poor miss finch-第58章

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journey　wasto　state　his　present　position　towards　Lucilla　to　a　gentleman
especially　conversant　with　the　peculiarities　of　blind　people。　In　plain
words；　he　had　resolved　on　applying　to　Mr。　Sebright　for　advice。

〃I　like　Mr。　Sebright〃　（Oscar　wrote）　〃as　cordially　as　I　detest　Herr
Grosse。　The　short　conversation　I　had　with　him　has　left　me　with　the
pleasantest　impression　of　his　delicacy　and　his　kindness。　If　I　freely
reveal　to　this　skillful　surgeon　the　sad　situation　in　which　I　am　placed；　I
believe　his　experience　will　throw　an　entirely　new　light　on　the　present
state　of　Lucilla's　mind；　and　on　the　changes　which　we　may　expect　to　see
produced　in　her；　if　she　really　does　recover　her　sight。　The　result　may　be
of　incalculable　benefit　in　teaching　me　how　I　may　own　the　truth；　most
harmlessly　to　her；　as　well　as　to　myself。　Pray　don't　suppose　I　undervalue
your　advice。　I　only　want　to　be　doubly　fortified；　before　I　risk　my
confession；　by　the　advice　of　a　scientific　man。〃

All　this　I　took　to　mean；　in　plain　English；　that　vacillating　Oscar　wanted
to　quiet　his　conscience　by　gaining　time；　and　that　his　absurd　idea　of
consulting　Mr。　Sebright　was　nothing　less　than　a　new　and　plausible　excuse
for　putting　off　the　evil　day。　His　letter　ended　by　pledging　me　to　secrecy；
and　by　entreating　me　so　to　manage　matters　as　to　grant　him　a　private
interview　on　his　return　to　Dimchurch　by　the　evening　train。

I　confess　I　felt　some　curiosity　as　to　what　would　come　of　the　proposed
consultation　between　unready　Oscar　and　precise　Mr。　Sebrightand　I
accordingly　arranged　to　take　my　walk　alone；　towards　eight　o'clock　that
evening；　on　the　road　that　led　to　the　distant　railway　station。



The　second　incident　of　the　day　may　be　described　as　a　confidential
conversation　between　Lucilla　and　myself；　on　the　subject　which　now　equally
absorbed　us　boththe　momentous　subject　of　her　restoration　to　the
blessing　of　sight。

She　joined　me　at　the　breakfast…table　with　her　ready　distrust　newly
excited；　poor　thing；　by　Oscar。　He　had　accounted　to　her　for　his　journey　to
London　by　putting　forward　the　commonplace　excuse　of　〃business。〃　She
instantly　suspected　（knowing　how　he　felt　about　it）　that　he　was　secretly
bent　on　interfering　with　the　performance　of　the　operation　by　Herr　Grosse。
I　contrived　to　compose　the　anxiety　thus　aroused　in　her　mind；　by　informing
her；　on　Oscar's　own　authority；　that　he　personally　disliked　and　distrusted
the　German　oculist。　〃Make　your　mind　easy；〃　I　said。　〃I　answer　for　his　not
venturing　near　Herr　Grosse。〃

A　long　silence　between　us　followed　those　words。　When　Lucilla　next
referred　to　Oscar　in　connection　with　the　coming　operation；　the　depressed
state　of　her　spirits　seemed　to　have　quite　altered　her　view　of　her　own
prospects。　She；　of　all　the　people　in　the　world；　now　spoke　in
disparagement　of　the　blessing　conferred　on　the　blind　by　the　recovery　of
their　sight！

〃Do　you　know　one　thing？〃　she　said。　〃If　I　had　not　been　going　to　be　married
to　Oscar；　I　doubt　if　I　should　have　cared　to　put　any　oculist；　native　or
foreign；　to　the　trouble　of　coming　to　Dimchurch。〃

〃I　don't　think　I　understand　you；〃　I　answered。　〃You　cannot　surely　mean　to
say　that　you　would　not　have　been　glad；　under　any　circumstances；　to
recover　your　sight？〃

〃That　is　just　what　I　do　mean　to　say。〃

〃What！　you；　who　have　written　to　Grosse　to　hurry　the　operation；　don't　care
to　see？〃

〃I　only　care　to　see　Oscar。　And；　what　is　more；　I　only　care　to　see　him
because　I　am　in　love　with　him。　But　for　that；　I　really　don't　feel　as　if　it
would　give　me　any　particular　pleasure　to　use　my　eyes。　I　have　been　blind
so　long；　I　have　learnt　to　do　without　them。〃

〃And　yet；　you　looked　perfectly　entranced　when　Nugent　first　set　you
doubting　whether　you　were　blind　for　life？〃

〃Nugent　took　me　by　surprise；〃　she　answered；　〃Nugent　startled　me　out　of　my
senses。　I　have　had　time　to　think　since；　I　am　not　carried　away　by　the
enthusiasm　of　the　moment　now。　You　people　who　can　see　attach　such　an
absurd　importance　to　your　eyes！　I　set　my　touch；　my　dear；　against　your
eyes；　as　much　the　most　trustworthy；　and　much　the　most　intelligent　sense
of　the　two。　If　Oscar　was　not；　as　I　have　said；　the　uppermost　feeling　with
me；　shall　I　tell　you　what　I　should　have　infinitely　preferred　to
recovering　my　sightsupposing　it　could　have　been　done？〃　She　shook　her
head　with　a　comic　resignation　to　circumstances。　〃Unfortunately；　it　can't
be　done！〃

〃What　can't　be　done？〃

She　suddenly　held　out　both　her　arms　over　the　breakfast…table。

〃The　stretching　out　of　_these_　to　an　enormous　and　unheard…of　length。　That
is　what　I　should　have　liked！〃　she　answered。　〃I　could　find　out　better　what
was　going　on　at　a　distance　with　my　hands；　than　you　could　with　your　eyes
and　your　telescopes。　What　doubts　I　might　set　at　rest　for　instance　about
the　planetary　system；　among　the　people　who　can　see；　if　I　could　only
stretch　out　far　enough　to　touch　the　stars。〃

〃This　is　talking　sheer　nonsense；　Lucilla！〃

〃Is　it？　Just　tell　me　which　knows　best　in　the　darkmy　touch　or　your　eyes？
Who　has　got　a　sense　that　she　can　always　trust　to　serve　her　equally　well
through　the　whole　four…and…twenty　hours？　You　or　me？　But　for　Oscarto
speak　in　sober　earnest；　this　timeI　tell　you　I　would　much　rather　perfect
the　sense　in　me　that　I　have　already　got；　than　have　a　sense　given　to　me
that　I　have　_not_　got。　Until　I　knew　Oscar；　I　don't　think　I　ever　honestly
envied　any　of　you　the　use　of　your　eyes。〃

〃You　astonish　me；　Lucilla！〃

She　rattled　her　teaspoon　impatiently　in　her　empty　cup。

〃Can　you　always　trust　your　eyes；　even　in　broad　daylight？〃　she　burst　out。
〃How　often　do　they　deceive　you；　in　the　simplest　things？　What　did　I　hear
you　all　disputing　about　the　other　day　in　the　garden？　You　were　looking　at
some　view？〃

〃Yesat　the　view　down　the　alley　of　trees　at　the　other　end　of　the
churchyard　wall。〃

〃Some　object　in　the　alley　had　attracted　general　noticehad　it　not？〃

〃Yesan　object　at　the　further　end　of　it。〃

〃I　heard　you　up　here。　You　all　differed　in　opinion；　in　spite　of　your
wonderful　eyes。　My　father　said　it　moved。　You　said　it　stood　still。　Oscar
said　it　was　a　man。　Mrs。　Finch　said　it　was　a　calf。　Nugent　ran　off；　and
examined　this　amazing　object　at　close　quarters。　And　what　did　it　turn　out
to　be？　A　stump　of　an　old　tree　blown　across　the　road　in　the　night！　Why　am
I　to　envy　people　the　possession　of　a　sense　which　plays　them　such　tricks
as　that？　No！　no！　Herr　Grosse　is　going　to　'cut　into　my　cataracts；'　as　he
calls　itbecause　I　am　going　to　be　married　to　a　man　I　love；　and　I　fancy；
like　a　fool；　I　may　love　him　better　still；　if　I　can　see　him。　I　may　be
quite　wrong；〃　she　added　archly。　〃It　may　end　in　my　not　loving　him　half　as
well　as　I　do　now！〃

I　thought　of　Oscar's　face；　and　felt　a　sickening　fear　that　she　might　be
speaking　far　more　seriously　than　she　suspected。　I　tried　to　change　the
subject。　No！　Her　imaginative　nature　had　found　its　way　into　a　new　region
of　speculation　before　I　could　open　my　lips。

〃I　associate　light；〃　she　said　thoughtfully；　〃with　all　that　is　beautiful
and　heavenlyand　dark　with　all　that　is　vile　and　horrible　and　devilish。　I
wonder　how　light　and　dark　will　look　to　me　when　I　see？〃

〃I　believe　they　will　astonish　you；〃　I　answered；　〃by　being　entirely　unlike
what　you　fancy　them　to　be　now。〃

She　started。　I　had　alarmed　her　without　intending　it。

〃Will　Oscar's　face　be　utterly　unlike　what　I　fancy　it　to　be　now？〃　she
asked；　in　suddenly　altered　tones。　〃Do　you　mean　to　say　that　I　have　not　had
the　right　image　of　him　in　my　mind　all　this　time？〃

I　tried　again　to　draw　her　off　to　another　topic。　What　more　could　I
dowith　my　tongue　tied　by　the　German's　warning　to　us　not　to　agitate　her；
in　the　face　of　the　operation　to　be　performed　on　the　next　day？

It　was　quite　useless。　She　went　on；　as　before；　without　heeding　me。

〃Have　I　no　means　of　judging　rightly　what　Oscar　is　like？〃　she　said。　〃I
touch　my　own　face；　I　know　how　long　it　is　and　how　broad　it　is；　I　know　how
big　the　different　features　are；　and　where　they　are。　And　then　I　touch
Oscar；　and　compare　his　face　with　my　knowledge　of　my　own　face。　Not　a
single　detail　escapes　me。　I　see　him　in　my　mind　as　plainly　as　you　see　me
across　this　table。　Do　you　mean　to　say；　when　I　see　him　with　my　eyes；　that
I　shall　discover　something　perfectly　new　to　me？　I　do