a new england girlhood-第36章
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strial school for young people。 The girls there were just such girls as are knocking at the doors of young women's colleges to…day。 They had come to work with their hands； but they could not hinder the working of their minds also。 Their mental activity was overflowing at every possible outlet。
Many of them were supporting themselves at schools like Bradford Academy or Ipswich Seminary half the year； by working in the mills the other half。 Mount Holyoke Seminary broke upon the thoughts of many of them as a vision of hope；I remember being dazzled by it myself for a while；and Mary Lyon's name was honored nowhere more than among the Lowell mill…girls。 Meanwhile they were improving themselves and preparing for their future in every possible way； by purchasing and reading standard books； by attending lectures； and evening classes of their own getting up； and by meeting each other for reading and conversation。
That they should write was no more strange than that they should study； or read； or think。 And yet there were those to whom it seemed incredible that a girl could； in the pauses of her work； put together words with her pen that it would do to print； and after a while the assertion was circulated； through some distant newspaper； that our magazine was not written by ourselves at all； but by 〃Lowell lawyers。〃 This seemed almost too foolish a suggestion to contradict； but the editor of the 〃Offering〃 thought it best to give the name and occupation of some of the writers by way of refutation。 It was for this reason （much against my own wish） that my real name was first attached to anything I wrote。 I was then book…keeper in the cloth…room of the Lawrence Mills。 We had all used any fanciful signature we chose； varying it as we pleased。 After I began to read and love Wordsworth； my favorite nom de plume was 〃Rotha。〃 In the later numbers of the magazine； the editor more frequently made us of my initials。 One day I was surprised by seeing my name in full in Griswold's 〃Female Poet's；〃no great distinction； however； since there were a hundred names or so； besides。
It seemed necessary to give these gossip items about myself； but the real interest of every separate life…story is involved in the larger life…history which is going on around it。 We do not know ourselves without our companions and surroundings。 I cannot narrate my workmates' separate experiences； but I know that because of having lived among them； and because of having felt the beauty and power of their lives； I am different from what I should otherwise have been； and it is my own fault if I am not better for my life with them。
In recalling those years of my girlhood at Lowell； I often think that I knew then what real society is better perhaps than ever since。 For in that large gathering together of young womanhood there were many choice natures…some of the choicest in all our excellent New England； and there were no false social standards to hold them apart。 It is the best society when people meet sincerely； on the ground of their deepest sympathies and highest aspirations； without conventionality or cliques or affectation； and it was in that way that these young girls met and became acquainted with each other； almost of necessity。
There were all varieties of woman…nature among them； all degrees of refinement and cultivation； and； of course； many sharp contrasts of agreeable and disagreeable。 It was not always the most cultivated； however； who were the most companionable。 There were gentle； untaught girls； as fresh and simple as wild flowers； whose unpretending goodness of heart was better to have than bookishness； girls who loved everybody； and were loved by everybody。 Those are the girls that I remember best； and their memory is sweet as a breeze from the clover fields。
As I recall the throngs of unknown girlish forms that used to pass and repass me on the familiar road to the mill…gates； and also the few that I knew so well； those with whom I worked； thought； read； wrote； studied； and worshiped； my thoughts send a heartfelt greeting to them all； wherever in God's beautiful； busy universe they may now be scattered：
〃I am glad I have lived in the world with you！〃
XI。
READING AND STUDYING。
My return to mill…work involved making acquaintance with a new kind of machinery。 The spinning…room was the only one I had hitherto known anything about。 Now my sister Emilie found a place for me in the dressing…room； beside herself。 It was more airy； and fewer girls were in the room； for the dressing…frame itself was a large； clumsy affair； that occupied a great deal of space。 Mine seemed to me as unmanageable as an overgrown spoilt child。 It had to be watched in a dozen directions every minute； and even then it was always getting itself and me into trouble。 I felt as if the half…live creature； with its great； groaning joints and whizzing fan； was aware of my incapacity to manage it； and had a fiendish spite against me。 I contracted an unconquer… able dislike to it； indeed； I had never liked； and never could learn to like； any kind of machinery。 And this machine finally conquered me。 It was humiliating； but I had to acknowledge that there were some things I could not do； and I retired from the field； vanquished。
The two things I had enjoyed in this room were that my sister was with me； and that our windows looked toward the west。 When the work was running smoothly； we looked out together and quoted to each other all the sunset…poetry we could remember。 Our tastes did not quite agree。 Her favorite description of the clouds was from Pollok：
〃They seemed like chariots of saints； By fiery coursers drawn； as brightly hued As if the glorious； bushy； golden locks Of thousand cherubim had been shorn off； And on the temples hung of morn and even。〃
I liked better a translation from the German； beginning
〃Methinks it were no pain to die On such an eve； while such a sky O'ercanopies the west。〃
And she generally had to hear the whole poem； for I was very fond of it； though the especial verse that I contrasted with hers was；
〃There's peace and welcome in yon sea Of endless blue tranquillity； Those clouds are living things； I trace their veins of liquid gold； And see them silently unfold Their soft and fleecy wings。〃
Then she would tell me that my nature inclined to quietness and harmony； while hers asked for motion and splendor。 I wondered whether it really were so。 But that huge； creaking framework beside us would continually intrude upon our meditations and break up our discussions； and silence all poetry for us with its dull prose。
Emilie found more profitable work elsewhere； and I found some that was less so； but far more satisfactory； as it would give me the openings of leisure which I craved。
The paymaster asked； when I left； 〃Going where on can earn more money？〃
〃No；〃 I answered； 〃I am going where I can have more time。〃 〃Ah； yes！〃 he said sententiously； 〃time is money。〃 But that was not my thought about it。 〃Time is education；〃 I said to myself； for that was what I meant it should be to me。
Perhaps I never gave the wage…earning element in work its due weight。 It always seemed to me that the； Apostle's idea about worldly possessions was the only sensible one；
〃Having food and raiment； let us be therewith content。〃
If I could earn enough to furnish that； and have time to study besides；of course we always gave away a little； however little we had；it seemed to me a sufficiency。 At this time I was receiving two dollars a week； besides my board。 Those who were earning much more； and were carefully 〃laying it up；〃 did not appear to be any happier than I was。
I never thought that the possession of money would make me feel rich： it often does seem to have an opposite effect。 But then； I have never had the opportunity of knowing； by experience； how it does make one feel。 It is something to have been spared the responsibility of taking charge of the Lord's silver and gold。 Let us be thankful for what we have not； as well as for what we have！
Freedom to live one's life truly is surely more desirable than any earthly acquisition or possession； and at my new work I had hours of freedom every day。 I never went back again to the bondage of machi
