a new england girlhood-第20章

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believed　in　every　word　she　ever　uttered。　She　herself；　however；　did　not　carry　out　her　girlish　intention。　〃Her　children　arise　up　and　call　her　blessed；　her　husband　also；　and　he　praiseth　her。〃　But　the　little　sisters　she　used　to　fondle　as　her　〃babies　have　never　allowed　their　own　years　nor　her　changed　relations　to　cancel　their　claim　upon　her　motherly　sympathies。

I　regard　it　as　a　great　privilege　to　have　been　one　of　a　large　family；　and　nearly　the　youngest。　We　had　strong　family　resem…　blances；　and　yet　no　two　seemed　at　all　alike。　It　was　like　rehearsing　in　a　small　world　each　our　own　part　in　the　great　one　awaiting　us。　If　we　little　ones　occasionally　had　some　severe　snubbing　mixed　with　the　petting　and　praising　and　loving；　that　was　wholesome　for　us；　and　not　at　all　to　be　regretted。

Almost　every　one　of　my　sisters　had　some　distinctive　aptitude　with　her　fingers。　One　worked　exquisite　lace…embroidery；　another　had　a　knack　at　cutting　and　fitting　her　doll's　clothing　so　perfectly　that　the　wooden　lady　was　always　a　typical　specimen　of　the　genteel　doll…world；　and　another　was　an　expert　at　fine　stitching；　so　delicately　done　that　it　was　a　pleasure　to　see　or　to　wear　anything　her　needle　had　touched。　I　had　none　of　these　gifts。　I　looked　on　and　admired；　and　sometimes　tried　to　imitate；　but　my　efforts　usually　ended　in　defeat　and　mortification。

I　did　like　to　knit；　however；　and　I　could　shape　a　stocking　tolerably　well。　My　fondness　for　this　kind　of　work　was　chiefly　because　it　did　not　require　much　thought。　Except　when　there　was　〃widening〃　or　〃narrowing〃　to　be　done；　I　did　not　need　to　keep　my　eyes　upon　it　at　all。　So　I　took　a　book　upon　my　lap　and　read；　and　read；　while　the　needles　clicked　on；　comforting　me　with　the　reminder　that　I　was　not　absolutely　unemployed；　while　yet　I　was　having　a　good　time　reading。

I　began　to　know　that　I　liked　poetry；　and　to　think　a　good　deal　about　it　at　my　childish　work。　Outside　of　the　hymn…book；　the　first　rhymes　I　committed　to　memory　were　in　the　〃Old　Farmer's　Almanac；〃　files　of　which　hung　in　the　chimney　corner；　and　were　an　inexhaust…　ible　source　of　entertainment　to　us　younger　ones。

My　father　kept　his　newspapers　also　carefully　filed　away　in　the　garret；　but　we　made　sad　havoc　among　the　〃Palladiums〃　and　other　journals　that　we　ought　to　have　kept　as　antiquarian　treasures。　We　valued　the　anecdote　column　and　the　poet's　corner　only；　these　we　clipped　unsparingly　for　our　scrap…books。

A　tattered　copy　of　Johnson's　large　Dictionary　was　a　great　delight　to　me；　on　account　of　the　specimens　of　English　versification　which　I　found　in　the　Introduction。　I　learned　them　as　if　they　were　so　many　poems。　I　used　to　keep　this　old　volume　close　to　my　pillow；　and　I　amused　myself　when　I　awoke　in　the　morning　by　reciting　its　jingling　contrasts　of　iambic　and　trochaic　and　dactylic　metre；　and　thinking　what　a　charming　occupation　it　must　be　to　〃make　up〃　verses。

I　made　my　first　rhymes　when　I　was　about　seven　years　old。　My　brother　John　proposed　〃writing　poetry〃　as　a　rainy…day　amusement；　one　afternoon　when　we　two　were　sent　up　into　the　garret　to　entertain　ourselves　without　disturbing　the　family。　He　soon　grew　tired　of　his　unavailing　attempts；　but　I　produced　two　stanzas；　the　first　of　which　read　thus：

〃One　summer　day；　said　little　Jane；　We　were　walking　down　a　shady　lane；　When　suddenly　the　wind　blew　high；　And　the　red　lightning　flashed　in　the　sky。　The　second　stanza　descended　in　a　dreadfully　abrupt　anti…climax；　but　I　was　blissfully　ignorant　of　rhetoricians'　rules；　and　supposed　that　the　rhyme　was　the　only　important　thing。　It　may　amuse　my　child…readers　if　I　give　them　this　verse　too：

〃The　peals　of　thunder；　how　they　rolled！　And　I　felt　myself　a　little　cooled；　For　I　before　had　been　quite　warm；　But　now　around　me　was　a　storm。〃

My　brother　was　surprised　at　my　success；　and　I　believe　I　thought　my　verses　quite　fine；　too。　But　I　was　rather　sorry　that　I　had　written　them；　for　I　had　to　say　them　over　to　the　family；　and　then　they　sounded　silly。　The　habit　was　formed；　however；　and　I　went　on　writing　little　books　of　ballads；　which　I　illustrated　with　colors　from　my　toy　paintbox；　and　then　squeezed　down　into　the　cracks　of　the　garret　floor；　for　fear　that　somebody　would　find　them。

My　fame　crept　out　among　the　neighbors；　nevertheless。　I　was　even　invited　to　write　some　verses　in　young　lady's　album；　and　Aunt　Hannah　asked　me　to　repeat　my　verses　to　her。　I　considered　myself　greatly　honored　by　both　requests。

My　fondness　for　books　began　very　early。　At　the　age　of　four　I　had　formed　the　plan　of　collecting　a　library。　Not　of　limp；　paper…　covered　picture…books；　such　as　people　give　to　babies；　no！　I　wanted　books　with　stiff　covers；　that　could　stand　up　side　by　side　on　a　shelf；　and　maintain　their　own　character　as　books。　But　I　did　not　know　how　to　make　a　beginning；　for　mine　were　all　of　the　kind　manufactured　for　infancy；　and　I　thought　they　deserved　no　better　fate　than　to　be　tossed　about　among　my　rag…babies　and　playthings。

One　day；　however；　I　found　among　some　rubbish　in　a　corner　a　volume；　with　one　good　stiff　cover；　the　other　was　missing。　It　did　not　look　so　very　old；　nor　as　if　it　had　been　much　read；　neither　did　it　look　very　inviting　to　me　as　I　turned　its　leaves。　On　its　title…page　I　read　〃The　Life　of　John　Calvin。〃　I　did　not　know　who　he　was；　but　a　book　was　a　book　to　me；　and　this　would　do　as　well　as　any　to　begin　my　library　with。　I　looked　upon　it　as　a　treasure；　and　to　make　sure　of　my　claim；　I　took　it　down　to　my　mother　and　timidly　asked　if　I　might　have　it　for　my　own。　She　gave　me　in　reply　a　rather　amused　〃Yes；〃　and　I　ran　back　happy；　and　began　my　library　by　setting　John　Calvin　upright　on　a　beam　under　the　garret　eaves；　my　〃make…believe〃　book…case　shelf。

I　was　proud　of　my　literary　property；　and　filled　out　the　shelf　in　fancy　with　a　row　of　books；　every　one　of　which　should　have　two　stiff　covers。　But　I　found　no　more　neglected　volumes　that　I　could　adopt。　John　Calvin　was　left　to　a　lonely　fate；　and　am　afraid　that　at　last　the　mice　devoured　him。　Before　I　had　quite　forgotten　him；　however；　I　did　pick　up　one　other　book　of　about　his　size；　and　in　the　same　one…covered　condition；　and　this　attracted　me　more；　because　it　was　in　verse。　Rhyme　had　always　a　sort　of　magnetic　power　over　me；　whether　I　caught　at　any　idea　it　contained　or　not。

This　was　written　in　the　measure　which　I　afterwards　learned　was　called　Spenserian。　It　was　Byron's　〃Vision　of　Judgment；〃　and　Southey's　also　was　bound　up　with　it。　Southey's　hexameters　were　too　much　of　a　mouthful　for　me；　but　Byron's　lines　jingled；　and　apparently　told　a　story　about　something。　St。　Peter　came　into　it；　and　King　George　the　Third；　neither　of　which　names　meant　anything　to　me；　but　the　scenery　seemed　to　be　somewhere　up　among　the　clouds；　and　I；　unsuspicious　of　the　author's　irreverence；　took　it　for　a　sort　of　semi…Biblical　fairy　tale。

There　was　on　my　mother's　bed　a　covering　of　pink　chintz；　pictured　all　over　with　the　figure　of　a　man　sitting　on　a　cloud；　holding　a　bunch　of　keys。　I　put　the　two　together　in　my　mind；　imagining　the　chintz　counterpane　to　be　an　illustration　of　the　poem；　or　the　poem　an　explanation　of　the　counterpane。　For　the　stanza　I　liked　best　began　with　the　words；

〃St。Peter　sat　at　the　celestial　gate；　And　nodded　o'er　his　keys。〃

I　invented　a　pronunciation　for　the　long　words；　and　went　about　the　house　reciting　grandly；

〃St。　Peter　sat　at　the　kelestikal　gate；　And　nodded　o'er　his　keys。〃

That　volume；　swept　back　to　me　with　the　rubbish　of　Time；　still　reminds　me；　forlorn　and　half…clad；　of　my　childish　fondness　for　its　mock…magnificence。

John　Calvin　and　Lord　Byron　were　rather　a　peculiar　combination；　as　the　foundation　of　an　infant's　library；　but　I　was　not　aware　of　any　unfitness　or　incompatibility。　To　me　they　were　two　brother…books；　like　each　other　in　their　refusal　to　wear　limp　covers。

It　is　amusing　to　recall　the　rapid　succession　of　contrasts　in　one　child's　tastes。　I　felt　no　incongruity　between　Dr。　Watts　and　Mother　Goose。　I　supplemented　〃Pibroch　of　Donuil　Dhu〃　and

〃Lochiel；　Lochiel；　beware　of　the　day；〃

with　〃Yankee　Doodle〃　and　the　〃Diverting　History　of　John　Gilpin；〃　and　with　the　glamour　of　some　fairy　tale　I　had　just　read　still　haunting　me；　I　would　run　out　of　doors　eating　a　big　piece　of　bread　and　butter；sweeter　than　any　has　tasted　since；and　would　jump　up　towards　the　crows　cawing　high　above　me；　cawi