the lily of the valley-第16章

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de　Chessel's　library；　and　I　studied　it。　My　host　was　kind　enough　to

give　me　a　few　lessons；　less　harshly　taught　by　the　count　I　made　good

progress　and　applied　the　rules　and　calculations　I　knew　by　heart。

Within　a　few　days　I　was　able　to　beat　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf；　but　no

sooner　had　I　done　so　and　won　his　money　for　the　first　time　than　his

temper　became　intolerable；　his　eyes　glittered　like　those　of　tigers；

his　face　shrivelled；　his　brows　knit　as　I　never　saw　brows　knit　before

or　since。　His　complainings　were　those　of　a　fretful　child。　Sometimes　he

flung　down　the　dice；　quivered　with　rage；　bit　the　dice…box；　and　said

insulting　things　to　me。　Such　violence；　however；　came　to　an　end。　When　I

had　acquired　enough　mastery　of　the　game　I　played　it　to　suit　me；　I　so

managed　that　we　were　nearly　equal　up　to　the　last　moment；　I　allowed　him

to　win　the　first　half　and　made　matters　even　during　the　last　half。　The

end　of　the　world　would　have　surprised　him　less　than　the　rapid

superiority　of　his　pupil；　but　he　never　admitted　it。　The　unvarying

result　of　our　games　was　a　topic　of　discourse　on　which　he　fastened。



〃My　poor　head；〃　he　would　say；　〃is　fatigued；　you　manage　to　win　the　last

of　the　game　because　by　that　time　I　lose　my　skill。〃



The　countess；　who　knew　backgammon；　understood　my　manoeuvres　from　the

first；　and　gave　me　those　mute　thanks　which　swell　the　heart　of　a　young

man；　she　granted　me　the　same　look　she　gave　to　her　children。　From　that

ever…blessed　evening　she　always　looked　at　me　when　she　spoke。　I　cannot

explain　to　you　the　condition　I　was　in　when　I　left　her。　My　soul　had

annihilated　my　body；　it　weighed　nothing；　I　did　not　walk；　I　flew。　That

look　I　carried　within　me；　it　bathed　me　with　light　just　as　her　last

words；　〃Adieu；　monsieur；〃　still　sounded　in　my　soul　with　the　harmonies

of　〃O　filii；　o　filioe〃　in　the　paschal　choir。　I　was　born　into　a　new

life；　I　was　something　to　her！　I　slept　on　purple　and　fine　linen。　Flames

darted　before　my　closed　eyelids；　chasing　each　other　in　the　darkness

like　threads　of　fire　in　the　ashes　of　burned　paper。　In　my　dreams　her

voice　became；　though　I　cannot　describe　it；　palpable；　an　atmosphere　of

light　and　fragrance　wrapping　me；　a　melody　enfolding　my　spirit。　On　the

morrow　her　greeting　expressed　the　fulness　of　feelings　that　remained

unuttered；　and　from　that　moment　I　was　initiated　into　the　secrets　of

her　voice。



That　day　was　to　be　one　of　the　most　decisive　of　my　life。　After　dinner

we　walked　on　the　heights　across　a　barren　plain　where　no　herbage　grew；

the　ground　was　stony；　arid；　and　without　vegetable　soil　of　any　kind；

nevertheless　a　few　scrub　oaks　and　thorny　bushes　straggled　there；　and

in　place　of　grass；　a　carpet　of　crimped　mosses；　illuminated　by　the

setting　sun　and　so　dry　that　our　feet　slipped　upon　it。　I　held　Madeleine

by　the　hand　to　keep　her　up。　Madame　de　Mortsauf　was　leading　Jacques。

The　count；　who　was　in　front；　suddenly　turned　round　and　striking　the

earth　with　his　cane　said　to　me　in　a　dreadful　tone：　〃Such　is　my　life！

but　before　I　knew　you；〃　he　added　with　a　look　of　penitence　at　his　wife。

The　reparation　was　tardy；　for　the　countess　had　turned　pale；　what　woman

would　not　have　staggered　as　she　did　under　the　blow？



〃But　what　delightful　scenes　are　wafted　here；　and　what　a　view　of　the

sunset！〃　I　cried。　〃For　my　part　I　should　like　to　own　this　barren　moor；

I　fancy　there　may　be　treasures　if　we　dig　for　them。　But　its　greatest

wealth　is　that　of　being　near　you。　Who　would　not　pay　a　great　cost　for

such　a　view？all　harmony　to　the　eye；　with　that　winding　river　where

the　soul　may　bathe　among　the　ash…trees　and　the　alders。　See　the

difference　of　taste！　To　you　this　spot　of　earth　is　a　barren　waste；　to

me；　it　is　paradise。〃



She　thanked　me　with　a　look。



〃Bucolics！〃　exclaimed　the　count；　with　a　bitter　look。　〃This　is　no　life

for　a　man　who　bears　your　name。〃　Then　he　suddenly　changed　his　tone

〃The　bells！〃　he　cried；　〃don't　you　hear　the　bells　of　Azay？　I　hear　them

ringing。〃



Madame　de　Mortsauf　gave　me　a　frightened　look。　Madeleine　clung　to　my

hand。



〃Suppose　we　play　a　game　of　backgammon？〃　I　said。　〃Let　us　go　back；　the

rattle　of　the　dice　will　drown　the　sound　of　the　bells。〃



We　returned　to　Clochegourde；　conversing　by　fits　and　starts。　Once　in

the　salon　an　indefinable　uncertainty　and　dread　took　possession　of　us。

The　count　flung　himself　into　an　armchair；　absorbed　in　reverie；　which

his　wife；　who　knew　the　symptoms　of　his　malady　and　could　foresee　an

outbreak；　was　careful　not　to　interrupt。　I　also　kept　silence。　As　she

gave　me　no　hint　to　leave；　perhaps　she　thought　backgammon　might　divert

the　count's　mind　and　quiet　those　fatal　nervous　susceptibilities；　the

excitements　of　which　were　killing　him。　Nothing　was　ever　harder　than　to

make　him　play　that　game；　which；　however；　he　had　a　great　desire　to

play。　Like　a　pretty　woman；　he　always　required　to　be　coaxed；　entreated；

forced；　so　that　he　might　not　seem　the　obliged　person。　If　by　chance；

being　interested　in　the　conversation；　I　forgot　to　propose　it；　he　grew

sulky；　bitter；　insulting；　and　spoiled　the　talk　by　contradicting

everything。　If；　warned　by　his　ill…humor；　I　suggested　a　game；　he　would

dally　and　demur。　〃In　the　first　place；　it　is　too　late；〃　he　would　say；

〃besides；　I　don't　care　for　it。〃　Then　followed　a　series　of　affectations

like　those　of　women；　which　often　leave　you　in　ignorance　of　their　real

wishes。



On　this　occasion　I　pretended　a　wild　gaiety　to　induce　him　to　play。　He

complained　of　giddiness　which　hindered　him　from　calculating；　his

brain；　he　said；　was　squeezed　into　a　vice；　he　heard　noises；　he　was

choking；　and　thereupon　he　sighed　heavily。　At　last；　however；　he

consented　to　the　game。　Madame　de　Mortsauf　left　us　to　put　the　children

to　bed　and　lead　the　household　in　family　prayers。　All　went　well　during

her　absence；　I　allowed　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　to　win；　and　his　delight

seemed　to　put　him　beside　himself。　This　sudden　change　from　a　gloom　that

led　him　to　make　the　darkest　predictions　to　the　wild　joy　of　a　drunken

man；　expressed　in　a　crazy　laugh　and　without　any　adequate　motive；

distressed　and　alarmed　me。　I　had　never　seen　him　in　quite　so　marked　a

paroxysm。　Our　intimacy　had　borne　fruits　in　the　fact　that　he　no　longer

restrained　himself　before　me。　Day　by　day　he　had　endeavored　to　bring　me

under　his　tyranny；　and　obtain　fresh　food；　as　it　were；　for　his　evil

temper；　for　it　really　seems　as　though　moral　diseases　were　creatures

with　appetites　and　instincts；　seeking　to　enlarge　the　boundaries　of

their　empire　as　a　landowner　seeks　to　increase　his　domain。



Presently　the　countess　came　down；　and　sat　close　to　the　backgammon

table；　apparently　for　better　light　on　her　embroidery；　though　the

anxiety　which　led　her　to　place　her　frame　was　ill…concealed。　A　piece　of

fatal　ill…luck　which　I　could　not　prevent　changed　the　count's　face；

from　gaiety　it　fell　to　gloom；　from　purple　it　became　yellow；　and　his

eyes　rolled。　Then　followed　worse　ill…luck；　which　I　could　neither　avert

nor　repair。　Monsieur　de　Mortsauf　made　a　fatal　throw　which　decided　the

game。　Instantly　he　sprang　up；　flung　the　table　at　me　and　the　lamp　on

the　floor；　struck　the　chimney…piece　with　his　fist　and　jumped；　for　I

cannot　say　he　walked；　about　the　room。　The　torrent　of　insults；

imprecations；　and　incoherent　words　which　rushed　from　his　lips　would

have　made　an　observer　think　of　the　old　tales　of　satanic　possession　in

the　Middle　Ages。　Imagine　my　position！



〃Go　into　the　garden；〃　said　the　countess；　pressing　my　hand。



I　left　the　room　before　the　count　could　notice　my　disappearance。　On　the

terrace；　where　I　slowly　walked　about；　I　heard　his　shouts　and　then　his

moans　from　the　bedroom　which　adjoined　the　dining…room。　Also　I　heard　at

intervals　through　that　tempest　of　sound　the　voice　of　an　angel；　which

rose　like　the　song　of　a　nightingale　as　the　rain　ceases。　I　walked　about

under　the　acacias　in　the　loveliest　night　of　the　month　of　August；

waiting　for　the　countess　to　join　me。　I　knew　she　would　come；　her

gesture　promised　it。　For　several　days　an　explanation　seemed　to　float

between　us；　a　word　w