adam bede(亚当[1].比德)-第63章
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This； to be sure； was only another reason for persevering in his
intention； and getting an additional security against himself。
Nevertheless； at this point in the conversation； he was conscious of
increased disinclination to tell his story about Hetty。 He was of an
impressible nature； and lived a great deal in other people’s
opinions and feelings concerning himself； and the mere fact that
he was in the presence of an intimate friend； who had not the
slightest notion that he had had any such serious internal struggle
as he came to confide； rather shook his own belief in the
seriousness of the struggle。 It was not； after all； a thing to make a
fuss about； and what could Irwine do for him that he could not do
for himself？ He would go to Eagledale in spite of Meg’s lameness—
go on Rattler； and let Pym follow as well as he could on the old
hack。 That was his thought as he sugared his coffee； but the next
minute； as he was lifting the cup to his lips； he remembered how
thoroughly he had made up his mind last night to tell Irwine。 No！
He would not be vacillating again—he would do what he had
meant to do； this time。 So it would be well not to let the personal
tone of the conversation altogether drop。 If they went to quite
indifferent topics； his difficulty would be heightened。 It had
required no noticeable pause for this rush and rebound of feeling；
before he answered； “But I think it is hardly an argument against
a man’s general strength of character that he should be apt to be
mastered by love。 A fine constitution doesn’t insure one against
smallpox or any other of those inevitable diseases。 A man may be
very firm in other matters and yet be under a sort of witchery from
a woman。”
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 227…
Adam Bede 227
“Yes； but there’s this difference between love and smallpox； or
bewitchment either—that if you detect the disease at an early
stage and try change of air； there is every chance of complete
escape without any further development of symptoms。 And there
are certain alternative doses which a man may administer to
himself by keeping unpleasant consequences before his mind： this
gives you a sort of smoked glass through which you may look at
the resplendent fair one and discern her true outline； though I’m
afraid； by the by； the smoked glass is apt to be missing just at the
moment it is most wanted。 I daresay； now； even a man fortified
with a knowledge of the classics might be lured into an imprudent
marriage； in spite of the warning given him by the chorus in the
Prometheus。”
The smile that flitted across Arthur’s face was a faint one； and
instead of following Mr。 Irwine’s playful lead； he said； quite
seriously—“Yes； that’s the worst of it。 It’s a desperately vexatious
thing； that after all one’s reflections and quiet determinations； we
should be ruled by moods that one can’t calculate on beforehand。 I
don’t think a man ought to be blamed so much if he is betrayed
into doing things in that way； in spite of his resolutions。”
“Ah； but the moods lie in his nature； my boy； just as much as his
reflections did； and more。 A man can never do anything at
variance with his own nature。 He carries within him the germ of
his most exceptional action； and if we wise people make eminent
fools of ourselves on any particular occasion； we must endure the
legitimate conclusion that we carry a few grains of folly to our
ounce of wisdom。”
“Well； but one may be betrayed into doing things by a
combination of circumstances； which one might never have done
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
… Page 228…
Adam Bede 228
otherwise。”
“Why； yes； a man can’t very well steal a bank…note unless the
bank…note lies within convenient reach； but he won’t make us
think him an honest man because he begins to howl at the bank…
note for falling in his way。”
“But surely you don’t think a man who struggles against a
temptation into which he falls at last as bad as the man who never
struggles at all？”
“No； certainly； I pity him in proportion to his struggles； for they
foreshadow the inward suffering which is the worst form of
Nemesis。 Consequences are unpitying。 Our deeds carry their
terrible consequences； quite apart from any fluctuations that went
before—consequences that are hardly ever confined to ourselves。
And it is best to fix our minds on that certainty； instead of
considering what may be the elements of excuse for us。 But I
never knew you so inclined for moral discussion； Arthur？ Is it
some danger of your own that you are considering in this
philosophical； general way？”
In asking this question； Mr。 Irwine pushed his plate away；
threw himself back in his chair； and looked straight at Arthur。 He
really suspected that Arthur wanted to tell him something； and
thought of smoothing the way for him by this direct question。 But
he was mistaken。 Brought suddenly and involuntarily to the brink
of confession； Arthur shrank back and felt less disposed towards it
than ever。 The conversation had taken a more serious tone than
he had intended—it would quite mislead Irwine—he would
imagine there was a deep passion for Hetty； while there was no
such thing。 He was conscious of colouring； and was annoyed at his
boyishness。
George Eliot ElecBook Classics
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Adam Bede 229
“Oh no； no danger；” he said as indifferently as he could。 “I don’t
know that I am more liable to irresolution than other people； only
there are little incidents now and then that set one speculating on
what might happen in the future。”
Was there a motive at work under this strange reluctance of
Arthur’s which had a sort of backstairs influence； not admitted to
himself？ Our mental business is carried on much in the same way
as the business of the State： a great deal of hard work is done by
agents who are not acknowledged。 In a piece of machinery； too； I
believe there is often a small unnoticeable wheel which has a great
deal to do with the motion of the large obvious ones。 Possibly
there was some such unrecognised agent secretly busy in Arthur’s
mind at this moment—possibly it was the fear lest he might
hereafter find the fact of having made a confession to the rector a
serious annoyance； in case he should not be able quite to carry out
his good resolutions？ I dare not assert that it was not so。 The
human soul is a very complex thing。
The idea of Hetty had just crossed Mr。 Irwine’s mind as he
looked inquiringly at Arthur； but his disclaiming
