a new england girlhood-第38章
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When I lifted my eyes from her tall； thin figure to her fair face and somewhat sad blue eyes； I saw that she looked a little worn； but I knew that it was from care for others； strangers as well as her own relatives； and it seemed to me as if those thirty loving years were her rose…garland。 I became more attached to her than ever。
What a foolish dread it is；showing unripeness rather than youth；the dread of growing old！ For how can a life be beautified more than by its beautiful years？ A living； loving； growing spirit can never be old。 Emerson says：
〃Spring still makes spring in the mind； When sixty years are told； 〃
and some of us are thankful to have lived long enough to bear witness with him to that truth。
The few others who measured cloth with us were nice； bright girls； and some of them remarkably pretty。 Our work and the room itself were so clean that in summer we could wear fresh muslin dresses； sometimes white ones； without fear of soiling them。 This slight difference of apparel and our fewer work…hours seemed to give us a slight advantage over the toilers in the mills opposite； and we occasionally heard ourselves spoken of as 〃the cloth…room aristocracy。〃 But that was only in fun。 Most of us had served an apprenticeship in the mills； and many of our best friends were still there； preferring their work because it brought them more money than we could earn。
For myself； no amount of money would have been a temptation； compared with my precious daytime freedom。 Whole hours of sunshine for reading； for walking； for studying； for writing； for anything that I wanted to do！ The days were so lovely and so long！ and yet how fast they slipped away！ I had not given up my dream of a better education； and as I could not go to school； I began to study by myself。
I had received a pretty thorough drill in the common English branches at the grammar school； and at my employment I only needed a little simple arithmetic。 A few of my friends were studying algebra in an evening class； but I had no fancy for mathematics。 My first wish was to learn about English Literature； to go back to its very beginnings。 It was not then studied even in the higher schools； and I knew no one who could give me any assistance in it； as a teacher。 〃Percy's Reliques〃 and 〃Chambers' Cyclopoedia of English Literature 〃 were in the city library； and I used them； making extracts from Chaucer and Spenser； to fix their peculiarities in my memory； though there was only a taste of them to be had from the Cyclopaedia。
Shakespeare I had read from childhood； in a fragmentary way。 〃The Tempest；〃 and 〃Midsummer Night's Dream；〃 and 〃King Lear；〃 I had swallowed among my fairy tales。 Now I discovered that the historical plays； notably； 〃Julius Caesar〃 and 〃Coriolanus；〃 had no less attraction for me； though of a different kind。 But it was easy for me to forget that I was trying to be a literary student； and slip off from Belmont to Venice with Portia to witness the discomfiture of Shylock； although I did pity the miserable Jew； and thought he might at least have been allowed the comfort of his paltry ducats。 I do not think that any of my studying at this time was very severe； it was pleasure rather than toil； for I undertook only the tasks I liked。 But what I learned remained with me； nevertheless。
With Milton I was more familiar than with any other poet； and from thirteen years of age to eighteen he was my preference。 My friend Angeline and I （another of my cloth…room associates） made the 〃Paradise Lost〃 a language…study in an evening class； under one of the grammar school masters； and I never open to the majestic lines；
〃High on a throne of royal state； which far Outshone the wealth of Ormus and of Ind； Or where the gorgeous east with richest hand Showers on her kings barbaric pearl and gold；〃
Without seeing Angeline's kindly； homely face out…lined through that magnificence； instead of the lineaments of the evil angel
〃by merit raised To that bad eminence。〃
She； too； was much older than I； and a most excellent； energetic； and studious young woman。 I wonder if she remembers how hard we tried to get
〃Beelzebubthan whom； Satan except； none higher sat；〃
into the limits of our grammatical rules；not altogether with success； I believe。
I copied passages from Jeremy Taylor and the old theologians into my note…books； and have found them useful even recently； in preparing compilations。 Dryden and the eighteenth century poets generally did not interest me； though I tried to read them from a sense of duty。 Pope was an exception； however。 Aphorisms from the 〃Essay on Man〃 were in as common use among us as those from the Book of Proverbs。
Some of my choicest extracts were in the first volume of collected poetry I ever owned； a little red morocco book called 〃The Young Man's Book of Poetry。〃 It was given me by one of my sisters when I was about a dozen years old； who rather apologized for the young man on the title…page； saying that the poetry was just as good as if he were not there。
And； indeed； no young man could have valued it more than I did。 It contained selections from standard poets； and choice ones from less familiar sources。 One of the extracts was Wordsworth's 〃Sunset among the Mountains；〃 from the 〃Excursion；〃 to read which； however often； always lifted me into an ecstasy。 That red morocco book was my treasure。 It traveled with me to the West； and I meant to keep it as long as I lived。 But alas！ it was borrowed by a little girl out on the Illinois prairies； who never brought it back。 I do not know that I have ever quite forgiven her。 I have wished I could look into it again； often and often tbrough the years。 But perhaps I ought to be grateful to that little girl for teaching me to be careful about returning borrowed books myself。 Only a lover of them can appreciate the loss of one which has been a possession from childhood。
Young and Cowper were considered religious reading； and as such I had always known something of them。 The songs of Burns were in the air。 Through him I best learned to know poetry as song。 I think that I heard the 〃Cotter's Saturday Night〃 and 〃A man's a man for a' that〃 more frequently quoted than any other poems familiar to my girlhood。
Some of my work…folk acquaintances were regular subscribers to 〃Blackwood's Magazine〃 and the 〃Westminster〃 and 〃Edinburgh〃 reviews； and they lent them to me。 These； and Macaulay's 〃Essays；〃 were a great help and delight。 I had also the reading of the 〃Bibliotheca Sacra 〃 and the 〃New Englander；〃 and sometimes of the 〃North American Review。〃
By the time I had come down to Wordsworth and Coleridge in my readings of English poetry； I was enjoying it all so much that I could not any longer call it study。
A gift from a friend of Griswold's 〃Poets and Poetry of England〃 gave me my first knowledge of Tennyson。 It was a great experience to read 〃Locksley Hall〃 for the first time while it was yet a new poem； and while one's own young life was stirred by the prophetic spirit of the age that gave it birth。
I had a friend about my own age； and between us there was something very much like what is called a 〃school…girl friendship；〃 a kind of intimacy supposed to be superficial； but often as deep and permanent as it is pleasant。
Eliza and I managed to see each other every day； we exchanged confidences； laughed and cried together； read； wrote； walked； visited； and studied together。 Her dress always had an airy touch which I admired； although I was rather indifferent as to what I wore myself。 But she would endeavor to 〃fix me up〃 tastefully； while I would help her to put her compositions for the 〃Offering〃 into proper style。 She had not begun to go to school at two years old； repeating the same routine of study every year of her childhood； as I had。 When a child； I should have thought it almost as much of a disgrace to spell a word wrong； or make a mistake in the multiplication table； as to break one of the Ten Commandments。 I was astonished to find that Eliza and other friends had not been as particularly dealt with in their early education。 But she knew her deficiencies； and earned money enough to leave her work and attend a day…school part of the year。
She was an ambitio
