poor miss finch-第90章

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I　was　prepared　to　hear；　in　the　serious　question　of　luncheon；　but　in　the
opinion　which　my　medical　adviser　was　likely　to　give　of　the　state　of　my
health。

〃I　am　anxious　to　hear　what　Mr。　Grosse　says　about　you　to…morrow；〃　the　old
lady　began。　〃I　shall　insist　on　his　giving　me　a　far　more　complete　report
of　you　than　he　gave　last　time。　The　recovery　of　your　sight　appears　to　me；
my　dear；　to　be　quite　complete。〃

〃Do　you　want　me　to　be　cured；　aunt；　because　you　want　to　get　away？〃　I
asked。　〃Are　you　weary　of　Ramsgate？〃

Miss　Batchford's　quick　temper　flashed　at　me　out　of　Miss　Batchford's
bright　old　eyes。

〃I　am　weary　of　keeping　a　letter　of　yours；〃　she　answered；　with　a　look　of
disgust。

〃A　letter　of　mine！〃　I　exclaimed。

〃Yes。　A　letter　which　is　only　to　be　given　to　you；　when　Mr。　Grosse
pronounces　that　you　are　quite　yourself　again。〃

Oscarwho　had　not　taken　the　slightest　interest　in　the　conversation　thus
farsuddenly　stopped；　with　his　fork　half　way　to　his　mouth；　changed
color；　and　looked　eagerly　at　my　aunt。

〃What　letter？〃　I　asked。　〃Who　gave　it　to　you？　Why　am　I　not　to　see　it　until
I　am　quite　myself　again？〃

Miss　Batchford　obstinately　shook　her　head　three　times；　in　answer　to　those
three　questions。

〃I　hate　secrets　and　mysteries；〃　she　said　impatiently。　〃This　is　a　secret
and　a　mysteryand　I　long　to　have　done　with　it。　That　is　all。　I　have　said
too　much　already。　I　shall　say　no　more。〃

All　my　entreaties　were　of　no　avail。　My　aunt's　quick　temper　had　evidently
led　her　into　committing　an　imprudence　of　some　sort。　Having　done　that；　she
was　now　provokingly　determined　not　to　make　bad　worse。　Nothing　that　I
could　say　would　induce　her　to　open　her　lips　on　the　subject　of　the
mysterious　letter。　〃Wait　till　Mr。　Grosse　comes　to…morrow。〃　That　was　the
only　reply　I　could　get。

As　for　Oscar；　this　little　incident　appeared　to　have　an　effect　on　him
which　added　immensely　to　the　curiosity　that　my　aunt　had　roused　in　me。

He　listened　with　breathless　attention　while　I　was　trying　to　induce　Miss
Batchford　to　answer　my　questions。　When　I　gave　it　up；　he　pushed　away　his
plate；　and　ate　no　more。　On　the　other　hand　（though　generally　the　most
temperate　of　men）　he　drank　a　great　deal　of　wine；　both　at　dinner　and
after。　In　the　evening；　he　made　so　many　mistakes　in　playing　cards　with　my
aunt；　that　she　dismissed　him　from　the　game　in　disgrace。　He　sat　in　a
corner　for　the　rest　of　the　time；　pretending　to　listen　while　I　was　playing
the　pianoreally　lost　to　me　and　my　music；　buried；　fathoms　deep；　in　some
uneasy　thoughts　of　his　own。

When　he　took　his　leave；　he　whispered　these　words　in　my　ear；　anxiously
pressing　my　hand　while　he　spoke：

〃I　must　see　you　alone　to…morrow；　before　Grosse　comes。　Can　you　manage　it？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃When？〃

〃At　the　stairs　on　the　cliff；　at　eleven　o'clock。〃

On　that；　he　left　me。　But　one　question　has　pursued　me　ever　since。　Does
Oscar　know　the　writer　of　the　mysterious　letter？　I　firmly　believe　he　does。
To…morrow　will　prove　whether　I　am　right　or　wrong。　How　I　long　for
to…morrow　to　come！


CHAPTER　THE　FORTY…FOURTH

Lucilla's　Journal；　continued

_September_　4th。

I　MARK　this　day　as　one　of　the　saddest　days　of　my　life。　Oscar　has　shown
Madame　Pratolungo　to　me；　in　her　true　colors。　He　has　reasoned　out　this
miserable　matter　with　a　plainness　which　it　is　impossible　for　me　to
resist。　I　have　thrown　away　my　love　and　my　confidence　on　a　false　woman：
there　is　no　sense　of　honor；　no　feeling　of　gratitude　or　of　delicacy　in　her
nature。　And　I　once　thought　herit　sickens　me　to　recall　it！　I　will　see
her　no　more。

＇Note。Did　it　ever　occur　to　you　to　be　obliged　to　copy　out；　with　your　own
hand；　this　sort　of　opinion　of　your　own　character？　I　can　recommend　the
sensation　produced　as　something　quite　new；　and　the　temptation　to　add　a
line　or　two　on　your　own　account　to　be　as　nearly　as　possible　beyond　mortal
resistance。P。＇

Oscar　and　I　met　at　the　stairs；　at　eleven　o'clock；　as　we　had　arranged。

He　took　me　to　the　west　pier。　At　that　hour　of　the　morning　（excepting　a　few
sailors　who　paid　no　heed　to　us）　the　place　was　a　solitude。　It　was　one　of
the　loveliest　days　of　the　season。　When　we　were　tired　of　pacing　to　and
fro；　we　could　sit　down　under　the　mellow　sunshine；　and　enjoy　the　balmy　sea
air。　In　that　pure　light；　with　all　those　lovely　colors　about　us；　there　was
something；　to　my　mind；　horribly　and　shamefully　out　of　place　in　the　talk
that　engrossed　ustalk　that　still　turned；　hour　after　hour；　on　nothing
but　plots　and　lies；　cruelty；　ingratitude；　and　deceit！

I　managed　to　ask　my　first　question　so　as　to　make　him　enter　on　the　subject
at　oncewithout　wasting　time　in　phrases　to　prepare　me　for　what　was　to
come。

〃When　my　aunt　mentioned　that　letter　at　dinner　yesterday；〃　I　said；　〃I
fancied　that　you　knew　something　about　it。　Was　I　right？〃

〃Very　nearly　right；〃　he　answered。　〃I　can't　say　I　knew　anything　about　it。
I　only　suspected　that　it　was　the　production　of　an　enemy　of　yours　and
mine。〃

〃Not　Madame　Pratolungo？〃

〃Yes！　Madame　Pratolungo。〃

I　disagreed　with　him　at　the　outset。　Madame　Pratolungo　and　my　aunt　had
quarreled　about　politics。　Any　correspondence　between　thema　confidential
correspondence　especiallyseemed　to　be　one　of　the　most　unlikely　things
that　could　take　place。　I　asked　Oscar　if　he　could　guess　what　the　letter
contained；　and　why　it　was　not　to　be　given　to　me　until　Grosse　reported
that　I　was　quite　cured。

〃I　can't　guess　at　the　contentsI　can　only　guess　at　the　object　of　the
letter；〃　he　said。

〃What　is　it？〃

〃The　object　which　she　has　had　in　view　from　the　firstto　place　every
possible　obstacle　in　the　way　of　my　marrying　you。〃

〃What　interest　can　she　have　in　doing　that？〃

〃My　brother's　interest。〃

〃Forgive　me；　Oscar。　I　cannot　believe　it　of　her。〃

We　were　walking；　while　these　words　were　passing　between　us。　When　I　said
that；　he　stopped；　and　looked　at　me　very　earnestly。

〃You　believed　it　of　her；　when　you　answered　my　letter；〃　he　said。

I　admitted　that。

〃I　believed　your　letter；〃　I　replied；　〃and　I　shared　your　opinion　of　her　as
long　as　she　was　in　the　same　house　with　me。　Her　presence　fed　my　anger　and
my　horror　of　her　in　some　way　that　I　can't　account　for。　Now　she　has　left
menow　I　have　had　time　to　thinkthere　is　something　in　her　absence　that
pleads　for　her；　and　tortures　me　with　doubts　if　I　have　done　right。　I　can't
explain　itI　don't　understand　it。　I　only　know　that　so　it　is。〃

He　still　looked　at　me　more　and　more　attentively。　〃Your　good　opinion　of
her　must　have　been　very　firmly　rooted　to　assert　itself　in　this　obstinate
manner；〃　he　said。　〃What　can　she　have　done　to　deserve　it？〃

If　I　had　looked　back　through　all　my　old　recollections　of　her；　and　had
recalled　them　one　by　one；　it　would　only　have　ended　in　making　me　cry。　And
yet；　I　felt　that　I　ought　to　stand　up　for　her　as　long　as　I　could。　I
managed　to　meet　the　difficulty　in　this　way。

〃I　will　tell　you　what　she　did；〃　I　said；　〃after　I　received　your　letter。
Fortunately　for　me；　she　was　not　very　well　that　morning；　and　she
breakfasted　in　bed。　I　had　plenty　of　time　to　compose　myself；　and　to
caution　Zillah　（who　read　your　letter　to　me）；　before　we　met　for　the　first
time　that　day。　On　the　previous　day；　I　had　felt　hurt　and　offended　with　her
for　the　manner　in　which　she　accounted　for　your　absence　from　Browndown。　I
thought　she　was　not　treating　me　with　the　same　confidence　which　I　should
have　placed　in　her；　if　our　positions　had　been　reversed。　When　I　next　saw
her；　having　your　warning　in　my　mind；　I　made　my　excuses；　and　said　what　I
thought　she　would　expect　me　to　say；　under　the　circumstances。　In　my
excitement　and　my　wretchedness；　I　daresay　I　over…acted　my　part。　At　any
rate；　I　roused　the　suspicion　in　her　that　something　was　wrong。　She　not
only　asked　me　if　anything　had　happened；　she　went　the　length　of　saying；　in
so　many　words；　that　she　thought　she　saw　a　change　in　me。　I　stopped　it
there；　by　declaring　that　I　did　not　understand　her。　She　must　have　seen
that　I　was　not　telling　the　truth：　she　must　have　known　as　well　as　I　knew
that　I　was　concealing　something　from　her。　For　all　that；　not　one　word　more
escaped　her　lips。　A　proud　delicacyI　saw　it　as　plainly　in　her　face；　as　I
now　see　youa　proud　delicacy　silenced　her；　she　looked　wounded　and　hurt。
I　have　been　thinking　of　that　look；　since　I　have　been　here。　I　ha