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第11章

a new england girlhood-第11章

小说: a new england girlhood 字数: 每页4000字

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〃Come; let us join our cheerful songs With angels round the throne。〃

〃Love divine; all love excelling; Joy of heaven; to earth come down。〃

〃Joy to the world! the Lord is come!〃

〃Hark! the song of jubilee; Loud as mighty thunders' roar; Or the fullness of the sea When it breaks upon the shore!

〃Hallelujah! for the Lord God Omnipotent shall reign! Hallelujah! let the word Echo round the earth and main。〃

Ah; that word 〃Hallelujah!〃 It seemed to express all the joy of spring mornings and clear sunshine and bursting blossoms; blended with all that I guessed of the songs of angels; and with all that I had heard and believed; in my fledgling soul; of the glorious One who was born in a manger and died on a cross; that He might reign in human hearts as a king。 I wondered why the people did not sing 〃Hallelujah〃 more。 It seemed like a word sent straight down to us out of heaven。

I did not like to learn the sorrowful hymns; though I did it when they were given to me as a task; such as

〃Hark; from the tombs;〃 and

〃Lord; what a wretched land is this; That yields us no supply。〃

I suppose that these mournful strains had their place; but sometimes the transition was too sudden; from the outside of the meeting…house to the inside; from the sunshine and bobolinks and buttercups of the merry May…day world; to the sad strains that chanted of 〃this barren land;〃 this 〃vale of tears;〃 this 〃wilderness〃 of distress and woe。 It let us light…hearted children too quickly down from the higher key of mirth to which our careless thoughts were pitched。 We knew that we were happy; and sorrow to us was unreal。 But somehow we did often get the impression that it was our duty to try to be sorrowful; and that we could not be entirely good; without being rather miserable。

And I am afraid that in my critical little mind I looked upon it as an affectation on the part of the older people to speak of life in this doleful way。 I thought that they really knew better。 It seemed to me that it must be delightful to grow up; and learn things; and do things; and be very good indeed;better than children could possibly know how to be。 I knew afterwards that my elders were sometimes; at least; sincere in their sadness; for with many of them life must have been a hard struggle。 But when they shook their heads and said;〃Child; you will not be so happy by and by; you are seeing your best days now;〃 I still doubted。 I was born with the blessing of a cheerful temperament; and while that is not enough to sustain any of us through the inevitable sorrows that all must share; it would have been most unnatural and ungrateful in me to think of earth as a dismal place; when everything without and within was trying to tell me that this good and beautiful world belongs to God。

I took exception to some verses in many of the hymns that I loved the most。 I had my own mental reservations with regard even to that glorious chant of the ages;

〃Jerusalem; my happy home; Name ever dear to me。〃

I always wanted to skip one half of the third stanza; as it stood in our Hymn…Book:

〃Where congregations ne'er break up; And Sabbaths have no end。〃

I did not want it to be Sabbath…day always。 I was conscious of a pleasure in the thought of games and frolics and coming week…day delights that would flit across my mind even when I was studying my hymns; or trying to listen to the minister。 And I did want the congregation to break up some time。 Indeed; in those bright spring days; the last hymn in the afternoon always sounded best; because with it came the opening of doors into the outside air; and the pouring in of a mingled scent of sea winds and apple blossoms; like an invitation out into the freedom of the beach; the hillsides; the fields and gardens and orchards。 In all this I felt as if I were very wicked。 I was afraid that I loved earth better than I did heaven。

Nevertheless I always did welcome that last hymn; announced to be sung 〃with the Doxology;〃 usually in 〃long metre;〃 to the tune of 〃Old Hundred。〃 There were certain mysterious preliminaries;the rustling of singing…book leaves; the sliding of the short screen… curtains before the singers along by their clinking rings; and now and then a premonitory groan or squeak from bass…viol or violin; as if the instruments were clearing their throats; and finally the sudden uprising of that long row of heads in the 〃singing…seats。〃

My tallest and prettiest grown…up sister; Louise; stood there among them; and of all those girlish; blooming faces I thought hers the very handsomest。 But she did not open her lips wide enough to satisfy me。 I could not see that she was singing at all。

To stand up there and be one of the choir; seemed to me very little short of promotion to the ranks of cherubim and seraphim。 I quite envied that tall; pretty sister of mine。 I was sure that I should open my mouth wide; if I could only be in her place。 Alas! the years proved that; much as I loved the hymns; there was no music in me to give them voice; except to very indulgent ears。

Some of us must wait for the best human gifts until we come to heavenly places。 Our natural desire for musical utterance is perhaps a prophecy that in a perfect world we shall all know how to sing。 But it is something to feel music; if we cannot make it。 That; in itself; is a kind of unconscious singing。

As I think back to my childhood; it seems to me as if the air was full of hymns; as it was of the fragrance of clover…blossoms; and the songs of bluebirds and robins; and the deep undertone of the sea。 And the purity; the calmness; and the coolness of the dear old Sabbath days seems lingering yet in the words of those familiar hymns; whenever I bear them sung。 Their melody penetrates deep into my life; assuming me that I have not left the green pastures and the still waters of my childhood very far behind me。

There is something at the heart of a true song or hymn which keeps the heart young that listens。 It is like a breeze from the eternal hills; like the west wind of spring; never by a breath less balmy and clear for having poured life into the old generations of earth for thousands of years; a spiritual freshness; which has nothing to do with time or decay。

IV。

NAUGHTY CHILDREN AND FAIRY TALES。

ALTHOUGH the children of an earlier time heard a great deal of theological discussion which meant little or nothing to them; there was one thing that was made clear and emphatic in all the Puritan training: that the heavens and earth stood upon firm foundationsupon the Moral Law as taught in the Old Testament and confirmed by the New。 Whatever else we did not understand; we believed that to disobey our parents; to lie or steal; had been forbidden by a Voice which was not to be gainsaid。 People who broke or evaded these commands did so willfully; and without excusing themselves; or being excused by others。 I think most of us expected the fate of Ananias and Sapphira; if we told what we knew was a falsehood。

There were reckless exceptions; however。 A playmate; of whom I was quite fond; was once asked; in my presence; whether she had done something forbidden; which I knew she had been about only a little while before。  She answered 〃No;〃 and without any apparent hesitation。 After the person who made the inquiry had gone; I exclaimed; with horrified wonder; 〃How could you?〃

Her reply was; 〃Oh; I only kind of said no。〃 What a real lie was to her; if she understood a distinct denial of the truth as only 〃kind…of〃 lying; it perplexed me to imagine。 The years proved that this lack of moral perception was characteristic; and nearly spoiled a nature full of beautiful gifts。

I could not deliberately lie; but I had my own temptations; which I did not always successfully resist。 I remember the very spot in a footpath through a green fieldwhere I first met the Eighth Commandment; and felt it looking me full in the face。

I suppose I was five or six years old。 I had begun to be trusted with errands; one of them was to go to a farmhouse for a quart of milk every morning; to purchase which I went always to the money… drawer in the shop and took out four cents。 We were allowed to take a 〃small brown〃 biscuit; or a date; or a fig; or a 〃gibral… tar;〃 someti

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