poor miss finch-第43章

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and　forwards　in　the　empty　air；　with　the　action　of　some　one　who　is
clearing　away　an　encumbrance　to　a　free　advancesay　the　action　of　a
person　walking　in　a　thick　wood；　and　pushing　aside　the　lower　twigs　and
branches　that　intercept　the　way。

〃What　are　you　about？〃　I　asked。

〃Clearing　the　air；〃　she　answered。　〃The　air　is　full　of　him。　I　am　in　a
forest　of　hovering　figures；　with　faces　of　black…blue。　Give　me　your　arm。
Come　through！〃

〃Lucilla！〃

〃Don't　be　angry　with　me。　I　am　coming　to　my　senses　again。　Nobody　knows
what　folly；　what　madness　it　is；　better　than　I　do。　I　have　a　will　of　my
own：　suffer　as　I　may；　I　promise　to　break　myself　of　it　this　time。　I　can't；
and　won't　let　Oscar's　brother　see　that　he　is　an　object　of　horror　to　me。〃
She　stopped　once　more；　and　gave　me　a　little　propitiatory　kiss。　〃Blame　my
blindness；　dear；　don't　blame　_me。_　If　I　could　only　see！　Ah；　how　can　I
make　you　understand　me；　you　who　don't　live　in　the　dark？〃　She　went　on　a
few　paces；　silent　and　thoughtfuland　then　spoke　again。　〃You　won't　laugh
at　me；　if　I　say　something？〃

〃You　know　I　won't。〃

〃Suppose　yourself　to　be　in　bed　at　night。〃

〃Yes？〃

〃I　have　heard　people　say　that　they　have　sometimes　woke　in　the　middle　of
the　night；　on　a　sudden；　without　any　noise　to　disturb　them。　And　they　have
fancied　（without　anything　particular　to　justify　it）　that　there　was
something；　or　somebody；　in　the　dark　room。　Has　that　ever　happened　to　you？〃

〃Certainly；　my　love。It　has　happened　to　most　people　to　fancy　what　you
say；　when　their　nerves　are　a　little　out　of　order。〃

〃Very　well。　There　is　_my_　fancy；　and　there　are　_my_　nerves。　When　it
happened　to　you；　what　did　you　do？〃

〃I　struck　a　light；　and　satisfied　myself　that　I　was　wrong。〃

〃Suppose　yourself　without　candle　or　matches；　in　a　night　without　end；　left
alone　with　your　fancy　in　the　dark。　There　you　have　Me！　It　would　not　be
easy；　would　it；　to　satisfy　yourself；　if　you　were　in　that　helpless
condition？　You　might　suffer　under　itvery　unreasonablyand　yet　very
keenly　for　all　that。〃　She　lifted　her　little　cane；　with　a　sad　smile。　〃You
might　be　almost　as　great　a　fool　as　poor　Lucilla；　and　clear　the　air　before
you　with　this！〃

The　charm　of　her　voice　and　her　manner；　added　to　the　touching　simplicity；
the　pathetic　truth　of　those　words。　She　made　me　realize；　as　I　had　never
realized　before；　what　it　is　to　have；　at　one　and　the　same　time；　the
blessing　of　imagination；　and　the　curse　of　blindness。　For　a　moment；　I　was
absorbed　in　my　admiration　and　my　love　for　her。　For　a　moment；　I　forgot　the
terrible　position　in　which　we　were　all　placed。　She　unconsciously　recalled
it　to　me　when　she　spoke　next。

〃Perhaps　I　was　wrong　to　force　the　truth　out　of　Oscar？〃　she　said；　putting
her　arm　again　in　mine；　and　walking　on。　〃I　might　have　reconciled　myself　to
his　brother；　if　I　had　never　known　what　his　brother　was　like。　And　yet　I
felt　there　was　something　strange　in　him；　without　being　told；　and　without
knowing　what　it　was。　There　must　have　been　a　reason　in　me　for　the　dislike
that　I　felt　for　him　from　the　first。〃

Those　words　appeared　to　me　to　indicate　the　state　of　mind　which　had　led　to
Lucilla's　deplorable　mistake。　I　cautiously　put　some　questions　to　her　to
test　the　correctness　of　my　own　idea。

〃You　spoke　just　now　of　forcing　the　truth　out　of　Oscar；〃　I　said；　〃What
made　you　suspect　that　he　was　concealing　the　truth　from　you？〃

〃He　was　so　strangely　embarrassed　and　confused；〃　she　answered。　〃Anybody　in
my　place　would　have　suspected　him　of　concealing　the　truth。〃

So　far　the　answer　was　conclusive。

〃And　how　came　you　to　find　out　what　the　truth　really　was？〃　I　asked　next。

〃I　guessed　at　it；〃　she　replied；　〃from　something　he　said　in　referring　to
his　brother。　You　know　that　I　took　a　fanciful　dislike　to　Nugent　Dubourg
before　he　came　to　Dimchurch？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃And　you　remember　that　my　prejudice　against　him　was　confirmed；　on　the
first　day　when　I　passed　my　hand　over　his　face　to　compare　it　with　his
brother's。〃

〃I　remember。〃

〃Wellwhile　Oscar　was　rambling　and　contradicting　himselfhe　said
something　（a　mere　trifle）　which　suggested　to　me　that　the　person　with　the
blue　face　must　be　his　brother。　There　was　the　explanation　that　I　had
sought　for　in　vainthe　explanation　of　my　persistent　dislike　to　Nugent！
That　horrid　dark　face　of　his　must　have　produced　some　influence　on　me　when
I　first　touched　it；　like　the　influence　which　your　horrid　purple　dress
produced　on　me；　when　I　first　touched　_that。_　Don't　you　see？〃

I　saw　but　too　plainly。　Oscar　had　been　indebted　for　his　escape　from
discovery　entirely　to　Lucilla's　misinterpretation　of　his　language。　And
Lucilla's　misinterpretation　now　stood　revealed　as　the　natural　product　of
her　anxiety　to　account　for　her　prejudice　against　Nugent　Dubourg。　Although
the　mischief　had　been　donestill；　for　the　quieting　of　my　own　conscience；
I　made　an　attempt　to　shake　her　faith　in　the　false　conclusion　at　which　she
had　arrived。

〃There　is　one　thing　I　don't　see　yet；〃　I　said。　〃I　don't　understand　Oscar's
embarrassment　in　speaking　to　you。　As　you　interpret　him；　what　had　he　to　be
afraid　of？〃

She　smiled　satirically。

〃What　has　become　of　your　memory；　my　dear？〃　she　asked。　〃What　were　you
afraid　of？　You　certainly　never　said　a　word　to　me　of　this　poor　man's
deformity。　You　felt　yourself；　I　suppose；　（just　as　Oscar　felt　himself）；
placed　between　a　choice　of　difficulties。　On　one　side；　my　dislike　of　dark
colors　and　dark　people　warned　Oscar　to　hold　his　tongue。　On　the　other；　my
hatred　of　having　advantage　taken　of　my　blindness　to　keep　things　secret
from　me；　pressed　him　to　speak　out。　Isn't　that　enoughwith　his　shy
disposition；　poor　fellowto　account　for　his　being　embarrassed？　Besides；〃
she　added；　speaking　more　seriously；　〃perhaps　he　saw　in　my　manner　towards
him　that　he　had　disappointed　and　pained　me。〃

〃How？〃　I　asked。

〃Don't　you　remember　his　once　acknowledging　in　the　garden　that　he　had
painted　his　face　in　the　character　of　Bluebeard；　to　amuse　the　children？　It
was　not　delicate；　it　was　not　affectionateit　was　not　like　himto　show
such　insensibility　as　that　to　his　brother's　shocking　disfigurement。　He
ought　to　have　remembered　it；　he　ought　to　have　respected　it。　There！　we
will　say　no　more。　We　will　go　indoors　and　open　the　piano　and　try　to
forget。〃

Even　Oscar's　clumsy　excuse　in　the　gardeninstead　of　confirming　her
suspicionhad　lent　itself　to　strengthen　the　foregone　conclusion　rooted
in　her　mind！　At　that　critical　momentbefore　I　had　consulted　with　the
twin…brothers　as　to　what　was　to　be　done　nextit　was　impossible　to　say
more。　I　felt　seriously　alarmed　when　I　thought　of　the　future。　When　she　was
toldas　told　she　must　beof　the　dreadful　delusion　into　which　she　had
fallen；　what　would　be　the　result　to　Oscar？　what　would　be　the　effect　on
herself？　I　own　I　shrank　from　pursuing　the　inquiry。

When　we　reached　the　turn　in　the　valley；　I　looked　back　at　Browndown　for
the　last　time。　The　twin…brothers　were　still　in　the　place　at　which　we　had
left　them。　Though　the　faces　were　indistinguishable；　I　could　still　see　the
figures　plainlyOscar　sitting　crouched　up　on　the　wall；　Nugent　erect　at
his　side；　with　one　hand　laid　on　his　shoulder。　Even　at　that　distance；　the
types　of　the　two　characters　were　expressed　in　the　attitudes　of　the　two
men。　As　we　entered　the　new　winding　of　the　valley　which　shut　them　out　from
view；　I　felt　（so　easy　is　it　to　comfort　a　woman！）　that　the　commanding
position　of　Nugent　had　produced　its　encouraging　impression　on　my　mind。
〃He　will　find　a　way　out　of　it；〃　I　said　to　myself；　〃Nugent　will　help　us
through！〃



CHAPTER　THE　TWENTY…SEVENTH

He　finds　a　Way　out　of　it

WE　sat　down　at　the　piano；　as　Lucilla　had　proposed。　She　wished　me　to　play
first；　and　to　play　alone。　I　was　teaching　her；　at　the　time；　one　of　the
_Sonatas_　of　Mozart；　and　I　now　tried　to　go　on　with　the　lesson。　Never
before；　or　since；　have　I　played　so　badly；　as　on　that　day！　The　divine
serenity　and　completeness　by　which　Mozart's　music　is；　to　my　mind；　raised
above　all　other　music　that　ever　was　written；　can　only　be　worthily
interpreted　by　a　player　whose　whole　mind　is　given　undividedly　to　the
work。　Devoured　as　I　then　was　by　my　own　anxieties；　I　might　profane　those
heavenly　melodiesI　could　not　play　them。　Lucilla　accepted　my　excuses；
and　took　my　place。

Half　an　hour　pas