poor miss finch-第94章

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and　anxiety　which　I　had　never　seen　in　them　before。　Then　he　turned　his
head　and　looked　at　Oscar　with　a　sudden　changea　change；　unpleasantly
suggestive　（to　my　fancy）　of　anger　or　distrust。　Not　a　word　fell　from　his
lips。　Oscar　was　left　to　break　the　awkward　silence。　He　spoke　to　Grosse。

〃I　won't　disturb　you　and　your　patient　now；〃　he　said。　〃I　will　come　back　in
an　hour's　time。〃

〃No！　you　will　come　in　along　with　me；　if　you　please。　I　have　something；　my
young　gentlemans；　that　I　may　want　to　say　to　you。〃　He　spoke　with　a　frown
on　his　bushy　eyebrows；　and　pointed　in　a　very　peremptory　manner　to　the
house…door。

Oscar　rang　the　bell。　At　the　same　moment　my　aunt；　hearing　us　outside；
appeared　on　the　balcony　above　the　door。

〃Good　morning；　Mr。　Grosse；〃　she　said。　〃I　hope　you　find　Lucilla　looking
her　best。　Only　yesterday；　I　expressed　my　opinion　that　she　was　quite　well
again。〃

Grosse　took　off　his　hat　sulkily　to　my　aunt；　and　looked　back　again　at
melooked　so　hard　and　so　long；　that　he　began　to　confuse　me。

〃Your　aunt's　opinions　is　not　my　opinions；〃　he　growled；　close　at　my　ear。
〃I　don't　like　the　looks　of　you；　Miss。　Go　in！〃

The　servant　was　waiting　for　us　at　the　open　door。　I　went　an　without　making
any　answer。　Grosse　waited　to　see　Oscar　enter　the　house　before　him。
Oscar's　face　darkened　as　he　joined　me　in　the　hall。　He　looked　half　angry；
half　confused。　Grosse　pushed　himself　roughly　between　us；　and　gave　me　his
arm。　I　went　up…stairs　with　him；　wondering　what　it　all　meant。


CHAPTER　THE　FORTY…FIFTH

Lucilla's　Journal；　concluded

_September_　4th　_（continued）。_

ARRIVED　in　the　drawing…room；　Grosse　placed　me　in　a　chair　near　the　window。
He　leaned　forward；　and　looked　at　me　close；　he　drew　back；　and　looked　at　me
from　a　distance；　he　took　out　his　magnifying　glass；　and　had　a　long　stare
through　it　at　my　eyes；　he　felt　my　pulse；　dropped　my　wrist　as　if　it
disgusted　him；　and；　turning　to　the　window；　looked　out　in　grim　silence；
without　taking　the　slightest　notice　of　any　one　in　the　room。

My　aunt　was　the　first　person　who　spoke；　under　these　discouraging
circumstances。

〃Mr。　Grosse！〃　she　said　sharply。　〃Have　you　nothing　to　tell　me　about　your
patient　to…day？　Do　you　find　Lucilla〃

He　turned　suddenly　round　from　the　window；　and　interrupted　Miss　Batchford
without　the　slightest　ceremony。

〃I　find　her　gone　back；　back；　back！〃　he　growled；　getting　louder　and　louder
at　each　repetition　of　the　word。　〃When　I　sent　her　here；　I　said'Keep　her
comfortable…easy。'　You　have　not　kept　her　comfortable…easy。　Something　has
turned　her　poor　little　mind　topsy…turvies。　What　is　it？　Who　is　it？〃　He
looked　fiercely　backwards　and　forwards　between　Oscar　and　my　auntthen
turned　my　way；　and　putting　his　heavy　hands　on　my　shoulders；　looked　down
at　me　with　an　odd　angry　kind　of　pity　in　his　face。　〃My　childs　is
melancholick；　my　childs　is　ill；〃　he　went　on。　〃Where　is　our　goot…dear
Pratolungo？　What　did　you　tell　me　about　her；　my　little…lofe；　when　I　last
saw　you？　You　said　she　had　gone　aways　to　see　her　Papa。　Send　a
telegramsand　say　I　want　Pratolungo　here。〃

At　the　repetition　of　Madame　Pratolungo's　name；　Miss　Batchford　rose　to　her
feet　and　stood　（apparently）　several　inches　higher　than　usual。

〃Am　I　to　understand；　sir；〃　inquired　the　old　lady；　〃that　your
extraordinary　language　is　intended　to　cast　a　reproach　on　my　conduct
towards　my　niece？〃

〃You　are　to　understand　this；　madam。　In　the　face　of　the　goot　sea…airs；
Miss　your　niece　is　fretting　herself　ill。　I　sent　her　to　this　place；　for　to
get　a　rosy　face；　for　to　put　on　a　firm　flesh。　How　do　I　find　her？　She　has
got　nothing；　she　has　put　on　nothingshe　is　emphatically　flabby…pale。　In
this　fine　airs；　she　can　be　flabby…pale　but　for　one　reason。　She　is
fretting　herself　about　something　or　anodder。　Is　fretting　herself　goot　for
her　eyes？　Ho…damn…damn！　it　is　as　bad　for　her　eyes　as　bad　can　be。　If　you
can　do　no　better　than　this；　take　her　aways　back　again。　You　are　wasting
your　moneys　in　this　lodgment　here。〃

My　aunt　addressed　herself　to　me　in　her　grandest　manner。

〃You　will　understand；　Lucilla；　that　it　is　impossible　for　me　to　notice
such　language　as　this　in　any　other　way　than　by　leaving　the　room。　If　you
can　bring　Mr。　Grosse　to　his　senses；　inform　him　that　I　will　receive　his
apologies　and　explanations　in　writing。〃　Pronouncing　these　lofty　words
with　her　severest　emphasis；　Miss　Batchford　rose　another　inch；　and　sailed
majestically　out　of　the　room。

Grosse　took　no　notice　of　the　offended　lady：　he　only　put　his　hands　in　his
pockets；　and　looked　out　of　window　once　more。　As　the　door　closed；　Oscar
left　the　corner　in　which　he　had　seated　himself；　not　over…graciously；　when
we　entered　the　room。

〃Am　I　wanted　here？〃　he　asked。

Grosse　was　on　the　point　of　answering　the　question　even　less　amiably　than
it　had　been　putwhen　I　stopped　him　by　a　look。　〃I　want　to　speak　to　you；〃
I　whispered　in　his　ear。　He　nodded；　and；　turning　sharply　to　Oscar；　put
this　question　to　him：

〃Are　you　living　in　the　house？〃

〃I　am　staying　at　the　hotel　at　the　corner。〃

〃Go　to　the　hotel；　and　wait　there　till　I　come　to　you。〃

Greatly　to　my　surprise；　Oscar　submitted　to　be　treated　in　this　peremptory
manner。　He　took　his　leave　of　me　silently；　and　left　the　room。　Grosse　drew
a　chair　close　to　mine；　and　sat　down　by　me　in　a　comforting　confidential
fatherly　way。

〃Now　my　goot…girls；〃　he　said。　〃What　have　you　been　fretting　yourself　about
since　I　was　last　in　this　house？　Open　it　all；　if　you　please；　to　Papa
Grosse。　Come　begin…begin！〃

I　suppose　he　had　exhausted　his　ill…temper　on　my　aunt　and　Oscar。　He　said
those　wordsmore　than　kindlyalmost　tenderly。　His　fierce　eyes　seemed　to
soften　behind　his　spectacles；　he　took　my　hand　and　patted　it　to　encourage
me。

There　are　some　things　written　in　these　pages　of　mine　which　it　was；　of
course；　impossible　for　me　to　confide　to　him。　With　those　necessary
reservationsand　without　entering　on　the　painful　subject　of　my　altered
relations　with　Madame　PratolungoI　owned　quite　frankly　how　sadly　changed
I　felt　myself　to　be　towards　Oscar；　and　how　much　less　happy　I　was　with
him；　in　consequence　of　the　change。　〃I　am　not　ill　as　you　suppose；〃　I
explained。　〃I　am　only　disappointed　in　myself；　and　a　little　downhearted
when　I　think　of　the　future。〃　Having　opened　it　to　him　in　this　way；　I
thought　it　time　to　put　the　question　which　I　had　determined　to　ask　when　I
next　saw　him。

〃The　restoration　of　my　sight；〃　I　said；　〃has　made　a　new　being　of　me。　In
gaining　the　sense　of　seeing；　have　I　lost　the　sense　of　feeling　which　I　had
when　I　was　blind？　I　want　to　know　if　it　will　come　back　when　I　have　got
used　to　the　novelty　of　my　position？　I　want　to　know　if　I　shall　ever　enjoy
Oscar's　society　again；　as　I　used　to　enjoy　it　in　the　old　days　before　you
cured　methe　happy　days；　Papa…Grosse；　when　I　was　an　object　of　pity；　and
when　all　the　people　spoke　of　me　as　Poor　Miss　Finch？〃

I　had　more　to　saybut　at　this　place；　Grosse　（without　meaning　it；　I　am
sure）　suddenly　stopped　me。　To　my　amazement；　he　let　go　of　my　hand；　and
turned　his　face　away　sharply；　as　if　he　resented　my　looking　at　him。　His
big　head　sank　on　his　breast。　He　lifted　his　great　hairy　hands；　shook　them
mournfully；　and　let　them　fall　on　his　knees。　This　strange　behavior　and　the
still　stranger　silence　which　accompanied　it；　made　me　so　uneasy　that　I
insisted　on　his　explaining　himself。　〃What　is　the　matter　with　you？〃　I
said。　〃Why　don't　you　answer　me？〃

He　roused　himself　with　a　start；　and　put　his　arm　round　me；　with　a
wonderful　gentleness　for　a　man　who　was　so　rough　at　other　times。

〃It　is　nothing；　my　pretty　lofe；〃　he　said。　〃I　am　out　of　sort；　as　you　call
it。　Your　English　climates　sometimes　gives　your　English　blue　devil　to
foreign　mens　like　me。　I　have　got　him　nowan　English　blue　devil　in　a
German　inside。　Soh！　I　shall　go　and　walk　him　out；　and　come　back
empty…cheerful；　and　see　you　again。〃　He　rose；　after　this　curious
explanation；　and　attempted　some　sort　of　answera　very　odd　oneto　the
question　which　I　had　asked　of　him。　〃As　to　that　odder　thing；〃　he　went　on；
〃yes…indeed…yes。　You　have　hit　your　nail　on　his　head。　It　is；　as　you　say；
your　seeings　which　has　got　in　the　way　of　your　feelings。　When　your
seeings…feelings　has　got　used　to　one　anodder；　your　seeings　will　stay
where　he　is；　your　feelings　will　come　back　to　where　th