the lily of the valley-第24章

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chord　in　his　wife's　mind；　and　he　seemed　to　find　a　domineering　pleasure

in　making　it　sound。　Sometimes　he　tried　gloomy　silence　and　a　morbid

depression；　which　always　alarmed　his　wife　and　made　her　pay　him　the

most　tender　attentions。　Like　petted　children；　who　exercise　their　power

without　thinking　of　the　distress　of　their　mother；　he　would　let　her

wait　upon　him　as　upon　Jacques　and　Madeleine；　of　whom　he　was　jealous。



I　discovered　at　last　that　in　small　things　as　well　as　in　great　ones　the

count　acted　towards　his　servants；　his　children；　his　wife；　precisely　as

he　had　acted　to　me　about　the　backgammon。　The　day　when　I　understood；

root　and　branch；　these　difficulties；　which　like　a　rampant　overgrowth

repressed　the　actions　and　stifled　the　breathing　of　the　whole　family；

hindered　the　management　of　the　household　and　retarded　the　improvement

of　the　estate　by　complicating　the　most　necessary　acts；　I　felt　an

admiring　awe　which　rose　higher　than　my　love　and　drove　it　back　into　my

heart。　Good　God！　what　was　I？　Those　tears　that　I　had　taken　on　my　lips

solemnized　my　spirit；　I　found　happiness　in　wedding　the　sufferings　of

that　woman。　Hitherto　I　had　yielded　to　the　count's　despotism　as　the

smuggler　pays　his　fine；　henceforth　I　was　a　voluntary　victim　that　I

might　come　the　nearer　to　her。　The　countess　understood　me；　allowed　me　a

place　beside　her；　and　gave　me　permission　to　share　her　sorrows；　like

the　repentant　apostate；　eager　to　rise　to　heaven　with　his　brethren；　I

obtained　the　favor　of　dying　in　the　arena。



〃Were　it　not　for　you　I　must　have　succumbed　under　this　life；〃　Henriette

said　to　me　one　evening　when　the　count　had　been；　like　the　flies　on　a

hot　day；　more　stinging；　venomous；　and　persistent　than　usual。



He　had　gone　to　bed。　Henriette　and　I　remained　under　the　acacias；　the

children　were　playing　about　us；　bathed　in　the　setting　sun。　Our　few

exclamatory　words　revealed　the　mutuality　of　the　thoughts　in　which　we

rested　from　our　common　sufferings。　When　language　failed　silence　as

faithfully　served　our　souls；　which　seemed　to　enter　one　another　without

hindrance；　together　they　luxuriated　in　the　charms　of　pensive　languor；

they　met　in　the　undulations　of　the　same　dream；　they　plunged　as　one

into　the　river　and　came　out　refreshed　like　two　nymphs　as　closely

united　as　their　souls　could　wish；　but　with　no　earthly　tie　to　bind

them。　We　entered　the　unfathomable　gulf；　we　returned　to　the　surface

with　empty　hands；　asking　each　other　by　a　look；　〃Among　all　our　days　on

earth　will　there　be　one　for　us？〃



In　spite　of　the　tranquil　poetry　of　evening　which　gave　to　the　bricks　of

the　balustrade　their　orange　tones；　so　soothing　and　so　pure；　in　spite

of　the　religious　atmosphere　of　the　hour；　which　softened　the　voices　of

the　children　and　wafted　them　towards　us；　desire　crept　through　my　veins

like　the　match　to　the　bonfire。　After　three　months　of　repression　I　was

unable　to　content　myself　with　the　fate　assigned　me。　I　took　Henriette's

hand　and　softly　caressed　it；　trying　to　convey　to　her　the　ardor　that

invaded　me。　She　became　at　once　Madame　de　Mortsauf；　and　withdrew　her

hand；　tears　rolled　from　my　eyes；　she　saw　them　and　gave　me　a　chilling

look；　as　she　offered　her　hand　to　my　lips。



〃You　must　know；〃　she　said；　〃that　this　will　cause　me　grief。　A

friendship　that　asks　so　great　a　favor　is　dangerous。〃



Then　I　lost　my　self…control；　I　reproached　her；　I　spoke　of　my

sufferings；　and　the　slight　alleviation　that　I　asked　for　them。　I　dared

to　tell　her　that　at　my　age；　if　the　senses　were　all　soul　still　the　soul

had　a　sex；　that　I　could　meet　death；　but　not　with　closed　lips。　She

forced　me　to　silence　with　her　proud　glance；　in　which　I　seemed　to　read

the　cry　of　the　Mexican：　〃And　I；　am　I　on　a　bed　of　roses？〃　Ever　since


that　day　by　the　gate　of　Frapesle；　when　I　attributed　to　her　the　hope

that　our　happiness　might　spring　from　a　grave；　I　had　turned　with　shame

from　the　thought　of　staining　her　soul　with　the　desires　of　a　brutal

passion。　She　now　spoke　with　honeyed　lip；　and　told　me　that　she　never

could　be　wholly　mine；　and　that　I　ought　to　know　it。　As　she　said　the

words　I　know　that　in　obeying　her　I　dug　an　abyss　between　us。　I　bowed　my

head。　She　went　on；　saying　she　had　an　inward　religious　certainty　that

she　might　love　me　as　a　brother　without　offending　God　or　man；　such　love

was　a　living　image　of　the　divine　love；　which　her　good　Saint…Martin

told　her　was　the　life　of　the　world。　If　I　could　not　be　to　her　somewhat

as　her　old　confessor　was；　less　than　a　lover　yet　more　than　a　brother；　I

must　never　see　her　again。　She　could　die　and　take　to　God　her　sheaf　of

sufferings；　borne　not　without　tears　and　anguish。



〃I　gave　you；〃　she　said　in　conclusion；　〃more　than　I　ought　to　have

given；　so　that　nothing　might　be　left　to　take；　and　I　am　punished。〃



I　was　forced　to　calm　her；　to　promise　never　to　cause　her　pain；　and　to

love　her　at　twenty…one　years　of　age　as　old　men　love　their　youngest

child。



The　next　day　I　went　early。　There　were　no　flowers　in　the　vases　of　her

gray　salon。　I　rushed　into　the　fields　and　vineyards　to　make　her　two

bouquets；　but　as　I　gathered　the　flowers；　one　by　one；　cutting　their

long　stalks　and　admiring　their　beauty；　the　thought　occurred　to　me　that

the　colors　and　foliage　had　a　poetry；　a　harmony；　which　meant　something

to　the　understanding　while　they　charmed　the　eye；　just　as　musical

melodies　awaken　memories　in　hearts　that　are　loving　and　beloved。　If

color　is　light　organized；　must　it　not　have　a　meaning　of　its　own；　as

the　combinations　of　the　air　have　theirs？　I　called　in　the　assistance　of

Jacques　and　Madeleine；　and　all　three　of　us　conspired　to　surprise　our

dear　one。　I　arranged；　on　the　lower　steps　of　the　portico；　where　we

established　our　floral　headquarters；　two　bouquets　by　which　I　tried　to

convey　a　sentiment。　Picture　to　yourself　a　fountain　of　flowers　gushing

from　the　vases　and　falling　back　in　curving　waves；　my　message　springing

from　its　bosom　in　white　roses　and　lilies　with　their　silver　cups。　All

the　blue　flowers；　harebells；　forget…me…nots；　and　ox…tongues；　whose

tines；　caught　from　the　skies；　blended　so　well　with　the　whiteness　of

the　lilies；　sparkled　on　this　dewy　texture；　were　they　not　the　type　of

two　purities；　the　one　that　knows　nothing；　the　other　that　knows　all；　an

image　of　the　child；　an　image　of　the　martyr？　Love　has　its　blazon；　and

the　countess　discerned　it　inwardly。　She　gave　me　a　poignant　glance

which　was　like　the　cry　of　a　soldier　when　his　wound　is　touched；　she　was

humbled　but　enraptured　too。　My　reward　was　in　that　glance；　to　refresh

her　heart；　to　have　given　her　comfort；　what　encouragement　for　me！　Then

it　was　that　I　pressed　the　theories　of　Pere　Castel　into　the　service　of

love；　and　recovered　a　science　lost　to　Europe；　where　written　pages　have

supplanted　the　flowery　missives　of　the　Orient　with　their　balmy　tints。

What　charm　in　expressing　our　sensations　through　these　daughters　of　the

sun；　sisters　to　the　flowers　that　bloom　beneath　the　rays　of　love！

Before　long　I　communed　with　the　flora　of　the　fields；　as　a　man　whom　I

met　in　after　days　at　Grandlieu　communed　with　his　bees。



Twice　a　week　during　the　remainder　of　my　stay　at　Frapesle　I　continued

the　slow　labor　of　this　poetic　enterprise；　for　the　ultimate

accomplishment　of　which　I　needed　all　varieties　of　herbaceous　plants；

into　these　I　made　a　deep　research；　less　as　a　botanist　than　as　a　poet；

studying　their　spirit　rather　than　their　form。　To　find　a　flower　in　its

native　haunts　I　walked　enormous　distances；　beside　the　brooklets；

through　the　valleys；　to　the　summit　of　the　cliffs；　across　the　moorland；

garnering　thoughts　even　from　the　heather。　During　these　rambles　I

initiated　myself　into　pleasures　unthought　of　by　the　man　of　science　who

lives　in　meditation；　unknown　to　the　horticulturist　busy　with

specialities；　to　the　artisan　fettered　to　a　city；　to　the　merchant

fastened　to　his　desk；　but　known　to　a　few　foresters；　to　a　few　woodsmen；

and　to　some　dreamers。　Nature　can　show　effects　the　significations　of

which　are　limitless；　they　rise　to　the　grandeur　of　the　highest　moral

conceptionsbe　it　the　hea