poor miss finch-第99章

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thrown　in　as　part　of　the　bargain。

The　days　passedand　good　Papa　still　vacillated　between　better　and　worse。

My　sisters　broke　down；　poor　souls；　under　their　anxieties。　It　all　fell　as
usual　on　my　shoulders。　Day　by　day；　my　prospect　of　returning　to　England
seemed　to　grow　more　and　more　remote。　Not　a　line　of　reply　reached　me　from
Mrs。　Finch。　This　in　itself　fidgeted　and　disturbed　me。　Lucilla　was　now
hardly　ever　out　of　my　thoughts。　Over　and　over　again；　my　anxiety　urged　me
to　run　the　risk；　and　write　to　her。　But　the　same　obstacle　always　raised
itself　in　my　way。　After　what　had　happened　between　us；　it　was　impossible
for　me　to　write　to　her　directly；　without　first　restoring　myself　to　my
former　place　in　her　estimation。　And　I　could　only　do　this；　by　entering
into　particulars　which；　for　all　I　knew　to　the　contrary；　it　might　still　be
cruel　and　dangerous　to　reveal。

As　for　writing　to　Miss　Batchford；　I　had　already　tried　the　old　lady's
patience　in　that　way；　before　leaving　England。　If　I　tried　it　again；　with
no　better　excuse　for　a　second　intrusion　than　my　own　anxieties　might
suggest；　the　chances　were　that　this　uncompromising　royalist　would　throw
my　letter　in　the　fire；　and　treat　her　republican　correspondent　with
contemptuous　silence。　Grosse　was　the　third；　and　last；　person　from　whom　I
might　hope　to　obtain　information。　Butshall　I　confess　it？I　did　not
know　what　Lucilla　might　have　told　him　of　the　estrangement　between　us；　and
my　pride　（remember；　if　you　please；　that　I　am　a　poverty…stricken
foreigner）　revolted　at　the　idea　of　exposing　myself　to　a　possible　repulse。

However；　by　the　eleventh　of　the　month；　I　began　to　feel　my　suspense　so
keenly；　and　to　suffer　under　such　painful　doubts　of　what　Nugent　might　be
doing　in　my　absence；　that　I　resolved　at　all　hazards　on　writing　to　Grosse。
It　was　at　least　possible；　as　I　calculatedand　the　Journal　will　show　you
I　calculated　rightthat　Lucilla　had　only　told　him　of　my　melancholy
errand　at　Marseilles；　and　had　mentioned　nothing　more。　I　had　just　opened
my　deskwhen　our　doctor　in　attendance　entered　the　room；　and　announced
the　joyful　intelligence　that　he　could　answer　at　last　for　the　recovery　of
good　Papa。

〃Can　I　go　back　to　England？〃　I　asked　eagerly。

〃Not　immediately。　You　are　his　favorite　nurseyou　must　gradually　accustom
him　to　the　idea　of　your　going　away。　If　you　do　anything　sudden　you　may
cause　a　relapse。〃

〃I　will　do　nothing　sudden。　Only　tell　me；　when　it　will　be　safeabsolutely
safefor　me　to　go？〃

〃Say；　in　a　week。〃

〃On　the　eighteenth？〃

〃On　the　eighteenth。〃

I　shut　up　my　writing…desk。　Within　a　few　days；　I　might　now　hope　to　be　in
England　as　soon　as　I　could　receive　Grosse's　answer　at　Marseilles。　Under
these　circumstances；　it　would　be　better　to　wait　until　I　could　make　my
inquiries；　safely　and　independently；　in　my　own　proper　person。　Comparison
of　dates　will　show　that　if　I　_had_　written　to　the　German　oculist；　it
would　have　been　too　late。　It　was　now　the　eleventh；　and　Lucilla　had　left
Ramsgate　with　Nugent　on　the　fifth。

All　this　time　but　one　small　morsel　of　news　rewarded　our　inquiries　after
Oscarand　even　that　small　morsel　seemed　to　me　to　be　unworthy　of　belief。

It　was　said　that　he　had　been　seen　at　a　military　hospitalthe　hospital　of
Alessandria；　in　Piedmont；　I　thinkacting；　under　the　surgeons；　as
attendant　on　the　badly…wounded　men　who　had　survived　the　famous　campaign
of　France　and　Italy　against　Austria。　（Bear　in　mind；　if　you　please；　that　I
am　writing　of　the　year　eighteen　hundred　and　fifty…nine；　and　that　the
peace　of　Villafranca　was　only　signed　in　the　July　of　that　year。）
Occupation　as　hospital…man…nurse　was；　to　my　mind；　occupation　so　utterly
at　variance　with　Oscar's　temperament　and　character；　that　I　persisted　in
considering　the　intelligence　thus　received　of　him　to　be　on　the　face　of　it
false。

On　the　seventeenth　of　the　month；　I　had　got　my　passport　regulated；　and　had
packed　up　the　greater　part　of　my　baggage　in　anticipation　of　my　journey
back　to　England　on　the　next　day。

Carefully　as　I　had　tried　to　accustom　his　mind　to　the　idea；　my　poor　father
remained　so　immovably　reluctant　to　let　me　leave　him；　that　I　was　obliged
to　consent　to　a　sort　of　compromise。　I　promised；　when　the　business　which
took　me　to　England　was　settled；　to　return　again　to　Marseilles；　and　to
travel　back　with　him　to　his　home　in　Paris；　as　soon　as　he　was　fit　to　be
moved。　On　this　condition；　I　gained　permission　to　go。　Poor　as　I　was；　I
infinitely　preferred　charging　my　slender　purse　with　the　expense　of　the
double　journey；　to　remaining　any　longer　in　ignorance　of　what　was　going　on
at　Ramsgateor　at　Dimchurch；　as　the　case　might　be。　Now　that　my　mind　was
free　from　anxiety　about　my　father；　I　don't　know　which　tormented　me
mostmy　eagerness　to　set　myself　right　with　my　sister…friend；　or　my　vague
dread　of　the　mischief　which　Nugent　might　have　done　while　my　back　was
turned。　Over；　and　over　again　I　asked　myself；　whether　Miss　Batchford　had；
or　had　not；　shown　my　letter　to　Lucilla。　Over　and　over　again；　I　wondered
whether　it　had　been　my　happy　privilege　to　reveal　Nugent　under　his　true
aspect；　and　to　preserve　Lucilla　for　Oscar　after　all。

Towards　the　afternoon；　on　the　seventeenth；　I　went　out　alone　to　get　a
breath　of　fresh　air；　and　a　look　at　the　shop…windows。　I　don't　care　who　or
what　she　may　behigh　or　low；　handsome　or　ugly；　young　or　oldit　always
relieves　a　woman's　mind　to　look　at　the　shop…windows。

I　had　not　been　five　minutes　out；　before　I　met　my　princely　superintendent。

〃Any　news　for　me　to…day？〃　I　asked。

〃Not　yet。〃

〃Not　yet？〃　I　repeated。　〃You　expect　news　then？〃

〃We　expect　an　Italian　steam…ship　to　arrive　in　port　before　the　evening；〃
said　the　superintendent。　〃Who　knows　what　may　happen？〃

He　bowed　and　left　me。　I　felt　no　great　elation　on　contemplating　the　barren
prospect　which　his　last　words　had　placed　before　me。　So　many　steamers　had
arrived　at　Marseilles；　without　bringing　any　news　of　the　missing　man；　that
I　attached　very　little　importance　to　the　arrival　of　the　Italian　ship。
However；　I　had　nothing　to　doI　wanted　a　walkand　I　thought　I　might　as
well　stroll　down　to　the　port；　and　see　the　vessel　come　in。

The　vessel　was　just　entering　the　harbor　by　the　time　I　got　to　the
landing…stage。

I　found　our　man　employed　to　investigate　travelers　arriving　by　sea；
punctually　at　his　post。　His　influence　broke　through　the　vexatious　French
rules　and　regulations　which　forbid　all　freedom　of　public　movement　within
official　limits；　and　procured　me　a　place　in　the　room　at　the　custom…house
through　which　the　passengers　by　the　steamer　would　be　obliged　to　pass。　I
accepted　his　polite　attention；　simply　because　I　was　glad　to　sit　down　and
rest　in　a　quiet　place　after　my　walknot　even　the　shadow　of　an　idea　that
anything　would　come　of　my　visit　to　the　harbor　being　in　my　mind　at　the
time。

After　a　long　interval　the　passengers　began　to　stream　into　the　room。
Looking　languidly　enough　at　the　first　half…dozen　strangers　who　came　in；　I
felt　myself　touched　on　the　shoulder　from　behind。　There　was　our　man；　in　a
state　of　indescribable　excitement；　entreating　me　to　compose　myself！

Being　perfectly　composed　already；　I　stared　at　him；　and　asked；　〃Why？〃

〃He　is　here！〃　cried　the　man。　〃Look！〃

He　pointed　to　the　passengers　still　crowding　into　the　room。　I　looked；　and；
instantly　losing　my　head；　started　up　with　a　cry　that　turned　everybody's
eyes　on　me。　Yes！　there　was　the　poor　dear　discolored　facethere　was　Oscar
himself；　thunderstruck　on　his　side　at　the　sight　of　Me！

I　snatched　the　key　of　his　portmanteau　out　of　his　hand；　and　gave　it　to　our
manwho　undertook　to　submit　it　to　the　customhouse　examination；　and　to
bring　it　to　my　lodging　afterwards。　Holding　Oscar　fast　by　the　arm；　I
pushed　my　way　through　the　crowd　in　the　room；　got　outside；　and　hailed　a
cab　at　the　dock　gates。　The　people　about；　noticing　my　agitation；　said　to
each　other　compassionately；　〃It's　the　blue　man's　mother！〃　Idiots！　They
might　have　seen；　I　think；　that　I　was　only　old　enough　to　be　his　elder
sister。

Once　sheltered　in　the　vehicle；　I　could　draw　my　breath　again；　and　reward
him　for　all　the　anxiety　he　had　caused　me　by　giving　him　a　kiss。　I　might
have　given　him　a　thousand　kisses。　Amazement　made　him　a　perfectly　passive
creature　in　my　hands。　He　only　repeated　faintly；　over　and　over