who　fell　into　the　trap！



〃So　she　disturbed　you；　and；　to　see　what　she　was　looking　at；

you　also　lookedyou　saw。〃



〃While　you；〃　I　concurred；　〃caught　your　death　in　the　night　air！〃



He　literally　bloomed　so　from　this　exploit　that　he　could　afford　radiantly

to　assent。　　〃How　otherwise　should　I　have　been　bad　enough？〃　he　asked。

Then；　after　another　embrace；　the　incident　and　our　interview　closed

on　my　recognition　of　all　the　reserves　of　goodness　that；　for　his　joke；

he　had　been　able　to　draw　upon。