poor miss finch-第76章

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I　looked　at　the　book　on　the　tablethe　book　that　he　had　been　reading　when
I　entered　the　room。　These　sophistical　confidences　of　his　were　nothing　but
Rousseau　at　second　hand。　Good！　If　he　talked　false　Rousseau；　nothing　was
left　for　me　but　to　talk　genuine　Pratolungo。　I　let　myself　goI　was　just
in　the　humour　for　it。

〃How　can　a　clever　man　like　you　impose　on　yourself　in　that　way？〃　I　said。
〃Your　future　with　Lucilla？　You　have　no　future　with　Lucilla　which　is　not
shocking　to　think　of。　Supposeyou　shall　never　do　it；　as　long　as　I
livesuppose　you　married　her？　Good　heavens；　what　a　miserable　life　it
would　be　for　both　of　you！　You　love　your　brother。　Do　you　think　you　could
ever　really　know　a　moment's　peace；　with　one　reflection　perpetually
forcing　itself　on　your　mind？　'I　have　cheated　Oscar　out　of　the　woman　whom
he　loved；　I　have　wasted　his　life；　I　have　broken　his　heart。'　You　couldn't
look　at　her；　you　couldn't　speak　to　her；　you　couldn't　touch　her；　without
feeling　it　all　embittered　by　that　horrible　reproach。　And　she？　What　sort
of　wife　would　she　make　you；　when　she　knew　how　you　had　got　her？　I　don't
know　which　of　the　two　she　would　hate　mostyou　or　herself。　Not　a　man
would　pass　her　in　the　street；　who　would　not　rouse　the　thought　in　her'I
wonder　whether　_he_　has　ever　done　anything　as　base　as　what　my　husband　has
done。'　Not　a　married　woman　of　her　acquaintance；　but　would　make　her　sick
at　heart　with　envy　and　regret。　'Whatever　faults　he　may　have；　your　husband
hasn't　won　you　as　my　husband　won　me。'　You　happy？　Your　married　life
endurable？　Come！　I　have　saved　a　few　pounds；　since　I　have　been　with
Lucilla。　I　will　lay　you　every　farthing　I　possess；　you　two　would　be
separated　by　mutual　consent　before　you　had　been　six　months　man　and　wife。
_Now；_　which　will　you　do？　Will　you　start　for　the　Continent；　or　stay　here？
Will　you　bring　Oscar　back；　like　an　honorable　man？　or　let　him　go；　and
disgrace　yourself　for　ever？〃

His　eyes　sparkled；　his　color　rose。　He　sprang　to　his　feet；　and　unlocked
the　door。　What　was　he　going　to　do？　To　start　for　the　Continent；　or　to　turn
me　out　of　the　house？

He　called　to　the　servant。

〃James！〃

〃Yes；　sir？〃

〃Make　the　house　fast　when　Madame　Pratolungo　and　I　have　left　it。　I　am　not
coming　back　again。〃

〃Sir！〃

〃Pack　my　portmanteau；　and　send　it　after　me　to…morrow；　to　Nagle's　Hotel；
London。〃

He　closed　the　door　again；　and　came　back　to　me。

〃You　refused　to　take　my　hand　when　you　came　in；〃　he　said。　〃Will　you　take
it　now？　I　leave　Browndown　when　you　leave　it；　and　I　won't　come　back　again
till　I　bring　Oscar　with　me。

〃Both　hands！〃　I　exclaimedand　took　him　by　both　hands。　I　could　say
nothing　more。　I　could　only　wonder　whether　I　was　waking　or　sleeping；　fit
to　be　put　into　an　asylum；　or　fit　to　go　at　large？

〃Come！〃　he　said。　〃I　will　see　you　as　far　as　the　rectory　gate。

〃You　can't　go　to…night；〃　I　answered。　〃The　last　train　has　left　hours
since。〃

〃I　can！　I　can　walk　to　Brighton；　and　get　a　bed　there；　and　leave　for　London
to…morrow　morning。　Nothing　will　induce　me　to　pass　another　night　at
Browndown。　Stop！　One　question　before　I　put　the　lamp　out。〃

〃What　is　it？〃

〃Did　you　do　anything　towards　tracing　Oscar；　when　you　were　in　London
to…day？〃

〃I　went　to　a　lawyer；　and　made　what　arrangements　with　him　I　could。〃

〃Here　is　my　pocket…book。　Write　me　down　his　name　and　address。〃

I　wrote　them。　He　extinguished　the　lamp；　and　led　me　into　the　passage。　The
servant　was　standing　there　bewildered。　〃Good　night；　James。　I　am　going　to
bring　your　master　back　to　Browndown。〃　With　that　explanation；　he　took　up
his　hat　and　stick；　and　gave　me　his　arm。　The　moment　after；　we　were　out　in
the　dark　valley；　on　our　way　to　the　village。

On　the　walk　back　to　the　rectory；　he　talked　with　a　feverish　volubility　and
excitement。　Avoiding　the　slightest　reference　to　the　subject　discussed　at
our　strange　and　stormy　interview；　he　returned；　with　tenfold　confidence　in
himself；　to　his　old　boastful　assertion　of　the　great　things　he　was　going
to　do　as　a　painter。　The　mission　which　called　him　to　reconcile　Humanity
with　Nature；　the　superb　scale　on　which　he　proposed　to　interpret
sympathetic　scenery　for　the　benefit　of　suffering　mankind；　the　prime
necessity　of　understanding　him；　not　as　a　mere　painter；　but　as　Grand
Consoler　in　ArtI　had　it　all　over　again；　by　way　of　satisfying　my　mind　as
to　his　prospects　and　occupations　in　his　future　life。　It　was　only　when　we
stopped　at　the　rectory…gate　that　he　referred　to　what　had　passed　between
usand　even　then；　he　only　touched　on　the　subject　in　the　briefest
possible　way。

〃Well？〃　he　said。　〃Have　I　won　back　your　old　regard　for　me？　Do　you　believe
there　is　a　fine　side　to　be　found　in　the　nature　of　Nugent　Dubourg？　Man　is
a　compound　animal。　You　are　a　woman　in　ten　thousand。　Give　me　a　kiss。〃

He　kissed　me；　foreign　fashion；　on　both　cheeks。

〃Now　for　Oscar！〃　he　shouted　cheerfully。　He　waved　his　hat；　and　disappeared
in　the　darkness。　I　stood　at　the　gate　till　the　last　rapid　pit…pat　of　his
feet　died　away　in　the　silence　of　the　night。

An　indescribable　depression　seized　on　my　spirits。　I　began　to　doubt　him
again；　the　instant　I　was　alone。

〃Is　there　a　time　coming；〃　I　asked　myself；　〃when　all　that　I　have　done
to…night　must　be　done　over　again？〃

I　opened　the　rectory…gate。　Mr。　Finch　intercepted　me　before　I　could　get
round　to　our　side　of　the　house。　He　held　up　before　me；　in　solemn　triumph；
a　manuscript　of　many　pages。

〃My　Letter；〃　he　said。　〃A　Letter　of　Christian　remonstrance；　to　Nugent
Dubourg。〃

〃Nugent　Dubourg　has　left　Dimchurch。〃

With　that　reply；　I　told　the　rector　in　as　few　words　as　possible　how　my
visit　to　Browndown　had　ended。

Mr。　Finch　looked　at　his　letter。　All　those　pages　of　eloquence　written　for
nothing？　No！　In　the　nature　of　things；　_that_　could　not　possibly　be。　〃You
have　done　very　well；　Madame　Pratolungo；〃　he　remarked；　in　his　most
patronizing　manner。　〃Very　well　indeed；　all　things　considered。　_But；_　I
don't　think　I　shall　act　wisely　if　I　destroy　this。〃　He　carefully　locked　up
his　manuscript；　and　turned　to　me　again　with　a　mysterious　smile。　〃I
venture　to　think；〃　said　Mr。　Finch　with　mock　humility；　〃My　Letter　will　be
wanted。　Don't　let　me　discourage　you　about　Nugent　Dubourg。　Only　let　me
say：Is　he　to　be　trusted？〃

It　was　said　by　a　fool：　it　would　never　have　been　said　at　all；　if　he　had
not　written　his　wonderful　letter。　Still；　it　echoed；　with　a　painful
fidelity；　the　misgiving　secretly　present　at　that　moment　in　my　own
mindand；　more　yet；　it　echoed　the　misgiving　in　Nugent's　mind；　the　doubt
of　himself　which　his　own　lips　had　confessed　to　me　in　so　many　words。　I
wished　the　rector　good　night；　and　went　upstairs。

Lucilla　was　in　bed　and　asleep；　when　I　softly　opened　her　door。

After　looking　for　awhile　at　her　lovely　peaceful　face；　I　was　obliged　to
turn　away。　It　was　time　I　left　the　bedside；　when　the　sight　of　her　only
made　my　spirits　sink　lower　and　lower。　As　I　cast　my　last　look　at　her
before　I　closed　the　door；　Mr。　Finch's　ominous　question　forced　itself　on
me　again。　In　spite　of　myself；　I　said　to　myself

〃Is　he　to　be　trusted？〃



CHAPTER　THE　THIRTY…NINTH

She　Learns　to　See

WITH　the　new　morning；　certain　reflections　found　their　way　into　my　mind
which　were　not　of　the　most　welcome　sort。　There　was　one　serious　element　of
embarrassment　in　my　position　towards　Lucilla；　which　had　not　discovered
itself　to　me　when　Nugent　and　I　parted　at　the　rectory　gate。

Browndown　was　now　empty。　In　the　absence　of　both　the　brothers；　what　was　I
to　say　to　Lucilla　when　the　false　Oscar　failed　to　pay　her　his　promised
visit　that　day？

In　what　a　labyrinth　of　lies　had　the　first　fatal　suppression　of　the　truth
involved　us　all！　One　deception　after　another　had　been　forced　on　us；　one
disaster　after　another　had　followed　retributively　as　the　resultand；　now
that　I　was　left　to　deal　single…handed　with　the　hard　necessities　of　our
position；　no　choice　seemed　left　to　me　but　to　go　on　deceiving　Lucilla
still！　I　was　weary　of　it　and　ashamed　of　it。　At　breakfast…time；　I　evaded
all　further　discussion　of　the　subject；　after　I　had　first　ascertained　that
Lucilla　did　not　expect　her　visitor　before　the　afternoon。　For　some　time
after　breakfast；　I　kept　her　at　the　piano。　When　she　wearied　of　music；　and
began　to　talk　of　Oscar　once　more；　I　put　on　my　hat；　and　set　for