the lily of the valley-第65章

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Rance　a　Trappist。　I；　who　hoped　to　remain　ever　beautiful　and　noble　in

your　memory；　to　live　there　eternally　a　lily；　I　it　is　who　destroy　your

illusions！　True　love　cannot　calculate。　But　stay；　do　not　go；　stay。

Monsieur　Origet　said　I　was　much　better　this　morning；　I　shall　recover。

Your　looks　will　bring　me　back　to　life。　When　I　regain　a　little

strength；　when　I　can　take　some　nourishment；　I　shall　be　beautiful

again。　I　am　scarcely　thirty…five；　there　are　many　years　of　happiness

before　me；happiness　renews　our　youth；　yes；　I　must　know　happiness！　I

have　made　delightful　plans；we　will　leave　Clochegourde　and　go　to

Italy。〃



Tears　filled　my　eyes　and　I　turned　to　the　window　as　if　to　look　at　the

flowers。　The　abbe　followed　me　hastily；　and　bending　over　the　bouquet

whispered；　〃No　tears！〃



〃Henriette；　do　you　no　longer　care　for　our　dear　valley；〃　I　said；　as　if

to　explain　my　sudden　movement。



〃Oh；　yes！〃　she　said；　turning　her　forehead　to　my　lips　with　a　fond

motion。　〃But　without　you　it　is　fatal　to　me；without　THEE；〃　she　added；

putting　her　burning　lips　to　my　ear　and　whispering　the　words　like　a

sigh。



I　was　horror…struck　at　the　wild　caress；　and　my　will　was　not　strong

enough　to　repress　the　nervous　agitation　I　felt　throughout　this　scene。

I　listened　without　reply；　or　rather　I　replied　by　a　fixed　smile　and

signs　of　comprehension；　wishing　not　to　thwart　her；　but　to　treat　her　as

a　mother　does　a　child。　Struck　at　first　with　the　change　in　her　person；

I　now　perceived　that　the　woman；　once　so　dignified　in　her　bearing；

showed　in　her　attitude；　her　voice；　her　manners；　in　her　looks　and　her

ideas；　the　naive　ignorance　of　a　child；　its　artless　graces；　its　eager

movements；　its　careless　indifference　to　everything　that　is　not　its　own

desire；in　short　all　the　weaknesses　which　commend　a　child　to　our

protection。　Is　it　so　with　all　dying　persons？　Do　they　strip　off　social

disguises　till　they　are　like　children　who　have　never　put　them　on？　Or

was　it　that　the　countess　feeling　herself　on　the　borders　of　eternity；

rejected　every　human　feeling　except　love？



〃You　will　bring　me　health　as　you　used　to　do；　Felix；〃　she　said；　〃and

our　valley　will　still　be　my　blessing。　How　can　I　help　eating　what　you

will　give　me？　You　are　such　a　good　nurse。　Besides；　you　are　so　rich　in

health　and　vigor　that　life　is　contagious　beside　you。　My　friend；　prove

to　me　that　I　need　not　diedie　blighted。　They　think　my　worst　suffering

is　thirst。　Oh；　yes；　my　thirst　is　great；　dear　friend。　The　waters　of　the

Indre　are　terrible　to　see；　but　the　thirst　of　my　heart　is　greater　far。

I　thirsted　for　thee；〃　she　said　in　a　smothered　voice；　taking　my　hands

in　hers；　which　were　burning；　and　drawing　me　close　that　she　might

whisper　in　my　ear。　〃My　anguish　has　been　in　not　seeing　thee！　Did　you

not　bid　me　live？　I　will　live；　I　too　will　ride　on　horseback；　I　will

know　life；　Paris；　fetes；　pleasures；　all！〃



Ah！　Natalie；　that　awful　crywhich　time　and　distance　render　coldrang

in　the　ears　of　the　old　priest　and　in　mine；　the　tones　of　that　glorious

voice　pictured　the　battles　of　a　lifetime；　the　anguish　of　a　true　love

lost。　The　countess　rose　with　an　impatient　movement　like　that　of　a

child　which　seeks　a　plaything。　When　the　confessor　saw　her　thus　the

poor　man　fell　upon　his　knees　and　prayed　with　clasped　hands。



〃Yes；　to　live！〃　she　said；　making　me　rise　and　support　her；　〃to　live

with　realities　and　not　with　delusions。　All　has　been　delusions　in　my

life；　I　have　counted　them　up；　these　lies；　these　impostures！　How　can　I

die；　I　who　have　never　lived？　I　who　have　never　roamed　a　moor　to　meet

him！〃　She　stopped；　seemed　to　listen；　and　to　smell　some　odor　through

the　walls。　〃Felix；　the　vintagers　are　dining；　and　I；　I；〃　she　said；　in

the　voice　of　a　child；　〃I；　the　mistress；　am　hungry。　It　is　so　in　love；

they　are　happy；　they；　they！〃



〃Kyrie　eleison！〃　said　the　poor　abbe；　who　with　clasped　hands　and　eyes

raised　to　heaven　was　reciting　his　litanies。



She　flung　an　arm　around　my　neck；　kissed　me　violently；　and　pressed　me

to　her；　saying；　〃You　shall　not　escape　me　now！〃　She　gave　the　little　nod

with　which　in　former　days　she　used；　when　leaving　me　for　an　instant；　to

say　she　would　return。　〃We　will　dine　together；〃　she　said；　〃I　will　go

and　tell　Manette。〃　She　turned　to　go；　but　fainted；　and　I　laid　her；

dressed　as　she　was；　upon　the　bed。



〃You　carried　me　thus　before；〃　she　murmured；　opening　her　eyes。



She　was　very　light；　but　burning；　as　I　took　her　in　my　arms　I　felt　the

heat　of　her　body。　Monsieur　Deslandes　entered　and　seemed　surprised　at

the　decoration　of　the　room；　but　seeing　me；　all　was　explained　to　him。



〃We　must　suffer　much　to　die；〃　she　said　in　a　changed　voice。



The　doctor　sat　down　and　felt　her　pulse；　then　he　rose　quickly　and　said

a　few　words　in　a　low　voice　to　the　priest；　who　left　the　room　beckoning

me　to　follow　him。



〃What　are　you　going　to　do？〃　I　said　to　the　doctor。



〃Save　her　from　intolerable　agony；〃　he　replied。　〃Who　could　have

believed　in　so　much　strength？　We　cannot　understand　how　she　can　have

lived　in　this　state　so　long。　This　is　the　forty…second　day　since　she

has　either　eaten　or　drunk。〃



Monsieur　Deslandes　called　for　Manette。　The　Abbe　Birotteau　took　me　to

the　gardens。



〃Let　us　leave　her　to　the　doctor；〃　he　said；　〃with　Manette's　help　he

will　wrap　her　in　opium。　Well；　you　have　heard　her　nowif　indeed　it　is

she　herself。〃



〃No；〃　I　said；　〃it　is　not　she。〃



I　was　stupefied　with　grief。　I　left　the　grounds　by　the　little　gate　of

the　lower　terrace　and　went　to　the　punt；　in　which　I　hid　to　be　alone

with　my　thoughts。　I　tried　to　detach　myself　from　the　being　in　which　I

lived；a　torture　like　that　with　which　the　Tartars　punish　adultery　by

fastening　a　limb　of　the　guilty　man　in　a　piece　of　wood　and　leaving　him

with　a　knife　to　cut　it　off　if　he　would　not　die　of　hunger。　My　life　was

a　failure；　too！　Despair　suggested　many　strange　ideas　to　me。　Sometimes

I　vowed　to　die　beside　her；　sometimes　to　bury　myself　at　Meilleraye

among　the　Trappists。　I　looked　at　the　windows　of　the　room　where

Henriette　was　dying；　fancying　I　saw　the　light　that　was　burning　there

the　night　I　betrothed　my　soul　to　hers。　Ah！　ought　I　not　to　have

followed　the　simple　life　she　had　created　for　me；　keeping　myself

faithfully　to　her　while　I　worked　in　the　world？　Had　she　not　bidden　me

become　a　great　man　expressly　that　I　might　be　saved　from　base　and

shameful　passions？　Chastity！　was　it　not　a　sublime　distinction　which　I

had　not　know　how　to　keep？　Love；　as　Arabella　understood　it；　suddenly

disgusted　me。　As　I　raised　my　humbled　head　asking　myself　where；　in

future；　I　could　look　for　light　and　hope；　what　interest　could　hold　me

to　life；　the　air　was　stirred　by　a　sudden　noise。　I　turned　to　the

terrace　and　there　saw　Madeleine　walking　alone；　with　slow　steps。　During

the　time　it　took　me　to　ascend　the　terrace；　intending　to　ask　the　dear

child　the　reason　of　the　cold　look　she　had　given　me　when　kneeling　at

the　foot　of　the　cross；　she　had　seated　herself　on　the　bench。　When　she

saw　me　approach　her；　she　rose；　pretending　not　to　have　seen　me；　and

returned　towards　the　house　in　a　significantly　hasty　manner。　She　hated

me；　she　fled　from　her　mother's　murderer。



When　I　reached　the　portico　I　saw　Madeleine　like　a　statue；　motionless

and　erect；　evidently　listening　to　the　sound　of　my　steps。　Jacques　was

sitting　in　the　portico。　His　attitude　expressed　the　same　insensibility

to　what　was　going　on　about　him　that　I　had　noticed　when　I　first　saw

him；　it　suggested　ideas　such　as　we　lay　aside　in　some　corner　of　our

mind　to　take　up　and　study　at　our　leisure。　I　have　remarked　that　young

persons　who　carry　death　within　them　are　usually　unmoved　at　funerals。　I

longed　to　question　that　gloomy　spirit。　Had　Madeleine　kept　her　thoughts

to　herself；　or　had　she　inspired　Jacques　with　her　hatred？



〃You　know；　Jacques；〃　I　said；　to　begin　the　conversation；　〃that　in　me

you　have　a　most　devoted　brother。〃



〃Your　friendship　is　useless　to　me；　I　shall　follow　my　mother；〃　he　said；

giving　me　a　sullen　look　of　pain。



〃Jacques！〃　I　cried；　〃you；　too；　against　m