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第56章

poor miss finch-第56章

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conciliate all interests; and you only delay by a month or so the time
when you may see。〃

Lucilla impatiently shook her head。

〃If you were blind;〃 she answered; 〃you would not willingly delay by a
single hour the time when you might see。 You ask me to think of it。 I ask
_you_ to think of the years I have lost。 I ask _you_ to think of the
exquisite happiness I shall feel; when Oscar and I are standing at the
altar; if I can _see_ the husband to whom I am giving myself for life!
Put it off for a month? You might as well ask me to die for a month。 It
is like death to be sitting here blind; and to know that a man is within
a few hours' reach of me who can give me my sight! I tell you all
plainly; if you go on opposing me in this; I don't answer for myself。 If
Herr Grosse is not recalled to Dimchurch before the end of the weekI am
my own mistress; I will go to him in London!〃

Both the brothers looked at me。

〃Have you nothing to say; Madame Pratolungo?〃 asked Nugent。

Oscar was too painfully agitated to speak。 He softly crossed to my chair;
and; kneeling by me; put my hand entreatingly to his lips。

You may consider me a heartless woman if you will。 I remained entirely
unmoved even by this。 Lucilla's interests and my interests; you will
observe; were now one。 I had resolved; from the first; that she should
not be married in ignorance of which was the man who was disfigured by
the blue face。 If she took the course which would enable her to make that
discovery for herself; at the right time; she would spare me the
performance of a very painful and ungracious dutyand she would marry;
as I was determined she should marry; with a full knowledge of the truth。
In this position of affairs; it was no business of mine to join the
twin…brothers in trying to make her alter her resolution。 On the
contrary; it was my business to confirm her in it。

〃I can't see that I have any right to interfere;〃 I said。 〃In Lucilla's
placeafter one and twenty years of blindnessI too should sacrifice
every other consideration to the consideration of recovering my sight。〃

Oscar instantly rose; offended with me; and walked away to the window。
Lucilla's face brightened gratefully。 〃Ah!〃 she said; 〃_you_ understand
me!〃 Nugent; in his turn; left his chair。 He had confidently calculated;
in his brother's interests; on Lucilla's marriage preceding the recovery
of Lucilla's sight。 That calculation was completely baffled。 The marriage
would now depend on the state of Lucilla's feelings; after she had
penetrated the truth for herself。 I saw Nugent's face darken; as he
walked to the door。

〃Madame Pratolungo;〃 he said; 〃you may; one day; regret the course that
you have just taken。 Do as you please; LucillaI have no more to say。〃

He left the room; with a quiet submission to circumstances which became
him admirably。 Now; as always; it was impossible not to compare him
advantageously with his vacillating brother。 Oscar turned round at the
window; apparently with the idea of following Nugent out。 At the first
step he checked himself。 There was a last effort still left to make。
Reverend Finch's 〃moral weight〃 had not been thrown into the scale yet。

〃There is one thing more; Lucilla;〃 he said; 〃which you ought to know
before you decide。 I have seen your father。 He desires me to tell you
that he is strongly opposed to the experiment which you are determined to
try。〃

Lucilla sighed wearily。 〃It is not the first time that I find my father
failing to sympathize with me;〃 she said。 〃I am distressedbut not
surprised。 It is _you_ who surprise me!〃 she added; suddenly raising her
voice。 〃You; who love me; are not one with me; when I am standing on the
brink of a new life。 Good Heavens! are my interests not your interests in
this? Is it not worth your while to wait till I can _look at you_ when I
vow before God to love; honor; and obey you? Do you understand him?〃 she
asked; appealing abruptly to me。 〃Why does he try to start difficulties?
why is he not as eager about it as I am?〃

I turned to Oscar。 Now was the time for him to fall at her feet and own
it! Here was the golden opportunity that might never come again。 I signed
to him impatiently to take it。 He tried to take itlet me do him the
justice now; which I failed to do him at the timehe tried to take it。
He advanced towards her; he struggled with himself; he said; 〃There is a
motive for my conduct; Lucilla〃 and stopped。 His breath failed him;
he struggled again; he forced out a word or two more: 〃A motive;〃 he went
on; 〃which I have been afraid to confess〃 he paused again; with the
perspiration pouring over his livid face。

Lucilla's patience failed her。 〃What is your motive?〃 she asked sharply。

The tone in which she spoke broke down his last reserves of resolution。
He turned his head suddenly so as not to see her。 At the final
momentmiserable; miserable man!at the final moment; he took refuge in
an excuse。

〃I don't believe in Herr Grosse;〃 he said faintly; 〃as you believe in
him。〃

Lucilla rose; bitterly disappointed; and opened the door that led into
her own room。

〃If it had been you who were blind;〃 she answered; 〃_your_ belief would
have been _my_ belief; and _your_ hope _my_ hope。 It seems I have
expected too much from you。 Live and learn! live and learn!〃

She went into her room; and closed the door on us。 I could bear it no
longer。 I got up; with the firm resolution in me to follow her; and say
the words which he had failed to say for himself。 My hand was on the
door; when I was suddenly pulled back from it by Oscar。 I turned; and
faced him in silence。

〃No!〃 he said; with his eyes fixed on mine; and his hand still on my arm。
〃If I don't tell her; nobody shall tell her for me。〃

〃She shall be deceived no longershe must; and shall; hear it;〃 I
answered。 〃Let me go!〃

〃You have given me your promise to wait for my leave before you open your
lips。 I forbid you to open your lips。〃

I snapped the fingers of my hand that was free; in his face。 〃_That_ for
my promise!〃 I said。 〃Your contemptible weakness is putting her happiness
in peril as well as yours。〃 I turned my head towards the door; and called
to her。 〃Lucilla!〃

His hand closed fast on my arm。 Some lurking devil in him that I had
never seen yet; leapt up and looked at me out of his eyes。

〃Tell her;〃 he whispered savagely between his teeth; 〃and I will
contradict you to your face! If you are desperate; I am desperate too。 I
don't care what meanness I am guilty of! I will deny it on my honor; I
will deny it on my oath。 You heard what she said about you at Browndown。
She will believe _me_ before _you。_〃

Lucilla opened her door; and stood waiting on the threshold。

〃What is it?〃 she asked quietly。

A moment's glance at Oscar warned me that he would do what he had
threatened; if I persisted in my resolution。 The desperation of a weak
man is; of all desperations; the most unscrupulous and the most
unmanageablewhen it is once roused。 Angry as I was; I shrank from
degrading him; as I must now have degraded him; if I matched my obstinacy
against his。 In mercy to both of them; I gave way。

〃I may be going out; my dear; before it gets dark;〃 I said to Lucilla。
〃Can I do anything for you in the village?〃

〃Yes;〃 she said; 〃if you will wait a little; you can take a letter for me
to the post。〃

She went back into her room; and closed the door。

I neither looked at Oscar; nor spoke to him; when we were alone again。 He
was the first who broke the silence。

〃You have remembered your promise to me;〃 he said。 〃You have done well。〃

〃I have nothing more to say to you;〃 I answered。 〃I shall go to my own
room。〃

His eyes followed me uneasily as I walked to the door。

〃I shall speak to her;〃 he muttered doggedly; 〃at my own time。〃

A wise woman would not have allowed him to irritate her into saying
another word。 Alas! I am not a wise womanthat is to say; not always。

〃Your own time?〃 I repeated with the whole force of my contempt。 〃If you
don't own the truth to her before the German surgeon comes back; your
time will have gone by for ever。 He has told us in the plainest
termswhen once the operation is performed; nothing must 

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