poor miss finch-第44章

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heavenly　melodiesI　could　not　play　them。　Lucilla　accepted　my　excuses；
and　took　my　place。

Half　an　hour　passed；　without　news　from　Browndown。

Calculated　by　reference　to　itself；　half　an　hour　is　no　doubt　a　short　space
of　time。　Calculated　by　reference　to　your　own　suspense；　while　your　own
interests　are　at　stake；　half　an　hour　is　an　eternity。　Every　minute　that
passed；　leaving　Lucilla　still　undisturbed　in　her　delusion；　was　a　minute
that　pricked　me　in　the　conscience。　The　longer　we　left　her　in　ignorance；
the　more　painful　to　all　of　us　the　hard　duty　of　enlightening　her　would
become。　I　began　to　get　restless。　Lucilla；　on　her　side；　began　to　complain
of　fatigue。　After　the　agitation　that　she　had　gone　through；　the　inevitable
reaction　had　come。　I　recommended　her　to　go　to　her　room　and　rest。　She　took
my　advice。　In　the　state　of　my　mind　at　that　time；　it　was　an　inexpressible
relief　to　me　to　be　left　by　myself。

After　pacing　backwards　and　forwards　for　some　little　time　in　the
sitting…room；　and　trying　vainly　to　see　my　way　through　the　difficulties
that　now　beset　us；　I　made　up　my　mind　to　wait　no　longer　for　the　news　that
never　came。　The　brothers　were　still　at　Browndown。　To　Browndown　I
determined　to　return。

I　peeped　quietly　into　Lucilla's　room。　She　was　asleep。　After　a　word　to
Zillah；　recommending　her　young　mistress　to　her　care；　I　slipped　out。　As　I
crossed　the　lawn；　I　heard　the　garden…gate　opened。　In　a　minute　more；　the
man　of　all　others　whom　I　most　wanted　to　see；　presented　himself　before　me；
in　the　person　of　Nugent　Dubourg。　He　had　borrowed　Oscar's　key；　and　had　set
off　alone　for　the　rectory　to　tell　me　what　had　passed　between　his　brother
and　himself。

〃This　is　the　first　stroke　of　luck　that　has　fallen　to　me　to…day；〃　he　said。
〃I　was　wondering　how　I　should　contrive　to　speak　to　you　privately。　And
here　you　areaccessible　and　alone。　Where　is　Lucilla？　Can　we　depend　on
having　the　garden　to　ourselves？〃

I　satisfied　him　on　both　those　points。　He　looked　sadly　pale　and　worn。
Before　he　opened　his　lips；　I　saw　that　he　too　had　had　his　mind　disturbed；
and　his　patience　tried；　since　I　had　left　him。　There　was　a　summer…house　at
the　end　of　the　garden　with　a　view　over　the　breezy　solitude　of　the　Downs。
Here　we　established　ourselves；　and　here；　in　my　headlong　way；　I　opened　the
interview　with　the　one　formidable　question：〃Who　is　to　tell　her　of　the
mistake　she　has　made？〃

〃Nobody　is　to　tell　her。〃

That　answer　staggered　me　at　the　outset。　I　looked　at　Nugent　in　silent
astonishment。

〃There　is　nothing　to　be　surprised　at；〃　he　said。　〃Let　me　put　my　point　of
view　before　you　in　two　words。　I　have　had　a　serious　talk　with　Oscar〃

Women　are　proverbially　bad　listenersand　I　am　no　better　than　the　rest　of
them。　I　interrupted　him；　before　he　could　get　any　farther。

〃I　suppose　Oscar　has　told　you　how　the　mistake　happened？〃　I　said。

〃He　has　no　idea　how　it　happened。　He　ownswhen　he　found　himself　face　to
face　with　herthat　his　presence　of　mind　completely　failed　him：　he　didn't
himself　know　what　he　was　saying　at　the　time。　_He_　lost　his　head；　and
_she_　lost　her　patience。　Think　of　his　nervous　confusion　in　collision　with
her　nervous　irritabilityand　the　result　explains　itself：　nothing　_could_
come　of　it　but　misapprehension　and　mistake。　I　turned　the　thing　over　in　my
mind；　after　you　had　left　us；　and　the　one　course　to　take　that　_I_　could
see　was　to　accept　the　position　patiently；　and　to　make　the　best　instead　of
the　worst　of　it。　Having　reached　this　conclusion；　I　settled　the　matter　（as
I　settle　most　other　difficulties）by　cutting　the　Gordian　knot。　I　said　to
Oscar；　'Would　it　be　a　relief　to　your　mind　to　leave　her　present　impression
undisturbed　until　you　are　married？'　You　know　himI　needn't　tell　you　what
his　answer　was。　'Very　well；'　I　said。　'Dry　your　eyes　and　compose　yourself。
I　have　begun　as　Blue　Face。　As　Blue　Face　I　will　go　on　till　further
notice。'　I　spare　you　the　description　of　Oscar's　gratitude。　I　proposed；
and　he　accepted。　There　is　the　way　out　of　the　difficulty　as　I　see　it。〃

〃Your　way　out　of　the　difficulty　is　an　unworthy　way；　and　a　false　way；〃　I
answered。　〃I　protest　against　taking　that　cruel　advantage　of　Lucilla's
blindness。　I　refuse　to　have　anything　to　do　with　it。〃

He　opened　his　case；　and　took　out　a　cigar。

〃Do　as　you　please；〃　he　said。　〃You　saw　the　pitiable　state　she　was　in；　when
she　forced　herself　to　speak　to　me。　You　saw　how　her　disgust　and　horror
overpowered　her　at　the　end。　Transfer　that　disgust　and　horror　to　Oscar
（with　indignation　and　contempt　added　in　_his_　case）；　expose　him　to　the
result　of　rousing　those　feelings　in　her；　before　he　is　fortified　by　a
husband's　influence　over　her　mind；　and　a　husband's　place　in　her
affectionsif　you　dare。　I　love　the　poor　fellow；　and　_I_　daren't。　May　I
smoke？〃

I　gave　him　his　permission　to　smoke　by　a　gesture。　Before　I　said　anything
more　to　this　inscrutable　gentleman；　I　felt　the　necessity　of　understanding
himif　I　could。

There　was　no　difficulty　in　accounting　for　his　readiness　to　sacrifice
himself　in　the　interests　of　Oscar's　tranquillity。　He　never　did　things　by
halveshe　liked　dashing　at　difficulties　which　would　have　made　other　men
pause。　The　same　zeal　in　his　brother's　service　which　had　saved　Oscar's
life　at　the　Trial；　might　well　be　the　zeal　that　animated　him　now。　The
perplexity　that　I　felt　was　not　roused　in　me　by　the　course　that　he　had
takenbut　by　the　language　in　which　he　justified　himself；　and；　more
still；　by　his　behavior　to　me　while　he　was　speaking。　The　well…bred
brilliant　young　fellow　of　my　previous　experience；　had　now　turned　as
dogged　and　as　ungracious　as　a　man　could　be。　He　waited　to　hear　what　I　had
to　say　to　him　next；　with　a　hard　defiance　and　desperation　of　manner
entirely　uncalled　for　by　the　circumstances；　and　entirely　out　of　harmony
with　his　character；　so　far　as　I　had　observed　it。　That　there　was　something
lurking　under　the　surface；　some　inner　motive　at　work　in　him　which　he　was
concealing　from　his　brother　and　concealing　from　me；　was　as　plainly
visible　as　the　sunshine　and　shade　on　the　view　that　I　was　looking　at　from
the　summer…house。　But　what　that　something　was；　or　what　that　inner　motive
might　be；　it　baffled　my　utmost　sagacity　to　guess。　Not　the　faintest　idea
of　the　terrible　secret　that　he　was　hiding　from　me；　crossed　my　mind。
Innocent　of　all　suspicion　of　the　truth；　there　I　sat　opposite　to　him；　the
unconscious　witness　of　that　unhappy　man's　final　struggle　to　be　true　to
the　brother　whom　he　loved；　and　to　master　the　devouring　passion　that
consumed　him。　So　long　as　Lucilla　falsely　believed　him　to　be　disfigured　by
the　drug；　so　long　the　commonest　consideration　for　her　tranquillity　would；
in　the　estimation　of　others；　excuse　and　explain　his　keeping　out　of　her
presence。　In　that　separation；　lay　his　last　chance　of　raising　an
insurmountable　barrier　between　Lucilla　and　himself。　He　had　already　tried
uselessly　to　place　another　obstacle　in　the　wayhe　had　vainly　attempted
to　hasten　the　marriage　which　would　have　made　Lucilla　sacred　to　him　as　his
brother's　wife。　That　effort　having　failed；　there　was　but　one　honorable
alternative　left　to　himto　keep　out　of　her　society；　until　she　was
married　to　Oscar。　He　had　accepted　the　position　in　which　Oscar　had　placed
him；　as　the　one　means　of　reaching　the　end　in　view　without　exciting
suspicion　of　the　truthand　he　had　encountered；　as　his　reward　for　the
sacrifice；　my　ignorant　protest；　my　stupid　opposition；　set　as　obstacles　in
his　way！　There　were　the　motivesthe　pure；　the　noble　motiveswhich
animated　him；　as　I　know　them　now。　There　is　the　right　reading　of　the
dogged　language　that　mystified　me；　of　the　defiant　manner　that　offended
me；　interpreted　by　the　one　light　that　I　have　to　guide　my　penthe　light
of　later　events！

〃Well？〃　he　said。　〃Are　we　allies；　or　not？　Are　you　with　me　or　against　me？〃

I　gave　up　attempting　to　understand　him；　and　answered　that　plain　question；
plainly。

〃I　don't　deny　that　the　consequences　of　undeceiving　her　may　be　serious；〃　I
said。　〃But；　for　all　that；　I　will　have　no　share　in　the　cruelty　of　keeping
her　deceived。〃

Nugent　held　up　his　forefinger；　warningly。

〃Pause；　and　reflect；　Madame　Pratolungo！　The　mischief　that　you　may　do；　as
matters　stand　now；　may　be　mischief　that　you　can　never　repair。　It's
useless　to　ask　you　to　alter　your　mind。　I