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第45章

the lily of the valley-第45章

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thoughts fastened as bees swarm upon the branch of a flowering tree。

In my mad jealousy I reproached myself that I had dared nothing; that

I had not tightened the bonds of a tenderness which seemed to me at

that moment more subtile than real; by the chains of positive

possession。



The count's illness; caused perhaps by a chill under the walnut…tree;

became alarming in a few hours。 I went to Tours for a famous doctor

named Origet; but was unable to find him until evening。 He spent that

night and the next day at Clochegourde。 We had sent the huntsman in

quest of leeches; but the doctor; thinking the case urgent; wished to

bleed the count immediately; but had brought no lancet with him。 I at

once started for Azay in the midst of a storm; roused a surgeon;

Monsieur Deslandes; and compelled him to come with the utmost celerity

to Clochegourde。 Ten minutes later and the count would have died; the

bleeding saved him。 But in spite of this preliminary success the

doctor predicted an inflammatory fever of the worst kind。 The countess

was overcome by the fear that she was the secret cause of this crisis。

Two weak to thank me for my exertions; she merely gave me a few

smiles; the equivalent of the kiss she had once laid upon my hand。

Fain would I have seen in those haggard smiles the remorse of illicit

love; but no; they were only the act of contrition of an innocent

repentance; painful to see in one so pure; the expression of admiring

tenderness for me whom she regarded as noble while reproaching herself

for an imaginary wrong。 Surely she loved as Laura loved Petrarch; and

not as Francesca da Rimini loved Paolo;a terrible discovery for him

who had dreamed the union of the two loves。



The countess half lay; her body bent forwards; her arms hanging; in a

soiled armchair in a room that was like the lair of a wild boar。 The

next evening before the doctor departed he said to the countess; who

had sat up the night before; that she must get a nurse; as the illness

would be a long one。



〃A nurse!〃 she said; 〃no; no! We will take care of him;〃 she added;

looking at me; 〃we owe it to ourselves to save him。〃



The doctor gave us both an observing look full of astonishment。 The

words were of a nature to make him suspect an atonement。 He promised

to come twice a week; left directions for the treatment with Monsieur

Deslandes; and pointed out the threatening symptoms that might oblige

us to send for him。 I asked the countess to let me sit up the

alternate nights and then; not without difficulty; I persuaded her to

go to bed on the third night。 When the house was still and the count

sleeping I heard a groan from Henriette's room。 My anxiety was so keen

that I went to her。 She was kneeling before the crucifix bathed in

tears。 〃My God!〃 she cried; 〃if this be the cost of a murmur; I will

never complain again。〃



〃You have left him!〃 she said on seeing me。



〃I heard you moaning; and I was frightened。〃



〃Oh; I!〃 she said; 〃I am well。〃



Wishing to be certain that Monsieur de Mortsauf was asleep she came

down with me; by the light of the lamp we looked at him。 The count was

weakened by the loss of blood and was more drowsy than asleep; his

hands picked the counterpane and tried to draw it over him。



〃They say the dying do that;〃 she whispered。 〃Ah! if he were to die of

this illness; that I have caused; never will I marry again; I swear

it;〃 she said; stretching her hand over his head with a solemn

gesture。



〃I have done all I could to save him;〃 I said。



〃Oh; you!〃 she said; 〃you are good; it is I who am guilty。〃



She stooped to that discolored brow; wiped the perspiration from it

and laid a kiss there solemnly; but I saw; not without joy; that she

did it as an expiation。



〃Blanche; I am thirsty;〃 said the count in a feeble voice。



〃You see he knows me;〃 she said giving him to drink。



Her accent; her affectionate manner to him seemed to me to take the

feelings that bound us together and immolate them to the sick man。



〃Henriette;〃 I said; 〃go and rest; I entreat you。〃



〃No more Henriette;〃 she said; interrupting me with imperious haste。



〃Go to bed if you would not be ill。 Your children; HE HIMSELF would

order you to be careful; it is a case where selfishness becomes a

virtue。〃



〃Yes;〃 she said。



She went away; recommending her husband to my care by a gesture which

would have seemed like approaching delirium if childlike grace had not

been mingled with the supplicating forces of repentance。 But the scene

was terrible; judged by the habitual state of that pure soul; it

alarmed me; I feared the exaltation of her conscience。 When the doctor

came again; I revealed to him the nature of my pure Henriette's self…

reproach。 This confidence; made discreetly; removed Monsieur Origet's

suspicions; and enabled him to quiet the distress of that noble soul

by telling her that in any case the count had to pass through this

crisis; and that as for the nut…tree; his remaining there had done

more good than harm by developing the disease。



For fifty…two days the count hovered between life and death。 Henriette

and I each watched twenty…six nights。 Undoubtedly; Monsieur de

Mortsauf owed his life to our nursing and to the careful exactitude

with which we carried out the orders of Monsieur Origet。 Like all

philosophical physicians; whose sagacious observation of what passes

before them justifies many a doubt of noble actions when they are only

the accomplishment of a duty; this man; while assisting the countess

and me in our rivalry of devotion; could not help watching us; with

scrutinizing glances; so afraid was he of being deceived in his

admiration。



〃In diseases of this nature;〃 he said to me at his third visit; 〃death

has a powerful auxiliary in the moral nature when that is seriously

disturbed; as it is in this case。 The doctor; the family; the nurses

hold the patient's life in their hands; sometimes a single word; a

fear expressed by a gesture; has the effect of poison。〃



As he spoke Origet studied my face and expression; but he saw in my

eyes the clear look of an honest soul。 In fact during the whole course

of this distressing illness there never passed through my mind a

single one of the involuntary evil thoughts which do sometimes sear

the consciences of the innocent。 To those who study nature in its

grandeur as a whole all tends to unity through assimilation。 The moral

world must undoubtedly be ruled by an analogous principle。 In an pure

sphere all is pure。 The atmosphere of heaven was around my Henriette;

it seemed as though an evil desire must forever part me from her。 Thus

she not only stood for happiness; but for virtue; she WAS virtue。

Finding us always equally careful and attentive; the doctor's words

and manners took a tone of respect and even pity; he seemed to say to

himself; 〃Here are the real sufferers; they hide their ills; and

forget them。〃 By a fortunate change; which; according to our excellent

doctor; is common enough in men who are completely shattered; Monsieur

de Mortsauf was patient; obedient; complained little; and showed

surprising docility;he; who when well never did the simplest thing

without discussion。 The secret of this submission to medical care;

which he formerly so derided; was an innate dread of death; another

contradiction in a man of tried courage。 This dread may perhaps

explain several other peculiarities in the character which the cruel

years of exile had developed。



Shall I admit to you; Natalie; and will you believe me? these fifty

days and the month that followed them were the happiest moments of my

life。 Love; in the celestial spaces of the soul is like a noble river

flowing through a valley; the rains; the brooks; the torrents hie to

it; the trees fall upon its surface; so do the flowers; the gravel of

its shores; the rocks of the summits; storms and the loitering tribute

of the crystal streams alike in

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