the lily of the valley-第48章

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combats；　a　species　of　cold　madness　which　makes　a　coward　of　the　bravest

man；　a　bigot　of　an　unbeliever；　and　renders　those　it　grasps　indifferent

to　all　things；　even　to　vital　sentiments；　to　honor；　to　lovefor　the

doubt　it　brings　takes　from　us　the　knowledge　of　ourselves　and　disgusts

us　with　life　itself。　Poor；　nervous　creatures；　whom　the　very　richness

of　your　organization　delivers　over　to　this　mysterious；　fatal　power；

who　are　your　peers　and　who　your　judges？　Horrified　by　the　thoughts　that

rose　within　me；　and　demanding；　like　the　wicked　man；　〃Where　is　now　thy

God？〃　I　could　not　restrain　the　tears　that　rolled　down　my　cheeks。



〃What　is　it；　dear　Felix？〃　said　Madeleine　in　her　childish　voice。



Then　Henriette　put　to　flight　these　dark　horrors　of　the　mind　by　a　look

of　tender　solicitude　which　shone　into　my　soul　like　a　sunbeam。　Just

then　the　old　huntsman　brought　me　a　letter　from　Tours；　at　sight　of

which　I　made　a　sudden　cry　of　surprise；　which　made　Madame　de　Mortsauf

tremble。　I　saw　the　king's　signet　and　knew　it　contained　my　recall。　I

gave　her　the　letter　and　she　read　it　at　a　glance。



〃What　will　become　of　me？〃　she　murmured；　beholding　her　desert　sunless。



We　fell　into　a　stupor　of　thought　which　oppressed　us　equally；　never　had

we　felt　more　strongly　how　necessary　we　were　to　one　another。　The

countess；　even　when　she　spoke　indifferently　of　other　things；　seemed　to

have　a　new　voice；　as　if　the　instrument　had　lost　some　chords　and　others

were　out　of　tune。　Her　movements　were　apathetic；　her　eyes　without

light。　I　begged　her　to　tell　me　her　thoughts。



〃Have　I　any？〃　she　replied　in　a　dazed　way。



She　drew　me　into　her　chamber；　made　me　sit　upon　the　sofa；　took　a

package　from　the　drawer　of　her　dressing…table；　and　knelt　before　me；

saying：　〃This　hair　has　fallen　from　my　head　during　the　last　year；　take

it；　it　is　yours；　you　will　some　day　know　how　and　why。〃



Slowly　I　bent　to　meet　her　brow；　and　she　did　not　avoid　my　lips。　I

kissed　her　sacredly；　without　unworthy　passion；　without　one　impure

impulse；　but　solemnly；　with　tenderness。　Was　she　willing　to　make　the

sacrifice；　or　did　she　merely　come；　as　I　did　once；　to　the　verge　of　the

precipice？　If　love　were　leading　her　to　give　herself　could　she　have

worn　that　calm；　that　holy　look；　would　she　have　asked；　in　that　pure

voice　of　hers；　〃You　are　not　angry　with　me；　are　you？〃



I　left　that　evening；　she　wished　to　accompany　me　on　the　road　to

Frapesle；　and　we　stopped　under　my　walnut…tree。　I　showed　it　to　her；　and

told　her　how　I　had　first　seen　her　four　years　earlier　from　that　spot。

〃The　valley　was　so　beautiful　then！〃　I　cried。



〃And　now？〃　she　said　quickly。



〃You　are　beneath　my　tree；　and　the　valley　is　ours！〃



She　bowed　her　head　and　that　was　our　farewell；　she　got　into　her

carriage　with　Madeleine；　and　I　into　mine　alone。



On　my　return　to　Paris　I　was　absorbed　in　pressing　business　which　took

all　my　time　and　kept　me　out　of　society；　which　for　a　while　forgot　me。　I

corresponded　with　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　and　sent　her　my　journal　once　a

week。　She　answered　twice　a　month。　It　was　a　life　of　solitude　yet

teeming；　like　those　sequestered　spots；　blooming　unknown；　which　I　had

sometimes　found　in　the　depths　of　woods　when　gathering　the　flowers　for

my　poems。



Oh；　you　who　love！　take　these　obligations　on　you；　accept　these　daily

duties；　like　those　the　Church　imposes　upon　Christians。　The　rigorous

observances　of　the　Roman　faith　contain　a　great　idea；　they　plough　the

furrow　of　duty　in　the　soul　by　the　daily　repetition　of　acts　which　keep

alive　the　sense　of　hope　and　fear。　Sentiments　flow　clearer　in　furrowed

channels　which　purify　their　stream；　they　refresh　the　heart；　they

fertilize　the　life　from　the　abundant　treasures　of　a　hidden　faith；　the

source　divine　in　which　the　single　thought　of　a　single　love　is

multiplied　indefinitely。



My　love；　an　echo　of　the　Middle　Ages　and　of　chivalry；　was　known；　I　know

not　how；　possibly　the　king　and　the　Duc　de　Lenoncourt　had　spoken　of　it。

From　that　upper　sphere　the　romantic　yet　simple　story　of　a　young　man

piously　adoring　a　beautiful　woman　remote　from　the　world；　noble　in　her

solitude；　faithful　without　support　to　duty；　spread；　no　doubt　quickly；

through　the　faubourg　St。　Germain。　In　the　salons　I　was　the　object　of

embarrassing　notice；　for　retired　life　has　advantages　which　if　once

experienced　make　the　burden　of　a　constant　social　intercourse

insupportable。　Certain　minds　are　painfully　affected　by　violent

contrasts；　just　as　eyes　accustomed　to　soft　colors　are　hurt　by　glaring

light。　This　was　my　condition　then；　you　may　be　surprised　at　it　now；　but

have　patience；　the　inconsistencies　of　the　Vandenesse　of　to…day　will　be

explained　to　you。



I　found　society　courteous　and　women　most　kind。　After　the　marriage　of

the　Duc　de　Berry　the　court　resumed　its　former　splendor　and　the　glory

of　the　French　fetes　revived。　The　Allied　occupation　was　over；

prosperity　reappeared；　enjoyments　were　again　possible。　Noted

personages；　illustrious　by　rank；　prominent　by　fortune；　came　from　all

parts　of　Europe　to　the　capital　of　the　intellect；　where　the　merits　and

the　vices　of　other　countries　were　found　magnified　and　whetted　by　the

charms　of　French　intellect。



Five　months　after　leaving　Clochegourde　my　good　angel　wrote　me；　in　the

middle　of　the　winter；　a　despairing　letter；　telling　me　of　the　serious

illness　of　her　son。　He　was　then　out　of　danger；　but　there　were　many

fears　for　the　future；　the　doctor　said　that　precautions　were　necessary

for　his　lungsthe　suggestion　of　a　terrible　idea　which　had　put　the

mother's　heart　in　mourning。　Hardly　had　Jacques　begun　to　convalesce；

and　she　could　breathe　again；　when　Madeleine　made　them　all　uneasy。　That

pretty　plant；　whose　bloom　had　lately　rewarded　the　mother's　culture；

was　now　frail　and　pallid　and　anemic。　The　countess；　worn…out　by

Jacques'　long　illness；　found　no　courage；　she　said；　to　bear　this

additional　blow；　and　the　ever　present　spectacle　of　these　two　dear

failing　creatures　made　her　insensible　to　the　redoubled　torment　of　her

husband's　temper。　Thus　the　storms　were　again　raging；　tearing　up　by　the

roots　the　hopes　that　were　planted　deepest　in　her　bosom。　She　was　now　at

the　mercy　of　the　count；　weary　of　the　struggle；　she　allowed　him　to

regain　all　the　ground　he　had　lost。



〃When　all　my　strength　is　employed　in　caring　for　my　children；〃　she

wrote；　〃how　is　it　possible　to　employ　it　against　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf；

how　can　I　struggle　against　his　aggressions　when　I　am　fighting　against

death？　Standing　here　to…day；　alone　and　much　enfeebled；　between　these

two　young　images　of　mournful　fate；　I　am　overpowered　with　disgust；

invincible　disgust　for　life。　What　blow　can　I　feel；　to　what　affection

can　I　answer；　when　I　see　Jacques　motionless　on　the　terrace；　scarcely　a

sign　of　life　about　him；　except　in　those　dear　eyes；　large　by

emaciation；　hollow　as　those　of　an　old　man　and；　oh；　fatal　sign；　full　of

precocious　intelligence　contrasting　with　his　physical　debility。　When　I

look　at　my　pretty　Madeleine；　once　so　gay；　so　caressing；　so　blooming；

now　white　as　death；　her　very　hair　and　eyes　seem　to　me　to　have　paled；

she　turns　a　languishing　look　upon　me　as　if　bidding　me　farewell；

nothing　rouses　her；　nothing　tempts　her。　In　spite　of　all　my　efforts　I

cannot　amuse　my　children；　they　smile　at　me；　but　their　smile　is　only　in

answer　to　my　endearments；　it　does　not　come　from　them。　They　weep

because　they　have　no　strength　to　play　with　me。　Suffering　has　enfeebled

their　whole　being；　it　has　loosened　even　the　ties　that　bound　them　to

me。



〃Thus　you　can　well　believe　that　Clochegourde　is　very　sad。　Monsieur　de

Mortsauf　now　rules　everythingOh　my　friend！　you；　my　glory！〃　she

wrote；　farther　on；　〃you　must　indeed　love　me　well　to　love　me　still；　to

love　me　callous；　ungrateful；　turned　to　stone　by　grief。〃







CHAPTER　III



THE　TWO　WOMEN



It　was　at　this　time；　when　I　was　never　more　deeply　moved　in　my　whole

being；　when　I　lived　in　that　soul　to　which　I　strove　to　send　the

luminous　breeze　of　the　mornings　and　the　hope　of　the　crimsoned

evenings；　that