a new england girlhood-第41章
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o much overawed by the presence of one whose poetry I had so long admired； to say a great deal。 But from that evening we knew each other as friends； and； of course； the day has a white mark among memories of my Lowell life。
Mr。 Whittier's visit to Lowell had some political bearing upon the antislavery cause。 It is strange now to think that a cause like that should not always have been our country's cause；our country；our own free nation！ But antislavery sentiments were then regarded by many as traitorous heresies； and those who held them did not expect to win popularity。 If the vote of the mill… girls had been taken； it would doubtless have been unanimous on the antislavery side。 But those were also the days when a woman was not expected to give； or even to have； an opinion on subjects of public interest。
Occasionally a young girl was attracted to the Lowell mills through her own idealization of the life there； as it had been reported to her。 Margaret Foley； who afterwards became distinguished as a sculptor； was one of these。 She did not remain many months at her occupation；which I think was weaving；soon changing it for that of teaching and studying art。 Those who came as she did were usually disappointed。 Instead of an Arcadia； they found a place of matter…of…fact toil； filled with a company of industrious； wide…awake girls； who were faithfully improving their opportunities； while looking through them into avenues Toward profit and usefulness； more desirable yet。 It has always been the way of the steady…minded New Englander to accept the present situationbut to accept it without boundaries； taking in also the larger prospectsall the heavens above and the earth beneathtowards which it opens。
The movement of New England girls toward Lowell was only an impulse of a larger movement which about that time sent so many people from the Eastern States into the West。 The needs of the West were constantly kept before us in the churches。 We were asked for contributions for Home Missions； which were willingly given； and some of us were appointed collectors of funds for the education of indigent young men to become Western Home Missionary preachers。 There was something almost pathetic in the readiness with which this was done by young girls who were longing to fit themselves for teachers； but had not the means。 Many a girl at Lowell was working to send her brother to college； who had far more talent and character than he； but a man could preach； and it was not 〃orthodox〃 to think that a woman could。 And in her devotion to him； and her zeal for the spread of Christian truth； she was hardly conscious of her own sacrifice。 Yet our ministers appreciated the intelligence and piety of their feminine parishioners。 An agent who came from the West for school…teachers was told by our own pastor that five hundred could easily be furnished from among Lowell mill…girls。 Many did go； and they made another New England in some of our Western States。
The missionary spirit was strong among my companions。 I never thought that I had the right qualifications for that work； but I had a desire to see the prairies and the great rivers of the West； and to get a taste of free； primitive life among pioneers。
Before the year 1845； several of my friends had emigrated as teachers or missionaries。 One of the editors of the 〃Operatives' Magazine〃 had gone to Arkansas with a mill…girl who had worked beside her among the looms。 They were at an Indian missionto the Cherokees and Choctaws。 I seemed to breathe the air of that far Southwest； in a spray of yellow jessamine which one of those friends sent me； pressed in a letter。 People wrote very long letters then； in those days of twenty…five cent postage。
Rachel； at whose house our German class had been accustomed to meet； had also left her work； and had gone to western Virginia to take charge of a school。 She wrote alluring letters to us about the scenery there； it was in the neighborhood of the Natural Bridge。
My friend Angeline； with whom I used to read 〃Paradise Lost；〃 went to Ohio as a teacher； and returned the following year； for a very brief visit； however；and with a husband。 Another acquaintance was in Wisconsin； teaching a pioneer school。 Eliza； my intimate companion； was about to be married to a clergyman。 She； too； eventually settled at the West。
The event which brought most change into my own life was the marriage of my sister Emilie。 It involved the breaking up of our own little family； of which she had really been the 〃houseband；〃 the return of my mother to my sisters at Beverly； and my going to board among strangers； as other girls did。 I found excellent quarters and kind friends； but the home…life was ended。
My sister's husband was a grammar school master in the city； and their cottage； a mile or more out； among the open fields； was my frequent refuge from homesickness and the general clatter。 Our partial separation showed me how much I had depended upon my sister。 I had really let her do most of my thinking for me。 Henceforth I was to trust to my own resources。 I was no longer the 〃little sister〃 who could ask what to do； and do as she was told。 It often brought me a feeling of dismay to find that I must make up my own mind about things small and great。 And yet I was naturally self…reliant。 I am not sure but self…reliance and dependence really belong together。 They do seem to meet in the same character； like other extremes。
The health of Emilie's husband failing； after a year or two； it was evident that be must change his employment and his residence。 He decided to go with his brother to Illinois and settle upon a prairie farm。 Of course his wife and baby boy must go too； and with the announcement of this decision came an invitation to me to accompany them。 I had no difficulty as to my response。 It was just what I wanted to do。 I was to teach a district school； but what there was beyond that； I could not guess。 I liked to feel that it was all as vague as the unexplored regions to which I was going。 My friend and room…mate Sarah； who was preparing herself to be a teacher； was invited to join us； and she was glad to do so。 It was all quickly settled； and early in the spring of 1846 we left New England。
When I came to a realization of what I was leaving； when good…bys had to be said； I began to feel very sorrowful； and to wish it was not to be。 I said positively that I should soon return； but underneath my protestations I was afraid that I might not。 The West was very far off then； a full week's journey。 It would be hard getting back。 Those I loved might die； I might die myself。 These thoughts passed through my mind； though not through my lips。 My eyes would sometimes tell the story； however； and I fancy that my tearful farewells must have seemed ridiculous to many of my friends； since my going was of my own cheerful choice。
The last meeting of the Improvement Circle before I went away was a kind of surprise party to me。 Several original poems were read； addressed to me personally。 I am afraid that I received it all in a dumb； undemonstrative way； for I could not make it seem real that I was the person meant； or that I was going away at all。 But I treasured those tributes of sympathy afterwards； under the strange； spacious skies where I sometimes felt so alone。
The editors of the 〃Offering〃 left with me a testimonial in money； accompanied by an acknowledgment of my contributions during several years； but I had never dreamed of pay； and did not know how to look upon it so。 I took it gratefully； however； as a token of their appreciation； and twenty dollars was no small help toward my outfit。 Friends brought me books and other keepsakes。 Our minister； gave me D'Aubigne's 〃History of the Reformation〃 as a parting gift。 It was quite a circumstance to be 〃going out West。〃
The exhilaration of starting off on one's first long journey； young； ignorant； buoyant； expectant； is unlike anything else； unless it be youth itself； the real beginning of the real journey life。 Annoyances are overlooked。 Everything seems romantic and dreamlike。
We went by a southerly route； on account of starting so early in the season there was snow on the ground the day we left。 On the second day； after a moonl
