a new england girlhood-第29章
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over。
Her bereavements had given an appealing sadness to her whole expression； but she had accepted them and her changed circumstances with the submission of profound faith which everybody about her felt in everything she said and did。 I think I first knew； through her； how character can teach； without words。 To see her and her little niece together was almost like looking at a picture of the Madonna。 Caroline afterwards became an inmate of my mother's family； and we were warm friends until her death a few years ago。
Some of the girls could not believe that the Bible was meant to be counted among forbidden books。 We all thought that the Scriptures had a right to go wherever we went； and that if we needed them anywhere； it was at our work。 I evaded the law by carrying some leaves from a torn Testament in my pocket。
The overseer； caring more for law than gospel； confiscated all he found。 He had his desk full of Bibles。 It sounded oddly to hear him say to the most religious girl in the room； when he took hers away； 〃I did think you had more conscience than to bring that book here。〃 But we had some close ethical questions to settle in those days。 It was a rigid code of morality under which we lived。 Nobody complained of it； however； and we were doubtless better off for its strictness； in the end。
The last window in the row behind me was filled with flourishing house…plantsfragrant leaved geraniums； the overseer's pets。 They gave that corner a bowery look； the perfume and freshness tempted me there often。 Standing before that window； I could look across the room and see girls moving backwards and forwards among the spinning…frames； sometimes stooping； sometimes reaching up their arms； as their work required； with easy and not ungraceful movements。 On the whole； it was far from being a disagreeable place to stay in。 The girls were bright…looking and neat； and everything was kept clean and shining。 The effect of the whole was rather attractive to strangers。
My grandfather came to see my mother once at about this time and visited the mills。 When he had entered our room； and looked around for a moment； he took off his hat and made a low bow to the girls； first toward the right； and then toward the left。 We were familiar with his courteous habits； partly due to his French descent； but we had never seen anybody bow to a room full of mill girls in that polite way； and some one of the family afterwards asked him why he did so。 He looked a little surprised at the question； but answered promptly and with dignity； 〃I always take off my hat to ladies。〃
His courtesy was genuine。 Still； we did not call ourselves ladies。 We did not forget that we were working…girls； wearing coarse aprons suitable to our work； and that there was some danger of our becoming drudges。 I know that sometimes the confinement of the mill became very wearisome to me。 In the sweet June weather I would lean far out of the window； and try not to hear the unceasing clash of sound inside。 Looking away to the hills； my whole stifled being would cry out
〃Oh； that I had wings！〃
Still I was there from choice； and
〃The prison unto which we doom ourselves； No prison is。〃
And I was every day making discoveries about life； and about myself。 I had naturally some elements of the recluse； and would never； of my own choice； have lived in a crowd。 I loved quiet… ness。 The noise of machinery was particularly distasteful to me。 But I found that the crowd was made up of single human lives； not one of them wholly uninteresting； when separately known。 I learned also that there are many things which belong to the whole world of us together； that no one of us； nor any few of us； can claim or enjoy for ourselves alone。 I discovered； too； that I could so accustom myself to the noise that it became like a silence to me。 And I defied the machinery to make me its slave。 Its incessant discords could not drown the music of my thoughts if I would let them fly high enough。 Even the long hours； the early rising and the regularity enforced by the cladgor of the bell were good discipline for one who was naturally inclined to dally and to dream； and who loved her own personal liberty with a willful rebellion against control。 Perhaps I could have brought myself into the limitations of order and method in no other way。
Like a plant that starts up in showers and sunshine and does not know which has best helped it to grow； it is difficult to say whether the hard things or the pleasant things did me most good。 But when I was sincerest with myself； as also when I thought least about it； I know that I was glad to be alive； and to be just where I was。 It is a conquest when we can lift ourselves above the annoyances of circumstances over which we have no control； but it is a greater victory when we can make those circumstances our helpers； when we can appreciate the good there is in them。 It has often seemed to me as if Life stood beside me； looking me in the face； and saying； 〃Child； you must learn to like me in the form in which you see me； before I can offer myself to you in any other aspect。〃
It was so with this disagreeable necessity of living among many people。 There is nothing more miserable than to lose the feeling of our own distinctiveness； since that is our only clue to the Purpose behind us and the End before us。 But when we have discovered that human beings are not a mere 〃mass；〃 but an orderly Whole； of which we are a part； it is all so different！
This we working…girls might have learned from the webs of cloth we saw woven around us。 Every little thread must take its place as warp or woof； and keep in it steadily。 Left to itself； it would be only a loose； useless filament。 Trying to wander in an independent or a disconnected way among the other threads； it would make of the whole web an inextricable snarl。 Yet each little thread must be as firmly spun as if it were the only one； or the result would be a worthless fabric。
That we are entirely separate； while yet we entirely belong to the Whole； is a truth that we learn to rejoice in； as we come to understand more and more of ourselves； and of this human life of ours； which seems so complicated； and yet is so simple。 And when we once get a glimpse of the Divine Plan in it all； and know that to be just where we are； doing just what we are doing just at this hour because it is our appointed hour；when we become aware that this is the very best thing possible for us in God's universe； the hard task grows easy； the tiresome employment welcome and delightful。 Having fitted ourselves to our present work in such a way as this； we are usually prepared for better work； and are sent to take a better place。
Perhaps this is one of the unfailing laws of progress in our being。 Perhaps the Master of Life always rewards those who do their little faithfully by giving them some greater opportunity for faithfulness。 Certainly； it is a comfort； wherever we are； to say to ourselves：
〃Thou camest not to thy place by accident； It is the very place God meant for thee。〃
IX。
MOUNTAIN…FRIENDS。
THE pleasure we found in making new acquaintances among our workmates arose partly from their having come from great distances； regions unknown to us； as the northern districts of Maine and New Hampshire and Vermont were； in those days of stage… coach traveling； when rail…roads had as yet only connected the larger cities with one another。
It seemed wonderful to me to be talking with anybody who had really seen mountains and lived among them。 One of the younger girls； who worked beside me during my very first days in the mill； had come from far up near the sources of the Merrimack； and she told me a great deal about her home； and about farm…life among the hills。 I listened almost with awe when she said that she lived in a valley where the sun set at four o'clock； and where the great snowstorms drifted in so that sometimes they did not see a neighbor for weeks。
To have mountain…summits looking down upon one out of the clouds； summer and winter； by day and by night； seemed to me something both delightful and terrible。 And yet here was this girl to whom it all appeared like the merest commonplace。 What she felt about it was that it was 〃awful c
