the lily of the valley-第68章

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madame！　poor　madame！　she　is　happy　now；〃　I　heard　her　saying　to　herself

amid　her　sobs。



As　the　procession　left　the　road　to　the　mills　I　heard　a　simultaneous

moan　and　a　sound　of　weeping　as　though　the　valley　were　lamenting　for

its　soul。　The　church　was　filled　with　people。　After　the　service　was

over　we　went　to　the　graveyard　where　she　wished　to　be　buried　near　the

cross。　When　I　heard　the　pebbles　and　the　gravel　falling　upon　the　coffin

my　courage　gave　way；　I　staggered　and　asked　the　two　Martineaus　to

steady　me。　They　took　me；　half…dead；　to　the　chateau　of　Sache；　where　the

owners　very　kindly　invited　me　to　stay；　and　I　accepted。　I　will　own　to

you　that　I　dreaded　a　return　to　Clochegourde；　and　it　was　equally

repugnant　to　me　to　go　to　Frapesle；　where　I　could　see　my　Henriette's

windows。　Here；　at　Sache；　I　was　near　her。　I　lived　for　some　days　in　a

room　which　looked　on　the　tranquil；　solitary　valley　I　have　mentioned　to

you。　It　is　a　deep　recess　among　the　hills；　bordered　by　oaks　that　are

doubly　centenarian；　through　which　a　torrent　rushes　after　rain。　The

scene　was　in　keeping　with　the　stern　and　solemn　meditations　to　which　I

desired　to　abandon　myself。



I　had　perceived；　during　the　day　which　followed　the　fatal　night；　how

unwelcome　my　presence　might　be　at　Clochegourde。　The　count　had　gone

through　violent　emotions　at　the　death　of　his　wife；　but　he　had　expected

the　event；　his　mind　was　made　up　to　it　in　a　way　that　was　something　like

indifference。　I　had　noticed　this　several　times；　and　when　the　countess

gave　me　that　letter　（which　I　still　dared　not　read）　and　when　she　spoke

of　her　affection　for　me；　I　remarked　that　the　count；　usually　so　quick

to　take　offence；　made　no　sign　of　feeling　any。　He　attributed

Henriette's　wording　to　the　extreme　sensitiveness　of　a　conscience　which

he　knew　to　be　pure。　This　selfish　insensibility　was　natural　to　him。　The

souls　of　these　two　beings　were　no　more　married　than　their　bodies；　they

had　never　had　the　intimate　communion　which　keeps　feeling　alive；　they

had　shared　neither　pains　nor　pleasures；　those　strong　links　which　tear

us　by　a　thousand　edges　when　broken；　because　they　touch　on　all　our

fibers；　and　are　fastened　to　the　inmost　recesses　of　our　hearts。



Another　consideration　forbade　my　return　to　Clochegourde；Madeleine's

hostility。　That　hard　young　girl　was　not　disposed　to　modify　her　hatred

beside　her　mother's　coffin。　Between　the　count；　who　would　have　talked

to　me　incessantly　of　himself；　and　the　new　mistress　of　the　house；　who

would　have　shown　me　invincible　dislike；　I　should　have　found　myself

horribly　annoyed。　To　be　treated　thus　where　once　the　very　flowers

welcomed　me；　where　the　steps　of　the　portico　had　a　voice；　where　my

memory　clothed　with　poetry　the　balconies；　the　fountains；　the

balustrades；　the　trees；　the　glimpses　of　the　valleys！　to　be　hated　where

I　once　was　lovedthe　thought　was　intolerable　to　me。　So；　from　the

first；　my　mind　was　made　up。



Alas！　alas！　was　this　the　end　of　the　keenest　love　that　ever　entered　the

heart　of　man？　To　the　eyes　of　strangers　my　conduct　might　be

reprehensible；　but　it　had　the　sanction　of　my　own　conscience。　It　is

thus　that　the　noblest　feelings；　the　sublimest　dramas　of　our　youth　must

end。　We　start　at　dawn；　as　I　from　Tours　to　Clochegourde；　we　clutch　the

world；　our　hearts　hungry　for　love；　then；　when　our　treasure　is　in　the

crucible；　when　we　mingle　with　men　and　circumstances；　all　becomes

gradually　debased　and　we　find　but　little　gold　among　the　ashes。　Such　is

life！　life　as　it　is；　great　pretensions；　small　realities。　I　meditated

long　about　myself；　debating　what　I　could　do　after　a　blow　like　this

which　had　mown　down　every　flower　of　my　soul。　I　resolved　to　rush　into

the　science　of　politics；　into　the　labyrinth　of　ambition；　to　cast　woman

from　my　life　and　to　make　myself　a　statesman；　cold　and　passionless；　and

so　remain　true　to　the　saint　I　loved。　My　thoughts　wandered　into　far…off

regions　while　my　eyes　were　fastened　on　the　splendid　tapestry　of　the

yellowing　oaks；　the　stern　summits；　the　bronzed　foothills。　I　asked

myself　if　Henriette's　virtue　were　not；　after　all；　that　of　ignorance；

and　if　I　were　indeed　guilty　of　her　death。　I　fought　against　remorse。　At

last；　in　the　sweetness　of　an　autumn　midday；　one　of　those　last　smiles

of　heaven　which　are　so　beautiful　in　Touraine；　I　read　the　letter　which

at　her　request　I　was　not　to　open　before　her　death。　Judge　of　my

feelings　as　I　read　it。



　　Madame　de　Mortsauf　to　the　Vicomte　Felix　de　Vandenesse：



　　Felix；　friend；　loved　too　well；　I　must　now　lay　bare　my　heart　to

　　you；not　so　much　to　prove　my　love　as　to　show　you　the　weight　of

　　obligation　you　have　incurred　by　the　depth　and　gravity　of　the

　　wounds　you　have　inflicted　on　it。　At　this　moment；　when　I　sink

　　exhausted　by　the　toils　of　life；　worn　out　by　the　shocks　of　its

　　battle；　the　woman　within　me　is；　mercifully；　dead；　the　mother　alone

　　survives。　Dear；　you　are　now　to　see　how　it　was　that　you　were　the

　　original　cause　of　all　my　sufferings。　Later；　I　willingly　received

　　your　blows；　to…day　I　am　dying　of　the　final　wound　your　hand　has

　　given；but　there　is　joy；　excessive　joy　in　feeling　myself

　　destroyed　by　him　I　love。



　　My　physical　sufferings　will　soon　put　an　end　to　my　mental　strength；

　　I　therefore　use　the　last　clear　gleams　of　intelligence　to　implore

　　you　to　befriend　my　children　and　replace　the　heart　of　which　you

　　have　deprived　them。　I　would　solemnly　impose　this　duty　upon　you　if

　　I　loved　you　less；　but　I　prefer　to　let　you　choose　it　for　yourself

　　as　an　act　of　sacred　repentance；　and　also　in　faithful　continuance

　　of　your　lovelove；　for　us；　was　ever　mingled　with　repentant

　　thoughts　and　expiatory　fears！　butI　know　it　wellwe　shall

　　forever　love　each　other。　Your　wrong　to　me　was　not　so　fatal　an　act

　　in　itself　as　the　power　which　I　let　it　have　within　me。　Did　I　not

　　tell　you　I　was　jealous；　jealous　unto　death？　Well；　I　die　of　it。

　　But；　be　comforted；　we　have　kept　all　human　laws。　The　Church　has

　　told　me；　by　one　of　her　purest　voices；　that　God　will　be　forgiving

　　to　those　who　subdue　their　natural　desires　to　His　commandments。　My

　　beloved；　you　are　now　to　know　all；　for　I　would　not　leave　you　in

　　ignorance　of　any　thought　of　mine。　What　I　confide　to　God　in　my　last

　　hour　you；　too；　must　know；you；　king　of　my　heart　as　He　is　King　of

　　Heaven。



　　Until　the　ball　given　to　the　Duc　d'Angouleme　（the　only　ball　at

　　which　I　was　ever　present）；　marriage　had　left　me　in　that　ignorance

　　which　gives　to　the　soul　of　a　young　girl　the　beauty　of　the　angels。

　　True；　I　was　a　mother；　but　love　had　never　surrounded　me　with　its

　　permitted　pleasures。　How　did　this　happen？　I　do　not　know；　neither

　　do　I　know　by　what　law　everything　within　me　changed　in　a　moment。

　　You　remember　your　kisses？　they　have　mastered　my　life；　they　have

　　furrowed　my　soul；　the　ardor　of　your　blood　awoke　the　ardor　of　mine；

　　your　youth　entered　my　youth；　your　desires　my　soul。　When　I　rose　and

　　left　you　proudly　I　was　filled　with　an　emotion　for　which　I　know　no

　　name　in　any　languagefor　children　have　not　yet　found　a　word　to

　　express　the　marriage　of　their　eyes　with　light；　nor　the　kiss　of

　　life　laid　upon　their　lips。　Yes；　it　was　sound　coming　in　the　echo；

　　light　flashing　through　the　darkness；　motion　shaking　the　universe；

　　at　least；　it　was　rapid　like　all　these　things；　but　far　more　

　　beautiful；　for　it　was　the　birth　of　the　soul！　I　comprehended　then

　　that　something；　I　knew　not　what；　existed　for　me　in　the　world；a

　　force　nobler　than　thought；　for　it　was　all　thoughts；　all　forces；　it

　　was　the　future　itself　in　a　shared　emotion。　I　felt　I　was　but　half　a

　　mother。　Falling　thus　upon　my　heart　this　thunderbolt　awoke　desires

　　which　slumbered　there　without　my　knowledge；　suddenly　I　divined　all

　　that　my　aunt　had　meant　when　she　kissed　my　forehead；　murmuring；

　　〃Poor　Henriette！〃



　　When　I　returned　to　Clochegourde；　the　springtime；　the　first　leaves；

　　the　fragrance　of　the　flowers；　the　white　and　fleecy　clouds；　the

　　Indre；　the　sky；　all　spoke　to　me　in　a　language　till　then　unknown。

　　If　you　have　forgo