the lily of the valley-第41章

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pleasure；　which　I　nevertheless　felt　in　her　sensitive　shiver。　When　she

raised　her　face　to　look　at　me　again；　I　saw　that　she　was　pale。



〃Well；　you　don't　forget　your　old　friends？〃　said　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf；

who　had　neither　changed　nor　aged。



The　children　sprang　upon　me。　I　saw　them　behind　the　grave　face　of　the

Abbe　Dominis；　Jacques'　tutor。



〃No；〃　I　replied；　〃and　in　future　I　am　to　have　six　months'　leave；　which

will　always　be　spent　hereWhy；　what　is　the　matter？〃　I　said　to　the

countess；　putting　my　arm　round　her　waist　and　holding　her　up　in

presence　of　them　all。



〃Oh；　don't！〃　she　said；　springing　away　from　me；　〃it　is　nothing。〃



I　read　her　mind；　and　answered　to　its　secret　thought　by　saying；　〃Am　I

not　allowed　to　be　your　faithful　slave？〃



She　took　my　arm；　left　the　count；　the　children；　and　the　abbe；　and　led

me　to　a　distance　on　the　lawn；　though　still　within　sight　of　the　others；

then；　when　sure　that　her　voice　could　not　be　heard　by　them；　she　spoke。



〃Felix；　my　dear　friend；〃　she　said；　〃forgive　my　fears；　I　have　but　one

thread　by　which　to　guide　me　in　the　labyrinth　of　life；　and　I　dread　to

see　it　broken。　Tell　me　that　I　am　more　than　ever　Henriette　to　you；　that

you　will　never　abandon　me；　that　nothing　shall　prevail　against　me；　that

you　will　ever　be　my　devoted　friend。　I　have　suddenly　had　a　glimpse　into

my　future；　and　you　were　not　there；　as　hitherto；　your　eyes　shining　and

fixed　upon　me〃



〃Henriette！　idol　whose　worship　is　like　that　of　the　Divine；lily；

flower　of　my　life；　how　is　it　that　you　do　not　know；　you　who　are　my

conscience；　that　my　being　is　so　fused　with　yours　that　my　soul　is　here

when　my　body　is　in　Paris？　Must　I　tell　you　that　I　have　come　in

seventeen　hours；　that　each　turn　of　the　wheels　gathered　thoughts　and

desires　in　my　breast；　which　burst　forth　like　a　tempest　when　I　saw

you？〃



〃Yes；　tell　me！　tell　me！〃　she　cried；　〃I　am　so　sure　of　myself　that　I　can

hear　you　without　wrong。　God　does　not　will　my　death。　He　sends　you　to　me

as　he　sends　his　breath　to　his　creatures；　as　he　pours　the　rain　of　his

clouds　upon　a　parched　earth；tell　me！　tell　me！　Do　you　love　me

sacredly？〃



〃Sacredly。〃



〃For　ever？〃



〃For　ever。〃



〃As　a　virgin　Mary；　hidden　behind　her　veil；　beneath　her　white　crown。〃



〃As　a　virgin　visible。〃



〃As　a　sister？〃



〃As　a　sister　too　dearly　loved。〃



〃With　chivalry　and　without　hope？〃



〃With　chivalry　and　with　hope。〃



〃As　if　you　were　still　twenty　years　of　age；　and　wearing　that　absurd

blue　coat？〃



〃Oh　better　far！　I　love　you　thus；　and　I　also　love　you〃she　looked　at

me　with　keen　apprehension〃as　you　loved　your　aunt。〃



〃I　am　happy！　You　dispel　my　terrors；〃　she　said；　returning　towards　the

family；　who　were　surprised　at　our　private　conference。　〃Be　still　a

child　at　Clochegourdefor　you　are　one　still。　It　may　be　your　policy　to

be　a　man　with　the　king；　but　here；　let　me　tell　you；　monsieur；　your　best

policy　is　to　remain　a　child。　As　a　child　you　shall　be　loved。　I　can

resist　a　man；　but　to　a　child　I　can　refuse　nothing；　nothing！　He　can　ask

for　nothing　I　will　not　give　him。Our　secrets　are　all　told；〃　she　said；

looking　at　the　count　with　a　mischievous　air；　in　which　her　girlish；

natural　self　reappeared。　〃I　leave　you　now；　I　must　go　and　dress。〃



Never　for　three　years　had　I　heard　her　voice　so　richly　happy。　For　the

first　time　I　heard　those　swallow　cries；　the　infantile　notes　of　which　I

told　you。　I　had　brought　Jacques　a　hunting　outfit；　and　for　Madeleine　a

work…boxwhich　her　mother　afterwards　used。　The　joy　of　the　two

children；　delighted　to　show　their　presents　to　each　other；　seemed　to

annoy　the　count；　always　dissatisfied　when　attention　was　withdrawn　from

himself。　I　made　a　sign　to　Madeleine　and　followed　her　father；　who

wanted　to　talk　to　me　of　his　ailments。



〃My　poor　Felix；〃　he　said；　〃you　see　how　happy　and　well　they　all　are。　I

am　the　shadow　on　the　picture；　all　their　ills　are　transferred　to　me；

and　I　bless　God　that　it　is　so。　Formerly　I　did　not　know　what　was　the

matter　with　me；　now　I　know。　The　orifice　of　my　stomach　is　affected；　I

can　digest　nothing。〃



〃How　do　you　come　to　be　as　wise　as　the　professor　of　a　medical　school？〃

I　asked；　laughing。　〃Is　your　doctor　indiscreet　enough　to　tell　you　such

things？〃



〃God　forbid　I　should　consult　a　doctor；〃　he　cried；　showing　the　aversion

most　imaginary　invalids　feel　for　the　medical　profession。



I　now　listened　to　much　crazy　talk；　in　the　course　of　which　he　made　the

most　absurd　confidences；complained　of　his　wife；　of　the　servants；　of

the　children；　of　life；　evidently　pleased　to　repeat　his　daily　speeches

to　a　friend　who；　not　having　heard　them　daily；　might　be　alarmed；　and

who　at　any　rate　was　forced　to　listen　out　of　politeness。　He　must　have

been　satisfied；　for　I　paid　him　the　utmost　attention；　trying　to

penetrate　his　inconceivable　nature；　and　to　guess　what　new　tortures　he

had　been　inflicting　on　his　wife；　of　which　she　had　not　written　to　me。

Henriette　presently　put　an　end　to　the　monologue　by　appearing　in　the

portico。　The　count　saw　her；　shook　his　head；　and　said　to　me：　〃You

listen　to　me；　Felix；　but　here　no　one　pities　me。〃



He　went　away；　as　if　aware　of　the　constraint　he　imposed　on　my

intercourse　with　Henriette；　or　perhaps　from　a　really　chivalrous

consideration　for　her；　knowing　he　could　give　her　pleasure　by　leaving

us　alone。　His　character　exhibited　contradictions　that　were　often

inexplicable；　he　was　jealous；　like　all　weak　beings；　but　his　confidence

in　his　wife's　sanctity　was　boundless。　It　may　have　been　the　sufferings

of　his　own　self…esteem；　wounded　by　the　superiority　of　that　lofty

virtue；　which　made　him　so　eager　to　oppose　every　wish　of　the　poor

woman；　whom　he　braved　as　children　brave　their　masters　or　their

mothers。



Jacques　was　taking　his　lessons；　and　Madeleine　was　being　dressed；　I　had

therefore　a　whole　hour　to　walk　with　the　countess　alone　on　the　terrace。



〃Dear　angel！〃　I　said；　〃the　chains　are　heavier；　the　sands　hotter；　the

thorns　grow　apace。〃



〃Hush！〃　she　said；　guessing　the　thoughts　my　conversation　with　the　count

had　suggested。　〃You　are　here；　and　all　is　forgotten！　I　don't　suffer；　I

have　never　suffered。〃



She　made　a　few　light　steps　as　if　to　shake　her　dress　and　give　to　the

breeze　its　ruches　of　snowy　tulle；　its　floating　sleeves　and　fresh

ribbons；　the　laces　of　her　pelerine；　and　the　flowing　curls　of　her

coiffure　a　la　Sevigne；　I　saw　her　for　the　first　time　a　young　girl；gay

with　her　natural　gaiety；　ready　to　frolic　like　a　child。　I　knew　then　the

meaning　of　tears　of　happiness；　I　knew　the　joy　a　man　feels　in　bringing

happiness　to　another。



〃Sweet　human　flower；　wooed　by　my　thought；　kissed　by　my　soul；　oh　my

lily！〃　I　cried；　〃untouched；　untouchable　upon　thy　stem；　white；　proud；

fragrant；　and　solitary〃



〃Enough；　enough；〃　she　said；　smiling。　〃Speak　to　me　of　yourself；　tell　me

everything。〃



Then；　beneath　the　swaying　arch　of　quivering　leaves；　we　had　a　long

conversation；　filled　with　interminable　parentheses；　subjects　taken；

dropped；　and　retaken；　in　which　I　told　her　my　life　and　my　occupations；

I　even　described　my　apartment　in　Paris；　for　she　wished　to　know

everything；　and　（happiness　then　unappreciated）　I　had　nothing　to

conceal。　Knowing　thus　my　soul　and　all　the　details　of　a　daily　life　full

of　incessant　toil；　learning　the　full　extent　of　my　functions；　which　to

any　one　not　sternly　upright　offered　opportunities　for　deception　and

dishonest　gains；　but　which　I　had　exercised　with　such　rigid　honor　that

the　king；　I　told　her；　called　me　Mademoiselle　de　Vandenesse；　she　seized

my　hand　and　kissed　it；　and　dropped　a　tear；　a　tear　of　joy；　upon　it。



This　sudden　transposition　of　our　roles；　this　homage；　coupled　with　the

thoughtswiftly　expressed　but　as　swiftly　comprehended〃Here　is　the

master　I　have　sought；　here　is　my　dream　embodied！〃　all　that　there　was

of　avowal　in　the　action；　grand　in　its　humility；　where　love　betrayed

itself　in　a　region　forbidden　to　the　senses；this　whirlwind　of

celestial　things　fell　on　my　heart　and　crushed　it。　I　felt　myself　too

small；　I　wi