the conflict-第45章
按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！
‘‘I'll go now；'' she said； making a pretended move toward rising。
‘‘I've no right to annoy you。''
He stood up abruptly； without looking at her。 ‘‘Yes； you'd better go；'' he said curtly。
She quiveredand it was with a pang of genuine pain。
His gaze was not so far from her as it seemed。 For he must have noted her expression； since he said hurriedly： ‘‘I beg your pardon。 It isn't that I mean to be rude。 IIit is best that I do not see you。''
She sank back in the chair with a sigh。 ‘‘And II know that I ought to keep away from you。 ButI can't。 It's too strong for me。''
He looked at her slowly。 ‘‘I have made up my mind to put you out of my head；'' he said。 ‘‘And I shall。''
‘‘Don't！'' she cried。 ‘‘Victordon't！''
He sat again； rested his forearms upon the table； leaned toward her。 ‘‘Look at me；'' he said。
She slowly lifted her gaze to his； met it steadily。 ‘‘I thought so； Victor；'' she said tenderly。 ‘‘I knew I couldn't care so much unless you cared at least a little 。''
‘‘Do I？'' said he。 ‘‘I don't know。 I doubt if either of us is in love with the other。 Certainly； you are not the sort of woman I could lovedeeply love。 What I feel for you is the sort of thing that passes。 It is violent while it lasts； but it passes。''
‘‘I don't care！'' cried she recklessly。 ‘‘Whatever it is I want it！''
He shook his head resolutely。 ‘‘No；'' he said。 ‘‘You don't want it； and I don't want it。 I know the kind of life you've mapped out for yourselfas far as women of your class map out anything。
It's the only kind of life possible to you。 And it's of a kind with which I could； and would； have nothing to do。''
‘‘Why do you say that？'' protested she。 ‘‘You could make of me what you pleased。''
‘‘No；'' said he。 ‘‘I couldn't make a suit of overalls out of a length of silk。 Anyhow； I have made up my life with love and marriage left out。 They are excellent things for some people； for most people。 But not for me。 I must be free； absolutely free。 Free to think only of the cause I've enlisted in； free to do what it commands。''
‘‘And I？'' she said with tremendous life。 ‘‘What is to become of me； Victor？''
He laughed quietly。 ‘‘You are going to keep away from mefind some one else to amuse your leisure。 That's what's going to become of you； Jane Hastings。''
She winced and quivered again。 ‘‘Thathurts；'' she said。
‘‘Your vanity？ Yes。 I suppose it does。 But those wounds are healthfulwhen the person is as sensible as you are。''
‘‘You think I am not capable of caring！ You think I am vain and shallow and idle。 You refuse me all right to live； simply because I happen to live in surroundings you don't approve of。''
‘‘I'm not such an egotistical ass as to imagine a woman of your sort could be genuinely in love with a man of my sort；'' replied he。 ‘‘So； I'll see to it that we keep away from each other。 I don't wish to be tempted to do you mischief。''
She looked at him inquiringly。
But he did not explain。 He said： ‘‘And you are going now。 And we shall not meet again except by accident。''
She gave a sigh of hopelessness。 ‘‘I suppose I have lowered myself in your eyes by being so frankby showing and speaking what I felt；'' she said mournfully。
‘‘Not in the least；'' rejoined he。 ‘‘A man who is anybody or has anything soon gets used to frankness in women。 I could hardly have gotten past thirty； in a more or less conspicuous position； without having had some experience。 。 。 。 and without learning not to attach too much importance toto frankness in women。''
She winced again。 ‘‘You wouldn't say those things if you knew how they hurt；'' she said。 ‘‘If I didn't care for you； could I sit here and let you laugh at me？''
‘‘Yes； you could；'' answered he。 ‘‘Hoping somehow or other to turn the laugh upon me later on。 But really I was not laughing at you。 And you can spare yourself the effort of convincing me that you're sincere。'' He was frankly laughing at her now。 ‘‘You don't understand the situationnot at all。 You fancy that I am hanging back because I am overwhelmed or shy or timid。 I assure you I've never been shy or timid about anything I wanted。 If I wanted you I'dTAKE you。''
She caught her breath and shrank。 Looking at him as he said that； calmly and confidently； she； for the first time； was in loveand was afraid。 Back to her came Selma's warnings： ‘‘One may not trifle with love。 A woman conquers only by surrender。''
‘‘But； as I said to you a while ago；'' he went on； ‘‘I don't want youor any woman。 I've no time for marriage no time for a flirtation。 And though you tempt me strongly； I like you too well toto treat you as you invite。''
Jane sat motionless； stunned by the sudden turning of the tables。
She who had come to conquerto amuse herself； to evoke a strong； hopeless passion that would give her a delightful sense of warmth as she stood safely by its bright flamesshe had been conquered。
She belonged to this man； all he had to do was to claim her。
In a low voice； sweet and sincere beyond any that had ever come from her lips before； she said：
‘‘Anything； Victoranythingbut don't send me away。''
And he； seeing and hearing； lost his boasted self… control。 ‘‘Gogo；'' he cried harshly。 ‘‘If you don't go'' He came round the table； seizing her as she rose； kissed her upon the lips； upon the eyes。 ‘‘You are lovelylovely！'' he murmured。 ‘‘And I who can't have flowers on my table or in sight when I've got anything serious to doI love your perfume and your color and the wonderful softness of you''
He pushed her away。 ‘‘Nowwill you go？'' he cried。
His eyes were flashing。 And she was trembling from head to foot。
She was gazing at him with a fascinated expression。 ‘‘I understand what you meant when you warned me to go；'' she said。 ‘‘I didn't believe it； but it was so。''
‘‘GoI tell you！'' he ordered。
‘‘It's too late；'' said she。 ‘‘You can't send me away nowfor you have kissed me。 If I'm in your power； you're in my power； too。''
Moved by the same impulse both looked up the arbor toward the rear door of the house。 There stood Selma Gordon； regarding them with an expression of anger as wild as the blood of the steppes that flowed in her veins。 Victor； with what composure he could master； put out his hand in farewell to Jane。 He had been too absorbed in the emotions raging between him and her to note Selma's expression。 But Jane； the woman； had seen。 As she shook hands with Victor； she said neither high nor low：
‘‘Selma knows that I care。 I told her the night of the riot。''
‘‘Good…by；'' said Victor in a tone she thought it wise not to dispute。
‘‘I'll be in the woods above the park at ten tomorrow；'' she said in an undertone。 Then to Selma； unsmilingly： ‘‘You're not interrupting。 I'm going。'' Selma advanced。 The two girls looked frank hostility into each other's eyes。 Jane did not try to shake hands with her。 With a nod and a forced smile of conventional friendliness upon her lips； she passed her and went through the house and into the street。
She lingered at the gate； opening and closing it in a most leisurely fashiona significantly different exit from her furtive and ashamed entrance。 Love and revolt were running high and hot in her veins。 She longed openly to defy the worldher world。
VII
Impulse was the dominant strain in Selma Gordon's characterimpulse and frankness。 But she was afraid of Victor Dorn as we all are afraid of those we deeply respectthose whose respect is the mainstay of our self…confidence。 She was moving toward him to pour out the violence that was raging in her on the subject of this flirtation of Jane Hastings。 The spectacle of a useless and insincere creature like that trifling with her deity； and being permitted to trifle； was more than she could endure。 But Victor； dropping listlessly to his chair and reaching for his pencil； was somehow a check upon her impetuousness。 She paused long enough to think the sobering second thought。 To speak would be both an impertinence and a folly。 She owed it to the cause and to her friend Victor to speak； but to speak at the wrong time and in the wrong way would be worse than silence。
Said he： ‘‘I was finishing
