poor miss finch-第93章

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as　obstinately　on　his　side。

〃Suppose　we　go　on　to　the　end　of　the　week；〃　he　said；　〃and　still　no　letter
from　your　father　comes；　for　you；　or　for　me？　Will　you　admit；　_then；_　that
his　silence　is　suspicious？〃

〃I　will　admit　that　his　silence　shows　a　sad　want　of　proper　consideration
for　_you；_〃　I　replied。

〃And　there　you　will　stop？　You　won't　see　（what　I　see）　the　influence　of
Madame　Pratolungo　making　itself　felt　at　the　rectory；　and　poisoning　your
father's　mind　against　our　marriage？〃

He　was　pressing　me　rather　hardly。　I　did　my　best；　however；　to　tell　him
honestly　what　was　passing　in　my　mind。

〃I　can　see；〃　I　said；　〃that　Madame　Pratolungo　has　behaved　most　cruelly　to
you。　And　I　believe；　after　what　you　have　told　me；　that　she　would　rejoice
if　I　broke　my　engagement；　and　married　your　brother。　But　I　can　_not_
understand　that　she　is　mad　enough　to　be　actually　plotting　to　make　me　do
it。　Nobody　knows　better　than　she　does　how　faithfully　I　love　you；　and　how
hopeless　it　would　be　to　attempt　to　make　me　marry　another　man。　Would　the
stupidest　woman　living；　who　looked　at　you　two　brothers　（knowing　what　she
knows）；　be　stupid　enough　to　do　what　you　suspect　Madame　Pratolungo　of
doing？〃

I　thought　this　unanswerable。　He　had　his　reply　to　it　ready；　for　all　that。

〃If　you　had　seen　more　of　the　world；　Lucilla；〃　he　said；　〃you　would　know
that　a　true　love　like　yours　is　a　mystery　to　a　woman　like　Madame
Pratolungo。　She　doesn't　believe　in　itshe　doesn't　understand　it。　She
knows　herself　to　be　capable　of　breaking　any　engagement；　if　the
circumstances　encouraged　herand　she　estimates　your　fidelity　by　her
knowledge　of　her　own　nature。　There　is　nothing　in　her　experience　of　you；
or　in　her　knowledge　of　my　brother's　disfigurement；　to　discourage　such　a
woman　from　scheming　to　part　us。　She　has　seen　for　herselfwhat　you　have
already　told　methat　you　have　got　over　your　first　aversion　to　him。　She
knows　that　women　as　charming　as　you　are；　have　over　and　over　again　married
men　far　more　personally　repulsive　than　my　brother。　Lucilla！　something
which　is　not　to　be　out…argued；　and　not　to　be　contradicted；　tells　me　that
her　return　to　England　will　be　fatal　to　my　hopes；　if　that　return　finds　you
and　me　with　no　closer　tie　between　us　than　the　tie　that　binds　us　now。　Are
these　fanciful　apprehensions；　unworthy　of　a　man？　My　darling！　worthy　or
not　worthy；　you　ought　to　make　allowances　for　them。　They　are　apprehensions
inspired　by　my　love　for　You！〃

Under　those　circumstances；　I　could　make　every　allowance　for　himand　I
said　so。　He　moved　nearer　to　me；　and　put　his　arm　round　me。

〃Are　we　not　engaged　to　each　other　to　be　man　and　wife？〃　he　whispered。

〃Yes。〃

〃Are　we　not　both　of　age；　and　both　free　to　do　as　we　like？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃Would　you　relieve　me　from　the　anxieties　under　which　I　am　suffering；　if
you　could？〃

〃You　know　I　would！〃

〃You　_can_　relieve　me。〃

〃How？〃

〃By　giving　me　a　husband's　claim　to　you；　Lucillaby　consenting　to　marry
me　in　London；　in　a　fortnight's　time。

I　started　back；　and　looked　at　him　in　amazement。　For　the　moment；　I　was
incapable　of　answering　in　any　other　way　than　that。

〃I　ask　you　to　do　nothing　unworthy　of　you；〃　he　said。　〃I　have　spoken　to　a
relative　of　mine　living　near　Londona　married　ladywhose　house　is　open
to　you　in　the　interval　before　our　wedding　day。　When　your　visit　has　been
prolonged　over　a　fortnight　only；　we　can　be　married。　Write　home　by　all
means　to　prevent　them　from　feeling　anxious　about　you。　Tell　them　that　you
are　safe　and　happy；　and　under　responsible　and　respectable　carebut　say
no　more。　As　long　as　it　is　possible　for　Madame　Pratolungo　to　make　mischief
between　us；　conceal　the　place　in　which　you　are　living。　The　instant　we　are
married　reveal　everything。　Let　all　your　friendslet　all　the　world　know
that　we　are　man　and　wife！〃

His　arm　trembled　round　me；　his　face　flushed　deep；　his　eyes　devoured　me。
Some　women；　in　my　place；　might　have　been　offended；　others　might　have　been
flattered。　As　for　meI　can　trust　the　secret　to　these　pagesI　was
frightened。

〃Is　it　an　elopement　that　you　are　proposing　to　me？〃　I　asked。

〃An　elopement！〃　he　repeated。　〃Between　two　engaged　people　who　have　only
themselves　to　think　of。〃

〃I　have　my　father　to　think　of；　and　my　aunt　to　think　of；〃　I　said。　〃You　are
proposing　to　me　to　run　away　from　them；　and　to　keep　in　hiding　from　them！〃

〃I　am　asking　you　to　pay　a　fortnight's　visit　at　the　house　of　a　married
ladyand　to　keep　the　knowledge　of　that　visit　from　the　ears　of　the　worst
enemy　you　have；　until　you　have　become　my　wife；〃　he　answered。　〃Is　there
anything　so　very　terrible　in　my　request　that　you　should　turn　pale　at　it；
and　look　at　me　in　that　frightened　way？　Have　I　not　courted　you　with　your
father's　consent？　Am　I　not　your　promised　husband？　Are　we　not　free　to
decide　for　ourselves？　There　is　literally　no　reasonif　it　could　be
donewhy　we　should　not　be　married　to…morrow。　And　you　still　hesitate？
Lucilla！　Lucilla！　you　force　me　to　own　the　doubt　that　has　made　me
miserable　ever　since　I　have　been　here。　Are　you　indeed　as　changed　towards
me　as　you　seem？　Do　you　really　no　longer　love　me　as　you　once　loved　me　in
the　days　that　are　gone？〃

He　rose；　and　walked　away　a　few　paces；　leaning　over　the　parapet　with　his
face　in　his　hands。

I　sat　alone；　not　knowing　what　to　say　or　do。　The　uneasy　sense　in　me　that
he　had　reason　to　complain　of　my　treating　him　coldly；　was　not　to　be
dismissed　from　my　mind　by　any　effort　that　I　could　make。　He　had　no　right
to　expect　me　to　take　the　step　which　he　had　proposedthere　were
objections　to　it　which　any　woman　would　have　felt　in　my　place。　Still；
though　I　was　satisfied　of　this；　there　was　an　obstinate　something　in　me
which　would　take　his　part。　It　could　not　have　been　my　conscience　surely
which　said　to　me'There　was　a　time　when　his　entreaties　would　have
prevailed　on　you；　there　was　a　time　when　you　would　not　have　hesitated　as
you　are　hesitating　now？'

Whatever　the　influence　was；　it　moved　me　to　rise　from　my　seat；　and　to　join
him　at　the　parapet。

〃You　cannot　expect　me　to　decide　on　such　a　serious　matter　as　this　at
once；〃　I　said。　〃Will　you　give　me　a　little　time　to　think？〃

〃You　are　your　own　mistress；〃　he　rejoined　bitterly。　Why　ask　me　to　give　you
time？　You　can　take　any　time　you　pleaseyou　can　do　as　you　like。〃

〃Give　me　till　the　end　of　the　week；〃　I　went　on。　〃Let　me　be　sure　that　my
father　persists　in　not　answering　either　your　letter　or　mine。　Though　I
_am_　my　own　mistress；　nothing　but　his　silence　can　justify　me　in　going
away　secretly；　and　being　married　to　you　by　a　stranger。　Don't　press　me；
Oscar！　It　isn't　very　long　to　the　end　of　the　week。〃

Something　seemed　to　startle　himsomething　in　my　voice　perhaps　which　told
him　that　I　was　really　distressed。　He　looked　round　at　me　quickly；　and
caught　me　with　the　tears　in　my　eyes。

〃Don't　cry；　for　God's　sake！〃　he　said。　〃It　shall　be　as　you　wish。　Take　your
time。　We　will　say　no　more　about　it　till　the　end　of　the　week。〃

He　kissed　me　in　a　hurried　startled　way；　and　gave　me　his　arm　to　walk　back。

〃Grosse　is　coming　to…day；〃　he　continued。　〃He　mustn't　see　you　looking　as
you　are　looking　now。　You　must　rest　and　compose　yourself。　Come　home。〃

I　went　back　with　him；　feelingoh；　so　sad　and　sore　at　heart！　My　last
faint　hope　of　a　renewal　of　my　once…pleasant　intimacy　with　Madame
Pratolungo　was　at　an　end。　She　stood　revealed　to　me　now　as　a　woman　whom　I
ought　never　to　have　knowna　woman　with　whom　I　could　never　again　exchange
a　friendly　word。　I　had　lost　the　companion　with　whom　I　had　once　been　so
happy；　and　I　had　pained　and　disappointed　Oscar。　My　life　has　never　looked
so　wretched　and　so　worthless　to　me　as　it　looked　to…day　on　the　pier　at
Ramsgate。

He　left　me　at　the　door；　with　a　gentle　encouraging　pressure　of　my　hand。

〃I　will　call　again　later；〃　he　said；　〃and　hear　what　Grosse's　report　of　you
is；　before　he　goes　back　to　London。　Rest；　Lucillarest　and　compose
yourself。〃

A　heavy　footstep　sounded　suddenly　behind　us　as　he　spoke。　We　both　turned
round。　Time　had　slipped　by　more　rapidly　than　we　had　thought。　There　stood
Herr　Grosse；　just　arrived　on　foot　from　the　railway　station。

His　first　look　at　me　seemed　to　startle　and　disappoint　him。　His　eyes
stared　into　mine　through　his　spectacles　with　an　expression　of　surprise
and　anxiety　which　I　had　never　seen　in　them　befo