poor miss finch-第105章

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EARLY　riser　as　I　was；　I　found　that　Oscar　had　risen　earlier　still。　He　had
left　the　rectory　and　had　disturbed　Mr。　Gootheridge's　morning　slumbers　by
an　application　at　the　inn　for　the　key　of　Browndown。

On　his　return　to　the　rectory；　he　merely　said　that　he　had　been　to　see
after　various　things　belonging　to　him；　which　were　still　left　in　the　empty
house。　His　look　and　manner　as　he　gave　us　this　brief　explanation　were；　to
my　mind；　more　unsatisfactory　than　ever。　I　made　no　remark；　and；　observing
that　his　loose　traveling　coat　was　buttoned　awry　over　the　breast；　I　set　it
right　for　him。　My　hand；　as　I　did　this；　touched　his　breast…pocket。　He
started　back　directlyas　if　there　was　something　in　the　pocket　which　he
did　not　wish　me　to　feel。　Was　it　something　he　had　brought　from　Browndown？

We　got　awayencumbered　by　Mr。　Finch；　who　insisted　on　attaching　himself
to　Oscarby　the　first　express　train；　which　took　us　straight　to　London。
Comparison　of　time…tables；　on　reaching　the　terminus；　showed　that　I　had
leisure　to　spare　for　a　brief　visit　to　Grosse；　before　we　again　took　the
railway　back　to　Sydenham。　Having　decided　not　to　mention　the　bad　news
about　Lucilla's　sight　to　Oscar；　until　I　had　seen　the　German　first；　I　made
the　best　excuse　that　suggested　itself；　and　drove　awayleaving　the　two
gentlemen　in　the　waiting…room　at　the　station。

I　found　Grosse　confined　to　his　easy…chair；　with　his　gouty　foot　enveloped
in　cool　cabbage…leaves。　Between　pain　and　anxiety；　his　eyes　were　wilder；
his　broken　English　was　more　grotesque　than　ever。　When　I　appeared　at　the
door　of　his　room　and　said　good　morningin　the　frenzy　of　his　impatience
he　shook　his　fist　at　me。

〃Good　morning　go…damn！〃　he　roared　out；　〃Where？　where？　where　is　Feench？〃

I　told　him　where　we　believed　Lucilla　to　be。　Grosse　turned　his　head；　and
shook　his　fist　at　a　bottle　on　the　chimney…piece　next。

〃Get　that　bottles　on　the　chimney；〃　he　said。　〃And　the　eye…baths　by　the
side　of　him。　Don't　stop　with　your　talky…talky…chatterations　here。　Go！
Save　her　eyes。　Look！　You　do　this。　You　throw　her　head　backsoh！〃　He
illustrated　the　position　so　forcibly　with　his　own　head　that　he　shook　his
gouty　foot；　and　screamed　with　the　pain　of　it。　He　went　on　nevertheless；
glaring　frightfully　through　his　spectacles；　gnashing　his　mustache
fiercely　between　his　teeth。　〃Throw　her　head　back。　Fill　the　eye…baths；
turn　him　upsides…down　over　her　open　eyes。　Drown　them　turn…turn…about　in
my　mixtures。　Drown　them；　I　say；　one…down…todder…come…on；　and　if　she
screech　never　mind　it。　Then　bring　her　to　me。　For　the　lofe　of　Gott；　bring
her　to　me。　If　you　tie　her　hands　and　foots；　bring　her　to　me。　What　is　the
womans　stopping　for？　Go！　go！　go！〃

〃I　want　to　ask　you　a　question　about　Oscar；〃　I　said；　〃before　I　go。〃

He　seized　the　pillow　which　supported　his　headevidently　intending　to
expedite　my　departure　by　throwing　it　at　me。　I　produced　the　railway
time…table　as　the　best　defensive　weapon　at　my　command。　〃Look　at　it　for
yourself；〃　I　said；　〃and　you　will　see　that　I　must　wait　at　the　station；　if
I　don't　wait　here。〃

With　some　difficulty；　I　satisfied　him　that　it　was　impossible　to　leave
London　for　Sydenham　before　a　certain　hour；　and　that　I　had　at　least　ten
minutes　to　spare　which　might　be　just　as　well　passed　in　consulting　him。　He
closed　his　glaring　eyes；　and　laid　his　head　back　on　the　chair；　thoroughly
exhausted　with　his　own　outbreak　of　excitement。　〃No　matter　how　things
goes；〃　he　said；　〃a　womans　must　wag　her　tongue。　Goot。　Wag　yours。〃

〃I　am　placed　in　a　very　difficult　position；〃　I　began。　〃Oscar　is　going　with
me　to　Lucilla。　I　shall　of　course　take　care；　in　the　first　place；　that　he
and　Nugent　do　not　meet；　unless　I　am　present　at　the　interview。　But　I　am
not　equally　sure　of　what　I　ought　to　do　in　the　case　of　Lucilla。　Must　I
keep　them　apart　until　I　have　first　prepared　her　to　see　Oscar？〃

〃Let　her　see　the　devil　himself　if　you　like；〃　growled　Grosse；　〃so　long　as
you　bring　her　here　afterwards…directly　to　me。　You　will　do　the　bettermost
thing；　if　you　prepare　Oscar。　_She_　wants　no　preparations！　She　is　enough
disappointed　in　him　as　it　is！〃

〃Disappointed　in　him！〃　I　repeated。　〃I　don't　understand　you。〃

He　settled　himself　wearily　in　his　chair；　and　referred；　in　a　softened　and
saddened　tone；　to　that　private　conversation　of　his　with　Lucilla；　at
Ramsgate；　which　has　already　been　reported　in　the　Journal。　I　was　now
informed；　for　the　first　time；　of　those　changes　in　her　sensations　and　in
her　ways　of　thinking　which　had　so　keenly　vexed　and　mortified　her。　I　heard
of　the　ominous　absence　of　the　old　thrill　of　pleasure；　when　Nugent　took
her　hand　on　meeting　her　at　the　seasideI　heard　how　bitterly　his　personal
appearance　had　disappointed　her　（when　she　had　seen　his　features　in
detail）　by　comparison　with　the　charming　ideal　picture　which　she　had
formed　of　her　lover　in　the　days　of　her　blindness：　those　happier　days；　as
she　had　called　them；　when　she　was　Poor　Miss　Finch。

〃Surely；〃　I　said；　〃all　the　old　feelings　will　come　back　to　her　when　she
sees　Oscar？〃

〃They　will　never　come　back　to　herno；　not　if　she　sees　fifty　Oscars！〃

He　was　beginning　to　frighten　me；　or　to　irritate　meI　can　hardly　say
which。　I　only　know　that　I　persisted　in　disputing　with　him。　〃When　she　sees
the　true　man；〃　I　went　on；　〃do　you　mean　to　say　she　will　feel　the　same
disappointment？〃

I　could　get　no　farther　than　that。　He　cut　me　short　there；　without
ceremony。

〃You　foolish　womans！〃　he　interposed；　〃she　will　feel　more　than　the　same。　I
have　told　you　already　it　was　one　enormous　disappointments　to　her　when　she
saw　the　handsome　brodder　with　the　fair　complexions。　Ask　your　own　self
what　it　will　be　when　she　sees　the　ugly　brodder　with　the　blue　face。　I　tell
you　this！she　will　think　your　true　man　the　worst　impostor　of　the　two。〃

There　I　indignantly　contradicted　him。

〃His　face　_may_　be　a　disappointment　to　her；〃　I　said〃I　own　that。　But
there　it　will　end。　Her　hand　will　tell　her；　when　he　takes　it；　that　there
is　no　impostor　deceiving　her　this　time。〃

〃Her　hand　will　tell　her　nothingno　more　than　yours。　I　had　not　so　much
hard　hearts　in　me　as　to　say　that　to　_her；_　when　she　asked　me。　I　say　it　to
_you。_　Hold　your　tongue　and　listen。　All　those　thrill…tingles　that　she
once　had　when　he　touched　her；　belong　to　anodder　timethe　time　gone…by
when　her　sight　was　in　her　fingers　and　not　in　her　eyes。　With　those
fine…superfine…feelings　of　the　days　when　she　was　blind；　she　pays　now　for
her　grand　new　privilege　of　opening　her　eyes　on　the　world。　（And　worth　the
price　too！）　Do　you　understand　yet？　It　is　a　sort　of　swop…bargain　between
Nature　and　this　poor　girls　of　ours。　I　take　away　your　eyesI　give　you
your　fine　touch。　I　give　you　your　eyesI　take　away　your　fine　touch。　Soh！
that　is　plain。　You　see　now。〃

I　was　too　mortified　and　too　miserable　to　answer　him。　Through　all　our
later　troubles；　I　had　looked　forward　so　confidently　to　Oscar's
re…appearance　as　the　one　sufficient　condition　on　which　Lucilla's
happiness　would　be　certainly　restored！　What　had　become　of　my
anticipations　now？　I　sat　silent；　staring　in　stupid　depression　at　the
pattern　of　the　carpet。　Grosse　took　out　his　watch。

〃Your　ten…minutes…time　has　counted　himself　out；〃　he　said。

I　neither　moved　nor　heeded　him。　His　ferocious　eyes　began　to　flame　again
behind　his　monstrous　spectacles。

〃Go…be…off…with…you！〃　he　shouted　at　me　as　if　I　was　deaf。　〃Her　eyes！　her
eyes！　While　you　stop　chatterboxing　here；　her　eyes　are　in　danger。　What
with　her　frettings　and　her　cryings　and　her　damn…nonsense…lofe…business；　I
swear　you　my　solemn　oath　her　sight　was　in　danger　when　I　saw　her　a　whole
fortnight　gone…by。　Do　you　want　my　big　pillow　to　fly　bang　at　your　head？
You　don't　want　him？　Be…off…away　with　you　then；　or　you　will　have　him　in
one…two…three　time！　Be…off…awayand　bring　her　back　to　me　before　night！〃

I　returned　to　the　railway。　Of　all　the　women　whom　I　passed　in　the　crowded
streets；　I　doubt　if　one　had　a　heavier　heart　in　her　bosom　that　morning
than　mine。

To　make　matters　worse　still；　my　traveling　companions　（one　in　the
refreshment…room；　and　one　pacing　the　platform）　received　my　account　of　my
interview　with　Grosse　in　a　manner　which　seriously　disappointed　and
discouraged　me。　Mr。　Finch's　inhuman　conceit　treated　my　melancholy　news　of
his　daughter　as　a　species　of　complim