poor miss finch-第32章

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


intoxicating　confidence　in　the　futureit　is　nothing　lessthat　I　feel
now。

〃Still　there　is　a　drawback　which　prevents　me　from　enjoying　perfect
tranquillity　even　yet。　When　was　there　ever　a　pleasure　in　this　world；
without　a　lurking　possibility　of　pain　hidden　away　in　it　somewhere？

〃I　have　lately　discovered　a　peculiarity　in　Lucilla　which　is　new　to　me；
and　which　has　produced　a　very　unpleasant　impression　on　my　mind。　My
proposed　avowal　to　her　of　the　change　in　my　personal　appearance；　has　now
become　a　matter　of　far　more　serious　difficulty　than　I　had　anticipated
when　the　question　was　discussed　between　you　and　me　at　Browndown。

〃Have　you　ever　found　out　that　the　strongest　antipathy　she　has；　is　her
purely　imaginary　antipathy　to　dark　people　and　to　dark　shades　of　color　of
all　kinds？　This　strange　prejudice　is　the　result；　as　I　suppose；　of　some
morbid　growth　of　her　blindness；　quite　as　inexplicable　to　herself　as　to
other　people。　Explicable；　or　not；　there　it　is　in　her。　Read　the　extract
that　follows　from　one　of　her　letters　to　her　father；　which　her　father
showed　to　meand　you　will　not　be　surprised　to　hear　that　I　tremble　for
myself　when　the　time　comes　for　telling　her　what　I　have　done。

〃Thus　she　writes　to　Mr。　Finch：

〃　'I　am　sorry　to　say；　I　have　had　a　little　quarrel　with　my　aunt。　It　is　all
made　up　now；　but　it　has　hardly　left　us　such　good　friends　as　we　were
before。　Last　week；　there　was　a　dinner…party　here；　and；　among　the　guests；
was　a　Hindoo　gentleman　（converted　to　Christianity）　to　whom　my　aunt　has
taken　a　great　fancy。　While　the　maid　was　dressing　me；　I　unluckily　inquired
if　she　had　seen　the　Hindooand；　hearing　that　she　had；　I　still　more
unfortunately　asked　her　to　tell　me　what　he　was　like。　She　described　him　as
being　very　tall　and　lean；　with　a　dark　brown　complexion　and　glittering
black　eyes。　My　mischievous　fancy　instantly　set　to　work　on　this　horrid
combination　of　darknesses。　Try　as　I　might　to　resist　it；　my　mind　drew　a
dreadful　picture　of　the　Hindoo；　as　a　kind　of　monster　in　human　form。　I
would　have　given　worlds　to　have　been　excused　from　going　down　into　the
drawing…room。　At　the　last　moment　I　was　sent　for；　and　the　Hindoo　was
introduced　to　me。　The　instant　I　felt　him　approaching；　my　darkness　was
peopled　with　brown　demons。　He　took　my　hand。　I　tried　hard　to　control
myselfbut　I　really　could　not　help　shuddering　and　starting　back　when　he
touched　me。　To　make　matters　worse；　he　sat　next　to　me　at　dinner。　In　five
minutes　I　had　long；　lean；　black…eyed　beings　all　round　me；　perpetually
growing　in　numbers；　and　pressing　closer　and　closer　on　me　as　they　grew。　It
ended　in　my　being　obliged　to　leave　the　table。　When　the　guests　were　all
gone；　my　aunt　was　furious。　I　admitted　my　conduct　was　unreasonable　in　the
last　degree。　At　the　same　time；　I　begged　her　to　make　allowances　for　me。　I
reminded　her　that　I　was　blind　at　a　year　old；　and　that　I　had　really　no
idea　of　what　any　person　was　like；　except　by　drawing　pictures　of　them　in
my　imagination；　from　description；　and　from　my　own　knowledge　obtained　by
touch。　I　appealed　to　her　to　remember　that；　situated　as　I　am；　my　fancy　is
peculiarly　liable　to　play　me　tricks；　and　that　I　have　no　sight　to　see
with；　and　to　show　meas　other　people's　eyes　show　_them_when　they　have
taken　a　false　view　of　persons　and　things。　It　was　all　in　vain。　My　aunt
would　admit　of　no　excuse　for　me。　I　was　so　irritated　by　her　injustice；
that　I　reminded　her　of　an　antipathy　of　her　own；　quite　as　ridiculous　as
minean　antipathy　to　cats。　She；　who　can　see　that　cats　are　harmless；
shudders　and　turns　pale；　for　all　that；　if　a　cat　is　in　the　same　room　with
her。　Set　my　senseless　horror　of　dark　people　against　her　senseless　horror
of　catsand　say　which　of　us　has　the　right　to　be　angry　with　the　other？'　〃

Such　was　the　quotation　from　Lucilla's　letter　to　her　father。　At　the　end　of
it；　Oscar　resumed；　as　follows：

〃I　wonder　whether　you　will　now　understand　me；　if　I　own　to　you　that　I　have
made　the　worst　of　my　case　in　writing　to　Lucilla？　It　is　the　only　excuse　I
can　produce　for　not　joining　her　in　London。　Weary　as　I　am　of　our　long
separation；　I　cannot　prevail　on　myself　to　run　the　risk　of　meeting　her　in
the　presence　of　strangers；　who　would　instantly　notice　my　frightful　color；
and　betray　it　to　her。　Think　of　her　shuddering　and　starting　back　from　my
hand　when　it　took　hers！　No！　no！　I　must　choose　my　own　opportunity；　in　this
quiet　place；　of　telling　her　what　（I　suppose）　must　be　toldwith　time
before　me　to　prepare　her　mind　for　the　disclosure　（if　it　must　come）；　and
with　nobody　but　you　near　to　see　the　first　mortifying　effect　of　the　shock
which　I　shall　inflict　on　her。

〃I　have　only　to　add；　before　I　release　you；　that　I　write　these　lines　in
the　strictest　confidence。　You　have　promised　not　to　mention　my
disfigurement　to　Lucilla；　unless　I　first　give　you　leave。　I　now；　more　than
ever；　hold　you　to　that　promise。　The　few　people　about　me　here；　are　all
pledged　to　secrecy　as　you　are。　If　it　is　really　inevitable　that　she　should
know　the　truthI　alone　must　tell　it；　in　my　own　way；　and　at　my　own　time。〃



〃If　it　must　come；〃　〃if　it　is　really　inevitable〃these　phrases　in　Oscar's
letter　satisfied　me　that　he　was　already　beginning　to　comfort　himself　with
an　insanely　delusive　ideathe　idea　that　it　might　be　possible　permanently
to　conceal　the　ugly　personal　change　in　him　from　Lucilla's　knowledge。

If　I　had　been　at　Dimchurch；　I　have　no　doubt　I　should　have　begun　to　feel
seriously　uneasy　at　the　turn　which　things　appeared　to　be　taking　now。

But　distance　has　a　very　strange　effect　in　altering　one's　customary　way　of
thinking　of　affairs　at　home。　Being　in　Italy　instead　of　in　England；　I
dismissed　Lucilla's　antipathies　and　Oscar's　scruples；　as　both　alike
unworthy　of　serious　consideration。　Sooner　or　later；　time　（I　considered）
would　bring　these　two　troublesome　young　people　to　their　senses。　Their
marriage　would　follow；　and　there　would　be　an　end　of　it！　In　the　meanwhile；
I　continued　to　feast　good　Papa　on　Holy　Families　and　churches。　Ah；　poor
dear；　how　he　yawned　over　Caraccis　and　cupolas！　and　how　fervently　he
promised　never　to　fall　in　love　again；　if　I　would　only　take　him　back　to
Paris！

We　set　our　faces　homeward　a　day　or　two　after　the　receipt　of　Oscar's
letter。　I　left　my　reformed　father；　resting　his　aching　old　bones　in　his
own　easy…chair；　capable　perhaps；　even　yet；　of　contracting　a　Platonic
attachment　to　a　lady　of　his　own　time　of　lifebut　capable　（as　I　firmly
believed）　of　nothing　more。　〃Oh；　my　child；　let　me　rest！〃　he　said；　when　I
wished　him　good…bye。　〃And　never　show　me　a　church　or　a　picture　again　as
long　as　I　live！〃

CHAPTER　THE　TWENTY…FIRST

Madame　Pratolungo　Returns　to　Dimchurch

I　REACHED　London　in　the　last　week　of　Lucilla's　residence　under　her　aunt's
roof；　and　waited　in　town　until　it　was　time　to　take　her　back　to　Dimchurch。

As　soon　as　it　had　become　obviously　too　late　for　Oscar　to　risk　the　dreaded
meeting　with　Lucilla　before　strangers；　his　correspondence　had；　as　a
matter　of　course；　assumed　a　brighter　tone。　She　was　in　high　spirits　once
more；　poor　thing；　when　we　metand　full　of　delight　at　having　me　near　her
again。　We　thoroughly　enjoyed　our　few　days　in　Londonand　took　our　fill　of
music　at　operas　and　concerts。　I　got　on　excellently　well　with　the　aunt
until　the　last　day；　when　something　happened　which　betrayed　me　into　an
avowal　of　my　political　convictions。

The　old　lady's　consternation；　when　she　discovered　that　I　looked　hopefully
forward　to　a　coming　extermination　of　kings　and　priests；　and　a　general
re…distribution　of　property　all　over　the　civilized　globe；　is　unutterable
in　words。　On　that　occasion；　I　made　one　more　aristocrat　tremble。　I　also
closed　Miss　Batchford's　door　on　me　for　the　rest　of　my　life。　No　matter！
The　day　is　coming　when　the　Batchford　branch　of　humanity　will　not　possess
a　door　to　close。　All　Europe　is　drifting　nearer　and　nearer　to　the
Pratolungo　programme。　Cheer　up；　my　brothers　without　land；　and　my　sisters
without　money　in　the　Funds！　We　will　have　it　out　with　the　infamous　rich
yet。　Long　live　the　Republic！

Early　in　the　month　of　April；　Lucilla　and　I　took　leave　of　the　Metropolis；
and　went　back　to　Dimchurch。

As　we　drew　nearer　and　nearer　to　the　rectory；　as　Lucilla　began　to　flush
and　fidget　in　eager　anticipation　of　her　re…union　with　Oscar；　that