the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第36章

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the　sorrows　of　my　childhood　I　might　have　taken　his　protecting　vanity
for　brotherly　affection；　but　inward　solitude　produces　the　same　effects
as　outward　solitude；　silence　within　our　souls　enables　us　to　hear　the
faintest　sound；　the　habit　of　taking　refuge　within　ourselves　develops　a
perception　which　discerns　every　quality　of　the　affections　about　us。
Before　I　knew　Madame　de　Mortsauf　a　hard　look　grieved　me；　a　rough　word
wounded　me　to　the　heart；　I　bewailed　these　things　without　as　yet
knowing　anything　of　a　life　of　tenderness；　whereas　now；　since　my　return
from　Clochegourde；　I　could　make　comparisons　which　perfected　my
instinctive　perceptions。　All　deductions　derived　only　from　sufferings
endured　are　incomplete。　Happiness　has　a　light　to　cast。　I　now　allowed
myself　the　more　willingly　to　be　kept　under　the　heel　of　primogeniture
because　I　was　not　my　brother's　dupe。

I　always　went　alone　to　the　Duchesse　de　Lenoncourt's；　where　Henriette's
name　was　never　mentioned；　no　one；　except　the　good　old　duke；　who　was
simplicity　itself；　ever　spoke　of　her　to　me；　but　by　the　way　he　welcomed
me　I　guessed　that　his　daughter　had　privately　commended　me　to　his　care。
At　the　moment　when　I　was　beginning　to　overcome　the　foolish　wonder　and
shyness　which　besets　a　young　man　at　his　first　entrance　into　the　great
world；　and　to　realize　the　pleasures　it　could　give　through　the
resources　it　offers　to　ambition；　just；　too；　as　I　was　beginning　to　make
use　of　Henriette's　maxims；　admiring　their　wisdom；　the　events　of　the
20th　of　March　took　place。

My　brother　followed　the　court　to　Ghent；　I；　by　Henriette's　advice　（for
I　kept　up　a　correspondence　with　her；　active　on　my　side　only）；　went
there　also　with　the　Duc　de　Lenoncourt。　The　natural　kindness　of　the　old
duke　turned　to　a　hearty　and　sincere　protection　as　soon　as　he　saw　me
attached；　body　and　soul；　to　the　Bourbons。　He　himself　presented　me　to
his　Majesty。　Courtiers　are　not　numerous　when　misfortunes　are　rife；　but
youth　is　gifted　with　ingenuous　admiration　and　uncalculating　fidelity。
The　king　had　the　faculty　of　judging　men；　a　devotion　which　might　have
passed　unobserved　in　Paris　counted　for　much　at　Ghent；　and　I　had　the
happiness　of　pleasing　Louis　XVIII。

A　letter　from　Madame　de　Mortsauf　to　her　father；　brought　with
despatches　by　an　emissary　of　the　Vendeens；　enclosed　a　note　to　me　by
which　I　learned　that　Jacques　was　ill。　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf；　in　despair
at　his　son's　ill…health；　and　also　at　the　news　of　a　second　emigration；
added　a　few　words　which　enabled　me　to　guess　the　situation　of　my　dear
one。　Worried　by　him；　no　doubt；　when　she　passed　all　her　time　at
Jacques'　bedside；　allowed　no　rest　either　day　or　night；　superior　to
annoyance；　yet　unable　always　to　control　herself　when　her　whole　soul
was　given　to　the　care　of　her　child；　Henriette　needed　the　support　of　a
friendship　which　might　lighten　the　burden　of　her　life；　were　it　only　by
diverting　her　husband's　mind。　Though　I　was　now　most　impatient　to　rival
the　career　of　my　brother；　who　had　lately　been　sent　to　the　Congress　of
Vienna；　and　was　anxious　at　any　risk　to　justify　Henriette's　appeal　and
become　a　man　myself；　freed　from　all　vassalage；　nevertheless　my
ambition；　my　desire　for　independence；　the　great　interest　I　had　in　not
leaving　the　king；　all　were　of　no　account　before　the　vision　of　Madame
de　Mortsauf's　sad　face。　I　resolved　to　leave　the　court　at　Ghent　and
serve　my　true　sovereign。　God　rewarded　me。　The　emissary　sent　by　the
Vendeens　was　unable　to　return。　The　king　wanted　a　messenger　who　would
faithfully　carry　back　his　instructions。　The　Duc　de　Lenoncourt　knew
that　the　king　would　never　forget　the　man　who　undertook　so　perilous　an
enterprise；　he　asked　for　the　mission　without　consulting　me；　and　I
gladly　accepted　it；　happy　indeed　to　be　able　to　return　to　Clochegourde
employed　in　the　good　cause。

After　an　audience　with　the　king　I　returned　to　France；　where；　both　in
Paris　and　in　Vendee；　I　was　fortunate　enough　to　carry　out　his　Majesty's
instructions。　Towards　the　end　of　May；　being　tracked　by　the　Bonapartist
authorities　to　whom　I　was　denounced；　I　was　obliged　to　fly　from　place
to　place　in　the　character　of　a　man　endeavoring　to　get　back　to　his
estate。　I　went　on　foot　from　park　to　park；　from　wood　to　wood；　across
the　whole　of　upper　Vendee；　the　Bocage　and　Poitou；　changing　my
direction　as　danger　threatened。

I　reached　Saumur；　from　Saumur　I　went　to　Chinon；　and　from　Chinon　I
reached；　in　a　single　night；　the　woods　of　Nueil；　where　I　met　the　count
on　horseback；　he　took　me　up　behind　him　and　we　reached　Clochegourde
without　passing　any　one　who　recognized　me。

〃Jacques　is　better；〃　were　the　first　words　he　said　to　me。

I　explained　to　him　my　position　of　diplomatic　postman；　hunted　like　a
wild　beast；　and　the　brave　gentleman　in　his　quality　of　royalist　claimed
the　danger　over　Chessel　of　receiving　me。　As　we　came　in　sight　of
Clochegourde　the　past　eight　months　rolled　away　like　a　dream。　When　we
entered　the　salon　the　count　said：　〃Guess　whom　I　bring　you？Felix！〃

〃Is　it　possible！〃　she　said；　with　pendant　arms　and　a　bewildered　face。

I　showed　myself　and　we　both　remained　motionless；　she　in　her　armchair；
I　on　the　threshold　of　the　door；　looking　at　each　other　with　that　hunger
of　the　soul　which　endeavors　to　make　up　in　a　single　glance　for　the　lost
months。　Then；　recovering　from　a　surprise　which　left　her　heart
unveiled；　she　rose　and　I　went　up　to　her。

〃I　have　prayed　for　your　safety；〃　she　said；　giving　me　her　hand　to　kiss。

She　asked　news　of　her　father；　then　she　guessed　my　weariness　and　went
to　prepare　my　room；　while　the　count　gave　me　something　to　eat；　for　I
was　dying　of　hunger。　My　room　was　the　one　above　hers；　her　aunt's　room；
she　requested　the　count　to　take　me　there；　after　setting　her　foot　on
the　first　step　of　the　staircase；　deliberating　no　doubt　whether　to
accompany　me；　I　turned　my　head；　she　blushed；　bade　me　sleep　well；　and
went　away。　When　I　came　down　to　dinner　I　heard　for　the　first　time　of
the　disasters　at　Waterloo；　the　flight　of　Napoleon；　the　march　of　the
Allies　to　Paris；　and　the　probable　return　of　the　Bourbons。　These　events
were　all　in　all　to　the　count；　to　us　they　were　nothing。　What　think　you
was　the　great　event　I　was　to　learn；　after　kissing　the　children？for　I
will　not　dwell　on　the　alarm　I　felt　at　seeing　the　countess　pale　and
shrunken；　I　knew　the　injury　I　might　do　by　showing　it　and　was　careful
to　express　only　joy　at　seeing　her。　But　the　great　event　for　us　was　told
in　the　words；　〃You　shall　have　ice　to…day！〃　She　had　often　fretted　the
year　before　that　the　water　was　not　cold　enough　for　me；　who；　never
drinking　anything　else；　liked　it　iced。　God　knows　how　many　entreaties
it　had　cost　her　to　get　an　ice…house　built。　You　know　better　than　any
one　that　a　word；　a　look；　an　inflection　of　the　voice；　a　trifling
attention；　suffices　for　love；　love's　noblest　privilege　is　to　prove
itself　by　love。　Well；　her　words；　her　look；　her　pleasure；　showed　me　her
feelings；　as　I　had　formerly　shown　her　mine　by　that　first　game　of
backgammon。　These　ingenuous　proofs　of　her　affection　were　many；　on　the
seventh　day　after　my　arrival　she　recovered　her　freshness；　she　sparkled
with　health　and　youth　and　happiness；　my　lily　expanded　in　beauty　just
as　the　treasures　of　my　heart　increased。　Only　in　petty　minds　or　in
common　hearts　can　absence　lessen　love　or　efface　the　features　or
diminish　the　beauty　of　our　dear　one。　To　ardent　imaginations；　to　all
beings　through　whose　veins　enthusiasm　passes　like　a　crimson　tide；　and
in　whom　passion　takes　the　form　of　constancy；　absence　has　the　same
effect　as　the　sufferings　of　the　early　Christians；　which　strengthened
their　faith　and　made　God　visible　to　them。　In　hearts　that　abound　in
love　are　there　not　incessant　longings　for　a　desired　object；　to　which
the　glowing　fire　of　our　dreams　gives　higher　value　and　a　deeper　tint？
Are　we　not　conscious　of　instigations　which　give　to　the　beloved
features　the　beauty　of　the　ideal　by　inspiring　them　with　thought？　The
past；　dwelt　on　in　all　its　details　becomes　magnified；　the　future　teems
with　hope。　When　two　hearts　filled　with　these　electric　clouds　meet　each
other；　their　interview　is　like　the　welcome　storm　which　revives　the
earth　and　stimulates　it　with　the　swift　lightnings　of　the　thunderbolt。
How　many　tender　pleasures　came　to　me　when　I　found　the