the lily of the valley-第43章

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and　Madeleine　should　take　their　meals　alone　at　different　hours　from

the　family；　so　as　to　save　them　from　the　count's　outbursts　and　draw　all

the　storms　upon　herself。　In　this　way　the　children　now　saw　but　little

of　their　father。　By　one　of　the　hallucinations　peculiar　to　selfish

persons；　the　count　had　not　the　slightest　idea　of　the　misery　he　caused。

In　the　confidential　communication　he　made　to　me　on　my　arrival　he

particularly　dwelt　on　his　goodness　to　his　family。　He　wielded　the

flail；　beat；　bruised；　and　broke　everything　about　him　as　a　monkey　might

have　done。　Then；　having　half…destroyed　his　prey；　he　denied　having

touched　it。　I　now　understood　the　lines　on　Henriette's　forehead；fine

lines；　traced　as　it　were　with　the　edge　of　a　razor；　which　I　had　noticed

the　moment　I　saw　her。　There　is　a　pudicity　in　noble　minds　which

withholds　them　from　speaking　of　their　personal　sufferings；　proudly

they　hide　the　extent　of　their　woes　from　hearts　that　love　them；　feeling

a　merciful　joy　in　doing　so。　Therefore　in　spite　of　my　urgency；　I　did

not　immediately　obtain　the　truth　from　Henriette。　She　feared　to　grieve

me；　she　made　brief　admissions；　and　then　blushed　for　them；　but　I　soon

perceived　myself　the　increase　of　trouble　which　the　count's　present

want　of　regular　occupation　had　brought　upon　the　household。



〃Henriette；〃　I　said；　after　I　had　been　there　some　days；　〃don't　you

think　you　have　made　a　mistake　in　so　arranging　the　estate　that　the

count　has　no　longer　anything　to　do？〃



〃Dear；〃　she　said；　smiling；　〃my　situation　is　critical　enough　to　take

all　my　attention；　believe　me；　I　have　considered　all　my　resources；　and

they　are　now　exhausted。　It　is　true　that　the　bickerings　are　getting

worse　and　worse。　As　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　and　I　are　always　together；　I

cannot　lessen　them　by　diverting　his　attention　in　other　directions；　in

fact　the　pain　would　be　the　same　to　me　in　any　case。　I　did　think　of

advising　him　to　start　a　nursery　for　silk…worms　at　Clochegourde；　where

we　have　many　mulberry…trees；　remains　of　the　old　industry　of　Touraine。

But　I　reflected　that　he　would　still　be　the　same　tyrant　at　home；　and　I

should　have　many　more　annoyances　through　the　enterprise。　You　will

learn；　my　dear　observer；　that　in　youth　a　man's　ill　qualities　are

restrained　by　society；　checked　in　their　swing　by　the　play　of　passions；

subdued　under　the　fear　of　public　opinion；　later；　a　middle…aged　man；

living　in　solitude；　shows　his　native　defects；　which　are　all　the　more

terrible　because　so　long　repressed。　Human　weaknesses　are　essentially

base；　they　allow　of　neither　peace　nor　truce；　what　you　yield　to　them

to…day　they　exact　to…morrow；　and　always；　they　fasten　on　concessions

and　compel　more　of　them。　Power；　on　the　other　hand；　is　merciful；　it

conforms　to　evidence；　it　is　just　and　it　is　peaceable。　But　the　passions

born　of　weakness　are　implacable。　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　takes　an

absolute　pleasure　in　getting　the　better　of　me；　and　he　who　would

deceive　no　one　else；　deceives　me　with　delight。〃



One　morning　as　we　left　the　breakfast　table；　about　a　month　after　my

arrival；　the　countess　took　me　by　the　arm；　darted　through　an　iron　gate

which　led　into　the　vineyard；　and　dragged　me　hastily　among　the　vines。



〃He　will　kill　me！〃　she　cried。　〃And　I　want　to　livefor　my　children's

sake。　But　oh！　not　a　day's　respite！　Always　to　walk　among　thorns！　to

come　near　falling　every　instant！　every　instant　to　have　to　summon　all

my　strength　to　keep　my　balance！　No　human　being　can　long　endure　such

strain　upon　the　system。　If　I　were　certain　of　the　ground　I　ought　to

take；　if　my　resistance　could　be　a　settled　thing；　then　my　mind　might

concentrate　upon　itbut　no；　every　day　the　attacks　change　character

and　leave　me　without　defence；　my　sorrows　are　not　one；　they　are

manifold。　Ah！　my　friend〃　she　cried；　leaning　her　head　upon　my

shoulder；　and　not　continuing　her　confidence。　〃What　will　become　of　me？

Oh；　what　shall　I　do？〃　she　said　presently；　struggling　with　thoughts　she

did　not　express。　〃How　can　I　resist？　He　will　kill　me！　No；　I　will　kill

myselfbut　that　would　be　a　crime！　Escape？　yes；　but　my　children！

Separate　from　him？　how；　after　fifteen　years　of　marriage；　how　could　I

ever　tell　my　parents　that　I　will　not　live　with　him？　for　if　my　father

and　mother　came　here　he　would　be　calm；　polite；　intelligent；　judicious。

Besides；　can　married　women　look　to　fathers　or　mothers？　Do　they　not

belong　body　and　soul　to　their　husbands？　I　could　live　tranquil　if　not

happyI　have　found　strength　in　my　chaste　solitude；　I　admit　it；　but　if

I　am　deprived　of　this　negative　happiness　I　too　shall　become　insane。　My

resistance　is　based　on　powerful　reasons　which　are　not　personal　to

myself。　It　is　a　crime　to　give　birth　to　poor　creatures　condemned　to

endless　suffering。　Yet　my　position　raises　serious　questions；　so

serious　that　I　dare　not　decide　them　alone；　I　cannot　be　judge　and　party

both。　To…morrow　I　will　go　to　Tours　and　consult　my　new　confessor；　the

Abbe　Birotteaufor　my　dear　and　virtuous　Abbe　de　la　Berge　is　dead；〃

she　said；　interrupting　herself。　〃Though　he　was　severe；　I　miss　and

shall　always　miss　his　apostolic　power。　His　successor　is　an　angel　of

goodness；　who　pities　but　does　not　reprimand。　Still；　all　courage　draws

fresh　life　from　the　heart　of　religion；　what　soul　is　not　strengthened

by　the　voice　of　the　Holy　Spirit？　My　God；〃　she　said；　drying　her　tears

and　raising　her　eyes　to　heaven；　〃for　what　sin　am　I　thus　punished？I

believe；　yes；　Felix；　I　believe　it；　we　must　pass　through　a　fiery

furnace　before　we　reach　the　saints；　the　just　made　perfect　of　the　upper

spheres。　Must　I　keep　silence？　Am　I　forbidden；　oh；　my　God；　to　cry　to

the　heart　of　a　friend？　Do　I　love　him　too　well？〃　She　pressed　me　to　her

heart　as　though　she　feared　to　lose　me。　〃Who　will　solve　my　doubts？　My

conscience　does　not　reproach　me。　The　stars　shine　from　above　on　men；

may　not　the　soul；　the　human　star；　shed　its　light　upon　a　friend；　if　we

go　to　him　with　pure　thoughts？〃



I　listened　to　this　dreadful　cry　in　silence；　holding　her　moist　hand　in

mine　that　was　still　more　moist。　I　pressed　it　with　a　force　to　which

Henriette　replied　with　an　equal　pressure。



〃Where　are　you？〃　cried　the　count；　who　came　towards　us；　bareheaded。



Ever　since　my　return　he　had　insisted　on　sharing　our　interviews；

either　because　he　wanted　amusement；　or　feared　the　countess　would　tell

me　her　sorrows　and　complain　to　me；　or　because　he　was　jealous　of　a

pleasure　he　did　not　share。



〃How　he　follows　me！〃　she　cried；　in　a　tone　of　despair。　〃Let　us　go　into

the　orchard；　we　shall　escape　him。　We　can　stoop　as　we　run　by　the　hedge；

and　he　will　not　see　us。〃



We　made　the　hedge　a　rampart　and　reached　the　enclosure；　where　we　were

soon　at　a　good　distance　from　the　count　in　an　alley　of　almond…trees。



〃Dear　Henriette；〃　I　then　said　to　her；　pressing　her　arm　against　my

heart　and　stopping　to　contemplate　her　in　her　sorrow；　〃you　have　guided

me　with　true　knowledge　along　the　perilous　ways　of　the　great　world；　let

me　in　return　give　you　some　advice　which　may　help　you　to　end　this　duel

without　witnesses；　in　which　you　must　inevitably　be　worsted；　for　you

are　fighting　with　unequal　weapons。　You　must　not　struggle　any　longer

with　a　madman〃



〃Hush！〃　she　said；　dashing　aside　the　tears　that　rolled　from　her　eyes。



〃Listen　to　me；　dear；〃　I　continued。　〃After　a　single　hour's　talk　with

the　count；　which　I　force　myself　to　endure　for　love　of　you；　my　thoughts

are　bewildered；　my　head　heavy；　he　makes　me　doubtful　of　my　own

intellect；　the　same　ideas　repeated　over　and　over　again　seem　to　burn

themselves　on　my　brain。　Well…defined　monomanias　are　not　communicated；

but　when　the　madness　consists　in　a　distorted　way　of　looking　at

everything；　and　when　it　lurks　under　all　discussions；　then　it　can　and

does　injure　the　minds　of　those　who　live　with　it。　Your　patience　is

sublime；　but　will　it　not　end　in　disordering　you？　For　your　sake；　for

that　of　your　children；　change　your　system　with　the　count。　Your

adorable　kindness　has　made　him　selfish；　you　have　treated　him　as　a

mother　treats　the　child　she　spoils；　but　now；　if　you　want　to　liv