poor miss finch-第31章

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in　progress；〃　he　answered。　〃When　nothing　she　can　say　or　do　will　alter
itI　will　tell　her　myself。　She　is　so　happy　in　the　hope　of　my　recovery！
What　good　can　be　gained　by　telling　her　beforehand　of　the　penalty　that　I
pay　for　my　deliverance？　My　ugly　color　will　never　terrify　my　poor　darling。
As　for　other　persons；　I　shall　not　force　myself　on　the　view　of　the　world。
It　is　my　one　wish　to　live　out　of　the　world。　The　few　people　about　me　will
soon　get　reconciled　to　my　face。　Lucilla　will　set　them　the　example。　She
won't　trouble　herself　long　about　a　change　in　me　that　she　can　neither　feel
nor　see。

Ought　I　to　have　warned　him　here　of　Lucilla's　inveterate　prejudice；　and　of
the　difficulty　there　might　be　in　reconciling　her　to　the　change　in　him
when　she　heard　of　it？　I　dare　say　I　ought；　I　daresay　I　was　to　blame　in
shrinking　from　inflicting　new　anxieties　and　new　distresses　on　a　man　who
had　already　suffered　so　much。　The　simple　truth　isI　could　not　do　it。
Would　you　have　done　it？　Ah；　if　you　would；　I　hope　I　may　never　come　in
contact　with　you。　What　a　horrid　wretch　you　must　be！　The　end　of　it　was
that　I　left　the　housepledged　to　keep　Lucilla　in　ignorance　of　the　cost
at　which　Oscar　had　determined　to　purchase　his　cure；　until　Oscar　thought
fit　to　enlighten　her　himself。

CHAPTER　THE　TWENTIETH

Good　Papa　again！

THE　promise　I　had　given　did　not　expose　me　to　the　annoyance　of　being　kept
long　on　the　watch　against　accidents。　If　we　could　pass　safely　over　the
next　five　days；　we　might　feel　pretty　sure　of　the　future。　On　the　last　day
of　the　old　year；　Lucilla　was　bound　by　the　terms　of　the　will　to　go　to
London；　and　live　her　allotted　three　months　under　the　roof　of　her　aunt。

In　the　brief　interval　that　elapsed　before　her　departure；　she　twice
approached　the　dangerous　subject。

On　the　first　occasion；　she　asked　me　if　I　knew　what　medicine　Oscar　was
taking。　I　pleaded　ignorance；　and　passed　at　once　to　other　matters。　On　the
second　occasion；　she　advanced　still　further　on　the　way　to　discovery　of
the　truth。　She　now　inquired　if　I　had　heard　how　the　physic　worked　the
cure。　Having　been　already　informed　that　the　fits　proceeded　from　a　certain
disordered　condition　of　the　brain；　she　was　anxious　to　know　whether　the
medical　treatment　was　likely　to　affect　the　patient's　head。　This　question
（which　I　was　of　course　unable　to　answer）　she　put　to　both　the　doctors。
Already　warned　by　Oscar；　they　quieted　her　by　declaring　that　the　process
of　cure　acted　by　general　means；　and　did　not　attack　the　head。　From　that
moment；　her　curiosity　was　satisfied。　Her　mind　had　other　objects　of
interest　to　dwell　on；　before　she　left　Dimchurch。　She　touched　on　the
perilous　topic　no　more。

It　was　arranged　that　I　was　to　accompany　Lucilla　to　London。　Oscar　was　to
follow　us；　when　the　state　of　his　health　permitted　him　to　take　the
journey。　As　betrothed　husband　of　Lucilla；　he　had　his　right　of　entry；
during　her　residence　in　her　aunt's　house。　As　for　me；　I　was　admitted　at
Lucilla's　intercession。　She　declined　to　be　separated　from　me　for　three
months。

Miss　Batchford　wrote；　most　politely；　to　offer　me　a　hospitable　welcome
during　the　day。　She　had　no　second　spare…room　at　her　disposalso　we
settled　that　I　was　to　sleep　at　a　lodging…house　in　the　neighborhood。　In
this　same　house；　Oscar　was　also　to　be　accommodated；　when　the　doctors
sanctioned　his　removal　to　London。　It　was　now　thought　likelyif　all　went
wellthat　the　marriage　might　be　celebrated　at　the　end　of　the　three
months；　from　Miss　Batchford's　residence　in　town。

Three　days　before　the　date　of　Lucilla's　departure；　these　plansso　far　as
I　was　concerned　in　themwere　all　over…thrown。

　A　letter　from　Paris　reached　me；　with　more　bad　news。　My　absence　had
produced　the　worst　possible　effect　on　good　Papa。

The　moment　my　influence　had　been　removed；　he　had　become　perfectly
unmanageable。　My　sisters　assured　me　that　the　abominable　woman　from　whom　I
had　rescued　him；　would　most　certainly　end　in　marrying　him　after　all；
unless　I　reappeared　immediately　on　the　scene。　What　was　to　be　done？
Nothing　was　to　be　done；　but　to　fly　into　a　rageto　grind　my　teeth；　and
throw　down　all　my　things；　in　the　solitude　of　my　own　roomand　then　to　go
back　to　Paris。

Lucilla　behaved　charmingly。　When　she　saw　how　angry　and　how　distressed　I
was；　she　suppressed　all　exhibition　of　disappointment　on　her　side；　with
the　truest　and　kindest　consideration　for　my　feelings。　〃Write　to　me
often；〃　said　the　charming　creature；　〃and　come　back　to　me　as　soon　as　you
can。〃　Her　father　took　her　to　London。　Two　days　before　they　left；　I　said
good…bye　at　the　rectory　and　at　Browndown；　and　startedonce　more　by　the
Newhaven　and　Dieppe　routefor　Paris。

I　was　in　no　humour　（as　your　English　saying　is）　to　mince　matters；　in
controlling　this　new　outbreak　on　the　part　of　my　evergreen　parent。　I
insisted　on　instantly　removing　him　from　Paris；　and　taking　him　on　a
continental　tour。　I　was　proof　against　his　paternal　embraces；　I　was　deaf
to　his　noble　sentiments。　He　declared　he　should　die　on　the　road。　When　I
look　back　at　it　now；　I　am　amazed　at　my　own　cruelty。　I　said；　〃En　route；
Papa！〃and　packed　him　up；　and　took　him　to　Italy。

He　became　enamored；　at　intervals；　now　of　one　fair　traveler　and　now　of
another；　all　through　the　journey　from　Paris　to　Rome。　（Wonderful　old　man！）
Arrived　at　Romethat　hotbed　of　the　enemies　of　mankindI　saw　my　way　to
putting　a　moral　extinguisher　on　the　author　of　my　being。　The　Eternal　City
contains　three　hundred　and　sixty…five　churches；　and　（say）　three　million
and　sixty…five　pictures。　I　insisted　on　his　seeing　them　allat　the
advanced　age　of　seventy…five　years！　The　sedative　result　followed；　exactly
as　I　had　anticipated。　I　stupefied　good　Papa　with　churches　and
picturesand　then　I　tried　him　with　a　marble　woman　to　begin　with。　He　fell
asleep　before　the　Venus　of　the　Capitol。　When　I　saw　that；　I　said　to
myself；　Now　he　will　do；　Don　Juan　is　reformed　at　last。

Lucilla's　correspondence　with　meat　first　cheerfulgradually　assumed　a
desponding　tone。

Six　weeks　had　passed　since　her　departure　from　Dimchurch；　and　still
Oscar's　letters　held　out　no　hope　of　his　being　able　to　join　her　in　London。
His　recovery　was　advancing；　but　not　so　rapidly　as　his　medical　adviser　had
anticipated。　It　was　possibleto　look　the　worst　in　the　face　boldlythat
he　might　not　get　the　doctor's　permission　to　leave　Browndown　before　the
time　arrived　for　Lucilla's　return　to　the　rectory。　In　this　event；　he　could
only　entreat　her　to　be　patient；　and　to　remember　that　though　he　was
gaining　ground　but　slowly；　he　was　still　getting　on。　Under　these
circumstances；　Lucilla　was　naturally　vexed　and　dejected。　She　had　never
（she　wrote）；　from　her　girlhood　upward；　spent　such　a　miserable　time　with
her　aunt　as　she　was　spending　now。

On　reading　this　letter；　I　instantly　smelt　something　wrong。

I　corresponded　with　Oscar　almost　as　frequently　as　with　Lucilla。　His　last
letter　to　me　flatly　contradicted　his　last　letter　to　his　promised　wife。　In
writing　to　my　address；　he　declared　himself　to　be　rapidly　advancing
towards　recovery。　Under　the　new　treatment；　the　fits　succeeded　each　other
at　longer　and　longer　intervals；　and　endured　a　shorter　and　shorter　time。
Here　then　was　plainly　a　depressing　report　sent　to　Lucilla；　and　an
encouraging　report　sent　to　me。

What　did　it　mean？

Oscar's　next　letter　to　me　answered　the　question。

〃I　told　you　in　my　last〃　（he　wrote）；　〃that　the　discoloration　of　my　skin
had　begun。　The　complexion　which　you　were　once　so　good　as　to　admire；　has
disappeared　for　ever。　I　am　now　of　a　livid　ashen　colorso　like　death；
that　I　sometimes　startle　myself　when　I　look　in　the　glass。　In　about　six
weeks　more；　as　the　doctor　calculates；　this　will　deepen　to　a　blackish
blue；　and　then；　'the　saturation'　（as　he　calls　it）　will　be　complete。

〃So　far　from　feeling　any　useless　regrets　at　having　taken　the　medicine
which　is　producing　these　ugly　effects；　I　am　more　grateful　to　my　Nitrate
of　Silver　than　words　can　say。　If　you　ask　for　the　secret　of　this
extraordinary　exhibition　of　philosophy　on　my　part；　I　can　give　it　in　one
line。　For　the　last　ten　days；　I　have　not　had　a　fit。　In　other　words；　for
the　last　ten　days；　I　have　lived　in　Paradise。　I　declare　I　would　have
cheerfully　lost　an　arm　or　a　leg　to　gain　the　blessed　peace　of　mind；　the
intoxicating　confidence　in　the