the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第68章

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eyes　are　darkened　by　a　cloud　or　raised　to　heaven　after　long
contemplation　of　earth；　when　my　lips　make　no　reply　to　your　words　or
your　devotion；　do　not　ask　me　again；　〃Of　what　are　you　thinking？〃

*****

Dear　Natalie；　I　ceased　to　write　some　days　ago；　these　memories　were　too
bitter　for　me。　Still；　I　owe　you　an　account　of　the　events　which
followed　this　catastrophe；　they　need　few　words。　When　a　life　is　made　up
of　action　and　movement　it　is　soon　told；　but　when　it　passes　in　the
higher　regions　of　the　soul　its　story　becomes　diffuse。　Henriette's
letter　put　the　star　of　hope　before　my　eyes。　In　this　great　shipwreck　I
saw　an　isle　on　which　I　might　be　rescued。　To　live　at　Clochegourde　with
Madeleine；　consecrating　my　life　to　hers；　was　a　fate　which　satisfied
the　ideas　of　which　my　heart　was　full。　But　it　was　necessary　to　know　the
truth　as　to　her　real　feelings。　As　I　was　bound　to　bid　the　count
farewell；　I　went　to　Clochegourde　to　see　him；　and　met　him　on　the
terrace。　We　walked　up　and　down　for　some　time。　At　first　he　spoke　of　the
countess　like　a　man　who　knew　the　extent　of　his　loss；　and　all　the
injury　it　was　doing　to　his　inner　self。　But　after　the　first　outbreak　of
his　grief　was　over　he　seemed　more　concerned　about　the　future　than　the
present。　He　feared　his　daughter；　who；　he　told　me；　had　not　her　mother's
gentleness。　Madeleine's　firm　character；　in　which　there　was　something
heroic　blending　with　her　mother's　gracious　nature；　alarmed　the　old
man；　used　to　Henriette's　tenderness；　and　he　now　foresaw　the　power　of　a
will　that　never　yielded。　His　only　consolation　for　his　irreparable
loss；　he　said；　was　the　certainty　of　soon　rejoining　his　wife；　the
agitations；　the　griefs　of　these　last　few　weeks　had　increased　his
illness　and　brought　back　all　his　former　pains；　the　struggle　which　he
foresaw　between　his　authority　as　a　father　and　that　of　his　daughter；
now　mistress　of　the　house；　would　end　his　days　in　bitterness；　for
though　he　should　have　struggled　against　his　wife；　he　should；　he　knew；
be　forced　to　give　way　before　his　child。　Besides；　his　son　was　soon　to
leave　him；　his　daughter　would　marry；　and　what　sort　of　son…in…law　was
he　likely　to　have？　Though　he　thus　talked　of　dying；　his　real　distress
was　in　feeling　himself　alone　for　many　years　to　come　without　sympathy。

During　this　hour　when　he　spoke　only　of　himself；　and　asked　for　my
friendship　in　his　wife's　name；　he　completed　a　picture　in　my　mind　of
the　remarkable　figure　of　the　Emigre；one　of　the　most　imposing　types
of　our　period。　In　appearance　he　was　frail　and　broken；　but　life　seemed
persistent　in　him　because　of　his　sober　habits　and　his　country
avocations。　He　is　still　living。

Though　Madeleine　could　see　me　on　the　terrace；　she　did　not　come　down。
Several　times　she　came　out　upon　the　portico　and　went　back　in　again；　as
if　to　signify　her　contempt。　I　seized　a　moment　when　she　appeared　to　beg
the　count　to　go　to　the　house　and　call　her；　saying　I　had　a　last　wish　of
her　mother　to　convey　to　her；　and　this　would　be　my　only　opportunity　of
doing　so。　The　count　brought　her；　and　left　us　alone　together　on　the
terrace。

〃Dear　Madeleine；〃　I　said；　〃if　I　am　to　speak　to　you；　surely　it　should
be　here　where　your　mother　listened　to　me　when　she　felt　she　had　less
reason　to　complain　of　me　than　of　the　circumstances　of　life。　I　know
your　thoughts；　but　are　you　not　condemning　me　without　a　knowledge　of
the　facts？　My　life　and　happiness　are　bound　up　in　this　place；　you　know
that；　and　yet　you　seek　to　banish　me　by　the　coldness　you　show；　in　place
of　the　brotherly　affection　which　has　always　united　us；　and　which　death
should　have　strengthened　by　the　bonds　of　a　common　grief。　Dear
Madeleine；　you　for　whom　I　would　gladly　give　my　life　without　hope　of
recompense；　without　your　even　knowing　it；so　deeply　do　we　love　the
children　of　those　who　have　succored　us；you　are　not　aware　of　the
project　your　adorable　mother　cherished　during　the　last　seven　years。　If
you　knew　it　your　feelings　would　doubtless　soften　towards　me；　but　I　do
not　wish　to　take　advantage　of　you　now。　All　that　I　ask　is　that　you　do
not　deprive　me　of　the　right　to　come　here；　to　breathe　the　air　on　this
terrace；　and　to　wait　until　time　has　changed　your　ideas　of　social　life。
At　this　moment　I　desire　not　to　ruffle　them；　I　respect　a　grief　which
misleads　you；　for　it　takes　even　from　me　the　power　of　judging　soberly
the　circumstances　in　which　I　find　myself。　The　saint　who　now　looks　down
upon　us　will　approve　the　reticence　with　which　I　simply　ask　that　you
stand　neutral　between　your　present　feelings　and　my　wishes。　I　love　you
too　well；　in　spite　of　the　aversion　you　are　showing　me；　to　say　one　word
to　the　count　of　a　proposal　he　would　welcome　eagerly。　Be　free。　Later；
remember　that　you　know　no　one　in　the　world　as　you　know　me；　that　no　man
will　ever　have　more　devoted　feelings〃

Up　to　this　moment　Madeleine　had　listened　with　lowered　eyes；　now　she
stopped　me　by　a　gesture。

〃Monsieur；〃　she　said；　in　a　voice　trembling　with　emotion。　〃I　know　all
your　thoughts；　but　I　shall　not　change　my　feelings　towards　you。　I　would
rather　fling　myself　into　the　Indre　than　ally　myself　to　you。　I　will　not
speak　to　you　of　myself；　but　if　my　mother's　name　still　possesses　any
power　over　you；　in　her　name　I　beg　you　never　to　return　to　Clochegourde
so　long　as　I　am　in　it。　The　mere　sight　of　you　causes　me　a　repugnance　I
cannot　express；　but　which　I　shall　never　overcome。〃

She　bowed　to　me　with　dignity；　and　returned　to　the　house　without
looking　back；　impassible　as　her　mother　had　been　for　one　day　only；　but
more　pitiless。　The　searching　eye　of　that　young　girl　had　discovered；
though　tardily；　the　secrets　of　her　mother's　heart；　and　her　hatred　to
the　man　whom　she　fancied　fatal　to　her　mother's　life　may　have　been
increased　by　a　sense　of　her　innocent　complicity。

All　before　me　was　now　chaos。　Madeleine　hated　me；　without　considering
whether　I　was　the　cause　or　the　victim　of　these　misfortunes。　She　might
have　hated　us　equally；　her　mother　and　me；　had　we　been　happy。　Thus　it
was　that　the　edifice　of　my　happiness　fell　in　ruins。　I　alone　knew　the
life　of　that　unknown；　noble　woman。　I　alone　had　entered　every　region　of
her　soul；　neither　mother；　father；　husband；　nor　children　had　ever　known
her。Strange　truth！　I　stir　this　heap　of　ashes　and　take　pleasure　in
spreading　them　before　you；　all　hearts　may　find　something　in　them　of
their　closest　experience。　How　many　families　have　had　their　Henriette！
How　many　noble　feelings　have　left　this　earth　with　no　historian　to
fathom　their　hearts；　to　measure　the　depth　and　breadth　of　their
spirits。　Such　is　human　life　in　all　its　truth！　Often　mothers　know　their
children　as　little　as　their　children　know　them。　So　it　is　with
husbands；　lovers；　brothers。　Did　I　imagine　that　one　day；　beside　my
father's　coffin；　I　should　contend　with　my　brother　Charles；　for　whose
advancement　I　had　done　so　much？　Good　God！　how　many　lessons　in　the
simplest　history。

When　Madeleine　disappeared　into　the　house；　I　went　away　with　a　broken
heart。　Bidding　farewell　to　my　host　at　Sache；　I　started　for　Paris；
following　the　right　bank　of　the　Indre；　the　one　I　had　taken　when　I
entered　the　valley　for　the　first　time。　Sadly　I　drove　through　the
pretty　village　of　Pont…de…Ruan。　Yet　I　was　rich；　political　life　courted
me；　I　was　not　the　weary　plodder　of　1814。　Then　my　heart　was　full　of
eager　desires；　now　my　eyes　were　full　of　tears；　once　my　life　was　all
before　me　to　fill　as　I　could；　now　I　knew　it　to　be　a　desert。　I　was
still　young；only　twenty…nine；but　my　heart　was　withered。　A　few
years　had　sufficed　to　despoil　that　landscape　of　its　early　glory；　and
to　disgust　me　with　life。　You　can　imagine　my　feelings　when；　on　turning
round；　I　saw　Madeleine　on　the　terrace。

A　prey　to　imperious　sadness；　I　gave　no　thought　to　the　end　of　my
journey。　Lady　Dudley　was　far；　indeed；　from　my　mind；　and　I　entered　the
courtyard　of　her　house　without　reflection。　The　folly　once　committed；　I
was　forced　to　carry　it　out。　My　habits　were　conjugal　in　her　house；　and
I　went　upstairs　thinking　of　the　annoyances　of　a　rupture。　If　you　have
fully　understood　the　character　and　manners　of　Lady　Dudley；　you　can
imagine　my　discomfiture　when　her　majordomo　ushered　me；　still　in　my
travelling　dress；　into　a　salon　where　I　found　her　sumptuously　dressed
and　surrounded　by　four　persons。　Lord　Dudley；　o