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第37章

the lily of the valley-第37章

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  advancement by something better than a wish。 This secret

  co…operation in your future is the only pleasure I can allow

  myself。 For it; I will wait and hope。



  I do not say farewell。 We are separated; you cannot put my hand to

  your lips; but you must surely know the place you hold in the

  heart of your



Henriette。





As I read this letter I felt the maternal heart beating beneath my

fingers which held the paper while I was still cold from the harsh

greeting of my own mother。 I understood why the countess had forbidden

me to open it in Touraine; no doubt she feared that I would fall at

her feet and wet them with my tears。



I now made the acquaintance of my brother Charles; who up to this time

had been a stranger to me。 But in all our intercourse he showed a

haughtiness which kept us apart and prevented brotherly affection。

Kindly feelings depend on similarity of soul; and there was no point

of touch between us。 He preached to me dogmatically those social

trifles which head or heart can see without instruction; he seemed to

mistrust me。 If I had not had the inward support of my great love he

would have made me awkward and stupid by affecting to believe that I

knew nothing of life。 He presented me in society under the expectation

that my dulness would be a foil to his qualities。 Had I not remembered

the sorrows of my childhood I might have taken his protecting vanity

for brotherly affection; but inward solitude produces the same effects

as outward solitude; silence within our souls enables us to hear the

faintest sound; the habit of taking refuge within ourselves develops a

perception which discerns every quality of the affections about us。

Before I knew Madame de Mortsauf a hard look grieved me; a rough word

wounded me to the heart; I bewailed these things without as yet

knowing anything of a life of tenderness; whereas now; since my return

from Clochegourde; I could make comparisons which perfected my

instinctive perceptions。 All deductions derived only from sufferings

endured are incomplete。 Happiness has a light to cast。 I now allowed

myself the more willingly to be kept under the heel of primogeniture

because I was not my brother's dupe。



I always went alone to the Duchesse de Lenoncourt's; where Henriette's

name was never mentioned; no one; except the good old duke; who was

simplicity itself; ever spoke of her to me; but by the way he welcomed

me I guessed that his daughter had privately commended me to his care。

At the moment when I was beginning to overcome the foolish wonder and

shyness which besets a young man at his first entrance into the great

world; and to realize the pleasures it could give through the

resources it offers to ambition; just; too; as I was beginning to make

use of Henriette's maxims; admiring their wisdom; the events of the

20th of March took place。



My brother followed the court to Ghent; I; by Henriette's advice (for

I kept up a correspondence with her; active on my side only); went

there also with the Duc de Lenoncourt。 The natural kindness of the old

duke turned to a hearty and sincere protection as soon as he saw me

attached; body and soul; to the Bourbons。 He himself presented me to

his Majesty。 Courtiers are not numerous when misfortunes are rife; but

youth is gifted with ingenuous admiration and uncalculating fidelity。

The king had the faculty of judging men; a devotion which might have

passed unobserved in Paris counted for much at Ghent; and I had the

happiness of pleasing Louis XVIII。



A letter from Madame de Mortsauf to her father; brought with

despatches by an emissary of the Vendeens; enclosed a note to me by

which I learned that Jacques was ill。 Monsieur de Mortsauf; in despair

at his son's ill…health; and also at the news of a second emigration;

added a few words which enabled me to guess the situation of my dear

one。 Worried by him; no doubt; when she passed all her time at

Jacques' bedside; allowed no rest either day or night; superior to

annoyance; yet unable always to control herself when her whole soul

was given to the care of her child; Henriette needed the support of a

friendship which might lighten the burden of her life; were it only by

diverting her husband's mind。 Though I was now most impatient to rival

the career of my brother; who had lately been sent to the Congress of

Vienna; and was anxious at any risk to justify Henriette's appeal and

become a man myself; freed from all vassalage; nevertheless my

ambition; my desire for independence; the great interest I had in not

leaving the king; all were of no account before the vision of Madame

de Mortsauf's sad face。 I resolved to leave the court at Ghent and

serve my true sovereign。 God rewarded me。 The emissary sent by the

Vendeens was unable to return。 The king wanted a messenger who would

faithfully carry back his instructions。 The Duc de Lenoncourt knew

that the king would never forget the man who undertook so perilous an

enterprise; he asked for the mission without consulting me; and I

gladly accepted it; happy indeed to be able to return to Clochegourde

employed in the good cause。



After an audience with the king I returned to France; where; both in

Paris and in Vendee; I was fortunate enough to carry out his Majesty's

instructions。 Towards the end of May; being tracked by the Bonapartist

authorities to whom I was denounced; I was obliged to fly from place

to place in the character of a man endeavoring to get back to his

estate。 I went on foot from park to park; from wood to wood; across

the whole of upper Vendee; the Bocage and Poitou; changing my

direction as danger threatened。



I reached Saumur; from Saumur I went to Chinon; and from Chinon I

reached; in a single night; the woods of Nueil; where I met the count

on horseback; he took me up behind him and we reached Clochegourde

without passing any one who recognized me。



〃Jacques is better;〃 were the first words he said to me。



I explained to him my position of diplomatic postman; hunted like a

wild beast; and the brave gentleman in his quality of royalist claimed

the danger over Chessel of receiving me。 As we came in sight of

Clochegourde the past eight months rolled away like a dream。 When we

entered the salon the count said: 〃Guess whom I bring you?Felix!〃



〃Is it possible!〃 she said; with pendant arms and a bewildered face。



I showed myself and we both remained motionless; she in her armchair;

I on the threshold of the door; looking at each other with that hunger

of the soul which endeavors to make up in a single glance for the lost

months。 Then; recovering from a surprise which left her heart

unveiled; she rose and I went up to her。



〃I have prayed for your safety;〃 she said; giving me her hand to kiss。



She asked news of her father; then she guessed my weariness and went

to prepare my room; while the count gave me something to eat; for I

was dying of hunger。 My room was the one above hers; her aunt's room;

she requested the count to take me there; after setting her foot on

the first step of the staircase; deliberating no doubt whether to

accompany me; I turned my head; she blushed; bade me sleep well; and

went away。 When I came down to dinner I heard for the first time of

the disasters at Waterloo; the flight of Napoleon; the march of the

Allies to Paris; and the probable return of the Bourbons。 These events

were all in all to the count; to us they were nothing。 What think you

was the great event I was to learn; after kissing the children?for I

will not dwell on the alarm I felt at seeing the countess pale and

shrunken; I knew the injury I might do by showing it and was careful

to express only joy at seeing her。 But the great event for us was told

in the words; 〃You shall have ice to…day!〃 She had often fretted the

year before that the water was not cold enough for me; who; never

drinking anything else; liked it iced。 God knows how many entreaties

it had cost

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