the lily of the valley(幽谷百合)-第14章

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Deslandes？〃　said　the　count；　as　if　wishing　her　to　forgive　his
injustice。

〃Don't　be　worried；〃　she　said。　〃Jacques　did　not　sleep　last　night；
that's　all。　The　child　is　very　nervous；　he　had　a　bad　dream；　and　I　told
him　stories　all　night　to　keep　him　quiet。　His　cough　is　purely　nervous；
I　have　stilled　it　with　a　lozenge；　and　he　has　gone　to　sleep。〃

〃Poor　woman！〃　said　her　husband；　taking　her　hand　in　his　and　giving　her
a　tearful　look；　〃I　knew　nothing　of　it。〃

〃Why　should　you　be　troubled　when　there　is　no　occasion？〃　she　replied。
〃Now　go　and　attend　to　the　rye。　You　know　if　you　are　not　there　the　men
will　let　the　gleaners　of　the　other　villages　get　into　the　field　before
the　sheaves　are　carried　away。〃

〃I　am　going　to　take　a　first　lesson　in　agriculture；　madame；〃　I　said　to
her。

〃You　have　a　very　good　master；〃　she　replied；　motioning　towards　the
count；　whose　mouth　screwed　itself　into　that　smile　of　satisfaction
which　is　vulgarly　termed　a　〃bouche　en　coeur。〃

Two　months　later　I　learned　she　had　passed　that　night　in　great　anxiety；
fearing　that　her　son　had　the　croup；　while　I　was　in　the　boat；　rocked　by
thoughts　of　love；　imagined　that　she　might　see　me　from　her　window
adoring　the　gleam　of　the　candle　which　was　then　lighting　a　forehead
furrowed　by　fears！　The　croup　prevailed　at　Tours；　and　was　often　fatal。
When　we　were　outside　the　gate；　the　count　said　in　a　voice　of　emotion；
〃Madame　de　Mortsauf　is　an　angel！〃　The　words　staggered　me。　As　yet　I
knew　but　little　of　the　family；　and　the　natural　conscience　of　a　young
soul　made　me　exclaim　inwardly：　〃What　right　have　I　to　trouble　this
perfect　peace？〃

Glad　to　find　a　listener　in　a　young　man　over　whom　he　could　lord　it　so
easily；　the　count　talked　to　me　of　the　future　which　the　return　of　the
Bourbons　would　secure　to　France。　We　had　a　desultory　conversation；　in
which　I　listened　to　much　childish　nonsense　which　positively　amazed　me。
He　was　ignorant　of　facts　susceptible　of　proof　that　might　be　called
geometric；　he　feared　persons　of　education；　he　rejected　superiority；
and　scoffed；　perhaps　with　some　reason；　at　progress。　I　discovered　in
his　nature　a　number　of　sensitive　fibres　which　it　required　the　utmost
caution　not　to　wound；　so　that　a　conversation　with　him　of　any　length
was　a　positive　strain　upon　the　mind。　When　I　had；　as　it　were；　felt　of
his　defects；　I　conformed　to　them　with　the　same　suppleness　that　his
wife　showed　in　soothing　him。　Later　in　life　I　should　certainly　have
made　him　angry；　but　now；　humble　as　a　child；　supposing　that　I　knew
nothing　and　believing　that　men　in　their　prime　knew　all；　I　was
genuinely　amazed　at　the　results　obtained　at　Clochegourde　by　this
patient　agriculturist。　I　listened　admiringly　to　his　plans；　and　with　an
involuntary　flattery　which　won　his　good…will；　I　envied　him　the　estate
and　its　outlooka　terrestrial　paradise；　I　called　it；　far　superior　to
Frapesle。

〃Frapesle；〃　I　said；　〃is　a　massive　piece　of　plate；　but　Clochegourde　is
a　jewel…case　of　gems；〃a　speech　which　he　often　quoted；　giving　credit
to　its　author。

〃Before　we　came　here；〃　he　said；　〃it　was　desolation　itself。〃

I　was　all　ears　when　he　told　of　his　seed…fields　and　nurseries。　New　to
country　life；　I　besieged　him　with　questions　about　prices；　means　of
preparing　and　working　the　soil；　etc。；　and　he　seemed　glad　to　answer　all
in　detail。

〃What　in　the　world　do　they　teach　you　in　your　colleges？〃　he　exclaimed
at　last　in　astonishment。

On　this　first　day　the　count　said　to　his　wife　when　he　reached　home；
〃Monsieur　Felix　is　a　charming　young　man。〃

That　evening　I　wrote　to　my　mother　and　asked　her　to　send　my　clothes　and
linen；　saying　that　I　should　remain　at　Frapesle。　Ignorant　of　the　great
revolution　which　was　just　taking　place；　and　not　perceiving　the
influence　it　was　to　have　upon　my　fate；　I　expected　to　return　to　Paris
to　resume　my　legal　studies。　The　Law　School　did　not　open　till　the　first
week　in　November；　meantime　I　had　two　months　and　a　half　before　me。

The　first　part　of　my　stay；　while　I　studied　to　understand　the　count；
was　a　period　of　painful　impressions　to　me。　I　found　him　a　man　of
extreme　irascibility　without　adequate　cause；　hasty　in　action　in
hazardous　cases　to　a　degree　that　alarmed　me。　Sometimes　he　showed
glimpses　of　the　brave　gentleman　of　Conde's　army；　parabolic　flashes　of
will　such　as　may；　in　times　of　emergency；　tear　through　politics　like
bomb…shells；　and　may　also；　by　virtue　of　honesty　and　courage；　make　a
man　condemned　to　live　buried　on　his　property　an　Elbee；　a　Bonchamp；　or
a　Charette。　In　presence　of　certain　ideas　his　nostril　contracted；　his
forehead　cleared；　and　his　eyes　shot　lightnings；　which　were　soon
quenched。　Sometimes　I　feared　he　might　detect　the　language　of　my　eyes
and　kill　me。　I　was　young　then　and　merely　tender。　Will；　that　force　that
alters　men　so　strangely；　had　scarcely　dawned　within　me。　My　passionate
desires　shook　me　with　an　emotion　that　was　like　the　throes　of　fear。
Death　I　feared　not；　but　I　would　not　die　until　I　knew　the　happiness　of
mutual　loveBut　how　tell　of　what　I　felt！　I　was　a　prey　to　perplexity；
I　hoped　for　some　fortunate　chance；　I　watched；　I　made　the　children　love
me；　I　tried　to　identify　myself　with　the　family。

Little　by　little　the　count　restrained　himself　less　in　my　presence。　I
came　to　know　his　sudden　outbreaks　of　temper；　his　deep　and　ceaseless
melancholy；　his　flashes　of　brutality；　his　bitter；　cutting　complaints；
his　cold　hatreds；　his　impulses　of　latent　madness；　his　childish　moans；
his　cries　of　a　man's　despair；　his　unexpected　fury。　The　moral　nature
differs　from　the　physical　nature　inasmuch　as　nothing　is　absolute　in
it。　The　force　of　effects　is　in　direct　proportion　to　the　characters　or
the　ideas　which　are　grouped　around　some　fact。　My　position　at
Clochegourde；　my　future　life；　depended　on　this　one　eccentric　will。

I　cannot　describe　to　you　the　distress　that　filled　my　soul　（as　quick　in
those　days　to　expand　as　to　contract）；　whenever　I　entered　Clochegourde；
and　asked　myself；　〃How　will　he　receive　me？〃　With　what　anxiety　of　heart
I　saw　the　clouds　collecting　on　that　stormy　brow。　I　lived　in　a
perpetual　〃qui…vive。〃　I　fell　under　the　dominion　of　that　man；　and　the
sufferings　I　endured　taught　me　to　understand　those　of　Madame　de
Mortsauf。　We　began　by　exchanging　looks　of　comprehension；　tried　by　the
same　fire；　how　many　discoveries　I　made　during　those　first　forty　days！
of　actual　bitterness；　of　tacit　joys；　of　hopes　alternately　submerged
and　buoyant。　One　evening　I　found　her　pensively　watching　a　sunset　which
reddened　the　summits　with　so　ravishing　a　glow　that　it　was　impossible
not　to　listen　to　that　voice　of　the　eternal　Song　of　Songs　by　which
Nature　herself　bids　all　her　creatures　love。　Did　the　lost　illusions　of
her　girlhood　return　to　her？　Did　the　woman　suffer　from　an　inward
comparison？　I　fancied　I　perceived　a　desolation　in　her　attitude　that
was　favorable　to　my　first　appeal；　and　I　said；　〃Some　days　are　hard　to
bear。〃

〃You　read　my　soul；〃　she　answered；　〃but　how　have　you　done　so？〃

〃We　touch　at　many　points；〃　I　replied。　〃Surely　we　belong　to　the　small
number　of　human　beings　born　to　the　highest　joys　and　the　deepest
sorrows；　whose　feeling　qualities　vibrate　in　unison　and　echo　each　other
inwardly；　whose　sensitive　natures　are　in　harmony　with　the　principle　of
things。　Put　such　beings　among　surroundings　where　all　is　discord　and
they　suffer　horribly；　just　as　their　happiness　mounts　to　exaltation
when　they　meet　ideas；　or　feelings；　or　other　beings　who　are　congenial
to　them。　But　there　is　still　a　third　condition；　where　sorrows　are　known
only　to　souls　affected　by　the　same　distress；　in　this　alone　is　the
highest　fraternal　comprehension。　It　may　happen　that　such　souls　find　no
outlet　either　for　good　or　evil。　Then　the　organ　within　us　endowed　with
expression　and　motion　is　exercised　in　a　void；　expends　its　passion
without　an　object；　utters　sounds　without　melody；　and　cries　that　are
lost　in　solitude；terrible　defeat　of　a　soul　which　revolts　against　the
inutility　of　nothingness。　These　are　struggles　in　which　our　strength
oozes　away　without　restraint；　as　blood　from　an　inward　wound。　The
sensibilities　flow　to　waste　and　the　result　is　a　horrible　weakening　of
the　soul；　an　indescribable　melancholy　for　which　the　confessional
itself　has　no　ears。　Have　I　not　expressed　our　mutual　sufferings？〃

She　shud