a new england girlhood-第28章

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tter　than　I　understood　myself；　and　it　was　a　comfort　to　be　assured　that　my　scribbling　was　not　wholly　a　waste　of　time。　So　I　used　pencil　and　paper　in　every　spare　minute　I　could　find。Our　little　home…journal　went　bravely　on　through　twelve　numbers。　　Its　yellow　manuscript　pages　occasionally　meet　my　eyes　when　I　am　rummaging　among　my　old　papers；　with　the　half…conscious　look　of　a　waif　that　knows　it　has　no　right　to　its　escape　from　the　waters　of　oblivion。

While　it　was　in　progress　my　sister　Emilie　became　acquainted　with　a　family　of　bright　girls；　near　neighbors　of　ours；　who　proposed　that　we　should　join　with　them；　and　form　a　little　society　for　writing　and　discussion；　to　meet　fortnightly　at　their　house。　We　met；I　think　I　was　the　youngest　of　the　group；prepared　a　Constitution　and　By…Laws；　and　named　ourselves　〃The　Improvement　Circle。〃　If　I　remember　rightly；　my　sister　was　our　first　president。　The　older　ones　talked　and　wrote　on　many　subjects　quite　above　me。　I　was　shrinkingly　bashful；　as　half…grown　girls　usually　are；　but　I　wrote　my　little　essays　and　read　them；　and　listened　to　the　rest；　and　enjoyed　it　all　exceedingly。　Out　of　this　little　〃Improvement　Circle〃　grew　the　larger　one　whence　issued　the　〃Lowell　Offering；〃　a　year　or　two　later。

At　this　time　I　had　learned　to　do　a　spinner's　work；　and　I　obtained　permission　to　tend　some　frames　that　stood　directly　in　front　of　the　river…windows；　with　only　them　and　the　wall　behind　me；　extending　half　the　length　of　the　mill；and　one　young　woman　beside　me；　at　the　farther　end　of　the　row。　She　was　a　sober；　mature　person；　who　scarcely　thought　it　worth　her　while　to　speak　often　to　a　child　like　me；　and　I　was；　when　with　strangers；　rather　a　reserved　girl；　so　I　kept　myself　occupied　with　the　river；　my　work；　and　my　thoughts。　And　the　river　and　my　thoughts　flowed　on　together；　the　happiest　of　companions。　Like　a　loitering　pilgrim；　it　sparkled　up　to　me　in　recognition　as　it　glided　along　and　bore　away　my　little　frets　and　fatigues　on　its　bosom。　When　the　work　〃went　well；〃　I　sat　in　the　window…seat；　and　let　my　fancies　fly　whither　they　would；downward　to　the　sea；　or　upward　to　the　hills　that　hid　the　mountain…cradle　of　the　Merrimack。

The　printed　regulations　forbade　us　to　bring　books　into　the　mill；　so　I　made　my　window…seat　into　a　small　library　of　poetry；　pasting　its　side　all　over　with　newspaper　clippings。　In　those　days　we　had　only　weekly　papers；　and　they　had　always　a　〃poet's　corner；〃　where　standard　writers　were　well　represented；　with　anonymous　ones；　also。　I　was　not；　of　course；　much　of　a　critic。　I　chose　my　verses　for　their　sentiment；　and　because　I　wanted　to　commit　them　to　memory；　sometimes　it　was　a　long　poem；　sometimes　a　hymn；　sometimes　only　a　stray　verse。　　Mrs。　Hemans　sang　with　me；

〃Far　away；　o'er　the　blue　hills　far　away；〃

and　I　learned　and　loved　her　〃Better　Land；〃　and

〃If　thou　hast　crushed　a　flower；〃

and　〃Kindred　Hearts。〃

I　wonder　if　Miss　Landon　really　did　write　that　fine　poem　to　Mont　Blanc　which　was　printed　in　her　volume；　but　which　sounds　so　entirely　unlike　everything　else　she　wrote！　This　was　one　of　my　window…gems。　It　ended　with　the　appeal；

〃Alas　for　thy　past　mystery！　For　thine　untrodden　snow！　Nurse　of　the　tempest！　hast　thou　none　To　guard　thine　outraged　brow？〃　and　it　contained　a　stanza　that　I　often　now　repeat　to　myself：

〃We　know　too　much：　scroll　after　scroll　Weighs　down　our　weary　shelves：　Our　only　point　of　ignorance　Is　centred　in　ourselves。〃

There　was　one　anonymous　waif　in　my　collection　that　I　was　very　fond　of。　I　have　never　seen　it　since；　nor　ever　had　the　least　clue　to　its　authorship。　It　stirred　me　and　haunted　me；　and　it　often　comes　back　to　me　now；　in　snatches　like　these：

〃The　human　mind！　That　lofty　thing；　The　palace　and　the　throne　Where　Reason　sits；　a　sceptred　king；　And　breathes　his　judgment…tone！〃

〃The　human　soul！　That　startling　thing；　Mysterious　and　sublime；　An　angel　sleeping　on　the　wing；　Worn　by　the　scoffs　of　time。　》From　heaven　in　tears　to　earth　it　stole…　That　startling　thing；　the　human　soul。〃

I　was　just　beginning；　in　my　questionings　as　to　the　meaning　of　life；　to　get　glimpses　of　its　true　definition　from　the　poets；　that　it　is　love；　service；　the　sacrifice　of　self　for　others'　good。　The　lesson　was　slowly　learned；　but　every　hint　of　it　went　to　my　heart；　and　I　kept　in　silent　upon　my　window　wall　reminders　like　that　of　holy　George　Herbert：〃

〃Be　useful　where　thou　livest；　that　they　may　Both　want　and　wish　thy　pleasing　presence　still。　…Find　out　men'　s　wants　and　will；　And　meet　them　there。　All　worldly　joys　go　less　To　the　one　joy　of　doing　kindnesses；〃

and　that　well…known　passage　from　Talfourd；

〃The　blessings　which　the　weak　and　poor　can　scatter；　Have　their　own　season。　It　is　a　little　thing　to　speak　a　phase　Of　common　comfort；　which；　by　daily　use；　Has　almost　lost　its　sense；　yet　on　the　ear　Of　him　who　thought　to　die　unmourned　't　will　fall　Like　choicest　music。〃

A　very　familiar　extract　from　Carlos　Wilcox；　almost　the　only　quotation　made　nowadays　from　his　poems；　was　often　on　my　sister　Emilie's　lips；　whose　heart　seemed　always　to　be　saying　to　itself：…　…

〃Pour　blessings　round　thee　like　a　shower　of　gold！〃

I　had　that　beside　me；　too；　and　I　copy　part　of　it　here；　for　her　sake；　and　because　it　will　be　good　for　my　girl　readers　to　keep　in　mind　one　of　the　noblest　utterances　of　an　almost　forgotten　American　poet：

〃Rouse　to　some　work　of　high　and　holy　love；　And　thou　an　angel's　happiness　shalt　know；　Shalt　bless　the　earth　while　in　the　world　above。　The　good　begun　by　thee　shall　onward　flow。　The　pure；　sweet　stream　shall　deeper；　wider　grow。　The　seed　that　in　these　few　and　fleeting　hours　Thy　hands；　unsparing　and　unwearied　sow；　Shall　deck　thy　grave　with　amaranthine　flowers；　And　yield　thee　fruits　divine　in　heaven's　immortal　bowers。〃

One　great　advantage　which　came　to　these　many　stranger　girls　through　being　brought　together；　away　from　their　own　homes；　was　that　it　taught　them　to　go　out　of　themselves；　and　enter　into　the　lives　of　others。　Home…life；　when　one　always　stays　at　home；　is　necessarily　narrowing。　　That　is　one　reason　why　so　many　women　are　petty　and　unthoughtful　of　any　except　their　own　family's　interests。　We　have　hardly　begun　to　live　until　we　can　take　in　the　idea　of　the　whole　human　family　as　the　one　to　which　we　truly　belong。　　To　me；　it　was　an　incalculable　help　to　find　myself　among　so　many　working…girls；　all　of　us　thrown　upon　our　own　resources；　but　thrown　much　more　upon　each　others'　sympathies。

And　the　stream　beside　which　we　toiled　added　to　its　own　inspirations　human　suggestions　drawn　from　our　acquaintance　with　each　other。　It　blended　itself　with　the　flow　of　our　lives。　Almost　the　first　of　my　poemlets　in　the　〃Lowell　Offering〃　was　entitled　〃The　River。〃　These　are　some　lines　of　it：

〃Gently　flowed　a　river　bright　On　its　path　of　liquid　light；　Gleaming　now　soft　banks　between；　Winding　now　through　valleys　green；　Cheering　with　its　presence　mild　Cultured　fields　and　woodlands　wild。

〃Is　not　such　a　pure　one's　life？　Ever　shunning　pride　and　strife；　Noiselessly　along　she　goes；　Known　by　gentle　deeds　she　does；　Often　wandering　far；　to　bless；　And　do　others　kindnesses。

〃Thus；　by　her　own　virtues　shaded；　While　pure　thoughts；　like　starbeams；　lie　Mirrored　in　her　heart　and　eye；　She；　content　to　be　unknown；　All　serenely　moveth　on；　Till；　released　from　Time's　commotion；　Self　is　lost　in　Love's　wide　ocean。〃

There　was　many　a　young　girl　near　me　whose　life　was　like　the　beautiful　course　of　the　river　in　my　ideal　of　her。　The　Merrimack　has　blent　its　music　with　the　onward　song　of　many　a　lovely　soul　that；　clad　in　plain　working…clothes；　moved　heavenward　beside　its　waters。

One　of　the　loveliest　persons　I　ever　knew　was　a　young　girl　who　worked　opposite　to　me　in　the　spinning…room。　Our　eyes　made　us　friends　long　before　we　spoke　to　each　other。　She　was　an　orphan；　well…bred　and　well…educated；　about　twenty　years　old；　and　she　had　brought　with　her　to　her　place　of　toil　the　orphan　child　of　her　sister；　left　to　her　as　a　death…bed　legacy。　They　boarded　with　a　relative。　The　factory　boarding…houses　were　often　managed　by　families　of　genuine　refinement；　as　in　this　case；　and　the　one　comfort　of　Caroline's　life　was　her　beautiful　little　niece；　to　whom　she　could　go　home　when　the　day's　work　was　over。

Her　bereavements　had　given　an　appealing　sadness　to　her　whole　expression；　but　she　had　accept