poor miss finch-第26章

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believe　we　should　both　have　said；　〃Thank　God；　she　is　blind！〃

〃Have　you　all　forgotten　me？〃　she　asked。　〃Oscar！　where　are　you？　What　does
the　doctor　say？〃

She　advanced　into　the　room。　In　a　moment　more；　she　would　have　stumbled
against　the　prostrate　man　still　writhing　on　the　floor。　I　laid　my　hand　on
her　arm；　and　stopped　her。

She　suddenly　caught　my　hand　in　hers。　〃Why　did　you　tremble；〃　she　asked；
〃when　you　took　me　by　the　arm？　Why　are　you　trembling　now？〃　Her　delicate
sense　of　touch　was　not　to　be　deceived。　I　vainly　denied　that　anything　had
happened：　my　hand　had　betrayed　me。　〃There　is　something　wrong！〃　she
exclaimed；　〃Oscar　has　not　answered　me。〃

The　doctor　came　to　my　assistance。

〃There　is　nothing　to　be　alarmed　about；〃　he　said。　〃Mr。　Dubourg　is　not　very
well　to…day。〃

She　turned　on　the　doctor；　with　a　sudden　burst　of　anger。

〃You　are　deceiving　me！〃　she　cried。　〃Something　serious　has　happened　to
him。　The　truth！　tell　me　the　truth！　Oh！　it's　shameful；　it's　heartless　of
both　of　you　to　deceive　a　wretched　blind　creature　like　me！〃

The　doctor　still　hesitated。　I　told　her　the　truth。

〃Where　is　he？〃　she　asked；　seizing　me　by　the　two　shoulders；　and　shaking　me
in　the　violence　of　her　agitation。

I　entreated　her　to　wait　a　little；　I　tried　to　place　her　in　a　chair。　She
pushed　me　contemptuously　away；　and　went　down　on　the　floor　on　her　hands
and　knees。　〃I　shall　find　him；〃　she　said　to　herself；　〃I　shall　find　him　in
spite　of　them！〃　She　began　to　crawl　over　the　floor；　feeling　the　empty
space　before　her　with　her　hand。　It　was　horrible。　I　followed　her；　and
raised　her　again；　by　main　force。

〃Don't　struggle　with　her；〃　said　the　doctor。　〃Let　her　come　here。　He　is
quiet　now。〃

I　looked　at　Oscar。　The　worst　of　it　was　over。　He　was　exhaustedhe　was
quite　still　now。　The　doctor's　voice　guided　her　to　the　place。　She　sat　down
by　Oscar　on　the　floor；　and　laid　his　head　on　her　lap。　The　moment　she
touched　him；　the　same　effect　was　produced　on　her　which　would　be　produced
（if　our　eyes　were　bandaged）　on　you　or　me　when　the　bandage　was　taken　off。
An　instant　sense　of　relief　diffused　itself　through　her　whole　being。　She
became　her　gentler　and　sweeter　self　again。　〃I　am　sorry　I　lost　my　temper；〃
she　said　with　the　simplicity　of　a　child。　〃But　you　don't　know　how　hard　it
is　to　be　deceived　when　you　are　blind。〃　She　stooped　as　she　said　those
words；　and　passed　her　handkerchief　lightly　over　his　forehead。　〃Doctor；〃
she　asked；　〃will　this　happen　again？〃

〃I　hope　not。〃

〃Are　you　sure　not？〃

〃I　can't　say　that。〃

〃What　has　brought　it　on？〃

〃I　am　afraid　the　blow　he　received　on　the　head　has　brought　it　on。〃

She　asked　no　more　questions；　her　eager　face　passed　suddenly　into　a　state
of　repose。　Something　seemed　to　have　come　into　her　mindafter　the
doctor's　answer　to　her　own　questionwhich　absorbed　her　in　herself。　When
Oscar　recovered　his　consciousness；　she　left　it　to　me　to　answer　the　first
natural　questions　which　he　put。　When　he　personally　addressed　her　she
spoke　to　him　kindly；　but　briefly。　Something　in　her；　at　that　moment；
seemed　to　keep　her　apart；　even　from　_him。_　When　the　doctor　proposed
taking　him　back　to　Browndown；　she　did　not　insist；　as　I　had　anticipated；
on　going　with　them。　She　took　leave　of　him　tenderlybut　still　she　let　him
go。　While　he　yet　lingered　near　the　door；　looking　back　at　her；　she　moved
away　slowly　to　the　further　end　of　the　room；　self…withdrawn　into　her　own
dark　worldshut　up　in　her　thoughts　from　him　and　from　us。

The　doctor　tried　to　rouse　her。

〃You　must　not　think　too　seriously　of　this；〃　he　said；　following　her　to　the
window　at　which　she　stood；　and　dropping　his　voice　so　that　Oscar　could　not
hear　him。　〃He　has　himself　told　you　that　he　feels　lighter　and　better　than
he　felt　before　the　fit。　It　has　relieved　instead　of　injuring　him。　There　is
no　danger。　I　assure　you；　on　my　honor；　there　is　nothing　to　fear。〃

〃Can　you　assure　me；　on　your　honor；　of　one　other　thing；〃　she　asked；
lowering　her　voice　on　her　side。　〃Can　you　honestly　tell　me　that　this　is
not　the　first　of　other　fits　that　are　to　come？〃

The　doctor　parried　the　question。

〃We　will　have　another　medical　opinion；〃　he　answered；　〃before　we　decide。
The　next　time　I　go　to　see　him；　a　physician　from　Brighton　shall　go　with
me。〃

Oscar；　who　had　thus　far　waited；　wondering　at　the　change　in　her；　now
opened　the　door。　The　doctor　returned　to　him。　They　left　us。

She　sat　down　on　the　window…seat；　with　her　elbows　on　her　knees　and　her
hands　grasping　her　forehead。　A　long　moaning　cry　burst　from　her。　She　said
to　herself　bitterly　the　one　word〃Farewell！〃

I　approached　her；　feeling　the　necessity　of　reminding　her　that　I　was　in
the　room。

〃Farewell　to　what？〃　I　asked；　taking　my　place　by　her　side。

〃To　his　happiness　and　to　mine；〃　she　answered；　without　lifting　her　head
from　her　hands。　〃The　dark　days　are　coming　for　Oscar　and　for　me。〃

〃Why　should　you　think　that？　You　heard　what　the　doctor　said。〃

〃The　doctor　doesn't　know　what　I　know。〃

〃What　do　you　know？〃

She　paused　before　she　answered　me。　〃Do　you　believe　in　fate？〃　she　said；
suddenly　breaking　the　silence。

〃I　believe　in　nothing　which　encourages　people　to　despair　of　themselves；〃
I　replied。

She　went　on　without　heeding　me。

〃What　caused　the　fit　which　seized　him　in　this　room？　The　blow　that　struck
him　on　the　head。　How　did　he　receive　the　blow？　In　trying　to　defend　what
was　his　and　what　was　mine。　What　had　he　been　doing　on　the　day　when　the
thieves　entered　the　house？　He　had　been　working　on　the　casket　which　was
meant　for　me。　Do　you　see　those　events　linked　together　in　one　chain？　I
believe　the　fit　will　be　followed　by　some　next　event　springing　out　of　it。
Something　else　is　coming　to　darken　his　life　and　to　darken　mine。　There　is
no　wedding…day　near　for　us。　The　obstacles　are　rising　in　front　of　him　and
in　front　of　me。　The　next　misfortune　is　very　near　us。　You　will　see！　you
will　see！〃　She　shivered　as　she　said　those　words；　and；　shrinking　away　from
me；　huddled　herself　up　in　a　corner　of　the　window…seat。

It　was　useless　to　dispute　with　her；　and　worse　than　useless　to　sit　there；
and　encourage　her　to　say　more。　I　got　up　on　my　feet。

〃There　is　one　thing　I　believe　in；〃　I　said　cheerfully。　〃I　believe　in　the
breeze　on　the　hills。　Come　for　a　walk！〃

She　shrank　closer　into　her　corner　and　shook　her　head。

〃Let　me　be！〃　she　broke　out　impatiently。　〃Leave　me　by　myself！〃　She　rose；
repenting　the　words　the　moment　they　were　utteredshe　put　her　arm　round
my　neck；　and　kissed　me。　〃I　didn't　mean　to　speak　so　harshly；〃　said　the
gentle　affectionate　creature。　〃Sister！　my　heart　is　heavy。　My　life　to　come
never　looked　so　dark　to　my　blind　eyes　as　it　looks　now。〃　A　tear　dropped
from　those　poor　sightless　eyes　on　my　cheek。　She　turned　her　head　aside
abruptly。　〃Forgive　me；〃　she　murmured；　〃and　let　me　go。〃　Before　I　could
answer；　she　hurried　away　to　hide　herself　in　her　room。　The　sweet　girl！　How
you　would　have　pitied　herhow　you　would　have　loved　her！

I　went　out　alone　for　my　walk。　She　had　not　infected　me　with　her
superstitious　foreboding　of　ill　things　to　come。　But　there　was　one　sad
word　that　she　had　said；　in　which　I　could　not　but　agree。　After　what　I　had
witnessed　in　that　room；　the　wedding…day　did　indeed　look　further　off　than
ever。

CHAPTER　THE　EIGHTEENTH

Family　Troubles

IN　four　or　five　days　more；　Lucilla's　melancholy　doubts　about　Oscar　were
confirmed。　He　was　attacked　by　a　second　fit。

The　promised　consultation　with　the　physician　from　Brighton　took　place。
Our　new　doctor　did　not　encourage　us　to　hope。　The　second　fit　following　so
close　on　the　first　was；　in　his　opinion；　a　bad　sign。　He　gave　general
directions　for　the　treatment　of　Oscar；　and　left　him　to　decide　for　himself
whether　he　would　or　would　not　try　change　of　scene。　No　change；　the
physician　appeared　to　think；　would　exert　any　immediate　influence　on　the
recurrence　of　the　epileptic　attacks。　The　patient's　general　health　might
be　benefited；　and　that　was　all。　As　for　the　question　of　the　marriage；　he
declared　without　hesitation　that　we　must　for　the　present　dismiss　all
consideration　of　it　from　our　minds。

Lucilla　received　the　account　of　what　passed　at　the　visit　of　the　doctors
with　a　stubborn　resignation　which　it　distressed　me　to　see。　〃Remember　what
I　told　you　when　the　first　attack　seized　him；〃　she　said。　〃Ou