a new england girlhood-第33章
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ustrate my own early experience； except by the lives around me which most influenced mine。 And it was true that our smaller and more self…centred natures in touching hers caught something of her spirit； the contagion of her warm heart and healthy energy。 For health is more contagious than disease； and lives that exhale sweetness around them from the inner heaven of their souls keep the world wholesome。
I tried to follow her in my faltering way； and was gratified when she would send me to look up one of her stray children； or would let me watch with her at night by a sick…bed。 I think it was partly for the sake of keeping as close to her as I could though not without a sincere desire to consecrate myself to the Bestthat I became； at about thirteen； a member of the church which we attended。
Our minister was a scholarly man； of refined tastes and a sensitive organization； fervently spiritual； and earnestly devoted to his work。 It was all education to grow up under his influence。 I shall never forget the effect left by the tones of his voice when be first spoke to me； a child of ten years； at a neighborhood prayer…meeting in my mother's sitting…room。 He had been inviting his listeners to the friendship of Christ； and turning to my little sister and me； he said；
〃And these little children； too； won't they come？〃
The words； and his manner of saving them； brought the tears to my eyes。 Once only before； far back in my earlier childhoodI have already mentioned the incidenthad I heard that Name spoken so tenderly and familiarly； yet so reverently。 It was as if he had been gazing into the face of an invisible Friend； and bad just turned from Him to look into ours； while he gave us his message； that He loved us。
In that moment I again caught a glimpse of One whom I had always known； but had often forgotten；One who claimed me as his Father's child； and would never let me go。 It was a real Face that I saw； a real Voice that I heard； a real Person who was calling me。 I could not mistake the Presence that had so often drawn near me and shone with sunlike eyes into my soul。 The words； 〃Lord； lift Thou up the light of thy countenance upon us！〃 had always given me the feeling that a beautiful sunrise does。 It is indeed a sunrise text； for is not He the Light of the World？
And peaceful sunshine seemed pouring in at the windows of my life on the day when I stood in the aisle before the pulpit with a group； who； though young； were all much older than myself； and took with them the vows that bound us to his service。 Of what was then said and read I scarcely remember more than the words of heavenly welcome in the Epistle； 〃Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners。〃 It was like coming home； like stepping a little farther beyond the threshold in at the open door of our Father's house。
Perhaps I was too young to assume those vows。 Had I deferred it a few years there would have been serious intellectual hindrances。 But it was not the Articles of Faith I was thinking of； although there was a long list of them； to which we all bowed assent； as was the custom。 It was the homecoming to the 〃house not made with hands；〃 the gladness of signifying that I belonged to God's spiritual family； and was being drawn closer to his heart； with whom none of us are held as 〃strangers and foreigners。〃
I felt that I was taking up again the clue which had been put into my childish hand at baptism； and was being led on by it into the unfolding mysteries of life。 Should I ever let it slip from me； and lose the way to the 〃many mansions〃 that now seemed so open and so near？ I could not think so。 It is well that we cannot foresee our falterings and failures。 At least I could never forget that I had once felt my own and other lives bound together with the Eternal Life by an invisible thread。
The vague； fitful desire I had felt from my childhood to be something to the world I lived in； to give it something of the the inexpressible sweetness that often seemed pouring through me； I knew not whence； now began to shape itself into a definite outreach towards the Source of all spiritual life。 To draw near to the One All…Beautiful Being； Christ； to know Him as our spirits may know The Spirit； to receive the breath of his infinitely loving Life into mine； that I might breathe out that fragrance again into the lives around methis was the longing wish that； half hidden from myself； lay deep beneath all other desires of my soul。 This was what religion grew to mean to me； what it is still growing to mean； more simply and more clearly as the years go on。
The heart must be very humble to which this heavenly approach is permitted。 It knows that it has nothing in itself； nothing for others； which it has not received。 The loving Voice of Him who gives his friends his errands to do whispers through them constantly； 〃Ye are not your own。〃
There may be those who would think my narrative more entertaining； if I omitted these inner experiences； and related only lighter incidents。 But one thing I was aware of； from the time I began to think and to wonder about my own lifethat what I felt and thought was far more real to me than the things that happened。
Circumstances are only the keys that unlock for us the secret of ourselves； and I learned very early that though there is much to enjoy in this beautiful outside world； there is much more to love； to believe in； and to seek； in the invisible world out of which it all grows。 What has best revealed our true selves to ourselves must be most helpful to others； and one can willingly sacrifice some natural reserves to such an end。 Besides； if we tell our own story at all； we naturally wish to tell the truest part of it。
Work； study； and worship were interblended in our life。 The church was really the home…centre to many； perhaps to most of us； and it was one of the mill regulations that everybody should go to church somewhere。 There must have been an earnest group of ministers at Lowell； since nearly all the girls attended public worship from choice。
Our minister joined us in our social gatherings； often inviting us to his own house； visiting us at our work； accompanying us on our picnics down the river…bank；a walk of a mile or so took us into charmingly picturesque scenery； and we always walked； suggesting books for our reading； and assisting us in our studies。
The two magazines published by the mill…girls； the 〃Lowell Offering〃 and the 〃Operatives' Magazine；〃 originated with literary meetings in the vestry of two religious societies； the first in the Universalist Church； the second in the First Congregational； to which my sister and I belonged。
On account of our belonging there； our contributions were given to the 〃Operatives' Magazine；〃 the first periodical for which I ever wrote； issued by the literary society of which our minister took charge。 He met us on regular evenings； read aloud our poems and sketches； and made such critical suggestions as he thought desirable。 This magazine was edited by two young women； both of whom had been employed in the mills； although at that time the were teachers in the public schoolsa change which was often made by mill…girls after a few months' residence at Lowell。 A great many of them were district…school teachers at their homes in the summer； spending only the winters at their work。
The two magazines went on side by side for a year or two； and then were united in the 〃Lowell Offering〃 which had made the first experiment of the kind by publishing a trial number or two at irregular intervals。 My sister had sent some verses of mine； on request； to be published in one of those specimen numbers。 But we were not acquainted with the editor of the 〃Offering；〃 and we knew only a few of its contributors。 The Universalist Church； in the vestry of which they met； was in a distant part of the city。 Socially； the place where we worshiped was the place where we naturally came together in other ways。 The churches were all filled to overflowing； so that the grouping together of the girls by their denominational preferences was almost unavoidable。 It was in some such way as this that two magazines were started instead of one。 If the girls who enjoyed writing had not been so many a
