the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第28章

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boy　as　he　bounded　over　the　gravel；　where　so　often　she　had　led　him　in
the　sunshine　inwardly　weeping　his　expected　death。　She　leaned　upon　my
arm　unreservedly；　and　said：　〃I　think　I　have　never　suffered。　Do　not
leave　us　to…day。〃

The　lesson　over；　Jacques　jumped　into　his　mother's　arms；　she　caught　him
and　held　him　tightly　to　her；　kissing　him　passionately。　I　went　with
Madeleine　to　arrange　two　magnificent　bouquets　for　the　dinner…table　in
honor　of　the　young　equestrian。　When　we　returned　to　the　salon　the
countess　said：　〃The　fifteenth　of　October　is　certainly　a　great　day　with
me。　Jacques　has　taken　his　first　riding　lesson；　and　I　have　just　set　the
last　stitch　in　my　furniture　cover。〃

〃Then；　Blanche；〃　said　the　count；　laughing；　〃I　must　pay　you　for　it。〃

He　offered　her　his　arm　and　took　her　to　the　first　courtyard；　where
stood　an　open　carriage　which　her　father　had　sent　her；　and　for　which
the　count　had　purchased　two　English　horses。　The　old　huntsman　had
prepared　the　surprise　while　Jacques　was　taking　his　lesson。　We　got　into
the　carriage；　and　went　to　see　where　the　new　avenue　entered　the　main
road　towards　Chinon。　As　we　returned；　the　countess　said　to　me　in　an
anxious　tone；　〃I　am　too　happy；　to　me　happiness　is　like　an　illness；it
overwhelms　me；　I　fear　it　may　vanish　like　a　dream。〃

I　loved　her　too　passionately　not　to　feel　jealous；I　who　could　give
her　nothing！　In　my　rage　against　myself　I　longed　for　some　means　of
dying　for　her。　She　asked　me　to　tell　her　the　thoughts　that　filled　my
eyes；　and　I　told　her　honestly。　She　was　more　touched　than　by　all　her
presents；　then　taking　me　to　the　portico；　she　poured　comfort　into　my
heart。　〃Love　me　as　my　aunt　loved　me；〃　she　said；　〃and　that　will　be
giving　me　your　life；　and　if　I　take　it；　must　I　not　ever　be　grateful　to
you？

〃It　was　time　I　finished　my　tapestry；〃　she　added　as　we　re…entered　the
salon；　where　I　kissed　her　hand　as　if　to　renew　my　vows。　〃Perhaps　you　do
not　know；　Felix；　why　I　began　so　formidable　a　piece　of　work。　Men　find
the　occupations　of　life　a　great　resource　against　troubles；　the
management　of　affairs　distracts　their　mind；　but　we　poor　women　have　no
support　within　ourselves　against　our　sorrows。　To　be　able　to　smile
before　my　children　and　my　husband　when　my　heart　was　heavy　I　felt　the
need　of　controlling　my　inward　sufferings　by　some　physical　exercise。　In
this　way　I　escaped　the　depression　which　is　apt　to　follow　a　great
strain　upon　the　moral　strength；　and　likewise　all　outbursts　of
excitement。　The　mere　action　of　lifting　my　arm　regularly　as　I　drew　the
stitches　rocked　my　thoughts　and　gave　to　my　spirit　when　the　tempest
raged　a　monotonous　ebb　and　flow　which　seemed　to　regulate　its　emotions。
To　every　stitch　I　confided　my　secrets；you　understand　me；　do　you　not？
Well；　while　doing　my　last　chair　I　have　thought　much；　too　much；　of　you；
dear　friend。　What　you　have　put　into　your　bouquets　I　have　said　in　my
embroidery。〃

The　dinner　was　lovely。　Jacques；　like　all　children　when　you　take　notice
of　them；　jumped　into　my　arms　when　he　saw　the　flowers　I　had　arranged
for　him　as　a　garland。　His　mother　pretended　to　be　jealous；　ah；　Natalie；
you　should　have　seen　the　charming　grace　with　which　the　dear　child
offered　them　to　her。　In　the　afternoon　we　played　a　game　of　backgammon；
I　alone　against　Monsieur　and　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　and　the　count　was
charming。　They　accompanied　me　along　the　road　to　Frapesle　in　the
twilight　of　a　tranquil　evening；　one　of　those　harmonious　evenings　when
our　feelings　gain　in　depth　what　they　lose　in　vivacity。　It　was　a　day　of
days　in　this　poor　woman's　life；　a　spot　of　brightness　which　often
comforted　her　thoughts　in　painful　hours。

Soon；　however；　the　riding　lessons　became　a　subject　of　contention。　The
countess　justly　feared　the　count's　harsh　reprimands　to　his　son。
Jacques　grew　thin；　dark　circles　surrounded　his　sweet　blue　eyes；　rather
than　trouble　his　mother；　he　suffered　in　silence。　I　advised　him　to　tell
his　father　he　was　tired　when　the　count's　temper　was　violent；　but　that
expedient　proved　unavailing；　and　it　became　necessary　to　substitute　the
old　huntsman　as　a　teacher　in　place　of　the　father；　who　could　with
difficulty　be　induced　to　resign　his　pupil。　Angry　reproaches　and
contentions　began　once　more；　the　count　found　a　text　for　his　continual
complaints　in　the　base　ingratitude　of　women；　he　flung　the　carriage；
horses；　and　liveries　in　his　wife's　face　twenty　times　a　day。　At　last　a
circumstance　occurred　on　which　a　man　with　his　nature　and　his　disease
naturally　fastened　eagerly。　The　cost　of　the　buildings　at　the　Cassine
and　the　Rhetoriere　proved　to　be　half　as　much　again　as　the　estimate。
This　news　was　unfortunately　given　in　the　first　instance　to　Monsieur　de
Mortsauf　instead　of　to　his　wife。　It　was　the　ground　of　a　quarrel；　which
began　mildly　but　grew　more　and　more　embittered　until　it　seemed　as
though　the　count's　madness；　lulled　for　a　short　time；　was　demanding　its
arrearages　from　the　poor　wife。

That　day　I　had　started　from　Frapesle　at　half…past　ten　to　search　for
flowers　with　Madeleine。　The　child　had　brought　the　two　vases　to　the
portico；　and　I　was　wandering　about　the　gardens　and　adjoining　meadows
gathering　the　autumn　flowers；　so　beautiful；　but　too　rare。　Returning
from　my　final　quest；　I　could　not　find　my　little　lieutenant　with　her
white　cape　and　broad　pink　sash；　but　I　heard　cries　within　the　house；
and　Madeleine　presently　came　running　out。

〃The　general；〃　she　said；　crying　（the　term　with　her　was　an　expression
of　dislike）；　〃the　general　is　scolding　mamma；　go　and　defend　her。〃

I　sprang　up　the　steps　of　the　portico　and　reached　the　salon　without
being　seen　by　either　the　count　or　his　wife。　Hearing　the　madman's　sharp
cries　I　first　shut　all　the　doors；　then　I　returned　and　found　Henriette
as　white　as　her　dress。

〃Never　marry；　Felix；〃　said　the　count　as　soon　as　he　saw　me；　〃a　woman　is
led　by　the　devil；　the　most　virtuous　of　them　would　invent　evil　if　it
did　not　exist；　they　are　all　vile。〃

Then　followed　arguments　without　beginning　or　end。　Harking　back　to　the
old　troubles；　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　repeated　the　nonsense　of　the
peasantry　against　the　new　system　of　farming。　He　declared　that　if　he
had　had　the　management　of　Clochegourde　he　should　be　twice　as　rich　as
he　now　was。　He　shouted　these　complaints　and　insults；　he　swore；　he
sprang　around　the　room　knocking　against　the　furniture　and　displacing
it；　then　in　the　middle　of　a　sentence　he　stopped　short；　complained　that
his　very　marrow　was　on　fire；　his　brains　melting　away　like　his　money；
his　wife　had　ruined　him！　The　countess　smiled　and　looked　upward。

〃Yes；　Blanche；〃　he　cried；　〃you　are　my　executioner；　you　are　killing　me；
I　am　in　your　way；　you　want　to　get　rid　of　me；　you　are　monster　of
hypocrisy。　She　is　smiling！　Do　you　know　why　she　smiles；　Felix？〃

I　kept　silence　and　looked　down。

〃That　woman；〃　he　continued；　answering　his　own　question；　〃denies　me　all
happiness；　she　is　no　more　to　me　than　she　is　to　you；　and　yet　she
pretends　to　be　my　wife！　She　bears　my　name　and　fulfils　none　of　the
duties　which　all　laws；　human　and　divine；　impose　upon　her；　she　lies　to
God　and　man。　She　obliges　me　to　go　long　distances；　hoping　to　wear　me
out　and　make　me　leave　her　to　herself；　I　am　displeasing　to　her；　she
hates　me；　she　puts　all　her　art　into　keeping　me　away　from　her；　she　has
made　me　mad　through　the　privations　she　imposes　on　mefor　everything
flies　to　my　poor　head；　she　is　killing　me　by　degrees；　and　she　thinks
herself　a　saint　and　takes　the　sacrament　every　month！〃

The　countess　was　weeping　bitterly；　humiliated　by　the　degradation　of
the　man；　to　whom　she　kept　saying　for　all　answer；　〃Monsieur！　monsieur！
monsieur！〃

Though　the　count's　words　made　me　blush；　more　for　him　than　for
Henriette；　they　stirred　my　heart　violently；　for　they　appealed　to　the
sense　of　chastity　and　delicacy　which　is　indeed　the　very　warp　and　woof
of　first　love。

〃She　is　virgin　at　my　expense；〃　cried　the　count。

At　these　words　the　countess　cried　out；　〃Monsieur！〃

〃What　do　you　mean　with　your　imperious　'Monsieur！'〃　he　shouted。　〃Am　I
not　your　master？　Must　I　teach　you　that　I　am？〃

He　came　towards　her；　thrusting　forward　his　white　wolf's　head；　now
hideous；　for　his　yellow　eyes　had　a　savage　expression　which　made　him
look　like　a　wild　beast　rushing　out　of　a　wood。　Henriette　slid　from　her
cha